Rick and Morty Quotes

Rick: Wubba Lubba Dub Dub!

Summer Smith: You can't gift a creature with sentience and then take it away! It's Indian giving!

Rick: Oh, well, I can't cure death.

Dad: [Rick is loading a Corpse with Dynamite] Well, I can see you're busy...

Rick: Oh, what have we got here? A bunch of people with their faces stuffed in Computers? Don't you realise that Christ was born today? Don't you realise that Christ our Saviour was born today? WHAT KIND OF CHRISTMAS IS THIS?

Morty: I'm sick of these crazy insane adventures! That was too traumatising! I'm out!

Mr Meeseeks: A Meeseeks isn't supposed to live this long! It's getting weird!

Obnoxious rival: I throw balls far. You want good words, date a languager.

Principal Vagina: Hello, this is Principal Vagina. No relation.

Rick: Or... family means nothing! But don't play that card.

Rick: Sometimes science is more art than science, Morty. A lot of people don't get that.

Rick: The answer is don't think about it.

Rick: It might eat brains and exhale space AIDS!

Beth Smith: Majoring in civics was your mistake; don't punish us for it.

Rick: Still think it's a good idea to go through holes without a wiener?

Stickler Mr Meeseeks: I'm something of a Stickler Meeseeks...

Mr Meeseeks: Your failures are your own, Old Man!

Mr Meeseeks: Meeseeks are not Born into this World fumbling for meaning, Jerry! We are Created for a Singular Purpose which we will go to any lengths to fulfill! Existence is Pain to a Meeseeks, Jerry, and we will do anything to alleviate that Pain!

Jerry Smith: We can't all be raised like reptiles by a mentally ill scientist!

Rick: I'm trying to repair the Portal Gun with Sex Doll parts and I have to do it one-handed!

Rick: [Zardoz Head appears] The plot thickens...

Rick: What is the opposite of Wubba Lubba Dub Dub?

Summer: If you impose Gazorpazorp's laws upon Earth, then you are no better than the men whose farts shall remain unspoken.

Morty Jnr: I don't want to Masturbate! I want to conquer the planet!

Jerry Smith: Maybe we should just play Yahtzee.

Voice Over: And then they ran as fast as they could from giant cat monsters.

Voice Over: Paid for by Trunk People.

Morty: Don't run. Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody's gonna die. Come watch TV.

Mr Goldenfold: Not every void can be filled with Jumba Juice.

Mr Goldenfold: I HAVEN'T LEARNED A THING!

The Devil: What a waste of a Monkey's Paw.

The Devil: I'm going back to Hell where everyone thinks I'm Smart and Funny.

Rick: Hey, Jerry, are you in here being stupid?

Plutonian: The young eat the old if you let them, Jerry.

Jerry: I'm an idiot, and I love my son.

Rick: If I know these A-holes, and I am these A-holes, they just want to haul me to their clubhouse and waste my time with a lot of questions.

Sign: Welcome to the Planet of Greasy Grannies! Population: A Whole Lotta Granny!

Rick: You're making a bigger deal out of this than it is.

Rick: The Council apologises for the false accusation.

Abradolph Lincler: Rick, you brought me into this World a suffering abomination, tortured by the duality of its being, but I shall finally know peace when I watch the life drain from your wretched body!

Rick: Big Star in the Sky, Oxygen Rich Atmosphere, Giant Testicle-Monsters, we'll be fine let's Party!

Rick: Go on in, Bird Guy, have fun!

Gearhead: What people don't get about the War of the Gears is that it wasn't about the Gears.

Abradolph Lincler: I kinda believe all men were created equal, but then...

Slow Moebius: Sorry, I was just showing off my Powers.

Jerry: Stop telling me to relax! Have you ever tried to relax? It's a paradox!

Bird Person: My people have another saying: Gubbanubnub Dooraka. It means whatever lets you sleep at night.

Rick: Negative Visualisation, Jerry, it kind of explains a lot about where you're at.

Rick: I see what's going on here, you're both young and uncertain about your place in the Universe.

Rick: If you spend all day shuffling words around you can make anything sound bad, Morty.

Blim Blam: The two of you are the fucking worst, you hate yourselves and each other, and the idea it has anything to do with Rick is Laughable!

Rick: Life is made of little concessions.

Summer Smith: What teenage girl has pictures of her family? It's not like we're Mormon or dying!

Rick: Thanks, Mr Poopy Butthole. I always could count on you.

Rick: Shut Up, Amish Cyborg!

Jerry: It's possible we've been correlating some things that weren't related at all.

Rick: We killed a Vampire and a Gym Teacher! Talk about two for one, right?

Rick: That's Earth therapy! You might as well ask a horse to fix a merry-go-round!

Rick: The teenage mind is its own worst enemy.

Rick: Every Hospital has a Doctor they say is the best Doctor in the Galaxy.

Alien Werner Herzog: I have dwelt amongst the Humans. Their entire Culture revolves around their penises.

Jerry: I can't leave now! Everybody hates me!

Jerry Smith: I remember it differently.

Rick: Stop digging for hidden layers and be impressed! I'm a Pickle!

Rick: I don't use color to sort things because I'm not a mouse in a European children's book.

Morty: Save it for YouTube.

Morty: Lambs to the Cosmic Slaughter!

Rick: Fuck this noise.

Rick: [kills two hundred squirrels]

Rick: Here we go. Collapsed a Quantum Tesseract...

Beth: Tommy's still in there raping Muppets and eating babies!

Rick: Stone Cold, Steve Austin! I don't know what that means, I don't know why I said that. But, I stand by it. Stone Cold, Steve Austin!

Tommy: Next item on the docket: I would like to have sex with some of you and then eat the babies. Yes, I thought you'd like that. I do keep rolling out the hits, don't I?

Beth: Ok, Tommy, I'm sorry you feel you're owed an apology. Oh, my God, I'm my Father.

Mr Goldenfold: [Math Class] And that's why one Pussy plus another Pussy equals a bunch of Pussies. C'mon, y'all, I'm trying to make this appeal to your sex addicted lifestyles!

Rick: Don't jump a gift shark in the mouth.

Jerry Smith: If anyone deserves to be telekinetically strangled, it's me.

Trendor: Varax Nests spread across three hundred Galaxies, and you just happen to pick this Planet to hunt? That's Gorgon Shit, pure Gorgon Shit!

Rick: A tiny Nuclear Capable civilisation was just discovered in the Amazon. Let's go make First Contact before someone gets all their shit!

Rick: Nobody gets me...

Rick: When Smart people get happy they stop recognising themselves.

Rick: Nothing you think matters, matters.

All the Mr Meeseekses: Meeseeks!

Mr Meeseeks's Hostage: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?

Rick: [saved from certain death by another Antihero] And that's why you don't go to therapy!

Giant Amoeba: Ha! That's why you never invite a Floopidoop and a Shmoopidoop to the same party!

Alien Therapist: Oh Dear God, no! THEY'RE CODEPENDANT!

Scary Terry: Sex is Sacred!

Rick: I don't have time for you to wrap your little walnut around everything.

Reuben the Homeless Mall Santa: My story begins with the Dot Com Crash of the early 90s...

Chaos Chaos: Lay it, lay it down. Let me see your hand. Show me what you got. You're always talking, but you're not playing. It doesn't match your face. 'Cos I'm away, away from this place. Can you take me now? Ah, I want it. I want it real. Are you afraid of me now? Are you afraid of me now? Do you feel it? Do you feel it? Do you feel that I can see your soul? Do you feel it? Do you feel it? Do you feel the beat in your heart? Ah, I want it. I want it real. Run away with me now. Ah, I want it. I want it real. Run away with me now.

Rick: I'm okay with this. Be good, Morty. Be better than me.

Abradolph Lincler: Mein journey ist over.

Rick: You want me to show my math? Are you the scientist or the kid who wanted to get laid?

Rick: I'm not paying 70 Smidgeons for a Broken Defrackulator!

Rick: Great, now I have to take over a whole Planet because of your Stupid Boobs!

Morty: Parents are just kids having kids.

Scroopy Noopers: YOU CAN'T KILL THE TRUTH!

Gearhead: And the Gears they turned for a thousand years until the dark day that they stopped...

Squanch Cat: You're not Squanchy enough for a Squanch Party.

Rick: That's planning for failure, Morty. Even dumber than regular planning. Balls.

Jerry Smith: If you weren't being such an evangelical atheist, you might start enjoying yourself.

Summer Smith: Dad, get a job! You're trying to create drama because you're bored.

Jerry Smith: I guess I'm just everyone in this family's toilet paper.

Mortybot: Aw, jeez, my sister died in the spaghetti!

Rick: They're the writers of their own press releases, Morty.

Rick: Lick-lick-LICK MY BALLS!

Summer Smith: My generation gets traumatized for breakfast.

The President: Some sort of alien gewgaw has infested the Kennedy Sex Tunnels...

Presidentress of the Mega-Gargantuans: We named ourselves before we found out we were small.

Rick: How do you feel about all the people who are getting killed today because of your choices?

Insectoid Galactic Agent: Awesome Possum!

Rick: Genius happens in the moment, Morty.

Jerry: How is my son supposed to pass his classes if you keep dragging him off for a high concept Sci Fi rigmarole?

Rick: Oh so we're supposed to sleep every night, now? Do you realise that nighttime is like half of all time?

Summer Smith: Oh my god my parents are so lame I just want to die.

Rick: I've got news for you Morty, School's a waste of time, a bunch of people running around bumping into each other and then someone stands up and says 2+2 and then you go and have a sandwich and someone gives you a piece of paper that says you can go and take a shit. It's not a place for Smart people.

Mr Meeseeks: We accomplish nothing by shedding Meeseeks Blood!

Rick: The trick to incepting is making people think that they came up with the idea.

Fart: More a-comin'...

Fart: Goodbye Moonman! Goodbye Moonman!

Rick: Keep your hands off your Dingdong! It's the only way we can speak freely!

Zigerian: This is going to be such a Mindfuck!

Rick: Check the Engine Room! We just need Caesium, Plutonic Quarks and Bottled Water!

Giant Lawyer: These tiny people were never read their Giant Rights! And so they are Free Fi Fo Fum to go home! What? I was deconstructing that thing we say, as Giants! Nobody got that?

Rick: And that's why I always say Shlum-Shlum Shlippity-dop!

Rick: That's such a poor use of my time, it's beneath me.

Rick: I'm sorry, Summer, your opinion means very little to me.

Rick: Preying mantises are the opposite of voles, Morty. They decapitate and eat their mates after mating, Morty. There's no love there at all...

Jerry Smith: Sometimes small true-true different than da big true-true...

Morty: Was that a movie or does it clean stuff?

Mr Meeseeks: [cutest voice ever] Remember to square your shoulders, Jerry!

Morty: Booyah! Who wants to be my Pussy of a Dad today?

Morty: I'm losing it, Rick!

Rick: Oh I say, Good Sir! Harumph! A-pop-a-dop-a...

Morty: Just because you hate your own writing doesn't make me a bad person!

Morty Jnr: It's semiautobiographical. All writing is.

Gazorpazorpfield: I hate Mazumbazumpdays.

Snuffles: [tethers a human in a plan for World Domination] I guess she's saying "I love lasagna"...

Principal Vagina: Don't let the name fool you, I am very much In Charge.

Rick: Stay where you are, Jerry, the killbots are live and I've taken you off the whitelist.

Jerry Smith: Your mother's lawyer says that if I can win enough in the settlement then he can help me sue for full custody!

Mr Goldenfold: Not my fault this is happening.

Jerry Smith: If you ever have an affair with that guy I will come to your hotel room and blow my brains out over your naked bodies.

Summer Smith: What kind of God would let this happen?

Jerry: Beth, it's him or me!

Beth: Jerry's going to spend some time Divorced.

Rick: There's nothing dishonest going on here, now slap on these antennae these people need to think we're aliens.

Rick: Run Morty! That asshole's willing to risk everything he has in order to defeat me! He's Psychotic!

Zeep: You're here because you created someone smarter than you.

Summer: [Therapy] Someday I hope to be seen as someone who just likes to get High...

Summer: Drummer drum-drum-drum drum drum! Christmas Drum, played by a boy!

Aspiring Writer: If you intend to kill me, I only ask that you make it quick...

Chief: Well done, Babylegs, you've learned a valuable lesson about teamwork and accepting your own limitations. Now get the fuck out!

Rick: I hate to bust your bubble Morty, but love is a chemical reaction that compels animals to mate. It hits hard, then slowly fades leaving you floundering in a failing marriage. Break the cycle, Morty! Focus on science.

Rick: Fun is fun. But who needs it?

Mr Poopy Butthole: Oooh weee! Is this how I die?

Rick: [overrun by vengeful Alternate Mortys] Come on! Do it! Do it, you little bastards!

Principal Vagina: The name's real. Possibly Scandinavian...

Rick: Don't touch that, it's beyond your reason!

Jerry Smith: [Headward, Free to Rise] I have a hairpin in my cheek but I don't know what to do with it!

TopHat Jones: I love my Strawberry Sniggles!

TopHat Jones: [disembowled] AH! Why would you want to eat that? It's covered in my stomach acids! Oh, Spirits take me towards the Light! I SEE DEMONS!

Rick: Cosmic Apotheosis wears off faster than Salvia.

Gargleblarg: Gargle Blarg-Blarg?

Fart: All the Moonmen want things their way/ but we make sure they see the Sun.

Kromulon: Welcome back to Planet Music! First up, let's hear the latest song from Parvelsnarps! The Greebeebowbs! Show me what you got!

Kromulon: That was Chunky Tunk with Full Ming-Mong, Empty Gorp Dork!

Mr Goldenfold: The Heads Disqualified Vagina! Get him!

Rick: Wait for the ramp, Morty! They love that slow ramp, really gets their Dicks hard. Right down to the ground, there.

Beth Smith: You can't make people like you, you have to wait for hating you to bore them.

Rick: [saving the Planet] Head bent over! Raise that posterior!

Summer Smith: Grandpa, go home and drink!

Rick: [alternate] I'm not going to tell you these are going to increase in value, Jerry, or even hold their current value. They have value to you, that's what matters.

Teleconference Chairman: We were thinking: "What does a pancreas do? Does it produce pirates? No, it produces insulin..."

Rick: [saving the Planet] Shit on the Floor! It's time to get Shwifty in here! I'm Mr Bulldog...

Kromulon: I like what you got! Good job!

Rick: [runs through a Dimension of Large Farting Buttocks and Toilet Rolls]

Rick: [runs through a Dimension of little purple Dodo-thingies]

Rick: Put your left foot forward and your right foot back then slide around like on a Nordic Track.

Rick: When you realise nothing matters, the universe is yours.

Rick: That's the way the News goes.

Anthill Man: Hey, I'm not touching this! You do you.

Frankenstein's Monster: I was on the wrong side of the Pitchfork on this one.

Rick: Nice, Morty! The Student has become the Teacher.

Febrile Aristocrat: Graze my Genitals again, Taint Washer, and you shall be shipped to the Wastelands! And as for YOU, Genital Washer...

Rick: Murmur it up, D-Bags!

Morty: We've got a job for you, Hephaestus!

Morty: What's happening, Professor Poopy Butthole?

Morty: If you let me remember some of these mistakes, I might not make so many of them.

Summer Smith: I don't ever want to be high again, I got scared straight.

Jerry Smith: I guess sometimes teenagers do know what they're talking about, even if it's mean.

Rick: You know who likes Dragons, Morty? Nerds who won't admit they're Christian!

Rick: I don't like the look of this giant fight chamber.

Rick: This isn't how I thought I'd die. This isn't Venice and you're not a dwarf in a red raincoat.

Jaqueline: Is this a sex dungeon? I suppose I should have been paying attention.

Therapist: I'm better than this job.

Rick: Get that aluminum, Morty! It's eight percent of the earth! We'll need every atom!

Rick: I'm not a beaver who believes in Jesus Christ, Morty!

Hoovie: [to Pregnant Wife] Be there in a moment Sugarhoof! Just helping this Young Man through a Portal with this Crateful of Alcohol that's been here for Decades... .

Jessica: Am I in the right Place? I just saw a Bunch of Cops having Sex with each other...

Rick: There are Suicide Capsules in all of your Teeth! Do what you want with that.

Jerry: I've seen you Fuck a Planet, and this is the Guy you're afraid of?

Jessica: [Morty approaches her, Spellbound, until he can hear the conversation] I think I'm ready for real Love, warm and comforting. Like Docking, a Penis in the Foreskin kind of Love.

Tammy: [Party Small-Talk] I love watching Bukake but I don't know if I would actually do it.

Rick: Morty, come here! I need you for some bullshit.

Rick: We're going to live in the woods, like libertarians.

Jerry: [disintegrating Wooden Clone made into a Crucifix] Christianity Again? After Cowboys? You went back around? This is the worst thing to happen to anybody, ever!