Return of the Living Dead II Quotes

Ed: You're right, there's a chill in the air tonight. Fifty-eight years old, can't be too careful in this weather.

Joey: [pointing to coffin] Yeah, you'll end up in one of those.

Ed: Uh-uh. Not me. You'll never find me in one of these. I'm gonna get me cremated.

Joey: You're just afraid that some old creep like you is gonna come along and steal your head.

Ed: Watch your tongue, boy, if you like this job!

Joey: Like this job?

Jesse Wilson: Hello? Hello, is there anybody out there? Come in, come in. Can you hear me? Is anybody out there? Hello? Can you tell us where to go?

Special Zombie: Come to the hospital.

Jesse Wilson: Sure, we'll be right there!

Doc Mandel: Hold it, hold it! Uh, pardon me, but would you mind telling me who the President of the United States is?

Special Zombie: Um, Harry Truman.

Jesse Wilson: Who's Harry Truman?

Tom Essex: They want brains, we'll give them brains.

Joey: But they smell so good... so spicy...

Brenda: Spicy? Joey, I am not into dead guys!

Col. Glover: Jesus Christ, not again

[muttered when looking at guys in hazmat suits examining two Trioxin barrels]

Doc Mandel: [looks at Joey's eyes] Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, huh.

Joey: What? What is it? What's wrong?

Brenda: Is he gonna be okay?

Doc Mandel: Let's look at the tongue, alright.

[Joey opens his mouth]

Doc Mandel: Oh my God.

Brenda: What? What is it? What?

Doc Mandel: [gestures her over] We're going to do a

[retches]

Doc Mandel: biopsy.

Brenda: Is it cancer?

Doc Mandel: If we're lucky.

Joey: NOOOOOOOOOO!

Tom Essex: [trying to start the Cadillac] Cherry, huh?

Doc Mandel: Well, it was cherry.

[Last Lines]

Zombie Head: Oh, come on, guy. Back off with that thing. I got gas! Blergh! Don't hit a girl when she's down! Oh! Oh! AAH!

[a soldier with a flamethrower burns the head]

Zombie Head: Okay. No more brains. You win. For now!

Billy: There it is.

[a mausoleum]

Jesse Wilson: That's the clubhouse?

Billy: Yeah, you wanna make something of it?

Jesse Wilson: No, it's great.

Billy: Okay then, come on.

Jesse Wilson: Hey wait a second... who's buried in here?

Billy: Come on, I'll show you inside.

Johnny: [about a chemical drum] Hey, look at this.

[wipes off dirt revealing the Army contact information]

Johnny: What do you think?

Billy: Don't know, might be supplies.

Johnny: What kind of?

Billy: I don't know. Ammo maybe. Combat stuff. Hey, check this out.

[wipes dirt off keypad]

Jesse Wilson: I don't think you should be playing around with that.

Billy: Shut up, wimp. Finders keepers, right?

Johnny: Yeah.

Tom Essex: [finds Lucy raiding her grandfather's gun cabinet] You know how to uh, use one of those?

Lucy Wilson: You *do* know how to pull a trigger, don't you?

Tom Essex: Sure, do you?

Jesse Wilson: She's junior class champion for the whole state.

Lucy Wilson: Here's yours.

[gives him a Winchester rifle]

Jesse Wilson: Oh terrific, great, what can I shoot with this, mice?

[later, puts the rifle back and gets a Smith and Wesson Model 27/28]

Jesse Wilson: Go ahead, make my night.

Jesse Wilson: Doctor Mandel, open up!

Doc Mandel: [opens door] Oh, it's you. Why aren't you out playing in the traffic? How'd you get in here, what seems to be the problem?

Tom Essex: Where're the keys to your car?

Doc Mandel: Why? Are we going for a ride?

[hears zombies screaming outside]

Doc Mandel: There seem to be hooligans terrorizing the neighborhood.

Lucy Wilson: No, it's the dead, they've come back to life!

Doc Mandel: Dead? Dead what?

Tom Essex: People! We need your car!

Doc Mandel: Well it sounds to me like you need a hearse.

Brenda: [the hospital is empty] Anybody here?

Jesse Wilson: [tries phone] Dead.

Lucy Wilson: Don't say that word.

Tom Essex: Why? Dammit why? Where'd they all go?

Brenda: Hello? Where is everybody?

Jesse Wilson: When are you guys going to wake up? Nobody can help us except...

Doc Mandel: A trained physician, such as myself. Hold this my son, thank you very much. Ah, yes yes yes.

Brenda: What what what?

Doc Mandel: [to Joey and Ed] When did you two have your last bowel movement? Hmm? Do you happen to know what a catheter is?

Jesse Wilson: They gotta have police here, emergency stuff, somebody somewhere!

Tom Essex: I'll take a look around town.

Jesse Wilson: Not without me!

Lucy Wilson: You! Stay put!

Jesse Wilson: No way, I saw it, I'm the one who knows stuff.

Tom Essex: Kid's got a point.

Lucy Wilson: Ha! That'll be the day.

Tom Essex: Come on, cut it out you two. If we're going let's go together, we'll be a team.

Jesse Wilson: Teams suck.

[storms off]

Doc Mandel: You will also notice there is no pupillary response, no reflexes, obviously lividity, suggesting chronic, retractable, rigor mortis.

Tom Essex: Is it serious?

Doc Mandel: Is *dead* serious?

Brenda: But they can talk!

Joey: Oh God it hurts! I can't move my arms or legs!

Brenda: See? Now you call this dead? They are not dead, you jerk!

Doc Mandel: Have you noticed he isn't breathing? Care to check heartbeat? In my opinion they should be contained.

Tom Essex: Contained?

Doc Mandel: Bagged.

Tom Essex: Bagged?

Doc Mandel: Bagged.

[dramatically draws up the zipper on Ed's jacket]

Ed: [moaning in pain] Owie!

Tom Essex: Son of a bitch!

[sees zombie chasing a dog across the street, steps on the accelerator]

Lucy Wilson: What're you doing?

Tom Essex: Yeah I know, they're already dead. I don't care, I'm gonna kill it anyway!