Runaway Bride Quotes

[Maggie has just left her groom standing at the altar, and has jumped aboard a FedEx truck]

Ellie: Where is she going?

Fisher: I don't know, but she'll be there by 10:30 tomorrow.

Maggie Carpenter: Is there one 'right' person for everyone?

Ike Graham: No, but I think attraction is mistaken for rightness.

[Ike's voice on his answering machine]

Ike Graham: Hi, leave a message after the beep. If you want to send me a fax, then buy me a fax machine.

Maggie Carpenter: Bless me Father for I have sinned. My last confession was... well. Anyway, I have sorta a technical question. I've been having bad thoughts, really bad thoughts.

Priest Brian: Of an impure nature?

Maggie Carpenter: No, No, I want to destroy this man's life, career everything. I want revenge. Now on a sins scale how bad is that? Can I Hail Mary my way out of that?

Mrs. Pressmann: I'm thinking of changing back to my maiden name.

Walter Carpenter: Can you still remember it?

Maggie Carpenter: Gill, I am really afraid of needles, but that doesn't make me a bad person...

Dead Head Gill: Look...

[Gill shows her his rose tattoo on his chest]

Ike Graham: [in a surfer-dude voice] Look, look! I think this man is heart broken!

Peggy: Well, there is one thing that brings warmth to my heart.

[pause]

Peggy: Duckbill platypus.

Maggie Carpenter: No... that's only funny at Camp Birchwood in the tent at three in the morning and it's raining and my leg is the pole! That's the only time that's funny.

Peggy: Let's just give it a try.

Maggie Carpenter: [while fighting with her veil] Who makes these things?

Peggy: Calm down. The veil is not attacking you.

Maggie Carpenter: Benedict.

Ike Graham: Arnold.

Maggie Carpenter: I love Eggs Benedict, I hate every other kind. I hate big weddings with everybody staring. I'd like to get married on a weekday while everybody's at work. And when I ride off into the sunset, I want my own horse.

Ike Graham: Should I be writing this down?

Maggie Carpenter: I love you, Homer Eisenhower Graham. Will you marry me?

Ike Graham: I... I've got to think about this a little bit.

Maggie Carpenter: Good. I was hoping you'd say that.

Ike Graham: [laughing] You were not!

Maggie Carpenter: I was, because if you said "yes" right away, then I wouldn't get to say this next part, and I've been practicing.

[Maggie sits down, clears her throat]

Maggie Carpenter: Ready?

Ike Graham: I'm listening.

Maggie Carpenter: I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is going to want get out. But I also guarantee...

[starts to cry]

Maggie Carpenter: ...that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life. Because I know in my heart... you're the only one for me.

Ike Graham: [Mrs. Whittenmeyer refuses to sell a wedding gown to Maggie] You sell wedding dresses, right?

Mrs. Whittenmeyer: Yes, I've been selling wedding gowns for thirty-five years.

Ike Graham: Wonderful! Because we are here to buy one! But not just any one.

[points to a gown in the window]

Ike Graham: She wants "that" one!

Mrs. Whittenmeyer: It's a thousand dollars!

Ike Graham: Listen, Aunt Bea! Conversation has never worked for me, let's try "visual."

[jumps into the window and pulls the mannequin down, knocking its wig off]

Ike Graham: We're buying the dress! And anything else she wants!

Coach Bob Kelly: What is she doing?

Peggy: Uh, she's being the "bell" instead of the "ball".

Grandma: [about Ike] I like his tight butt.

Maggie Carpenter: Grandma!

Grandma: Well, I do.

Coach Bob Kelly: [to Maggie, after she and Ike have just kissed] Okay, okay, okay, okay. So if you were imagining me, y-you did great.

[turns to Ike]

Coach Bob Kelly: What the hell were you doing?

Ike Graham: Uh, Bob, I'm really sorry. She... kissed me back.

Maggie Carpenter: I kissed you back.

Ike Graham: Yes, you did. You kissed me back.

Coach Bob Kelly: Yeah, caught that. You wanna tell me how long this has been goin' on?

Maggie Carpenter: About a minute.

Ike Graham: Little longer for me.

Maggie Carpenter: [smiles] Really?

Ike Graham: Yeah.

Coach Bob Kelly: What do you expect me to say to this?

[Ike and Maggie just gaze at each other]

Coach Bob Kelly: Hello?

Ike Graham: Well, Bob, you could say, um, Well, I hope you two will be really happy together.

[Bob punches Ike in the face]

Coach Bob Kelly: I hope you two will be really happy together.

Maggie Carpenter: I wanted to tell you why I run - sometimes ride - away from things.

Ike Graham: Does it matter?

Maggie Carpenter: I think so.

[takes a deep breath]

Maggie Carpenter: When I was walking down the aisle, I was walking toward somebody who didn't have any idea who I really was. And it was only half the other person's fault, because I had done everything to convince him that I was exactly what he wanted. So it was good that I didn't go through with it because it would have been a lie. But you - you knew the real me.

Ike Graham: Yes, I did.

Maggie Carpenter: I didn't. And you being the one at the end of the aisle didn't just fix that.

Maggie Carpenter: [Ike has just seen Maggie in the mirror in his apartment] Hello Ike.

Ike Graham: Don't tell me, my *doorman* is one of your many admirers.

Maggie Carpenter: I'm making friends with your cat. Is it okay that I'm here?

Ike Graham: I don't have much choice in the matter, do I? But, I can't speak for Italics.

[points at Italics the cat]

Ike Graham: *Traitor*.

Maggie Carpenter: Do you think I flirt with Cory?

Peggy: Good morning to you, too. You look good.

Maggie Carpenter: Thank you. Do you think I flirt with Cory?

Peggy: Yes.

Maggie Carpenter: I don't mean it.

Peggy: I know. I think sometimes you just sort of spaz-out with random excess flirtation energy and it just lands on anything male that moves.

Maggie Carpenter: On anything male that moves? As opposed to anything male that doesn't move?

Peggy: Like certain kinds of coral.

Ike Graham: You want a man who'll lead you down the beach with his hands over your eyes... Just so you can discover the feel of the sand under your feet.

Ike Graham: You want a guy that'll wake you up at dawn. He's just bursting to talk to you. Can't wait another minute... Just to find out what you'll say. Am i right?