Shrek Forever After Quotes

Donkey: Man, you are a cat-tastrophe.

Puss in Boots: And you, are ri-donk-ulous.

[Both laugh]

Donkey: Why don't you just tell her what you told me? You know, about how you're her true love and you came from an alternate universe.

Shrek: Oh, and while I'm at it, why don't I tell her that you're married to a fire-breathing dragon and you have little mutant donkey dragon babies?

Donkey: I do?

Shrek: You saw what happened. She's going to think I'm crazy.

Donkey: I'm a daddy?

[last lines]

Shrek: You know, I always thought I'd rescued you from the Dragon's Keep.

Princess Fiona: You did.

Shrek: No. It was you who rescued me.

Shrek: [upon seeing the obese Puss] Puss, what happened to you? You got so fa...

[Puss gives a stinky look]

Shrek: fa... ncy!

Puss in Boots: Do I know you?

Shrek: Where's your hat? Where's your belt? Your wee little boots?

Puss in Boots: Boots? For a cat? Ha!

Shrek: But you're Puss in Boots.

Puss in Boots: Maybe once. But that is a name I have outgrown.

Shrek: That's not the only thing you've outgrown.

Puss in Boots: Hey! I may have let myself go a little since my retirement, but hanging up my sword was the best decision of my life. I have all the cream I can drink and all the mice I can chase.

[a mouse runs up and drinks from Puss' bowl]

Puss in Boots: Eh. I'll get him later.

Rumpelstiltskin: You're not going to eat me?

Shrek: I already had a big bowl of curly-toed weirdo for breakfast.

Butterpants: Do the roar!

Shrek: [unenthusiastically] Roar.

Butterpants: I don't like it.

Princess Fiona: And when the smoke clears... Wait, what's this?

Cookie: That's my chimichanga stand.

Princess Fiona: Um, no, Cookie. We won't be needing that.

Cookie: Trust me, Fiona. Y'all gonna be really hungry after this ambush, OK? Now go and finish your little speech.

Shrek: Sorry, but this order's to go.

Cookie: But I haven't taken out his gibblets yet.

Shrek: Trust me, you don't want to eat this one.

Donkey: I go down smooth, but I come out fightin'!

Brogan: Welcome to the Resistance, brother.

Shrek: Resistance?

Brogan: We fight for justice, and for oppressed ogres everywhere!

[Holds his nose and blows, and his ears trumpet; the other ogres follow suit]

Shrek: I didn't know we could do that.

[Shrek storms out of the party and Fiona follows him outside]

Princess Fiona: Unbelievable.

Shrek: Tell me about it! Those villagers are...

Princess Fiona: I'm not talking about the villagers, Shrek. I'm talking about you. Is this really how you want to remember the kids' first birthday?

Shrek: Oh, great, so this is all MY fault?

Princess Fiona: Yes! But, you know what? Let's talk about this after the party, at home.

Shrek: You mean that roadside attraction we live in? "Step right up! See the dancing ogre! Don't worry, he won't bite!" I USED to be an ogre! Now, I'm just a jolly green joke!

Princess Fiona: OK, OK, maybe you're not the ogre you used to be, but maybe that's not such a bad thing.

Shrek: Ah, I wouldn't expect you to understand. It's not like you're a real ogre. You spent half your life in a palace.

Princess Fiona: And the other half locked away in a tower.

Shrek: [sighs] Look, all I want is for things to go back to the way they used to be. Back when villagers were afraid of me and I could take a mud bath in peace. When I could do what I wanted, when I wanted to do it! Back when the world made sense!

Princess Fiona: You mean back before you rescued me from the Dragon's Keep?

Shrek: Exactly!

Princess Fiona: [looks at Shrek in shock] Shrek. You have three beautiful children. A wife who loves you. Friends who adore you. You have everything. Why is it the only person who can't see that is you?

[Fiona goes back inside for the party]

Shrek: That's just great.

[walks away]

Donkey: Yeah! Waffles! And I thought the Waffle Fairy was just a bedtime story! Sticky stacks of golden syrupy deliciousness!

Shrek: Donkey! Don't eat that!

[Donkey groans]

Shrek: There's a stack of freshly made waffles in the middle of the forest. Don't you find that a wee bit suspicious?

Rumpelstiltskin: [rolls out a contract] As you can see, everything's in order.

King: So you'll put an end... to our daughter's curse?

Rumpelstiltskin: And in return, you sign the kingdom of Far, Far Away over to me.

[thunder and lightning flash outside; Harold gasps; Fifi hisses; Harold turns to his wife]

King: Lillian, this is madness!

Queen: What choice do we have, Harold? Fiona has been locked away in that tower far too long.

Rumpelstiltskin: It's not like she's, uh, getting any younger.

King: But to sign over our entire kingdom?

Rumpelstiltskin: [slowly slides the contract away] Well, if your kingdom's worth more to you than your daughter...

King: [slams his open palm down onto the contract] Nothing! Is worth more to us than our daughter.

Shrek: All right, Rumpel, what's going on? What have you done?

Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, no, Shrek. It's not what I'VE done. It's what YOU'VE done. Thanks to you, the King and Queen signed their kingdom over to me.

Shrek: They would never do that.

Rumpelstiltskin: They would if I promised them all their problems would disappear.

[in a flashback, Rumpelstiltskin laughs as Harold signs the contract]

Rumpelstiltskin: And then THEY disappeared!

[Harold and Lillian stare in shock and scream as they disappear in sparkly gold dust; their crowns drop down onto the table; back in the present day, Rumpelstiltskin pick up Harold's crown and twirls it around his finger; Shrek looks horrified]

Rumpelstiltskin: Ah, they would have done anything if they thought it would end their daughter's curse.

Shrek: I ended Fiona's curse!

Rumpelstiltskin: [rolls the crown aside and kicks it away] How could you when you never existed?

Shrek: [struggles as the witches force him onto his knees] You better start making sense, you dirty little man!

Rumpelstiltskin: [marches up to Shrek and takes the contract out of his vest] Here, let me spell it out for you! You gave me a day from your past, a day you couldn't even remember. Oh-ho-ho. A day when you were an innocent, mindless little baby.

[sticks the contract back in Shrek's vest and marches back to his throne whilst humming "Happy Birthday to You"]

Shrek: [in shocking realisation] You took the day I was born.

Rumpelstiltskin: No, Shrek. You gave it to me.

Shrek: [rises back onto his feet] Enjoy this while you can, Stiltskin, because when this day is up--!

Rumpelstiltskin: But-but-but-but-but you haven't heard the best part. Since you were never born, once this day comes to an end, so will you.

[a witch places a huge hourglass on the table; Shrek watches the slowly-shifting golden sand]

Shrek: Where's Fiona? Where's my family?

Rumpelstiltskin: Ha! Silly little ogre. You don't get it, do you? You see, you were never born. You never met Fiona. Your kids don't exist.

[Shrek grimaces as the witches cackle all around him]

Rumpelstiltskin: How's that for a metaphysical paradox?

[Shrek's anger increases as Rumpelstiltskin and the witches laugh even harder and louder]

Rumpelstiltskin: Looks like you got exactly what you wanted!

[Shrek is now completely enraged]

Rumpelstiltskin: Happy Ogre Day!

Shrek: [lunges forward] Rumpel!

[first lines]

Rumpelstiltskin: [narrating] Once upon a time a long time ago, a king and a queen had a beautiful daughter named Fiona. But she was possessed by a terrible curse. By day, a lovely princess; by night, a hideous ogre. Only true love's kiss would lift her curse. So Fiona waited in a tower, guarded by a dragon, until the day when her true love would arrive. But as the days turned into years, the King and Queen were forced to resort to more desperate measures.