Project X Quotes

  • Thomas: Guess what mama Kub and papa Kub gave, uh...

    Kirby: Baby Kub?

    Thomas: Baby Kub, for his birthday.

    Kirby: What?

    Thomas: The Kub mobile.

  • Costa: [after the midget drives the car into the pool] Wow. I don't know how to fix this. I don't know how to fix any of this shit. I'm sorry Thomas. I just wanted to get some pussy.

  • T-Rick: Costa! Give me back my fucking gnome!

  • Costa: [shoving Thomas' dog away] Get off me you little faggot dog.

  • High School Student: Is this the same party that dick in the sweater vest was telling us about?

  • Thomas: Kirby I'm really sorry about what happened. I didn't know how to handle it. But I think I do now and that's why I'm here. My life right now, it's totally ruined, okay. I practically burned down my whole neighborhood. Probably bankrupted my parents. I'll be in debt until I die. But, the only thing I care about fixing right now is this. So, I'm sorry. You're still mad. I get it. But if you are talking to me about my next birthday, I'd really like to spend it with just you.

    Kirby: You're...

    [She kisses him]

    Thomas: So we're cool again?

    Kirby: I never said you were cool.

    [They hug. Thomas motions for Dax to stop filming]

  • Dad: I just didn't think you had it in you.

    Thomas: I know. Sorry I let you down.

    Dad: No, I literally didn't think you had this in you. So uh, how many people were here?

    Thomas: Uh, 15 hundred. Couple thousand maybe.

    Dad: Wow.

    Thomas: You should have seen it. It was awesome.

    Dad: Well, you're still fucked Thomas.

  • Thomas: Look, T-Rick, we can fix this, okay man?

    T-Rick: Fuck you! You burn me, I burn you!

  • Dax: Thanks Thomas. I had a really fun time. You'll be alright.

  • Costa: [Thomas and Costa are on the roof. The crowd below is chanting Thomas' name] Are you hearing this? This is your fucking Party man!

    Thomas: You're right dude. I needed this.

  • Kirby: [Kirby walks in on Thomas and Alexis making out] Oh my god, Thomas.

    Thomas: Kirby!

    Kirby: Fuck off!

    [She runs off, Thomas follows her]

    Alexis: Thomas, what the fuck? Asshole.

  • Thomas: [All 3 lay on the front lawn, high on ecstasy] Hey guys? I hooked up with Kirby. I'm like, really into her.

    Costa: Okay seriously Thomas, that's like cool and all, but she's like always been around. It's like hooking up with JB, but her tits are smaller.

    JB: Hey.

    Costa: I'm just saying. Kirby's sort of like, one of us. Tonights about the girls we never had a shot at. Tonight's about changing the game.

  • Costa: [All 3 are sprawled on the front lawn] I love you guys. No seriously. Look I realize I can be like a huge dick sometimes, I'm really sorry for that.

    Thomas: It's okay.

    Costa: No it's not. JB, I'm sorry for buying you a bra on your birthday. That wasn't cool.

    JB: Wasn't cool man.

    Costa: And I'm sorry for all the times I called you "fat fuck." "Pudgy bitch." "Fudgy the whale." And I'm sorry for that time at your brother's Bar Mitzvah when I told everyone you look like Rosie O'Donnell because you don't.

    JB: I don't.

  • Kirby: [Filming Thomas] So Thomas, are you having fun?

    Thomas: No.

    Kirby: Not at all?

    Thomas: Yes.

    Kirby: You look pretty fucked up.

    Thomas: I'm, I'm, I'm a little fucked up.

    Kirby: But you look good. Have you gotten lucky at all?

    Thomas: I'm pretty lucky right now.

    Kirby: Slow down dude.

  • Thomas: Dude, people are stealing shit, breaking shit. I mean people are probably stealing shit.

  • Thomas: [the three watch the party from the bathroom window] Where the fuck did all these people even come from? You know some guy down there told me he found out about the party on fucking Craigslist?

    Costa: My dad met my step-mom on Craigslist.

    Thomas: So you just put up my address on the fucking internet?

    JB: Well, not just the internet.

    Costa: Shut the fuck up JB!

    Thomas: No wait, what the fuck is he talking about?

    Costa: Okay, I had Jesse Marco put out an email blast and he may have called a radio station.

    Thomas: You motherfuckers!

  • Thomas: [Looking at a picture from when they were younger] Oh my god. What was wrong with me? Wow, this was before Costa.

    Kirby: Yeah, the good old days.

    Thomas: Yeah, back when you were still in the crew.

    [He holds the picture next to her face]

    Thomas: You used to be so cute, what happened?

    Kirby: Shut the fuck up. It still looks like me.

    Thomas: [He kisses her] Was that weird? I'm sorry. Shit that was weird wasn't it?

    Kirby: No, it was...

    Thomas: Fuck.

    [They make out]

  • Costa: Alexis was eye-fucking the shit out of you, and you got college girls on your dick. You're golden!

    Thomas: Dude I'm so fucked.

  • Thomas: My parents are gonna crucify me if anything gets fucked up! You know what I don't care if everyone thinks I'm a dick, I'm getting them out of the house.

    Costa: Dude come on.

    [Thomas stands on a chair]

    Costa: Dude what the fuck are you doing? Thomas! Please don't embarrass me like this!

    Thomas: Hey listen up!

    Alexis: Yeah, Thomas! Woow!

    [Crowd cheers]

  • Kirby: [Shows Thomas a video of his dog tied to balloons] Can you imagine if your mom ever saw that?

    Thomas: Poor Milo.

    Kirby: I don't know. It's pretty funny. Maybe I'll post it on youtube.

    Thomas: No no, don't. Don't, seriously stop.

    Kirby: Come on, you're way too easy. I love it.

    Thomas: I hate you.

    [pets Milo]

    Thomas: You're okay Milo, I promise.

  • Costa: Where the fuck is your drink Thomas?

    Thomas: I'm not doing beverages.

    Costa: What the fuck does that even mean?

  • Costa: Mama Kub and Papa Kub?

    Thomas: Yeah. Those are my parents, asshole.

  • Costa: You fuck this up, I will stab you. I'm not kidding.

  • Costa: Mr. Kub, how cool is it that Thomas was born on your anniversary, yeah? What a great anniversary gift. A baby.

  • [first lines]

    Costa: What up my lovely females? This is your boy Costa, your host for the evening. Behind me is Thomas Kub's house. Today is Thomas Kub's birthday,

    [grabs crotch]

    Costa: and this is Project X, yo.

  • Mom: I'm just worried.

    Dad: About what?

    Mom: I don't know. Thomas, leaving him alone all weekend.

    Dad: Oh please. Come on honey, he's 17 years old.

    Mom: That's what I'm worried about.

    Dad: Let's be realistic here. This is Thomas we're talking about. He's not exactly Mr. Popular.

    Mom: What is that supposed to mean?

    Dad: I'm just saying that he's not that type of kid, you know. He's got a couple friends, they're gonna hang out, but they're not gonna do anything. He's a sweet kid, but he's a loser.

  • Costa: [holds up shot of liquor] Dax?

    Dax: [off-screen, behind camera] Thank you. But I don't drink alcohol.

    Costa: Okay, faggot.

  • [repeated line]

    Costa: Make sure you wear something tight!

  • Costa: [holds gnome in front of his crotch] Oh, I'm coming on Santa Claus's face!

  • Costa: [about the "Naked Girls Only" sign] The next time your pool guy comes by for a clean, he's gonna say, "Excuse me Mr. Kub, but I think I may have found some water in your semen."

  • Costa: I'm gonna go have a long cry, and then start calling some lawyers.

  • Thomas: Yeah, I'm letting Costa plan most of it.

    Kirby: Oh, that sounds like a really brilliant idea.

  • Dax: Hey Alexis. You having a good time?

    Alexis: No, I'm leaving.

  • Rob: [as the riot police close in] Nice party buddy.

    [points to a flaming tree in his front yard]

    Rob: You owe me a fucking tree!

    Costa: All we were trying to do was have a good time you cocksucking motherfucker! This is your fault!

  • Tyler: [panicked] We're fucked!

    Thomas: What? Oh, hey what's going on?

    Tyler: There's people in the house!

    Thomas: Oh shit!

    Tyler: I'm understaffed!

  • JB: Alexis won't come. She fucks college dudes.

  • JB: Holy shit, dude. It's Miles Teller.

    Thomas: Dude, it is. That's him! Holy shit.

    JB: He's so badass.

    Costa: Yeah, my boy's starting at second base for USC.

    JB: I heard he got sent to detention once and wound up banging the teacher.

    Costa: Mi-Tell! What's crackin' bro? We go to North Pas.

    Thomas: Yeah, dude, big fans.

    Costa: Huge fans.

    Miles: Cool. Awesome.

    Costa: Look, we're making a movie.

    JB: Invite him, man. Come on.

    Thomas: Okay. Listen, Miles, we're having a little soiree at my place tonight. If you wanna swing by it should be.

    Costa: [interrupts] Teller, my boy here is underselling this like a mother fucker. This shit's gonna be legit. You should definitely swing by.

    Miles: Yeah, I can't. I actually have other plans tonight, so I might not make it.

    Costa: Dude, think about it. It's on Dickens Street. We'd love to have you.

    Miles: Dickens Street?

    Costa: Yeah.

    Miles: That's your party? You guys are throwing that? That's where I'm going. I heard it's gonna be fucking crazy, bro!

    Thomas: That's my party. I'm Thomas Kub. It's my birthday today.

    Miles: Yeah, I heard it's gonna be unlimited high school pussy and shit.

    Costa: Dude, high school pussy for days.

  • Everett - Security Guard: Hey boss.

    JB: What the fuck?

    Costa: There he is! This is Everett and his boy Tyler. They're gonna be running security for the night.

    Thomas: Are you serious? Are those nun-chucks?

    Everett - Security Guard: Yeah.

    Thomas: [laughing] Oh shit.

    JB: You guys look like Ninjas.

    Tyler: Ninjas are fucking pussies!

    Costa: That's why I love this kid.

    Tyler: You know it.

    Costa: Seriously Thomas, with these two we got nothing to worry about.

  • Tyler: Can I help you, sir?

    Rob: I'm here to see Thomas.

    Tyler: First and last name, please.

    Rob: I'm Rob, the neighbor. Who the fuck are you?

    Tyler: I'll ask the questions, sir.

    Rob: Exactly. Get the hell out of my way.

  • Rob: Hey, Thomas. Look man I don't want to be a dick here or anything, but your friend Oliver came by earlier and told me you guys were having a little party but this is too much.

    Thomas: Yeah. We actually should be winding down like midnight, maybe 1. Is that okay?

    Rob: No, it's not. I'm sorry. The baby can't sleep and Melinda's gotta be up early for work.

    Costa: Fuck yeah! My boy Rob is here to rage! Good to see you, brother.

    Rob: Whoa, yeah. Actually I'm not raging, but I'm just telling Thomas it's time to shut it down.

    Costa: You can't be serious. This is a great party. What the fuck?

    Rob: I am serious because it's 11:30 at night and it's time to wrap it up.

    JB: Hey, hey, hey. Why don't we just bring everyone to the back and lower the volume a bit.

    Rob: Guys, this isn't a request! The party's over.

    Costa: I guess we're just gonna have to agree to disagree then, aren't we?

    Rob: Listen to me. Thomas, either shut it down or I'm calling the cops. Fine, fuck it! I'm calling the fucking cops.

    [gets a taser shot by Everett]

    Costa: Fuck! Oh shit!

    JB: Jesus fucking Christ! What did you do that for?

    Costa: [Rob punches Everett in the face] Are you fucking kidding me? I will fucking kill you!

    Rob: The little fuck tazed me! I'm definitely calling the cops now!

    Costa: You punched a kid in the face! I'm calling the cops on your ass now!

    Rob: Do it, genius! It's all on tape. I just saw this mother fucker record it right here.

    Dax: No, all I got was you punching that little child's face.

    Rob: Fuck you!

    Costa: Go home, Robert!

  • Costa: The guy isn't going to do shit. He punched a 12-year old in the face.

  • Thomas: [holding the gnome] How did this thing get up here? Was someone in my parent's room?

    Costa: It's a gnome. I guess he gets around. Who cares, man?

    Thomas: Well, I just don't want people up here. Besides it's creepy. Look at him. JB, what are you looking for?

    JB: Looking to see if your dad has condoms. I'm working on something downstairs.

    Costa: The only thing you're working on is diabetes, you fat fuck.

  • Costa: Hey, we want some pussy!

  • Rob: [to Costa, as the neighborhood burns] Great party, buddy! You own me a fucking tree, you piece of shit!

    Costa: [screaming] ALL I WAS DOING WAS HAVING A GOOD TIME, YOU COCK SUCKING MOTHERFUCKER! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!

    Rob: You know where you're going? YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL, MOTHERFUCKER!

    [the two boys tackle him]

    Costa: That's my boy! SUCK MY DICK ROBERT! SUCK MY FUCKING DICK!

  • JB: [Chinese accent] The Kung Fu no good here.

    [T-Rick runs into the window]

Extended Reading
  • Paris 2021-11-25 08:01:19

    The camera is shaking so Nima wants to vomit!

  • Lelah 2022-03-22 09:01:31

    It's more lively than "Super Bad", but there are not many laughs and explosions. There is nothing new in the party. The scene keeps shaking, making people look at the most awesome party in history.