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Hunter Patch Adams: You don't understand, I'm leaving
Dr. Prack: Hunter, if you leave my records will say AMA, you left against medical advice.
Hunter Patch Adams: And Mine will say IDGARA, I don't give a rat's ass. And my name is Patch.
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Truman: I thought only I could repel women with that kind of raw efficiency.
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Hunter Patch Adams: I'm really starting to love the back of your head.
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Hunter Patch Adams: You treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, I guarantee you, you'll win, no matter what the outcome.
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Hunter Patch Adams: [standing on the edge of a cliff contemplating suicide. He talks to God...] So what now, huh? What do you want from me?
[looks down over cliff, a rock tumbles off]
Hunter Patch Adams: Yeah, I could do it. We both know you wouldn't stop me. So answer me please. Tell me what you're doing. Okay, let's look at the logic. You create man. Man suffers enormous amounts of pain. Man dies. Maybe you should have had just a few more brainstorming sessions prior to creation. You rested on the seventh day. Maybe you should've spent that day on compassion.
[looks down over the cliff again]
Hunter Patch Adams: You know what? You're not worth it.
[walks away from the cliff]
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Hunter Patch Adams: Our job is improving the quality of life, not just delaying death.
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Hunter Patch Adams: All of life is a coming home. Salesmen, secretaries, coal miners, beekeepers, sword swallowers, all of us. All the restless hearts of the world, all trying to find a way home. It's hard to describe what I felt like then. Picture yourself walking for days in the driving snow; you don't even know you're walking in circles. The heaviness of your legs in the drifts, your shouts disappearing into the wind. How small you can feel, and how far away home can be. Home. The dictionary defines it as both a place of origin and a goal or destination. And the storm? The storm was all in my mind. Or as the poet Dante put it: In the middle of the journey of my life, I found myself in a dark wood, for I had lost the right path. Eventually I would find the right path, but in the most unlikely place.
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Dean Walcott: Our job is to rigorously and ruthlessly train the humanity out of you and make you into something better. We're gonna make doctors out of you.
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Hunter Patch Adams: We need to start treating the patient as well as the disease.
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Hunter Patch Adams: We can head on down to the maternity ward. You know those chicks put out.
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Arthur Mendelson: How many fingers do you see?
Hunter Patch Adams: Four.
Arthur Mendelson: No no! Look beyond the fingers! Now tell me how many you see.
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Arthur Mendelson: You're focusing on the problem. If you focus on the problem, you can't see the solution. Never focus on the problem!
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Arthur Mendelson: See what no one else sees. See what everyone chooses not to see... out of fear, conformity or laziness. See the whole world anew each day!
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Dean Walcott: ...you are not cut out to be a physician, and it is my responsibility...
Hunter Patch Adams: Responsibility? You have one responsibility: to be a dickhead. How hard can that be? All you have to do is make sure your head is a dick, and it's attached to your neck.
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Corinne Fisher: Lesbian, airhead, ballbuster, whichever one of these disgusts you the most, take your pick. Please spread the word: I'm not here to date. I'm not here to flirt. I'm here to study.
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[while Patch is driving]
Corinne Fisher: When can I open my eyes?
Hunter Patch Adams: As soon as I open mine.
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Hunter Patch Adams: Ye of little faith.
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Hunter Patch Adams: Who likes to masturbate?
[Everyone in room raises their hands]
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Hunter Patch Adams: [to Carin] I love you not knowing how, why, or even from where.
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Hunter Patch Adams: I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly without complexities or pride. I love you because I know no other way then this. So close that your hand, on my chest, is my hand. So close, that when you close your eyes, I fall asleep.
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Hunter Patch Adams: What's wrong with death sir? What are we so mortally afraid of? Why can't we treat death with a certain amount of humanity and dignity, and decency, and God forbid, maybe even humor. Death is not the enemy gentlemen. If we're going to fight a disease, let's fight one of the most terrible diseases of all, indifference.
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Corinne Fisher: When I was a girl I would look out my bedroom window at the caterpillars; I envied them so much. No matter what they were before, no matter what happened to them, they could just hide away and turn into these beautiful creatures that could fly away completely untouched.
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Hunter Patch Adams: [imitating a skeleton] I have a boner. Wait, I am a boner.
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Hunter Patch Adams: Death. To die. To expire. To pass on. To perish. To peg out. To push up daisies. To push up posies. To become extinct. Curtains, deceased, Demised, departed And defunct. Dead as a doornail. Dead as a herring. Dead as a mutton. Dead as nits. The last breath. Paying a debt to nature. The big sleep. God's way of saying, "Slow down."
Bill Davis: To check out.
Hunter Patch Adams: To shuffle off this mortal coil.
Bill Davis: To head for the happy hunting ground.
Hunter Patch Adams: To blink for an exceptionally long period of time.
Bill Davis: To find oneself without breath.
Hunter Patch Adams: To be the incredible decaying man.
Bill Davis: Worm buffet.
Hunter Patch Adams: Kick the bucket.
Bill Davis: Buy the farm.
Hunter Patch Adams: Take the cab.
Bill Davis: Cash in your chips.
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Hunter Patch Adams: And if we bury you ass up, I have got a place to park my bike.
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Hunter Patch Adams: Hi. Patch Adams.
Mitch Roman: Mitch Roman. Georgetown University. I was awarded the William F. Thompson Scientific Achievement Award.
Hunter Patch Adams: Mmm. Emerson Elementary. I once drew a picture of a rabbit that got me two gold stars.
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Mitch Roman: I don't like you!
Hunter Patch Adams: Why don't you like me? You're a prick and I like you.
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Hunter Patch Adams: Sir, I want to be a doctor will all my heart.
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Hunter Patch Adams: Now you have the ability to keep me from graduating. You can keep me from getting the title and the white coat. But you can't control my spirit, gentlemen. You can't keep me from learning, you can't keep me from studying. So you have a choice: you can have me as a professional colleague, passionate, or you can have me as an outspoken outsider, still adament. Either way I'll probably still be viewed as a thorn. But I promise you one thing: I am a thorn that will not go away
Charlie: Is that all?
Hunter Patch Adams: I hope not, sir.
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Hunter Patch Adams: I wanted to become a doctor so I could serve others. And because of that, I've lost everything. But I've also gained everything.
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Arthur Mendelson: [Mr. Mendelson's attorney is expressing concern over him using his land for Patch's free medical clinic] You learn anything about proctology yet?
Hunter Patch Adams: A little.
Arthur Mendelson: Good, take care of this asshole for me, will you?
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Hunter Patch Adams: [Patch is trying to convince Rudy not to be afraid of squirrels] What could they want? Your nuts?
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Hunter Patch Adams: Last night with Rudy, I connected to another human being. I want more of that. I want to learn about people, help them with their troubles.
Dr. Prack: That's what I do.
Hunter Patch Adams: But you suck at it.
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Joletta: [Joletta has just met Patch] Look here, Judy, another future boss.
Hunter Patch Adams: Oh, I wouldn't look at it like that.
Joletta: You may think I'm exaggerating, but in another five years you'll be so full of yourself you'll have to hang a cup out your ass just to catch the excess.
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Hunter Patch Adams: [while in group session] Beanie... which way is Heaven?
Trevor Beene: [who is in a catatonic state, keeps his arm raise, pointing upwards]
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Hunter Patch Adams: All of life is a coming home.
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Hunter Patch Adams: [mis-remembering Fred's name] Hey, how are you feeling, Frank? You feel better?
Fred Jarvis: Yeah, pretty good.
Hunter Patch Adams: [referring to a Marx Brothers movie Fred is watching] Well, keep on your medication. You can never go wrong if you're a Marxist.
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Mitch Roman: This isn't a game to me! This isn't play time! This is serious business!
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Hunter Patch Adams: [singing while he massages Bill's feet] Blue skies, shining on me. Nothing but blue skies. Do I see, blue birds singing a song...
Bill Davis: Are you a dotor?
Hunter Patch Adams: No, I'm a medical student. But if there's anything I can do to help you...
Bill Davis: You want to help me?
Hunter Patch Adams: Oh yeah, what can I do?
Bill Davis: [grabs Hunter by the shirt] Listen, you little do-gooder prick. If you want to make yourself feel good, don't make me pay for it. Now get out of here, becuase you don't help SHIT!
[plushes hunter to the wall]
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Dr. Titan: Hunter Adams. We find your methods less than appealing. Your appearance and your demeanor do not reflect what we believe is necessary to earn a patient's trust and respect. You openly accuse us of adhering to time-honored practices that for years have been the backbone of the entire medical institution. However, we find no fault in your attempts to improve the quality of life around you. We find no fault in your desire to expand upon existing medical practices and theories. We applaud your love of the patient. Your grades are among the highest in your class, and, therefore, we find no merit in the decision to block your graduation from medical school. Now, along with your crass and disdainful behavior you carry with you a flame which one could only hope would spread through the medical profession like a brushfire. And, uh, Dean Walcott. In the future, I think matters like this could best be solved if you yourself would practice a little..."excessive happiness."
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Hunter Patch Adams: You told Walcott I cheated. I know you did it. Just tell me why.
Mitch Roman: Look, cut the crap, Hunter. I live with you. I know how much you study, or don't study. And you do better than me? Give me a break.
Hunter Patch Adams: You arrogant, pompous prick! Who appointed you custodian of the medical profession? Is it because your father and his father was a doctor, some sort of genetic thing?
Mitch Roman: You're damn right.
Hunter Patch Adams: Really?
Mitch Roman: I grew up with it. I know what it takes to look in the eyes of dying people day after day and come home for dinner at night. I know what it takes. You don't have it.
Hunter Patch Adams: Oh, really. And you do? If you don't like me, just say it.
Mitch Roman: I don't like you!
Hunter Patch Adams: Why don't you like me? You're a prick, and I like you.
Mitch Roman: Because you make my effort a joke! I want to be a doctor! This isn't a game to me! This isn't playtime! This is serious business! I have it in me to be a great doctor but in order to do that I have to sacrifice if I want to be better.
Hunter Patch Adams: "Better." Better than me, hmm?
Mitch Roman: I will save lives that could have otherwise not been saved. Now, I could be like you and go around laughing and have a good time, ha ha, but I prefer to learn, because the more I learn, the more likely I will have the right answer at the crucial moment and save a life. And you say I'm a prick? You say I'm a prick? You know, maybe I am, but you ask the average person, when death comes knocking at their door whether they want a prick on their side or some kindergarten teacher who's gonna kiss their ass! Because when that day comes I want the prick! And so will you.
Hunter Patch Adams: You know, I forget how young you are, Mitch, that you think you have to be a prick to get things done, and that you actually think that's a new idea.
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Dean Walcott: First do no harm. What is implicit in this simple precept of medicine? An awesome power. The power to do harm. Who gives you this power? The patient. A patient will come to you at his moment of greatest dread, hand you a knife and say, "Doctor, cut me open." Why? Because he trusts you. He trusts you the way a child trusts. He trusts you to do no harm. The sad fact is human beings are not worthy of trust. It is human nature to lie take shortcuts, to lose your nerve, get tired make mistakes. No rational patient would put his trust in a human being and were not gonna let him! It is our mission here to rigorously and ruthlessly train the humanity out of you and make you into something better. We're gonna make doctors out of you!
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Dean Walcott: Mr. Adams, when I told you I knew Dr. Prack, did I mislead you in some way to think I'm a pushover like he is? Kindly remove that coat. I told you, you are not to see the patients until the 3rd year.
Patch Adams: I'm just visiting friends, sir.
Dean Walcott: Why are you here? If you want to be a clown, go join the circus. Patients don't need to be entertained. They don't need a friend. They need a doctor! I don't want to see you in this hospital again.
Patch Adams: What if I visit the patients on my own time?
Dean Walcott: Yes, about your own time. It's brought to our attention that perhaps we should be suspicious of the level of your grades.
Patch Adams: What are you saying? I'm cheating?
Dean Walcott: Your scores are among the top in your class, yet you don't seem to study.
Patch Adams: [Sarcastically laughing] That's ridiculous.
Dean Walcott: Your classmates don't seem to think so.
Patch Adams: Really? Who?
Dean Walcott: I'm warning you. Stay out of this hospital.
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Patch Adams: You want to see me, sir?
Dean Walcott: You are dismissed.
Patch Adams: [Salutes] Sir.
Dean Walcott: From this school. Kindly remove your things and vacate the school premises as soon as possible.
Patch Adams: What for? For asking a group of doctors to have a sense of humor about themselves?
Dean Walcott: Oh, I have a sense of humor, Hunter. I find it hilarious as smart as you are, you could give me an airtight reason to throw you the hell out of here!
[Slams the book on his office desk]
Patch Adams: Why am I such a threat to you, sir?
Dean Walcott: Because what you want is for us to get down there on the same levels as our patients, to destroy objectivity, all to uphold some idealistic buddy system that will allow you to work through your own feelings of inadequacy. What you have done here today is inexcusable. You have made a complete mockery out of our distinguished guests. If you think that for 1 minute, that I will further tolerate your blatant disregard of the bylaws of this... .. What are you smiling at? Is this all a big joke to you? Get out of here!
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Mitch: [as Patch cleans out his locker, Mitch happens upon him] You can't leave.
Patch Adams: [closing locker] If what you say is true, it looks like I'm defying the laws of possibility.
Patch Adams: [Patch goes to move past Mitch, but Mitch stands in his way] What're you doing? Oh... I can't leave till you beat me? Is that it? Okay, I surrender. You're number one, you're the top student in the class. You're smarter than me. Is that what you want to hear? Now can I leave?
Mitch: [puts up his hand and blocks him again] You know Mrs. Kennedy in 212? She doesn't eat. I visited her room every day for the past three weeks. I can't get her to eat.
Mitch: Now I know everything there is to know about medicine. I've studied relentlessly. I guarantee you I can outdo, outdiagnose any attending or surgeon in this hospital.
Patch Adams: [nods] Mm-hmm.
Mitch: But I can't make her eat.
[near tears]
Mitch: You have a gift.
[shakes head]
Mitch: You have a way with people. You know they like you. And if you leave... I can't learn this way.
[Patch walks off]
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Patch Adams: [Patch returns to Bill Davis' room after being thrown out earlier; he's wearing an angel costume; Bill's eyes open wide in disbelief] Preview of coming attractions.
Patch Adams Quotes
Extended Reading
