Quick Change Quotes

Bank Guard: What the Hell kind of clown are you?

Grimm: The crying on the inside kind, I guess.

Phyllis: A real man? Who has to use a gun and hold people prisoner? You're not a man. You're a coward.

Hostage: She does not speak for the rest of us Mr. Clown. We think that you are quite brave and manly.

Phyllis: You big PUSSY! You're all a bunch of PUSSIES!

Street Barker: Nude women! Nude women

[Grimm dressed as a clown walks by]

Street Barker: Clowns Welcome! Clowns welcome!

Loomis: Is that our plane?

Phyllis: No, if it were our plane, it would be crashing.

Loomis: You aren't going to hit me again are you?

Grimm: I haven't hit anybody since I was nine.

Loomis: Yeah, but it was me you hit!

[boarding a plane at JFK]

Flight Attendant: Do you think you're late enough?

Grimm: Oh, you must be from around here.

[shouting for a cab]

Loomis: Ten thousand dollars for a taxi!

Phyllis: And a blow job!

[after Loomis is injured jumping from a moving cab]

Loomis: Are you gonna hit me now?

Grimm: No, but if your leg is broken, we'll have to destroy you.

Grimm: I booked the eleven o'clock to Martinique.

Phyllis: Martinique?

Loomis: Martinique? But I don't know anything about Martinique.

Grimm: What did you know about Fiji?

Loomis: Well... nothing.

[Hispanic woman is shouting on a street corner]

Grimm: There must be alot of competition for that corner.

Phyllis: It's a good thing she's not too symbolic or anything.

Loomis: what does that mean anyway? Flores por el muerte?

Grimm: I sure couldn't tell ya'.

Phyllis: Aw, you know Grimm, it means flowers for the dead.

[shoots her an angry glare]

Loomis: Oh! We're all gonna die! We're a-a-a-ll gonna d-i-i-e!

Grimm: [sobbing] The man is an animal! Ripping out phones, urinating on desks... you see what he did to Ms. Cochran's shirt? There's a scratch here, I mean, it's not deep, but... it's there.

Phyllis: It's okay.

Chief Rotzinger: Did he hurt anybody else? Is the strain beginning to show on him?

Grimm: "If I could sleep ten days and nights in a rice paddy, I could certainly last in this lousy bank." This is what the animal said to us! He says to Ms. Cochran here:

[makes humping motions at Phyllis]

Grimm: "Baby! Up your butt with a coconut!" I think he was prepared to do it! Except I saw no coconut. He, uh, he had no coconut to my knowledge.

Phyllis: Honey, babe? You've got a gun - shoot them.

Grimm: I want to, but they're fur-bearing. I'd need some kind of permit, wouldn't I?

[to construction workers, sarcastically]

Grimm: You know, I want to thank you guys, you could've given us help, but you've given us so much more.

Street Sign Worker: [cheerfully] Hey, that's what we're here for, right?

[Loomis is driving the car backwards]

Phyllis: [sarcastically] Oh, we're REALLY making good time now.

Loomis: Now, we're going to find a familiar street soon.

Phyllis: I'd settle for a familiar borough.

Loomis: It was an accident, Phyllis.

Phyllis: Oh, you know? So was Chernobyl.

Grimm: True, but Loomis didn't irradiate anybody.

[Johnny holds a gun to Grimm's back]

Johnny: This ain't my dick in your back!

Grimm: That's a relief.

Phyllis: [comforting Loomis] Nothing's your fault...

[hits Loomis]

Phyllis: ... except you honked the fucking horn.

[From a shadowy alley]

Flower Lady: Flores! Flores para los muertes! Flores! Para los muertes! Los muertes! Los muertes! Los muertes!

Phyllis: To the God-damned AIRPORT!

Loomis: Whatta got? Shit in your ears?

Chief Rotzinger: Listen, I've had just about enough of your comedy, clown. We're coming in through the plate glass.

Grimm: Alright, I gotta hang-up now, because I gotta go kill everybody.

Bank Guard: I said "we're closed," Bozo.

Grimm: [dressed as a clown] : I wouldn't. And that's Mr. Bozo, okay?

[getting on a bus]

Phyllis: What's that smell?

Grimm: Used wine.

[last lines]

Chief Rotzinger: [getting into car] Hey, we gotta commend this Skipowski... I mean, Chipowski.

[Rotzinger pops out of car and looks in total disbelief at the plane taking off]

Grimm: I was in 'Nam with a jerk like you.

Policeman: Oh boy.

Grimm: When you say "near" the airport...

Bus Driver: .48 miles.

Grimm: Alright. When do we get there?

Bus Driver: 22:30 hours.

Grimm: When is that? In human time.

Bus Driver: 10:30.

Grimm: 10:30. Say you had to walk it...

Bus Driver: With that injured individual?

Grimm: Yes.

Bus Driver: I can't give you a precise figure on that.

Grimm: Come on! Make a guess.

Bus Driver: 21 minutes.

Chief Rotzinger: What's your name pal, what should I call ya?

Grimm: Well, I've always liked the name chip. Would you call me chip?

Chief Rotzinger: Alright. What was that shooting just now, Chip?

Grimm: Oh wait! Call me skip.

Chief Rotzinger: Okay, Skip, what was that shooting?

Grimm: The cameras, I was shooting the cameras. They were looking at me. Quit looking at me!

Grimm: [shoots the camera]

Grimm: Thank you Roy. God! Alright, Roy's going to get us the duggle bag, a wheelchair and some skis out of lost luggage to cover your limp.

Loomis: Did you give him a couple of bucks?

Grimm: Yeah, try $1200. Scary but Roy's sixth sense told him we were in some kind of jam...

Loomis: ESP exists, Grimm. They've proved it.

Grimm: Yeah, you picking up anything from me right now, pal?

Chief Rotzinger: At least give me the women.

Grimm: Get your own women!

Grimm: Have you looked back there? I don't think anybody is going to object.

Bus Driver: I look back there every night friend. That's why i conduct my own affairs in a clean and hygienic fashion.

Phyllis: Grimm, our plane takes off in 41 minutes.

Hal Edison: Quiet! No codes!