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Cynthia: I can still turn a few heads...
Roxanne: ...and a few stomachs!
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Maurice: Life isn't fair then is it. Somebody always draws the short straw.
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Maurice: She can't help it; she never had enough love
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Maurice: Secrets and lies! We're all in pain! Why can't we share our pain? I've spent my entire life trying to make people happy, and the three people I love the most in the world hate each other's guts, and I'm in the middle! I can't take it anymore!
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Cynthia: You gotta laugh, ain't ya sweetheart? Else you'd cry.
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Cynthia: But sweetheart, I can't be your mother!
Hortense Cumerbatch: Why not?
Cynthia: Well... look at me!
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Cynthia: [to Hortense] You look more like me than m'daughter does!
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[last lines]
Cynthia: Oh, this is the life, ain't it?
Roxanne, Hortense Cumerbatch: Yeah.
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Cynthia: Where's this food, then? I'm ravishin'.
[Hortense laughs]
Cynthia: What?
[Hortense chuckles]
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Monica Purley: Can't miss what you never had!
Maurice: Can't you?
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Roxanne: Don't be stupid.
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Maurice: Is that a suit?
Monica Purley: It came as a combination.
Maurice: They go together?
Monica Purley: Well, if you think they do, they do, and if you think they don't, they don't.
-
Monica Purley: I suppose we'd have to invite Cynthia as well. There's no show without Punch.
-
Cynthia: You've been sitting there for a month with a face like a slapped horse.
Roxanne: Well, what's there to smile about?
-
Cynthia: He knows where I am if he wants me. He'd have had us up there to see it by now, I expect, if it weren't for her. Toffy-nosed cow.
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Cynthia: I was stuck at home from the age of 10 looking after Maurice and your Granddad.
Roxanne: Yeah, we know.
Cynthia: Then I got saddled with you. That was my downfall, darling.
Roxanne: I didn't ask to be born.
Cynthia: No, and I never asked to have you neither.
Roxanne: Well, you should have thought about that before you dropped your knickers!
-
[repeated line]
Maurice: Lovely!
-
Monica Purley: Since when was Hoovering a spectator sport?
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Monica Purley: I'm having milk. Not in a wine glass. Give me a highball. You don't put milk in a wine glass.
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Cynthia: I'm known for my legs. If you've got it, flaunt it.
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Roxanne: Just so's you know, I ain't staying the night, not every time I come round. And I want you to stop before. I was just speaking my mind, all right?
Paul: Yeah.
Roxanne: Now give us a snog.
-
Dionne: I don't wanna hear her and Norbert havin' it off. I don't want her to know who I'm havin' it off with, and I don't want her to see me drunk. Don't want her to know nothing about me.
Hortense Cumerbatch: Maybe that's because you're frightened that when you look at her you can see yourself in 20 years time.
Dionne: [rolls her eyes] Please.
-
Maurice: Roxanne not in then?
Cynthia: She's got some bloke in tow.
Maurice: Has she?
Cynthia: Shifty-looking bleeder. Walks like a crab.
-
Cynthia: I only see her first thing in the morning. She comes in, grunts, then buggers off to work.
Maurice: You should be glad she's got a fella.
Cynthia: I am glad, Maurice. I want her to be happy. But I'd like her to bring him 'round, see who she's knocking about with.
-
Cynthia: Dad liked her, didn't he? Nice thighs.
-
Maurice: Give him a ring. Get him to do something about it. It's his responsibility.
Cynthia: Don't be daft, Maurice. He don't give a toss, does he?
-
Maurice: My dad never said a word about my mum after she died.
Monica Purley: That's men for you.
Maurice: I hated him for it. He must have been in real pain. Maybe just couldn't share it. I didn't know what I felt. I still don't.
-
Maurice: Tell her if she can't make it, I'll give her a clump.
Cynthia: Not before I do.
-
Monica Purley: Do you think Roxanne's serious about this scaffolder bloke?
-
Cynthia: I'd like to meet him. I wouldn't know him if he stood up in me soup.
Roxanne: Don't hold your breath.
-
Hortense Cumerbatch: D'you like Italian food?
Cynthia: Yeah. I eat anything, me. Chinese, kebabs, the lot!
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Maurice: Life isn't fair, is it? Someone always draws the short straw.
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Stuart: You know what it's like, Maurice. You sweat your balls off for years and try and make people happy. And what d'you get back? Nothing!
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Stuart: I can still do it! I've still got an eye. They can't teach you that. I'm still a photographer!
-
[repeated line]
Cynthia: Ta-da!
-
Monica Purley: Having a steak, are you, Cynthia?
Cynthia: Yes. Thank you, Monica.
Monica Purley: That'll put hairs on your chest.
-
Hortense Cumerbatch: You can tell a lot about people from lookin' at their eyes.
Maurice: That's true.
Monica Purley: Can you?
Jane: Windows to your soul.
Cynthia: That's a nice way of puttin' it, Jane.
Jane: It's true though, ain't it.
-
Cynthia: She thought I'd been seein' a bloke. Could've been, I suppose. I can still turn a few heads.
Roxanne: Turn stomachs!
-
Monica Purley: I hope your wish comes true, pet.
-
Roxanne: She's a slag!
Secrets & Lies Quotes
Extended Reading
