Scary Movie V Quotes

[from trailer]

Charlie Sheen: I've come back from worse than this.

[from trailer]

Jody Campbell: So, a demon is the worse thing you can have?

Priest: No, ma'am, an STD is the worse thing you can have.

[from trailer]

Jody Campbell: Hi, we're looking for a book that can stop evil spirits.

[to Dom after hitting Charlie]

Lindsay Lohan: You were driving.

[from trailer]

Priest: Demon's got my fist, man!

Lindsay Lohan: Okay, what is that?

Charlie Sheen: Just unraveling the old hose.

Charlie Sheen: Save it for tomorrow, Raul!

Raul - the Gardener: Si senor.

Christian Grey: How do you like my blue room?

Jody Campbell: It's red.

Christian Grey: Oh. I'm color blind, my decorator assured me... never mind.

Peter: Okay, well let's at least finish the song. Everyone hold hands... except for Eric.

Eric: Damn.

Lindsay Lohan: I'm going to blow you across the room!

Charlie Sheen: Sounds awesome.

Peter: I'm gonna need a little help, I have to go to the bathroom. My penis is in the corner.

Eric: This is fucked up.

Lindsay Lohan: I don't want to end up all over the Internet. I pride myself on keeping a low profile. My private life is private... wait, what are all these?

Charlie Sheen: Oh, just some movies I rented.

Lindsay Lohan: Me and Brandy, missionary?

Charlie Sheen: A tale of two girls who become nuns.

Lindsay Lohan: And what are all those?

Charlie Sheen: Oh, it's just your standard home security setup, basic run of the mill.

Lindsay Lohan: And why do you need security cameras pointing at your bed.

Charlie Sheen: In case a burglar tries to steal my sex tapes.

Snoop Dogg: When we get this reward, we gonna get ourselves a boat, some bitches and a shark

Mac Miller: Why are we gonna need a shark?

Snoop Dogg: We just gon' need one.

Charlie Sheen: Do me a favor. Promise me you won't drive.

Lindsay Lohan: That's sweet. You're worried about me driving.

Charlie Sheen: I'm worried about me. I'm a pedestrian.

Martin: Caesar has got to show some human intelligence at that board meeeting or...

Dan: Caesar's probably smarter than half of those board members.

Martin: Dan...

Dan: I know what you're going to say, if he's so smart, why is he in the cage?

Martin: You're in the cage.

Martin: Look, they still throw their shit.

Dan: But now they can keep score.

Jody Campbell: Hey! We don't lick our balls in this house!

Dan: Sorry, won't happen again.

Jody Campbell: I'm not gonna get pregnant am I?

Kendra Brooks: No.

Dom Kolb: You need to clear your subconscious, and watch what you think about. Nothing crazy.

Jody Campbell: Right. Like having your crotch burst into flames.

[first lines]

Lindsay Lohan: I just don't want to make one of these tapes if it's something you do with every girl.

Charlie Sheen: Every girl? No, no. I am strictly a one-woman guy.