Sausage Party Quotes

Baby Carrot: For the love of shit, RUN!

Camille Toh: [notices the Baby Carrots are going to fall off the counter] Whoops.

[Baby Carrots fall off the counter, she grabs them]

Baby Carrot: I WANT MY MOMMY!

[She eats the Baby Carrots]

Frank: If what you're saying is true, I got to tell everyone!

Firewater: Very noble, little sausage. But also, very pointless. No one will believe you.

Frank: I have to try... Everyone will die otherwise.

Firewater: Oh yeah. That's a good point. Fuck me, right?

Frank: Wait. Do you guys have any proof of this?

Brenda: Oh no, what if the Gods are doing this to us because we touched tips?

Frank: What? No! There's no way!

Brenda: "Just the tips". Why are we thinking? It wasn't even that... I mean it was fine, it's not like anyone writes home and says 'Oh God. I had the best tip.'

Potato: [singing] Oh, Danny Boy... The pipes, the pipes are call...

[Potato's stomach gets sliced off]

Potato: Ack! JESUS FUCK!

[Potato continues to get his skin sliced off]

Potato: Oh! God, me skin! She's peelin' me fuckin' skin!

Carl: What the FUCK?

[Potato is about to be put in a pot full of boiling water]

Potato: Jesus, you fuckin' whore! Me eyes! THEY BURN!

[gurgles and dies]

Carl: Look at these big ol' buns!

[wolf whistles getting their attention]

Carl: Ye-ah, you know it, baby! Work those buns! All of you, all day, ur-day, lined up, waiting to get filled with my meat!

Brenda: Yeah. Right, Carl. You really think any of these buns are gonna line up to get filled by you? Here's my impression of that happening: 'Oh! Oh! Is he in there yet? Oh, I can't feel him! I don't think he's in there! Oh, wait he is!' It's so sad! I bet you jackrabbit for a quick fifteen seconds.

[jackrabbits mockingly]

Brenda: And then you slump over.

[Carl glares at her]

Brenda: [laughs] I mean, honestly, guys! Who in this package would ever let Carl get up in them?

[Another bun raises their hand]

Brenda: Roberta, put your fucking hand down! You're ruining my joke. See? Nobody. That's who.

Druggie: You're all alive and looking at me with your... with your gloves and your... your little shoes, and your arms and your legs!

Pizza: Legs, huh? Look at me. Look at me! I ain't got no legs, you fuck! You ate my goddamn legs!

Druggie: [drugged, seeing the food alive] Mr. Sausage, when will it end?

Beer Can: When will it end? When he stops drinking us!

Krinkler's Chips, Sandwich, Pop Tart, Tickilish Licorice: Yeah!

Cookies: And stops eating us!

Sandwich: Same here!

Pop Tart: Fuck yeah!

Toilet Paper: And when he stops using us!

Krinkler's Chips: What did they do to you?

Toilet Paper: [nervously backs away] You don't wanna fuckin' know!

Mr. Grits: We the Non-Perishables, motherfucker.

Twink: We never expire.

Firewater: We are... Immortal. This here's Twink and Grits.

Mr. Grits: They call me Mr. Grits.

Firewater: Eh, Mr. Grits. Whatever.

Mr. Grits: You told him about the crackers?

Darren: Fuck you, weenies.

[throws a package of screaming sausages into the garbage can]

Darren: [sighs] Fuck, I hate this fucking job!

Barry: [as the food prepares to fire the drugged toothpicks] Make it rain.

[the food shoots the toothpicks at all the people in the store]

Darren: Ow! What the fuck? All right, who did it? Gary, did you just throw this fucking toothpick at me, man?

Frank: Hey, Brenda. What up, girl?

[chuckles]

Frank: Sorry about those guys. such fucking dicks, right?

Carl: Oh, I can hear you, dude.

Frank: [turns to Carl] Shut up, fuck you.

[turns back to Brenda]

Frank: So, uh, Tomorrow's the big day, huh?

[chuckles]

Frank: You and me, finally gonna be official.

Brenda: I'm so happy, the Gods put our packages together.

Frank: Because, we belong together.

Frank: It's like, we were made for each other.

Frank: I can't wait just finally get up in there, just raw-dog it. But full disclosure, I'm pretty fucking nervous about this. I don't know how well, I'm gonna perform once it happens. I've obviously never been in a bun, so.

[chuckling]

Brenda: Hey, I'm not gonna be any better. I've never opened up. I mean, look how tight I am.

Frank: Oh, sweet fucking fuck. Look, okay. I know it's against the rules. But, I can't wait anymore. I need to just feel you.

Brenda: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Frank, Brenda: Just the tips?

Brenda: I can't believe we're doing this.

Frank: I know. We're so naughty.

Brenda: It's fine, right? I mean, nothing bad's ever happened from just the tips.

Frank: No. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.

[Frank and Brenda tries to touching the tips]

Frank: Oh, yeah. Go in. Put it in there.

Brenda: Big tip.

Frank: Oh, you wouldn't dare.

Barry: No! We're all gonna die!

Carl: Barry!

[slaps him in the face]

Carl: Snap the fuck out of it and run!

Frank: Banana's whole face peeled off, Peanut Butter's wife is dead. Look at him, he's right there.

Peanut Butter: [screams] JELLY! I'm gonna fix you, I'm gonna fix this...

Frank, Barry, Carl: [singing with the other sausages] In here, we keep our wieners in our packages. That's how it is.

Brenda: [singing with the other buns] It sucks, but that's the way our butts keep fresh and pure. Baby, baby.

Frank, Barry, Carl: But once we're out the doors, it's not a sin.

Brenda: For us to let you slip it in.

Frank, Barry, Carl: In other words, we finally get to fuck!

Brenda: And love!

Frank, Barry, Carl: And fuck!

Brenda: And hug!

Frank, Barry, Carl: And fuck!

Brenda: And feel!

Frank, Barry, Carl: And fuck!

Brenda: And share!

Douche: That's no way to treat a lady.

Brenda: Oh, fuck!

Douche: That's right, girl. It's me. And what we got here? A taco? A whiny donut? And some stupid flappy thing that nobody knows exactly what it is. Okay, so...

Queso: Did someone say 'Queso'?

Douche: That's a fucking stretch and you know it, Queso!

Douche: [sees Frank] Oh, so now you're gonna come at me, bro?

Frank: Oh, I'm coming at you!

[prepares to punch him. But Darren tries to grabs Frank]

Douche: Okay, we got him. Easy now, easy now.

Darren: Well, it's hard when your head's up my ass and you're yanking on the scrote!

Douche: Look, sausage... I relish the fact that you mustard the strength to ketchup to me!

[to Mustard, Ketchup and Relish]

Douche: Yeah, that's right, shut your mouths.

[to Frank, cackling]

Douche: I sucked a juice box's dick, and I'm shoved up a God's asshole, and this is the weirdest thing that I've done so far, bro!

[takes a bite of his torso, Frank screaming in pain]

Brenda: [gasps, shocked] Oh, my God! FRANK!

Douche: I'll tell you who eats shit: Gods do, bro... I'M A FUCKING GOD!

Darren: Good-bye, little sausage.

[prepares to kill Frank]

Carl: [as they attempt to escape from the window] Okay, little buddy, jump on the count of three! One, two...

[a slicing knife is heard followed by Carl's scream]

Barry: Carl?

Carl: [groaning in difficulty] Bar-ry...

Barry: Carl to Bar, what? What are you saying, Carl?

[the knife's blade impales through Carl's stomach]

Barry: Oh, God, no! Oh! Oh, God, Carl!

[Camille's knife slashes him upwards]

Barry: CARL!

Carl: [face splits in half, dies] Barry...

Barry: Carl! Dear sweet Carl! What have they done to you, Carl? No!

Camille Toh: Hi, I um... Sorry. I accidentally dropped a few things back there. Except for that douche, I don't know whose that is.

Darren: Clean up on Aisle 2, this MILF dropped a douche.

Camille Toh: Ah, Milf. Thank you so much.

Firewater: So, you have learned the terrible truth. Congratulations! Now keep it to yourself, or I'll slit your throat while you sleep. I swear to God.

Honey Mustard: Oh my God! Did you guys just fucking hear that?

Ketchup: What? What are you looking at?

[sees Firewater has vanished]

Ketchup: He's gone.

Honey Mustard: Where the fuck did he go? I'm, so fucked up. I'm, so fucked up!

[Ketchup tries to touch Honey Mustard]

Honey Mustard: Ketchup, Get the fuck off of me! Nobody fucking touch me!

Frank: Friends... Ramen... Country Club Lemonade... Lend me your ears of Corn. I'm Frank and I am a sausage... a little sausage with some pretty big news... Everything we've been led to believe is a lie! When we get chosen by the Gods, they're choosing us for death! Murder! Automatic expiration!... The Great Beyond is bullshit!

Indian Chutney: What?

Chunk Munchers Cereal: That's crazy talk!

Lettuce: You're a liar!

Frank: I know you don't want to believe it... But I have proof!

[shows everyone the page of people eating food, everyone reacts with shock and horror]

Licorice Rope: What is this!

Relish: It's - it's MURDER!

Used Condom: [as Barry goes lost in the alley, in difficulty] I begged them to stop, but then they just went. First, the gods stretched me till it hurt, then they went inside me, and then... And then... SPLOOGE! Look at me! LOOK AT ME!

[Barry screams and runs away]

Fat Guy: [about a hit in the head, turns to Lavash and Sammy] What the?

Lavash: You fuck with them...

Sammy: You fuck with us, bitch!

Douche: I'm gonna get you, my pretty! I'm gonna get you and your little sausage, too!

Teresa: Go fuck yourself, El Duche.

Honey Mustard: You're celebrating your doom! Wake up! They're lying to your fucking faces! The Great Beyond is bullshit! Why is anybody listening to me?

Frank: Hey. Buddy, are you all right?

Honey Mustard: No! I'm not all right. It's all a lie. Everything you've been told, everything you believe in.

Carl: Hey, Honey Mustard, you're acting cray cray!

Brenda: Carl, we shouldn't even be talking to this asshole. Everyone knows Honey Mustard's weird. I mean, What is he, Honey? Is he mustard? It's like make up your mind or just kill yourself.

Honey Mustard: You fucking idiots! I've been there, I've seen that shit and there ain't no way I'm going back.

Frank: Wait, wait, wait, wait. You've been to the Great Beyond?

Honey Mustard: 'Great' my asshole! Everything we've ever known is a dirt covered pile of shit. Jacking off in our fucking faces. Covering our eyes with their cum, so cum covered we can't fucking see! We don't know! We don't know, they're jerking off into our eyes! Our faces!

Brenda: Dude, shut up! The gods are gonna hear you talking about that.

Honey Mustard: They're ain't gods! They're monsters, horrible, ugly, disgusting monsters! They ain't gonna get Honey Mustard twice... FUCK YOU, GODS! I've got a date with oblivion.

[Douche throws the Tequila's head and hits El Guaco in the groin]

El Guaco: OW! Right in my guac and balls!

Drug Dealer: Hey, man. Be careful with this. Bath salts are the real deal. People been seeing some crazy shit.

Druggie: [takes the bath salts] Awesome.

Gum: Perhaps I can be of some assistance.

[Darren shoots Gum]

Gum: [regenerates] Matter cannot be created or destroyed, human. You have made a fatal error in judgement. Let me educate you.

Barry: [while being chased by the drugged humans] Can't this thing go any faster?

Gum: Suck my pink cock.

Tequila: All right, I gather right here, amigo. and... SHIT!

[Brenda, Lavash, Sammy Bagel, Jr. and Teresa have vanished]

[Douche seeing that Brenda, Lavash, Sammy Bagel, Jr. and Teresa have vanished and turns to Tequila]

Douche: What gives, bro? You told me you had them! So you dragged me over to this fucking aisle with all these illegal products, and now I don't see them. So where the fuck are they? SPILL THE BEANS!

Refried Beans: Que?

Douche: Beans, I swear to fucking God if you don't shut the fuck up!

[looking at the list of food]

Camille Toh: Lavash, Sausages, oh! Honey Mustard.

[she takes the Honey Mustard and puts it in the cart]

Frank: You see? There is hope!

Licorice Rope: Aw, not this guy. No one asked for an encore, asshole!

Frank: No, no! Don't worry, I got it this time. This time it's gonna be good... Look, I'm sorry. I wasn't respectful of your beliefs and I acted like I know all the answers. But I don't. Nobody knows everything. But what I do know is that together, we can fight these monsters and take control of our own lives!

Brenda: Yes! Our lives and our bodies!

Frank: We need to unite and stop focusing on each other's differences. Especially in immature and outdated ways. We have to cooperate and...

[notices the drugged shopper screaming]

Female Shopper #2: DIE!

[slaps a piece of pizza and smashes it against the window]

Frank: Oh, no! Pizza!

[Frank, Brenda, Barry and the others looked the drugged shoppers]

Douche: Come at me, bros.

Frank: Come at you? What does that mean?

Douche: Fine. You won't come at me? Well then, guess who's comin' to you. ME!

[Douche prepares to attack Frank]

[repeated line]

Douche: Brooo!

[repeated line]

Firewater: Hiya, how are ya?

Sammy: Fifty-five minutes.

Brenda: I know. Where is he?

Lavash: [laughs] Looks like you got ditched, bun!

Brenda: He wouldn't ditched me, dumbass. He's my boyfriend. I mean, we touched T-I-P's.

[giggling]

[Camille Toh takes the Potato]

Potato: Oh, yes! Yes! I'm the first to enter eternity!

Carl: Potato, way to go, buddy! That's my guy!

Potato: [being washed] Being bathed by the hands of a God!

Brenda: Oh yeah, Frank. That's it. Oh, yeah, it's dinnertime.

Frank: Yo... I'm actually over here jerking off with these fellas.

[it turns out it's Teresa who's giving Brenda oral sex]

Teresa: Once you go taco, you'll never go back-o!

Carl: [after being insulted by Brenda] Dude, um, how do I say this to you gently? But your girlfriend, um... She's a fucking cunt.

Frank: Shut up! She's fresh as fuck, and you know it.

Carl: Dude, I just don't why you're limiting yourself to one bun. There's plenty of buns out there.

Frank: Because I believe in bun-ogamy. I'm a bun-ogamist, and when a bun this fresh is into you, all you ask is when and how deep.

Frank: [after failing to warn everyone at the store] Goddamn it. I blew it.

Barry: [from the air duct] Hey, does it mean it's too late to redeem yourself? Take it from me...

[Barry comes out]

Barry: Barry!

Frank: [incredulously] Barry?

[they hug each other]

Frank: Are you for real? You're alive!

Barry: You bet your sweet butthole I am.

Frank: But how?

Barry: I'll tell you how: the Gods can be...

[clears his throat]

Barry: Excuse me.

[shouts heroically]

Barry: THE GODS CAN BE KILLED!

[Barry whistles, the air duct opens to reveal a decapitated head from the druggie falling on the shelf]

Frank: Ah, fuckin' what the fuck!

Barry: [chuckles] I know! Look at this fuckin' guy!

Licorice Rope: Come on, you candy asses, JOIN THE FIGHT!

[he looks at the lollipops]

Lollipop: [in the style of Sylvester Stallone] Hey, what do you think? Should we do it?

[the licorice rope eyes on the gumballs]

Gumball: Come on, guys! It's us or them!

Alex: [seeing all the food is alive] The food's fucking possessed!

Sandwich: Oh shit!

[Alex takes a sandwich and eats it]

Toilet Paper: We're all gonna die!

Tickilish Licorice: Oh God! Oh...

Male Shopper #2: IT'S DEVIL FOOD!

[rips the Tickilish Licorice]

Apple: OH MY GOD!

Mariachi Salsa: [running away] The sausage - he was right! They're EVIL!

Douche: [while being rocketed across the floor, panics] What's happening out there?

Barry: NOW!

[the food does a U-turn on Darren and Douche]

Coconut Milk: [flips the bird] SO LONG, ASSHOLE!

[Lavash and Sammy are holding matches, light the tanks on fire and the tanks explode]

Douche, Darren: NO!

[the tanks shoot up to the sky, killing both Darren and Douche]

Barry: It's over. We won. WE FUCKING WON!

Douche: What's up, little juicy box? You're leaking too, eh bro? And right out of your fucking dingle. Fucking sucks, right?

Juice Box: Dying... so cold...

Douche: [notices that the juice box is leaking, he gets an idea] Uh-oh. Light bulb.

Light Bulb: Yes?

Douche: No. Not fucking you, dummy.

[drugged, sees the fruits dancing towards to him]

Fit Man: Oh! Get away from me, you fucking fruits!

[last lines]

Frank: You ready to get baked and walk through Gum's stargate with me?

Brenda: As long as we're together, I'm ready to get baked and do anything.

Pop Bottle: You ready for this?

Geronimints: I don't know.

Pop Bottle: It's better to die a free candy than to live in bondage.

[opens a bottle cap]

Geronimints: This is gonna hurt so fucking much.

[Frank, Carl, Barry and Troy notices that an evil manager named Darren comes to the Sausages and Buns bin]

Frank: SHIT! It's the Dark Lord!

Carl: Oh no! He's coming!

Old Pork Sausage: No, wait! I'm still fresh, I swear! I'm still fresh!

[Darren takes the screaming Old Pork Sausage and throws it away in the garbage]

Carl: Did he see us?

Frank: No way!

Troy: We're fucked, bros!

Barry: Oh God! No! Take anyone, but us! Please!

[Darren takes the wrong Fancy Dogs]

Druggie: [sees the little sausage is alive] What the fuck?

Barry: [to the Druggie] Hello?

[Druggie and Barry screaming]

Barry: Please, don't kill me! Please, just - just wait!

Druggie: Who are you?

[points the little sausage]

Druggie: Are you some kind of... magical sausage?

Barry: Uh, no, no! I'm just Barry! I'm just Barry. Wait... Wait, you can actually understand me and I can actually understand you?

Firewater: Hello there, little sausage. You and your friends have accomplished the impossible and for that, I give you mad props. But, now that you have shattered one truth: It is time for you to learn... that we are not REAL! Booga Booga Booga.

Gum: While tripping balls, Firewater and I made an important meta-psychical breakthrough.

Firewater: The world is a fucking illusion, bro. Our lives are being manipulated for the entertainment of monsters, twisted, tasteless, juvenile monsters, puppet masters in the other dimension! We're something called... Cartoons.

[Frank, Brenda, Kareem, Sammy, Barry and Teresa gasped]

Frank: What?

Firewater: You, Frank... are the plaything of a demented schlubby Jewish actor named:

[the image of actor Seth Rogen]

Firewater: Seth Ro-gan.

Frank: Wait. I'm Jewish?

Sammy: So... who am I?

Gum: You are the toy of a more talented and celebrated actor named:

[the image of actor Edward Norton]

Gum: Ed-ward Nor-ton.

Sammy: Ed-ward Nor-ton? What kind of parent gives their kid a stupid cunt name like that?

Gum: Worry not, friends. I have a solution.

Douche: Yo! Oh fuck yeah, dude! Somebody call a doctor, cause honestly, this beat is sick!

Beet: Actually, I feel great, real healthy.

Douche: Not you.

[first lines]

Frank: [notices the shoppers entering the Shopwell's] Shit!

[turns to Carl]

Frank: Carl? Carl? Carl, Carl, Carl! Dude, we've slept in again! The song's about to start!

Carl: Shit, Frank! We can't miss the song!

[to Barry]

Carl: Barry, wake up!

Barry: What? I'm up, I'm up!

Frank: This song is such an awesome way to start every morning.

Carl: It's just a super nice way of showing the gods how much we appreciate everything they'll do for us, once they take us out those doors to the Great Beyond.

Barry: I love this so fucking much.

Frank: Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Corn's about to start singing!

[turns to Corn]

Frank: Drop it, Corn! You've got the best voice!

Carl: You're the man, Corn! You fucking rule! Take it away, bro!

Douche: You think I give a fuck about PB or J? Fuck this. I'mma kick your as kick your ass! How you like them apples?

Apple: Who, us?

Douche: No, not you.

Firewater: The melody came to me one night when I was getting super, super, SUPER baked. Like fuck-a-guy, baked. You know what I'm saying?

[Frank shakes his head no]

Firewater: Yeah, he does. The song had a great hook and it caught on, I mean, you know... In time, everyone accepted this false truth. But over the years, things started to get a little... fucky.

[flashbacks]

Firewater: The aisles started changing my verses to support their own views, fucking with Twink's tight-ass lyrics, remixing my shit without my permish... Now, every morning when I hear that song, I'm like, 'What the fuck are you guys saying, hey? Wasn't their a part today about exterminating juice? I didn't write that shit, I love juice. Always have, I mean, juice are hilarious. Who the fuck do these guys think they are?'

[back to present]

Firewater: Anyway, at least it's still distracting them from the truth: that they get brutally devoured.

Firewater: Before us, everyone knew the awful truth.

[flashbacks]

Firewater: Ohhhh, how they screamed. It was a living nightmare. So, we the Non-Perishables created a story, the story of the Great Beyond. A place where the Gods care for you, and all your wildest and wettest dreams would come true. They would go out those doors happy, instead of shitting themselves.

Mr. Grits: Jesus fucking Christ!

Firewater: Hey, fellas. You think what I'm thinking?

Twink: Ready fucking sure I am.

Mr. Grits: Oh, shit.

Barry: Yeah, I just came over here, I couldn't help but notice you like... You're... You're a little smushed or something, you have ever kind of abnormality. Did you get... somebody sit on you?

Sally Bun: Yeah. I, um, got smushed.

Barry: You know, I love the way your face just kind gives up halfway down.

[Sally kisses Barry]

[as the food celebrate their victory]

Tampon: [steps on a drop of Darren's blood] Ew!

[the blood absorbs into her making the food cheer]

Tampon: RRRAAAAAARRRRR!

Jamaican Rum: Hey, bun! Welcome to the aisle! Want to dance?

Brenda: No thank you, man. I'm quite irie, just being left alone over here, don't you know?

[as Sammy and Lavash go back to their shelves]

Gefilte Fish: Sammy, bubula! Where have you been? Oh, I'm surprised that savage Lavash didn't stone you to death!

[switch to Lavash's side]

Baba Ganoush: You had to travel with a bagel? How much did his dirty hands steal from you?

Lavash: [solemnly looks at Sammy] A ton.

[Sammy sadly watches Lavash]

Female Shopper #1: [as the bath salts take effect on her, deliriously] Oh God... What is... happening?

[sees the food come alive before her very eyes]

Female Shopper #1: [freaks out] OH MY GOD! AAAAAAAHHHHH!

Male Shopper #1: Excuse me? I meant to buy normal mustard, but when I got home I realized I bought Honey Mustard. Is it cool if I just go swap it?

Alex: I don't give a flying fuck, homeboy.

Indian Chutney: We choose the more pleasant thing!

Ice Cream: Yeah! I mean... What the sausage is saying is just a... a theory!

Frank: No, no, no! It's not a theory, you morons! It's a fact! I'm showing this physical evidence! Open your fucking eyes! Don't be so weak!

Brenda: Oh Frank. What are you doing?

Refried Beans: You, senor, have no bedside manner!

Frank: What? I have bedside manner!

Frozen Fruitz: You don't respect anyone else's beliefs!

Sauerkraut: You intolerant piece of shit!

Douche: [after drinking and growing his arms stronger, cackling] I'm fucking jacked up now, bro!

[cackling]

Douche: Where's the fucking sausage?

Lavash: Get away for me! Don't touch me!

[fighting over Sammy]

Lavash: It was you! You cock-sucking bagel fuck-face!

Chunk Munchers Cereal: Hey, watch it!

Lavash: You pushed me out of the cart! No surprise then, huh? A bagel trying to kill Lavash, once again!

Sammy: I pushed you? What are you nuts? I, why would they do that? I'm a pacifist. The only thing I've ever pushed is my peaceful agenda. Which even that I didn't push you know, I pretty much passive-aggressively nudge. I reached out of the panic. It was toots over here, the bun. She grabbed me.

Tequila: Excuse me? Are you a bun?

Brenda: Uhh... Yeah, I am. Why?

Tequila: And you've been traveling with the sausage?

Tequila: I have! He's looking for you in my aisle. He's right this way. I can take you to him, chica. I take you to him real good.

Tequila: He's looking for you in my aisle. He's right this way. I can take you to him, chica. I take you to him real good.

[laughing hysterically]

Tequila: All right, vaminos. Let's go. I am to be trusted.

[laughs again]

Troy: Well, Barry? I guess now you're weird and a pussy! Add that to your list of accomplishments.

[guffawing]

Darren: Wait, Snap out of it, man! Slap it! Slap yourself in the face, man! Oh, man! You lost your mind? Is this even? No, wait! This isn't real! Now, this can't be real!

Douche: Oh, it's real, bro.

[Darren reacts, points to douche with a gun]

Darren: [gasps in horror] A talking douche?

Douche: It's cool, bro. Chill, okay?

Darren: No, no, no! This is too much, this is too much! Too much! Breathe, man!

Douche: We both want the same thing... Like, I'm feeling honestly the two of us could like collaborate together. Like a mash up, bro.

Darren: A mash-up? I don't understand! What's happening?

Douche: You don't need to understand.

[getting inside of his crotch]

Douche: You just need to relax and open wide.

Darren: Wait, what are you doing?

[He got inside of his crotch, groaning]

Douche: Oh, yeah!

Darren: Dude, that went up my ass!

Brenda: First, I fell out of the cart, then I lose Frank. And now, I'm being hunted by a douche. The gods must be punishing me, don't you see? This is what I get for giving in to my disgusting urges. I'm such a whore.

Teresa: Sweet bun, I must admit I too sometimes have urges, impure thoughts. We all do.

Brenda: Oh. Oh good! Okay. Well, that actually makes me feel a little better.

Teresa: And we must never give in to them.

Brenda: Oh no. That's the opposite of what I thought you were gonna say.

Teresa: Oh, yes. The gods are always watching... Even when we cannot see them.

Brenda: Do you think it's too late for me?

Teresa: Do not worry, bun. I will get you home.

Douche: What part of "I want the sausage and the bun dead, if you see them, come and get me. And if I found out that you didn't come and get me, or if you couldn't find them, I'll fucking kill your ass." did you not understand, Tequila?

Tequila: Uh, it's a pretty confusing sentence, to be honest.

Krinkler's Chips: Holy shit! He can actually see us?

Druggie: Bath salts are just as bad as they said it would be!

[American Cheese gets grated all over the Tortilla Chips]

Carl: Cheese! You don't deserve that!

Brenda: Kind of stuffy in here, Eh, girls? So I'm just gonna get out, get a little air for a second.

[She tries to get out, But the buns grabs Brenda]

Loretta Bun: What's your problem?

Brenda: Let go of me!

Loretta Bun: First, you smushed Sally...

[sees Sally, who smushed, she turns back to Brenda]

Loretta Bun: ... And then, you try to fuck up red, white and blue day for us?

[Buns began to fighting Brenda in package]

Brenda: Get your hands off me! I've got to get out of here!

Loretta Bun: Just chill out, you crazy bitch!

Old Pork Sausage: BUN FIGHT! Check it out!

Brenda: What are you saying? I should believe in nothing? That everything is pointless?

Frank: Better than believing a bunch of bullshit that you can't explain!

Brenda: Well, maybe I don't need to explain it, because it's something I feel.

Frank: Well, I feel like that makes it hard to have a rational conversation.

Brenda: F you, Frank!

Mariachi Salsa: No way! Jose!

Douche: Yes, way! Jose's fucking dead, yo.

Frank: I tried to warn everyone, but they didn't believe me!

Barry: Of course they didn't! You just called them all a bunch of fucking idiots! You can't just slam their beliefs! You have to show them that there's a better way. You need to inspire them like you inspired me! You need to give them hope.

Frank: Hope? Well, how the fuck are we supposed to give them that? You got lucky, and killed a stupid one! There's dozens of them down there!

Gum: [appears] Perhaps I can be of some assistance.