Play It Again, Sam Quotes

[Trying to be like Bogart]

Allan: Sorry I had to slap you around, but you got hysterical when I said, "No more."

Dick: He was always very fussy.

Allan: Yes, but look at the results.

Dick: Yes, you never went out.

Nancy: My lawyer will call your lawyer.

Allan: I don't have a lawyer. Have him call my doctor.

Allan: That's quite a lovely Jackson Pollock, isn't it?

Museum Girl: Yes, it is.

Allan: What does it say to you?

Museum Girl: It restates the negativeness of the universe. The hideous lonely emptiness of existence. Nothingness. The predicament of Man forced to live in a barren, Godless eternity like a tiny flame flickering in an immense void with nothing but waste, horror and degradation, forming a useless bleak straitjacket in a black absurd cosmos.

Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?

Museum Girl: Committing suicide.

Allan: What about Friday night?

Allan: Yeah, I get that.

Linda: What is it, fear or anxiety?

Allan: Homosexual panic.

Nancy: Don't listen to him!

Bogart: Don't listen to HER!

Allan: Fellas, we're in a supermarket.

Allan: I can't do it. How does it look? I invite her over and then come on like a sex degenerate. What am I, a rapist?

Bogart: You're getting carried away. You think too much. Just do it.

Allan: We're platonic friends. I can't spoil that by coming on. She'll slap my face.

Bogart: Oh, I've had my face slapped plenty of times.

Allan: Yeah, but your glasses don't go flying across the room.

Allan: I have met a lot of dames, but you are REALLY something special.

Linda: Really?

Allan: [to Bogart] She bought it!

Dick: [On the phone] Let me tell you where you can reach me, George. I'll be at 362-9296 for a while; then I'll be at 648-0024 for about fifteen minutes; then I'll be at 752-0420; and then I'll be home, at 621-4598. Yeah, right George, bye-bye.

Linda: There's a phone booth on the corner. You want me to run downstairs and get the number? You'll be passing it.

Allan: You want a Fresca with a Darvon?

Linda: Unless you have apple juice.

Allan: Apple juice and Darvon is fantastic together!

Linda: Have you ever had Librium and tomato juice?

Allan: No, I haven't personally, but another neurotic tells me they're unbelievable.

Dick: Could I get a coke with nothing in it?

Allan: If that plane leaves the ground, and you're not on it with him, you'll regret it - maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life.

Linda: That's beautiful!

Allan: It's from Casablanca; I waited my whole life to say it.

[last lines]

Bogart: That was great. You've, uh, you've really developed yourself a little style.

Allan: Yeah, I do have a certain amount of style, don't I?

Bogart: Well, I guess you won't be needing me any more. There's nothing I can tell you now that you don't already know.

Allan: I guess that's so. I guess the secret's not being you, it's being me. True, you're - you're not too tall and kind of ugly, but - what the hell, I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.

Bogart: Hmmph. Here's looking at you, kid.

Dick: Who were these guys?

Allan: Oh, they said they were hairdressers, hard to believe though.

Linda: Would you like us to call a doctor?

Allan: No, no, I could use a 3 foot band-aid.

Allan: This is a beautiful beach house.

Linda: Thank you.

Allan: Yeah, let's burn it down for the insurance money.

Allan: Here, I got you a present because it's your birthday.

Linda: How'd you know?

Allan: Well, you mentioned the date and I remembered because it's the same day my mother had her hysterectomy.

Linda: Allan, the world is full of eligible women.

Allan: Yeah, but not like Nancy. She was a lovely thing. I used to lay in bed at night and watch her sleep. Once in a while she would wake up and catch me. She would let out a scream.

Dick: Allan, you have invested your emotions in a losing stock, it was wiped out, it dropped off the board. Now what do you do Allan? You reinvest. Maybe in a more stable stock. Something with long term growth possibilities.

Allan: Who are you going to fix me up with, General Motors?

Linda: Maybe if you just leaned across the candlelight and kissed her.

Allan: I tried, she used to say, "Christ, not here, everybody's staring."

Dick: You know any other girls?

Linda: I don't know if any of my friends are his type. I mean, most of the girls I know are fairly normal.

Linda: I feel some sort of a mystical attraction for Van Gogh. Why is that?

Allan: I don't know. I just know he was a great painter and he cut off an ear for a girl that he loved.

Linda: That's the kind of thing you would do for a girl.

Allan: I'd really have to like her a lot.

Dick: What? You got into a fight?

Allan: Yep.

Dick: With who?

Allan: Some guys were getting tough with Julie. I had to teach them a lesson.

Dick: Are you all right?

Allan: Yeah, I'm fine. I snapped my chin down onto some guy's fist and hit another one in the knee with my nose.

Allan: You were fantastic last night in bed.

Linda: Oh, thanks.

Allan: How do you feel now?

Linda: I think the Pepto Bismol helped.

Bogart: Now move closer to her.

Allan: How close?

Bogart: The length of your lips.

Allan: That's very close.

Allan: [Preparing room for guests] Got just the thing, my hundred yard dash medal.

Linda: Oh you're joking; you're not going to leave out a track medal.

Allan: Why not? I paid twenty dollars for it.

[first lines]

[clip from 'Casablanca']

Airport guard: Hello, radio tower, Lisbon plane taking off in ten minutes, east runway. Thank you.

Richard 'Rick' Blaine: Louis, have your man go with Mr. Lazlo and take care of his luggage.

Captain Renault: Certainly, Rick, anything you say. Find Mr. Lazlo's luggage and put it on the plane.

Airport guard: Yes, sir. This way please.

Allan: Maybe you move in with me for a while. As long as we handle this in a mature way. As long as I'm mature about it, you're mature about it, Both of us are mature, we can achieve a certain maturation, that guarantees maturiosity

Linda: You're mature, Allen, and very wise

Allan: The key to wiseness is maturiositude.

[first lines]

[after the opening clips of Casablanca]

Allan: [voice-over] Who am I kidding? I'm not like that. I never was, I never will be... That's strictly the movies.

Linda: What reason did she give for wanting a divorce?

Allan: She wants a laugh; she doesn't laugh enough. Insufficient laughter; that's grounds for divorce. Oh, and skiing! She wants to go skiing. She wants to ski down a mountain laughing like an idiot.

Linda: My God! Can't you cook anything but TV dinners?

Allan: Who bothers to cook them? I suck 'em frozen.

Allan: I've got a big decision to make, do I go with Oscar Peterson or Bartók String Quartet No. 5?

Linda: Why don't you play Oscar Peterson and leave Bartók out so everybody can see it.

Linda: What were you thinking about the whole time we were making love?

Allan: Willie Mays.

Linda: Do you always think about baseball players?

Allan: It keeps me going.

Linda: Yeah, I wondered why you kept yelling "slide".

Linda: Sharon did a movie.

Allan: Oh?

Sharon: Underground.

Allan: Stag film?

Sharon: Underground! You know, very arty. Sixteen millimeter.

Sharon: This film I did got very good reviews. As a matter of fact, I got singled out. Of course, I was the only girl in it with nine men.

Allan: Really? What's it called? Maybe I saw it.

Sharon: Gang bang.

Allan: I like blondes. Little blondes with long hair and short skirts and boots and big chest and bright, witty and perceptive.

Dick: Well, don't set yourself ridiculous stands, Allan.

Linda: She must be beautiful with long hair and a big bust?

Allan: Yes. And a good behind - something I can sink my teeth into.

Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?

Museum Girl: Committing suicide.

Allan: What about Friday night?