Rango Quotes

Rango: So you want something to believe in, Spoons? Believe in me.

[points at the "Sheriff" sign]

Rango: Believe in that there sign. For as long as it hangs there we've got hope.

Rango: Name's... Rango.

[crowd gasp]

Rango: [burps fire in face] I'll take care of that for you.

[rubs some of the soot off his face]

Rango: There. All better.

Rango: Now, remember son: stay in school, eat your veggies, burn everything but Shakespeare.

Child: Who's Shakespeare?

Rattlesnake Jake: [after Beans refuses to sign a deed] Sign the damn paper, woman!

Beans: Go to Hell!

Rattlesnake Jake: [wraps Beans in his coils and suspends her upside down] Where do you think I come from?

Rango: [after some kids throw rocks at him] Hey! What was that for?

Priscilla: You're funny-looking.

Rango: Well? You're funny-looking too.

Priscilla: That's a funny-looking shirt.

Rango: That's a funny-looking dress.

Priscilla: You got funny-looking eyes.

Rango: You got a funny-looking face!

Priscilla: [small pause] You're a stranger. Strangers don't last long here.

[walks away]

Rango: Us reptiles gotta stick together. Right, my brother?

Buford: I'm an amphibian.

Rango: Ain't no shame in that.

Rango: Is this Heaven?

Spirit of the West: If it were, we'd be eatin' Pop-Tarts with Kim Novak.

Rattlesnake Jake: [to Rango] Hello, "brother". Thirsty?

[fills a glass with his venom]

Rango: [Wounded Bird is scratching his down feathers and scattering them into the wind] I see you're communicating with the great spirits.

Wounded Bird: No. I'm molting. It means I'm ready to mate.

Waffles: [Rango and his posse have found new purpose in their search for the outlaws] Uh... What exactly are we gonna do now?

Rango: Now... we ride!

[whip cracks; Rango stops and looks to his right, puzzled]

Rango: [the band of mariachi owls stands a ways away with their instruments, waiting; Rango shouts to them] That means we're riding now! This moment.

[another whip is heard and the owls start playing the background music; everyone is riding roadrunners in the next cut]

Rock-Eye: [the hawk drops a bottle with Rango inside it directly on top of Rock-Eye the Toad, who is hiding from the hawk as a rock, from a great height] ¡Ay! ¡Madre de Dios!

[He sees Rango]

Rock-Eye: You! I'll kill you! You stupid lizard! Get out of there! I'm gonna strangle your huevos!

Rango: [points frantically from inside his bottle] The bird! The bird!

[He starts running away in his bottle by rolling it]

Rock-Eye: [Rock-Eye looks behind him] No wait, come back!

[Rock-Eye starts chasing Rango]

Rock-Eye: Hey, I was just kidding! C'mon, we're friends, right?

Rango: Aaah, I don't know you!

Rock-Eye: Lizards, frogs... we're practically related, right?

Rango: [Overlapping] Find your own hiding place! No room at the inn!

Rock-Eye: Come on! Move over! I'll let you kiss my sister!

Rango: [Rango runs the bottle over a small sharp rock and the bottle breaks in half] No no no nonono...!

[the bottle slides to a stop]

Rock-Eye: [Stops with him; pointing in triumph] HA! Ha ha ha!

[the hawk snatches him up]

Rock-Eye: [Screams furiously] You son of a b...!

[Hawk screech]

Merrimack: Beans, you've been like a niece to me and ever since your daddy...

[Beans gives him a death glare]

Merrimack: ...did *not* fall drunk down a mine shaft...

Rango: [addressing the townspeople after the bank robbery] We all know exactly what we need to do now!

[aside]

Rango: And that would be?

Mayor: [whispers] Form a posse.

Rango: Form a possum!

[short pause]

Mayor: [still quiet] A *posse*.

Spoons: [after Rango forms a small posse to find the band of robbers] What do we do now, sheriff?

Rango: Now, we ride!

[cut to them all riding across the desert on roadrunners, excited and energized]

Spoons: [to Rango] Where are we going?

[they have no leads on where the robbers might be]

Rango: What?

Spoons: Where are we going?

[cut to them all walking back into town, embarrassed]

Rango: [an arrow is sticking through Turley's head, entering in his right eye and coming out the left-rear side of his head; Rango looks disgusted] Whoa! Ehh... are you sure you're fit for duty there, soldier?

Sergeant Turley: [oblivious] What?

Rango: Uh, well, you've got a little somethin' in your... eye, there.

Sergeant Turley: [indicates his left eye, seemingly oblivious] Oh, that! That there's conjunctivitis, sir. It's hereditary.

Rango: [going along as not to hurt Turley's feelings] Oh! Well... um... glad to hear it's not contagious.

Elgin: That ain't nothin'. I coughed up an entire tribe of pygmies. They started lookin' at me weird.

Furgus: I remember them! They was quite friendly!

Spoons: I found a human spinal column in my fecal matter once...

[Awkward silence]

Sergeant Turley: You might wanna get that looked at.

Rango: [Rango and Beans have been locked in the bank vault with water pouring in and the water level rising] Don't worry! I have a plan!

[looks through the glass to those who have locked them in]

Rango: Heeeeeelp! Open the door!

Rango: [no one does anything] Okay! Plan B!

Beans: [unimpressed] You ain't from around here, are you?

Rango: [she walks away] I- I'm still working on it. Uh, so, what's your name?

Beans: [rummaging through glass bottles in her cart] Beans.

Rango: That's a funny kind of name.

Beans: What can I say? My daddy plum loved baked beans.

Rango: Well you're lucky he didn't plum love asparagus.

Beans: [quickly stands up] What... what're ya saying?

Rango: I mean, I uh... I enjoy a hearty puttanesca myself, but I'm not sure that a child would uh, appreciate the moniker.

[picks up a jar with a sort of powder in it and puts some in his mouth]

Beans: [walking around the cart to Rango] My daddy was a great man, even if he did exhibit a proclivity for legumes, and... you...

[sees what Rango is eating]

Rango: Mmm, spicy!

Beans: You are eating his ashes!

Rango: [spits, disgusted] Eh! You carry his remains?

Beans: [takes the jar and reseals it] No! His ashes; he loved to smoke. They never found the body.

Rango: Oh. Um, I'm sure he had his reasons.

Wounded Bird: You kill bird?

Rango: Why, yes, I did.

Wounded Bird: Bird dead, snake come.

Rango: Uh, snake?

Priscilla: He means Rattlesnake Jake, Mr. Rango. He usually doesn't come to town because he's scared of that hawk, but he might come now. Can I have your boots when you're dead?

Rango: No. I ain't got no problem with this Rattlesnake Jake.

Priscilla: That's just what Amos said.

Rango: Amos?

[Priscilla looks at something offscreen, Rango looks and sees a small graveyard with a headstone reading 'Amos, Sheriff Thur-Sat.']

Priscilla: You got any gold fillings?

Priscilla: Sheriff? You are going to bring that water back, aren't you?

Rango: You can count on it, little sister.

Rattlesnake Jake: [realizing it's a swarm of bats in the form of a hawk] Ain't no hawk, ain't nothin' but bats!

[starts shooting at them]

Maybelle: Stick to the plan boys, bleed the devil dry!

[swarm spreads out, Jake laughs excitedly while trying to shoot every bat down, realizes he used up all his bullets, turns to see Rango pointing a gun at him]

Rango: It only takes one bullet.

Rattlesnake Jake: You ain't got the nerve.

Rango: Try me.

Priscilla: What's he doing now?

Waffles: I think it's a number two.

Mayor: Control the water... and you control everything. But I don't have to tell you that, being a true man of the West as you are.

Rango: Oh, yeah. The West is the... the best!

[the Mayor is intending to shoot Jake while Rango and Beans are in the bank vault that's filling up with water]

Mayor: You and the sheriff are more alike than you think. You're nothing but legends. Pretty soon, no one will believe you even existed.

Maybelle: [annoyed] You've got a lot of nerve coming back here, lawman. What is it that you want?

Rango: [dead serious] Yer pappy and them boys are gonna hang for something they didn't do.

[pause]

Rango: But I've got a plan...

Rango: [taken aback] Golden guardians... Alabaster chariot... The Spirit of the West!

[to Spirit]

Rango: Ahem... excuse me... Mister Spirit... sir?

Spirit of the West: [eyeing a fish hook] Now there's a beaut. Sometimes you have to dig deep to find what you're looking for.

[to Rango]

Spirit of the West: So, you made it.

Rango: Is this Heaven?

Spirit of the West: If it were, we'd be eating Pop Tarts with Kim Novak.

Rango: Yeah, ain't that the truth. What are you doing out here?

Spirit of the West: Searching... same as you.

Rango: [downhearted] I don't know what I'm looking for. I don't even know who I am.

[brighter]

Rango: They used to call you 'The Man with No Name'.

Spirit of the West: Nowadays, they have a name for just about everything. Doesn't matter what they call you... it's the deeds that make the man.

Rango: But my deeds just made everything worse. I'm a fake... a phony. My friends were counting on me. They were looking for some sort of hero.

Spirit of the West: [emphatic] Then be a hero!

Rango: [disbelief] Oh, no! No, no. I'm not even supposed to be out here.

Spirit of the West: That's right. You came out here looking for something that didn't exist. But don't you see?

[pause]

Spirit of the West: It's not about you... it's about them.

Rango: But I can't go back.

Spirit of the West: Don't think you have a choice, son.

[draws rectangle on windshield]

Spirit of the West: No man can walk out of his own story.

Rango: [seeing Jake has Beans wrapped in his coils] Put her down!

Rattlesnake Jake: Or what, little man? You gonna kill me?

Rango: [serious] That's just about the size of it.

Balthazar: Ezekiel, Jedidiah! What the Sam Hill's goin' on up there?

[as he emerges from the ground, he thumps his idiot sons with a cane. He sniffs the air]

Balthazar: Hell's fire, this ain't the bank!

Ezekiel: Pappy, the Sheriff is standin' right here, helpin' us out.

Jedidiah: Gonna give us a permit for pros-pec-ting.

Rango: That's right, sir. Just doin' my duty. The lonely constable on his rounds, keeping an eagle eye out for mayhem and malfeasance.

Balthazar: Does he look like he sounds?

Jedidiah: Uh-huh.

Mayor: It's almost noon. Is everyone ready?

Bad Bill: Yeah, but he might be a problem.

Mayor: He's not a problem, William. He's a solution.

Rango: I'd like a glass of water.

[All of the people at the bar laugh loudly]

Patron #1: He wants a glass of water!

Doc: Make it a double!

Patron #2: Give him the spittoon!

Buford: [Buford spits onto the table and wipes it up] Cactus juice, that's what we got.

Angelique: Hello, Beans.

Beans: Hello, Angelique.

Angelique: Tart.

Beans: Floozy.

Angelique: Trollop.

Rango: [Extended edition only] Look. I need water. Hydration. My teeth are chapped. I need lotion. I'm down to one layer of skin already. Pretty soon, I'm going to start seeing my insides. Not quite unlike you've got going there. Listen. I can't survive in the desert, okay? I- I don't belong here!

Roadkill: That maybe true, but here you are. Now, help me up and I'll help you find what you seek?

Rango: Uh, you will?

Roadkill: And perhaps more.

Rango: I think you just swallowed Plan B.

Beans: What?

[She freezes]

[first lines]

Señor Flan - Mariachi Accordion: We are gathered here today to immortalize in song, the life and untimely death of a great legend. So sit back, relax, and enjoy your low calorie popcorn and assorted confections, while we tell you the strange and bewildering tale of a hero who has yet to enter his own story.