Slap Shot Quotes

[after meeting the Hansons]

Reggie Dunlop: Oh you cheap son of a bitch. Are you crazy? Those guys are retards!

McGrath: I got a good deal on those boys. The scouts said they showed a lot of promise.

Reggie Dunlop: They brought their fuckin' TOYS with 'em!

McGrath: Well, I'd rather have em playin with their toys than playin with themselves

Reggie Dunlop: They're too dumb to play with themselves. Boy, every piece of garbage that comes into the market and you gotta buy it!

McGrath: Reg, Reg, that reminds me. I was coachin' in Omaha in 1948 and Eddie Shore sends me this guy who was a terrible masturbator, you know, couldn't control himself. Why, he would get deliberate penalties so he could get over in the penalty box all by himself and damned if he wouldn't... you know...

Reggie Dunlop: She underlines the fuck scenes for ya? Jesus, if she underlines the fuck scenes for ya, she must worship the ground you walk on.

Ned Braden: They teach you how to underline in college.

Reggie Dunlop: Not the fuck scenes, they don't. Braden, you gotta learn to put out more, you know what I mean?

Jim Carr: Ned, what's a young man of your background still doing playing professional hockey?

Ned Braden: I hate my father.

Jim Carr: Is that right?

Ned Braden: That's what I said, isn't it?

Lily Braden: You're bullshit, you're really bullshit.

Ned Braden: You're drunk.

Reggie Dunlop: You're right, he's bullshit.

Lily Braden: Yeah? Well, he and I are the only decent items in this town

[Leaves]

Reggie Dunlop: That's great. Why should she care what anyone thinks about her? Shes just scrappin' Hey, how does Braden treat her? Is he nice to her?

Denis Lemieux: Oh yeah, he love her. He tell me 'I love her.'

Reggie Dunlop: Well, maybe Braden's a faggot, you ever think of that?

Denis Lemieux: No way, he got a big cock, like horse.

[after losing at poker]

Denis Lemieux: Fuck. I lose my blouse.

Jim Ahern: Shirt... shirt.

Denis Lemieux: Shit.

McGrath: Good crowd out there tonight, boys, let's really try to win this one.

Ned Braden: You have to hand it to the old bastard, he's highly original.

Jim Ahern: That man traveled 15 hours by bus to say that?

[repeated line]

Dickie Dunn: I tried to capture the spirit of the thing.

Reggie Dunlop: I am personally placing a hundred-dollar bounty on the head of Tim McCracken. He's the head coach and chief punk on that Syracuse team.

Jim Carr: A bounty?

Reggie Dunlop: Yeah, a hundred bucks of my own money for the first of my guys who really nails that creep.

Tim McCracken: Dunlop, you suck cock.

Reggie Dunlop: All I can get.

Reggie Dunlop: Goddamn lard-ass Barkley Donaldson, I'm tellin' you he jumped us!

Steve Hanson: [nodding head] Mm huh.

Reggie Dunlop: Gloves off, stick down, no warning, he challenged the Chiefs!

Steve Hanson: Called us names!

Reggie Dunlop: Called us names! But Dave was there.

Steve Hanson: Dave's a killer!

Johnny Upton: Dave's a mess.

Reggie Dunlop: But Dave's out. Who's gonna take his place?

Ned Braden: Is the answer Jesus?

Reggie Dunlop: [looks at the Hanson brothers] Ok guys. Show us what you got.

[Reggie is trying to get his pre-game nap]

McGrath: Are you nuts? A bounty? We could all end up in the clinker for this. You can't put a bounty on a man's head.

Reggie Dunlop: Bullshit. I just did.

[Hangs up, Phone rings again]

Dave 'Killer' Carlson: Coach, I want that hundred dollars.

Reggie Dunlop: Ya gotta earn it, Killer.

Dave 'Killer' Carlson: My attitude's right.

[afterthe Hansons join the team]

Johnny Upton: They're fuckin' horrible-lookin'.

Ned Braden: Now, they give you one phone call. See they book you, and then the give you one phone call.

Jack Hanson: Call the pizza man!

Morris Wanchuk: Why dontcha call a massage parlor!

Tim McCracken: Hundred bucks says you're gonna crack my skull.

Ned Braden: I wouldn't crack your knuckles for a hundred bucks.

Tim McCracken: So, he's bluffing.

Ned Braden: Somebody's gonna kill you, ya dumb son of a bitch, but it's not gonna be me.

[referee skates over to Steve Carlson during the playing of the National Anthem]

Peterboro Referee: I got my eye on the three of you, guys. You pull one thing, you're out of this game! I run a clean game here. I have any trouble here, I'll suspend you!

Steve Hanson: I'm listening to the fucking song!

Reggie Dunlop: You know, your son looks like a fag to me.

Anita McCambridge: I beg your pardon?

Reggie Dunlop: You better get re-married again, or he's gonna have someone's cock in his mouth before you can say Jack Robinson.

Anita McCambridge: How dare you! How dare you!

Lily Braden: What's the story on that dog?

Reggie Dunlop: That's the dog that saved Charleston from the 1938 flood.

Lily Braden: Well fuck him.

Jim Carr: Andre "Poodle" Lussier, defense. Andre, as you know, has been living in semi-seclusion in Northern Quebec ever since the unfortunate Denny Pratt tragedy.

Morris Wanchuk: Not Poodle.

Jim Carr: And from Mile 40, Saskatchewan, where he now runs a donut shop, number 10, former penalty-minute record holder for the years 1960 to 1968 inclusive, Gilmore Tuttle.

[at the Chiefs Fashion Show]

Johnny Upton: I'm gonna flash' em, Joe!

McGrath: No, you're not.

Johnny Upton: I'm gonna walk down that stinkin' runway, open up this faggot robe and wiggle my dick at 'em! And do you know why? Because I want you to have a heart-attack and die so we don't have to do this shit again! You and your fucking fashion shows!

Reggie Dunlop: What are you guys doing?

Steve Hanson: Puttin' on the foil!

Jeff Hanson: Every game!

Jack Hanson: Yeah, you want some?

Reggie Dunlop: It's their rink, it's their ice, and it's their fuckin' town. But tonight we got our fans with us!

[other players cheer]

Reggie Dunlop: They spent their own dough to get here, and they came here to see us! All right, let's show 'em what we got, guys! Get out there on the ice and let 'em know you're there. Get that fuckin' stick in their side. Let 'em know you're there! Get that lumber in his teeth. Let 'em know you're there!

Ned Braden: Bleed all over 'em. Let 'em know you're there.

Reggie Dunlop: Give 'em a good warm-up, Denis. Come on, fellas!

Reggie Dunlop: You mean you could sell us, but you won't?

Anita McCambridge: I could probably sell you, but I can't.

Reggie Dunlop: Well - you know, uh - we're human beings, you know.

Anita McCambridge: I have to confess I've never let the children watch a hockey game. I have a theory that children imitate what they see on a TV screen. If they see violence, they'll become violent. If they see someone stick up a bank, they'll stick up a bank. Heroin. You name it.

Reggie Dunlop: You're fucked!

Anita McCambridge: What?

Reggie Dunlop: You are totally fucked! You're garbage for letting us all go down the drain.

Anita McCambridge: Are you serious?

Jim Carr: Hi, Jim Carr again. Denis, I know that some in our audience don't know the finer points of hockey. Could you tell them, for example, what is icing?

Denis Lemieux: Well, um, icing happen when the puck come down, bang you know, before the other guys you know. Nobody there, you know. My arm go comme ça then the game stop then start up.

Jim Carr: I see. What is high-sticking?

Denis Lemieux: High-sticking happen when the guy take the stick, you know, and he go like that

[high-sticks Jim Carr]

Denis Lemieux: you know. You don't do that.

Jim Carr: You don't do that?

Denis Lemieux: Oh no, never, never.

Jim Carr: Why not?

Denis Lemieux: Against the rules. You know, you're stupid when you do that. Just some English pig with no brains, you know.

Jim Carr: Uh, what is slashing?

Denis Lemieux: Slashing is um, like that

[demonstrates on Jim Carr]

Denis Lemieux: you know.

Jim Carr: Mm-hmm. And there's a penalty for that?

Denis Lemieux: Yeah and for the trip also, you know like that

[demonstrates]

Denis Lemieux: . And for hook like this

[demonstrates]

Denis Lemieux: . And for spear, you know, like that.

[demonstrates]

Denis Lemieux: You do that, you go to the box, you know. Two minutes, by yourself, you know and you feel shame, you know. And then you get free.

Denis Lemieux: I'm tired of it! Puke! Blah! All the time, puke!

Reggie Dunlop: You're a goalie, you're supposed to be like that.

Jeff Hanson: Eddie Shore?

McGrath: Piss on Eddie Shore.

Steve Hanson: Old-time hockey?

McGrath: Piss on old-time hockey!

Reggie Dunlop: How's it going, Nick?

Nick Brophy # 8 Hyannisport Presidents: I'm drunk.

Reggie Dunlop: Nah!

Nick Brophy # 8 Hyannisport Presidents: I'm not bullshittin' ya. Got stinkin' shitfaced on the bus. Louise left me, and that son of a bitch over there keeps playin' me when he knows I'm shitfaced.

Reggie Dunlop: Jeez, I'm really sorry.

Nick Brophy # 8 Hyannisport Presidents: Anybody throws me against the boards, I'm gonna piss all over myself.

Tim McCracken: They don't call me Dr. Hook for nothin'.

Jeff Hanson: How ya doin'?

Johnny Upton: [Raises his glass in a toast] Hell, here's to the Sunshine State!

Morris Wanchuk: Here's to all that gorgeous snatch in F-L-A. Yeah!

Reggie Dunlop: And remember I went up to your room afterwards and you were dressed in chick's clothes? Yeah, you had on this black bra with tassels! You were dancing in front of a mirror with this kinda zebra skin jockstrap.

McGrath: Bitch!

Reggie Dunlop: Remember how I screamed at you when you started coming on to me? And I just said 'Jesus stop it Joe, I'm ashamed of you!'

McGrath: Goddamn you.

Reggie Dunlop: I wanted to tell you I forgot the whole thing. Years have passed, now I'm sexually liberated. I don't care who's a fag no more. I mean who cares? It's natural, it's all around us.

Reggie Dunlop: Who's the owner Joe?

Jim Ahern: [dressed up for a fashion show] I look like some cock-sucking faggot in this thing...

McGrath: Have you seen Reg or Braden?

Jim Ahern: Joe, I don't care man. Enough is enough. Nowhere in my contract does it say I gotta make a fool out of myself, am I right? Hey?

Suzanne Hanrahan: [Lying naked in bed] You are the first man I've slept with since I left Hanrahan.

Reggie Dunlop: Aw Suzanne, a beautiful woman like you?

Suzanne Hanrahan: Well, I've been sleeping with women. Are you shocked?

Reggie Dunlop: No.

Suzanne Hanrahan: Did you ever wanna sleep with a man?

Reggie Dunlop: No.

Suzanne Hanrahan: Never?

Reggie Dunlop: No. I don't blame you though Suzanne, I mean, well see, women's bodies are beautiful. But men's bodies, see I see 'em everywhere you know, in the locker rooms, their cocks all over the place and everything...

Suzanne Hanrahan: Do you wanna know how it happened?

Reggie Dunlop: Huh? No, that's OK.

Suzanne Hanrahan: No, that's all right 'cause I have to tell it in court anyway. Every time Hanrahan went out on the road I would go over to this wife's house. And we would get drunk, and we would talk about how depressed and lonely we were without the guys. Every week blah, blah, blah. And one night we were talking about how we hated the life and how we had never done much of anything ourselves. And I don't know why really, we were like kids, we started playing with one another. We were drunk as usual. And the next week we did it sober, and it was terrific!

Reggie Dunlop: At the end of the day I think about women. You know, I think about women's bodies. Now maybe all that'll change, maybe I'll end up sleeping with old goalies. I mean, things bein' what they are, who knows?

Suzanne Hanrahan: When Hanrahan found out about it he went crazy! He... he said if I was a dyke that made him a queer. And he started slappin' me around. I ended up in the hospital.

Reggie Dunlop: Aw, Jesus!

Suzanne Hanrahan: Yeah. I'm on the lam, I'm hiding out.

Reggie Dunlop: We play 'em next week, you know.

[repeated line]

Referee Ecker: You, out!

Denis Lemieux: Ned, what's "échanger" in English?

Ned Braden: "Trade me right fucking now."

Denis Lemieux: [on the phone] Trade me right fucking now!

Ned Braden: Now hang up.

[Denis hangs up the phone]

Johnny Upton: [Seeing Reggie in a store phone booth] He's probably calling Florida. See how the sale is going.

Morris Wanchuk: I was in Florida once on a southern tour where I met this little redhead who's an underwater specialist. And the first thing she says to me was, "Come on out by the pool." So I went out and she comes leaping out of this cabana wearing nothing but this little see-through wet suit.

Johnny Upton: [Reggie exits the phone booth] Hey Reg, I want a chair by the pool.

Morris Wanchuk: I want some snatch by the pool!

Reggie Dunlop: [In the locker room after starting a fight on the ice] I called his wife a dyke.

Morris Wanchuk: You called her a dyke? No wonder he went nuts. I would go nuts if someone called my wife a dyke.

Reggie Dunlop: His wife IS a dyke!

[players start laughing]

Jim Ahern: Does that make him a fag?