Project X Quotes

Thomas: Guess what mama Kub and papa Kub gave, uh...

Kirby: Baby Kub?

Thomas: Baby Kub, for his birthday.

Kirby: What?

Thomas: The Kub mobile.

Thomas: Kirby I'm really sorry about what happened. I didn't know how to handle it. But I think I do now and that's why I'm here. My life right now, it's totally ruined, okay. I practically burned down my whole neighborhood. Probably bankrupted my parents. I'll be in debt until I die. But, the only thing I care about fixing right now is this. So, I'm sorry. You're still mad. I get it. But if you are talking to me about my next birthday, I'd really like to spend it with just you.

Kirby: You're...

[She kisses him]

Thomas: So we're cool again?

Kirby: I never said you were cool.

[They hug. Thomas motions for Dax to stop filming]

Dad: I just didn't think you had it in you.

Thomas: I know. Sorry I let you down.

Dad: No, I literally didn't think you had this in you. So uh, how many people were here?

Thomas: Uh, 15 hundred. Couple thousand maybe.

Dad: Wow.

Thomas: You should have seen it. It was awesome.

Dad: Well, you're still fucked Thomas.

Thomas: Look, T-Rick, we can fix this, okay man?

T-Rick: Fuck you! You burn me, I burn you!

Costa: [Thomas and Costa are on the roof. The crowd below is chanting Thomas' name] Are you hearing this? This is your fucking Party man!

Thomas: You're right dude. I needed this.

Kirby: [Kirby walks in on Thomas and Alexis making out] Oh my god, Thomas.

Thomas: Kirby!

Kirby: Fuck off!

[She runs off, Thomas follows her]

Alexis: Thomas, what the fuck? Asshole.

Thomas: [All 3 lay on the front lawn, high on ecstasy] Hey guys? I hooked up with Kirby. I'm like, really into her.

Costa: Okay seriously Thomas, that's like cool and all, but she's like always been around. It's like hooking up with JB, but her tits are smaller.

JB: Hey.

Costa: I'm just saying. Kirby's sort of like, one of us. Tonights about the girls we never had a shot at. Tonight's about changing the game.

Costa: [All 3 are sprawled on the front lawn] I love you guys. No seriously. Look I realize I can be like a huge dick sometimes, I'm really sorry for that.

Thomas: It's okay.

Costa: No it's not. JB, I'm sorry for buying you a bra on your birthday. That wasn't cool.

JB: Wasn't cool man.

Costa: And I'm sorry for all the times I called you "fat fuck." "Pudgy bitch." "Fudgy the whale." And I'm sorry for that time at your brother's Bar Mitzvah when I told everyone you look like Rosie O'Donnell because you don't.

JB: I don't.

Kirby: [Filming Thomas] So Thomas, are you having fun?

Thomas: No.

Kirby: Not at all?

Thomas: Yes.

Kirby: You look pretty fucked up.

Thomas: I'm, I'm, I'm a little fucked up.

Kirby: But you look good. Have you gotten lucky at all?

Thomas: I'm pretty lucky right now.

Kirby: Slow down dude.

Thomas: [the three watch the party from the bathroom window] Where the fuck did all these people even come from? You know some guy down there told me he found out about the party on fucking Craigslist?

Costa: My dad met my step-mom on Craigslist.

Thomas: So you just put up my address on the fucking internet?

JB: Well, not just the internet.

Costa: Shut the fuck up JB!

Thomas: No wait, what the fuck is he talking about?

Costa: Okay, I had Jesse Marco put out an email blast and he may have called a radio station.

Thomas: You motherfuckers!

Thomas: [Looking at a picture from when they were younger] Oh my god. What was wrong with me? Wow, this was before Costa.

Kirby: Yeah, the good old days.

Thomas: Yeah, back when you were still in the crew.

[He holds the picture next to her face]

Thomas: You used to be so cute, what happened?

Kirby: Shut the fuck up. It still looks like me.

Thomas: [He kisses her] Was that weird? I'm sorry. Shit that was weird wasn't it?

Kirby: No, it was...

Thomas: Fuck.

[They make out]

Costa: Alexis was eye-fucking the shit out of you, and you got college girls on your dick. You're golden!

Thomas: Dude I'm so fucked.

Thomas: My parents are gonna crucify me if anything gets fucked up! You know what I don't care if everyone thinks I'm a dick, I'm getting them out of the house.

Costa: Dude come on.

[Thomas stands on a chair]

Costa: Dude what the fuck are you doing? Thomas! Please don't embarrass me like this!

Thomas: Hey listen up!

Alexis: Yeah, Thomas! Woow!

[Crowd cheers]

Kirby: [Shows Thomas a video of his dog tied to balloons] Can you imagine if your mom ever saw that?

Thomas: Poor Milo.

Kirby: I don't know. It's pretty funny. Maybe I'll post it on youtube.

Thomas: No no, don't. Don't, seriously stop.

Kirby: Come on, you're way too easy. I love it.

Thomas: I hate you.

[pets Milo]

Thomas: You're okay Milo, I promise.

Costa: Where the fuck is your drink Thomas?

Thomas: I'm not doing beverages.

Costa: What the fuck does that even mean?

Costa: Mama Kub and Papa Kub?

Thomas: Yeah. Those are my parents, asshole.

[first lines]

Costa: What up my lovely females? This is your boy Costa, your host for the evening. Behind me is Thomas Kub's house. Today is Thomas Kub's birthday,

[grabs crotch]

Costa: and this is Project X, yo.

Mom: I'm just worried.

Dad: About what?

Mom: I don't know. Thomas, leaving him alone all weekend.

Dad: Oh please. Come on honey, he's 17 years old.

Mom: That's what I'm worried about.

Dad: Let's be realistic here. This is Thomas we're talking about. He's not exactly Mr. Popular.

Mom: What is that supposed to mean?

Dad: I'm just saying that he's not that type of kid, you know. He's got a couple friends, they're gonna hang out, but they're not gonna do anything. He's a sweet kid, but he's a loser.

Costa: [holds up shot of liquor] Dax?

Dax: [off-screen, behind camera] Thank you. But I don't drink alcohol.

Costa: Okay, faggot.

[repeated line]

Costa: Make sure you wear something tight!

Thomas: Yeah, I'm letting Costa plan most of it.

Kirby: Oh, that sounds like a really brilliant idea.

Dax: Hey Alexis. You having a good time?

Alexis: No, I'm leaving.

Rob: [as the riot police close in] Nice party buddy.

[points to a flaming tree in his front yard]

Rob: You owe me a fucking tree!

Costa: All we were trying to do was have a good time you cocksucking motherfucker! This is your fault!

Tyler: [panicked] We're fucked!

Thomas: What? Oh, hey what's going on?

Tyler: There's people in the house!

Thomas: Oh shit!

Tyler: I'm understaffed!

JB: Holy shit, dude. It's Miles Teller.

Thomas: Dude, it is. That's him! Holy shit.

JB: He's so badass.

Costa: Yeah, my boy's starting at second base for USC.

JB: I heard he got sent to detention once and wound up banging the teacher.

Costa: Mi-Tell! What's crackin' bro? We go to North Pas.

Thomas: Yeah, dude, big fans.

Costa: Huge fans.

Miles: Cool. Awesome.

Costa: Look, we're making a movie.

JB: Invite him, man. Come on.

Thomas: Okay. Listen, Miles, we're having a little soiree at my place tonight. If you wanna swing by it should be.

Costa: [interrupts] Teller, my boy here is underselling this like a mother fucker. This shit's gonna be legit. You should definitely swing by.

Miles: Yeah, I can't. I actually have other plans tonight, so I might not make it.

Costa: Dude, think about it. It's on Dickens Street. We'd love to have you.

Miles: Dickens Street?

Costa: Yeah.

Miles: That's your party? You guys are throwing that? That's where I'm going. I heard it's gonna be fucking crazy, bro!

Thomas: That's my party. I'm Thomas Kub. It's my birthday today.

Miles: Yeah, I heard it's gonna be unlimited high school pussy and shit.

Costa: Dude, high school pussy for days.

Everett - Security Guard: Hey boss.

JB: What the fuck?

Costa: There he is! This is Everett and his boy Tyler. They're gonna be running security for the night.

Thomas: Are you serious? Are those nun-chucks?

Everett - Security Guard: Yeah.

Thomas: [laughing] Oh shit.

JB: You guys look like Ninjas.

Tyler: Ninjas are fucking pussies!

Costa: That's why I love this kid.

Tyler: You know it.

Costa: Seriously Thomas, with these two we got nothing to worry about.

Tyler: Can I help you, sir?

Rob: I'm here to see Thomas.

Tyler: First and last name, please.

Rob: I'm Rob, the neighbor. Who the fuck are you?

Tyler: I'll ask the questions, sir.

Rob: Exactly. Get the hell out of my way.

Rob: Hey, Thomas. Look man I don't want to be a dick here or anything, but your friend Oliver came by earlier and told me you guys were having a little party but this is too much.

Thomas: Yeah. We actually should be winding down like midnight, maybe 1. Is that okay?

Rob: No, it's not. I'm sorry. The baby can't sleep and Melinda's gotta be up early for work.

Costa: Fuck yeah! My boy Rob is here to rage! Good to see you, brother.

Rob: Whoa, yeah. Actually I'm not raging, but I'm just telling Thomas it's time to shut it down.

Costa: You can't be serious. This is a great party. What the fuck?

Rob: I am serious because it's 11:30 at night and it's time to wrap it up.

JB: Hey, hey, hey. Why don't we just bring everyone to the back and lower the volume a bit.

Rob: Guys, this isn't a request! The party's over.

Costa: I guess we're just gonna have to agree to disagree then, aren't we?

Rob: Listen to me. Thomas, either shut it down or I'm calling the cops. Fine, fuck it! I'm calling the fucking cops.

[gets a taser shot by Everett]

Costa: Fuck! Oh shit!

JB: Jesus fucking Christ! What did you do that for?

Costa: [Rob punches Everett in the face] Are you fucking kidding me? I will fucking kill you!

Rob: The little fuck tazed me! I'm definitely calling the cops now!

Costa: You punched a kid in the face! I'm calling the cops on your ass now!

Rob: Do it, genius! It's all on tape. I just saw this mother fucker record it right here.

Dax: No, all I got was you punching that little child's face.

Rob: Fuck you!

Costa: Go home, Robert!

Thomas: [holding the gnome] How did this thing get up here? Was someone in my parent's room?

Costa: It's a gnome. I guess he gets around. Who cares, man?

Thomas: Well, I just don't want people up here. Besides it's creepy. Look at him. JB, what are you looking for?

JB: Looking to see if your dad has condoms. I'm working on something downstairs.

Costa: The only thing you're working on is diabetes, you fat fuck.

Rob: [to Costa, as the neighborhood burns] Great party, buddy! You own me a fucking tree, you piece of shit!

Costa: [screaming] ALL I WAS DOING WAS HAVING A GOOD TIME, YOU COCK SUCKING MOTHERFUCKER! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!

Rob: You know where you're going? YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL, MOTHERFUCKER!

[the two boys tackle him]

Costa: That's my boy! SUCK MY DICK ROBERT! SUCK MY FUCKING DICK!

JB: [Chinese accent] The Kung Fu no good here.

[T-Rick runs into the window]