Phineas and Ferb the Movie: Candace Against the Universe Quotes

Candace: You know, I used to think the universe was against me, but now I realize...

[cocks T-shirt cannon]

Candace: It's me against the universe!

Phineas: Us.

Candace: It's us against the universe!

Candace: PHINEAS! FERB! THERE ARE NO GIANT WAFFLES IN HERE!

Phineas: Candace! Where are you going?

[to Ferb]

Phineas: Where is she going?

[Ferb just takes a photo with his phone]

[from trailer]

Norm: Hello, and welcome, aliens!

Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Baljeet, Buford: [scream]

Baljeet: Giant robot! Quick! Give him Buford!

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, that's just Norm. He's... he's usually harmless.

Doofenshmirtz: I... I don't have a spaceship per se, but I... but I do have... my Galactic-Travel-inator! You get inside it, it flies you up to, and I guess more to the point, through space.

Isabella: You mean, like, a spaceship.

Doofenshmirtz: Well, I suppose it's *like* a spaceship, in that it operates like and performs the exact same functions as a spaceship, but it's an inator. There's a difference.

Baljeet: Is the difference purely semantic?

Doofenshmirtz: It's branding! Leave me alone!

Baljeet: Okay, we are approaching the ion barrier. Activate your ion shield.

Doofenshmirtz: We don't have an ion shield. We're not fancy-shmancy.

Baljeet: But...

[groans]

Baljeet: we have to pass through an ion barrier to get to the planet.

Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, so?

Baljeet: So, if we go through the ion barrier without a shield, it could fry all of the electronics on the ship rendering our navigation useless and stranding us in space!

Doofenshmirtz: Okay, that was something I did not know.

Baljeet: Was that lint? It smelled like lint.

Buford: It *tasted* like lint.

Baljeet: Why were you tasting it?

Buford: You were smellin' it.

Baljeet: Not on purpose! Ugh!

[repeated line]

The Sound Someone Makes When They Explode From The Waist Up: CANDACE!

Candace: What do you think they want from us?

Vanessa: Best-case scenario? We're food.

Candace: That's your *best*-case scenario? Man, you are dark.

Baljeet: There is an ion barrier around the planet! Our transporters were both deflected, which made them connect to each other.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, so getting there by portal is astrologically impossible.

Baljeet: You mean "astronomically".

Doofenshmirtz: No, I mean astrologically. Here, look at my horoscope.

Baljeet: [reading] "Virgo: You will be unable to reach a planet via portal due to it being *astronomically* impossible."

Doofenshmirtz: Okay, so I guess we're *both* right.

Isabella: What is this?

Doofenshmirtz: My Chicken-Replace-inator.

Isabella: Is that something we're gonna need?

Doofenshmirtz: Let's just say that I'd rather *have* a device that makes things switch places with the nearest chicken and not need it, than need one and not have it.

Buford: I'm with him on that.

Isabella: Says the guy bringing a canoe into space.

Buford: Hey, you don't know everything about space!

Candace: You know, I'm still blaming Phineas and Ferb for this.

Vanessa: How so exactly?

Candace: Well, if I hadn't been rage-singing about how they ruined my life, I might have seen that that pod came from outer space and therefore was not one of their inventions.

Vanessa: Yeah, that makes complete sense.

Candace: I have these annoying little brothers who always get away with everything.

Super Super Big Doctor: Shut up! I grew up with annoying little brothers, too! Always messin' around, holdin' their zurgnats in the Vlamborshall during glabenstchturn.

Candace: *My* brothers once made a rollercoaster.

Super Super Big Doctor: "Rollercoaster"?

[scoffs]

Super Super Big Doctor: Okay, now you're just making up words.

Doofenshmirtz: I can't see! I can't see! My eyes are not functioning prop...

Isabella: You've got a bucket on your head.

Doofenshmirtz: Wait, it's okay. Wait a second. I- I fixed it. I had a bucket on my head.

Phineas: The important thing is we have to find Candace and Vanessa.

Isabella: Maybe we should start by looking... there.

[Zoom in on the fortress. An ominous tone emits mysteriously]

Phineas: Wait a minute.

[Ominous tone]

Phineas: Does anyone else hear a strange, ominous tone when they look at that alien fortress-y thing?

[Ominous tone. Pan left and the tone stops]

Phineas: But only when I look directly at it. I can hear it when I look...

[Ominous tone]

Phineas: Yes, I have to...

Baljeet: Yes!

Isabella: Oh, yeah! Me, too!

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, yeah! It's like a low tone.

Baljeet: I wish we could study the science...

Buford: I don't hear anything. What are you guys talking about? You're freaking me out!

Phineas: [rolling his eyes, over Buford] I can hear it when I look... just directly at it.

Isabella: I've never seen anything like that before.

Phineas: Every time my eyes get near it.

[Beat]

Phineas: Alien planets are weird. Okay, let's go.

Farmer's Wife: I can't believe you built a dragon theme park without anything that even looks like a dragon! And why haven't you gotten rid of that silly chicken coop?

[the chicken in the coop is soon replaced by a dragon alien creature]

Farmer: My support group say you're keeping me down.

Buford: As soon as we get to prison, I'm gonna start a gang. Who's in?

Baljeet: Oh, oh. Me!

Buford: Anyone? Anyone at all?

Baljeet: Me. Me! Me.

Computer: Attention. Brace yourselves. We are accelerating to warp two.

Baljeet: Oh, my. That is twice the speed of light.

Isabella: Twice the speed of light? What will that be like?

Baljeet: I read a theory that when you exceed the speed of light, reality, the very nature of your existence, begins breaking down...

[the scene begins losing it color, leaving it in clean-up form]

Baljeet: ...to its primal essence, all the way back...

[the clean-up animation goes back to rough pencil test form]

Baljeet: ...to its source!

Isabella: This is so weird!

[the scene then reverts to animatic form]

Dan Povenmire: Buford says something funny here.

[the scene then reverts to storyboard]

Phineas: Whoa! Temp dialogue.

Baljeet: How much more can reality break down?

Dan Povenmire: And then we suddenly cut...

[the camera pans to a drawing that turns into a live-action shot of Dan and Swampy pitching this scene]

Dan Povenmire: ...to us!

Jeff 'Swampy' Marsh: So you'd actually see Dan and I pitching this part.

Dan Povenmire: Right, exactly like we are now, saying exactly what we're saying right now.

Jeff 'Swampy' Marsh: And then we push...

Dan Povenmire, Jeff 'Swampy' Marsh: ...back into the storyboard!

[the full animation returns and the gang looks confused]

Ferb: We should never speak of this again.

Baljeet, Isabella, Phineas, Buford: Agreed.

Super Super Big Doctor: What in the-How did you beat me here?

Phineas: We snuck aboard your ship!

Baljeet: Yeah, lady! Then we fell out of it by accident! But we saved ourselves so we could come here and stop you! Using a little trick we learned from "Space Adventure" episode 436B! Eat canceled TV show!

Buford: I bet that sounded better in your head.

Baljeet: It did not.

Stacy: Wow, Jeremy, you're already getting ready to fend off the alien invasion?

Jeremy: There's an alien invasion?

[the boys give Candace a coffee mug that projects images of heartwarming moments she shared with her brothers in the series]

Candace: Wow. What is this?

Phineas: It's all the things that make you the coolest person we've ever met. You kick butt, you rock out, and you can always make us laugh, the kind of laughter where stuff squirts out of your nose. Summer would be no fun without you. We just wish we could see yourself the way we see you. You may not be the Chosen One.

Ferb: But we'd choose you as a sister every time.

Major Monogram: Excellent work thwarting Dr. Doofenshmirtz, Agent P. Why don't you take the rest of the day off?

Carl: Does that mean I get the rest of the day off, t...

Major Monogram: Don't be ridiculous, Carl.

Carl: Oh.

Major Monogram: Agent P, we've just received automated emergency alert 136-alpha. We have no idea what that is, but Carl is looking it up in the owner's manual. Apparently, it is a "clogged intake valve"? Carl, this is for the washing machine!

Carl: Oh, wait, hold on. No, this is the stereo. Microwave instructions...

[Agent P rolls his eyes]

Carl: Oh, here it is!

Major Monogram: Now, let's see here.

[reading]

Major Monogram: "A member of your host family has been abducted by aliens." Wow. Candace, apparently, has been abducted by aliens. This is priority one, Agent P,

[Perry salutes]

Major Monogram: but remember, you cannot reveal to her that you are a secret agent. So... hmmm, guess it's gonna be tricky to rescue her. Heh. Well, good luck with that.

Phineas: I can't believe Candace! I mean, I know sometimes, she seems kinda...

Isabella: Obsessive?

Baljeet: Volatile?

Buford: Enchanting? I mean, uh, terrifying?