Over the Hedge Quotes

Hammy the Squirrel: [Slipping on kitchen floor] No grip! No grip! No grip!...

RJ: Hammy, less claw, more pad.

Hammy the Squirrel: Oh, okay.

[Hammy zips across the room, crashes into wall]

Hammy the Squirrel: That hurt.

RJ: Something you said yesterday really touched me right here. It starts with an F, remember what that was?

Verne: Family?

RJ: Yeah yeah right that. You see Verne I use to have had all that. My own place, surrounded by loved ones, universal remote. But all that went away with... the weed hacker incident.

RJ: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. The what is what?

Verne: Whenever something doesn't feel right, my tail tingles. And let me tell you something, everything you've said so far is driving my tail crazy.

RJ: [after making him look like a rabid squirrel] Now show me that vicious look in your eye, boy. Come on!

Hammy the Squirrel: Oh, oh, I can burp my ABC's

[burping]

Hammy the Squirrel: A, B, C...

RJ: HAMMY! I just really need you to focus right now, okay?

Hammy the Squirrel: Okay.

Gladys: [after installing a lot of traps] What about this one, this Depelter Turbo?

Dwayne: That's a contraband item, ma'am, as it is illegal in every state,

[with his hand over his heart]

Dwayne: except Texas.

Gladys: I don't care if this violates the Geneva Conventions, I want it.

Dwayne: I thought you might, so I took the liberty of installing it for you.

[as he tosses a stuffed bear in it]

Dwayne: Adios, animal infenstation.

RJ: [it traps it] AHHHHH!

Gladys: [we see it in a cage, with outside burned off] Ohhh, very nice.

Police Officer: Now you do realize that was a Depelter Turbo.

Gladys: Officer, please. This Verminator sold it to me.

Police Officer: Hey, hey, it was in your yard, your name's on the contract, so you can tell it to the judge.

Gladys: Oh please, it's not my fault, let go of me don't do this to me...

Police Officer: Ma'am...

Gladys: [yelling] You can't do this to me! I am president of the Homeowners Association!

Dwayne: [quietly as she is fighting the police] Get her.

[he climbs over a fence and accidently steps on a squeak toy]

Nugent the Dog: Play.

Dwayne: Oh, no, no, no, no, no...

[there is a bite heard]

Dwayne: AHHHHH!

Mackenzie: [to her mom after Hammy, RJ, and Vern stole their cookies] There, there, that's where the squirrel attacked us, and he had like rabies or something, and then there was this gross, naked amphibian thing...

Verne: [quietly] Reptile.

Gladys: I'm sorry Janis, did I just hear them say *rabid squirrel*?

Janis: Oh, I think they're proabably just over reacting.

Gladys: But what if they're not? What if we a potential pandemic on our hands, vermin running loose, spreading disease and lowering our property values?

Janis: Yeah, I have a casserole in the oven, gotta run.

Gladys: Fine, you worry about your casserole, and I'll worry about *the end of suburban peace and tranquility*!

Verne: [after getting chased away] See what I mean? That's what I was talking about. These humans don't want us *around*.

RJ: So we scared her and she over-reacted, no biggy.

Verne: No biggy? No that's what we call a biggy.

RJ: C'mon, think about the food, it was worth it for that food, that stuff is to die for.

[Ozzy faints and Heather rolls her eyes]

RJ: Let me rephrase that.

Verne: No, to die for, you nailed that part. Look, maybe our little forest life seems primative to a guy with a bag.

RJ: What!

Verne: But I think I speak for all of us when I say that we want *nothing* to do with *anything* that's *over that hedge*.

[they begin to walk away]

RJ: Oh come on. You haven't even tried doughnuts yet. You wanna store some fat, that is the way to store some fat, you'll be sweating through the winter.

[they don't listen]

RJ: Okay, okay you guys sleep on it. Good idea, I'm gonna check back with you.

[to himself]

RJ: Shoot! Almost had them.

Hammy the Squirrel: Oh! Morning!

Verne: Morning, Hammy.

Hammy the Squirrel: I gotta go wee-wee!

Verne: Oh... Not on the lake we drink from!

RJ: Vincent, wait! I can get it all back! That's right. If you eat me, you'd have to do it. But I can get it, all of it.

Vincent: My red wagon?

RJ: Redder!

Vincent: The blue cooler?

RJ: Blue cooler. On my list! Gotta be blue?

Vincent: Yes! And I want my Spuddies. I love those things. 'Cause with a Spuddie, enough just isn't enough.

RJ: So true. Painfully true. And I'll tell you what. I'm gonna get you the giant picnic pack, family-fun size.

Vincent: They have that?

RJ: I'm pretty sure.

Vincent: All right, R.J. I'm going back to sleep. When that moon is full, I'm waking up, and all my stuff had better be right back where it was.

RJ: But that's just one week! That's impossible for one guy!

[Vincent squeezes on RJ's head]

RJ: A week's perfect. I'll get some helpers.

Vincent: Full moon, all my stuff. And don't even think about running away, because if you do, I will hunt you down and kill you.

RJ: Please don't think I'm prying, but I couldn't help overhearing, and I think I can shed a little light on what this whole hedge situation is about. You see, what was once mere wilderness is now 54 acres of man-made, manicured, air-conditioned paradise.

[Points at map]

RJ: Except for that little-bitty speck. You are here.

[All gasp]

RJ: No, no, that's a good thing. You're hibernators, right? You gather up a bunch of food, store it away for the winter?

Hammy the Squirrel: Aha! We fill the log!

Verne: Hammy.

RJ: Really? This log? This cave-like log?

Ozzie: All the way to the top.

Verne: Ozzie.

RJ: Let me ask ya, how long's it take, you know, to fill the log?

Heather: Two-hundred and seventy-four days.

RJ: Ooh! Ever done it in a week?

Verne: That's impossible.

RJ: Not if we work together. You see, you've got the food-gathering skills, I've got the know-how, and they have the food.

Heather: How much food?

RJ: Loads of food! Heaps of food! Food out the wazoo!

Verne: Well, you know, whatever kind of food comes out of a wazoo, I really don't think we're interested in eating.

Lou: I don't know. The guy's making a lot of sense to me. I think we should listen.

Penny: Yeah. I'm okay with wazoo food there.

Dwayne: What do we have here?

[Inhale]

Dwayne: Didelphis marsupialis virginianus. Aproximately ten pounds.

[Inhale]

Dwayne: Male.

Gladys: I think it's dead.

Dwayne: Oh, really? Do you in fact have a associates degree from VermTech? I think he wants you to think he's dead.

Ozzie: O great and powerful Steve! What do you want?

Verne: I-I don't think it can speak.

Debbie: [From other side of hedge] I heard that, young man!

[Others are shocked; Ozzie plays dead]

Debbie: You get over here right now!

Hammy the Squirrel: Okay.

Verne: Hammy, get back here.

Hammy the Squirrel: But Steve is angry.

Verne: I think it came from the other side of Steve - I mean, the bush. I mean... Geez!

Gladys: That's the...

Dwayne: The Depelter Turbo. Prepare for a lot of stinging.

Hammy the Squirrel: What is that?

RJ: That, my friend, is a magical combination of corn flour, dehydrated cheese solids, BHA, BHT, and good old MSG; a.k.a., the chip, nacho cheese flavor.

Ozzie: But this house is like a fortress. Walls, so high. Doors, impenetrable. How will we get in?

RJ: The collar is the key.

[Shows video on cell phone of Tiger entering door]

RJ: Literally, the collar is like a key that opens the door, and if...

Stella: And what? You think he's just gonna hand over his collar to you?

RJ: Not to me, my femme fatale. To you.

Verne: Her?

Stella: Me?

RJ: You, Stella, will get that cat to give you his collar by using...

Stella: My stink.

RJ: ...your feminine charms.

Hammy the Squirrel: Ha ha ha! - Was that out loud?

Stella: So, you got a name?

Tiger: Yes. It is a Persian name, for I am Persian. I was born Prince Tigeriess Mahmood Shabaz.

Stella: Ooh, that's a mouthful. Can I just call you Tiger?

Dr. Dennis: [On TV] Get real, Kevin, 'cause when you feel like a dirtbag, it's because you're a dirtbag. Right? So just own it. Say it out loud: "I am a dirtbag."

Lou: Dirtbag? I don't think that guy's a real doctor.

Verne: So he can do a couple of tricks. I mean, it's not like he can walk on water.

RJ: [Walking across a pool on floats] Hey, everybody! This way to the food!

RJ: And there they are. America's most coveted cookies. Love Handles, Skinny Mints, Neener-Neeners, and Smackeroons. And guess what? They're all yours!

[Hammy jumps, but RJ stops him]

RJ: Whoa, Hamilton. Hold on there, fella. I love your energy, but you just can't take them.

Hammy the Squirrel: But you just said they're mine.

RJ: They will be, if we successfully marry your manic energy to my brilliant plan. You with me, kid?

Hammy the Squirrel: I... I... I...

RJ: The ayes have it. Let's ride.

Vincent: Wow.

RJ: Vincent!

Vincent: So I was just on my way down here to kill you, and I stopped to watch the show, and I gotta say... that right there, is a thing of beauty. That is the most vicious, deceitful, self-serving thing I've ever seen.

[Chuckles]

Vincent: Classic RJ. You take the food, and they take the fall. You keep this up, your gonna end up just like me. Having everything you ever wanted.

RJ: But I already had that.

Vincent: What, them? Who are you kidding? You said it yourself, you're a family of one. Always will be. It's how guys like you and me survive. So a few saps got hurt in the process. Tough. That's life. Trust me, you don't need them.

RJ: Actually, I do. And right now, they really need me. So I really need this!

[Takes the wagon with all the food]

Vincent: RJ!

Verne: [to RJ] You see what you've done here? If they listen to half the stuff you're telling them, they'll be dead within a week! You are only interested in taking advantage of them because they are too stupid and naive to know any better!

Hammy the Squirrel: [growing solemn] I'm not stupid.

Verne: [noting the family's reaction] Okay, I didn't mean, uh... I meant... ignorant! To the... ways over... over, over there.

[they begin walking away]

Verne: C'mon you guys, you know I didn't mean it like that. Don't... don't do this. Stella... Ozzie?

[stops Hammy]

Verne: Hammy? You know I didn't... Hammy?

Hammy the Squirrel: [pushes him away] I'm not stupid...

Ozzie: You should have *died*! You should've just laid down and died!

Heather: Dad!

RJ: SSShhhhh!

Verne: Oh, no! I'm not falling for any more of your smooth talk!

Verne: [when questioned about the food] I returned it to its rightful owner.

Ozzie: What?

Heather: We, like, worked our tails off, y'know? Like a lot! And the food we gathered was totally... you know! And you're, you're all whatever!

RJ: Now listen, champ. Okay, what we're goin' for here is a vicious, man-eating, rabid squirrel. Can you handle that?

Hammy the Squirrel: Umm, excuse me!

[Raises hand]

RJ: Yes, Hammy?

Hammy the Squirrel: Rabbits aren't vicious. They're all cute and cuddly, so...

RJ: *Rabid*, not rabbit.

Hammy the Squirrel: Oh! Huh?

RJ: No, Hammy, not the cookie. I told you that cookie was junk!

Hammy the Squirrel: But I like the cookie.

RJ: That is an S.U.V; Humans ride in then because they are slowly losing their ability to walk.

Penny: Jeepers, its so big!

Lou: How many humans fit in there?

RJ: Usually, one.

Hammy the Squirrel: Wanna help me find my nuts?

RJ: Very tempting, Hammy, very tempting...

RJ: [Lays down some Monopoly play pieces to signify what they will do] Okay, this is us.

Hammy the Squirrel: Can I be the car?

Bucky: I wanna be the car!

Spike: I'm the car. You be the shoe.

Bucky: The shoe is lame.

Lou: Why don't you be that snazzy-looking iron there?

RJ: Hey! It's not important. Besides, I'm the car. I'm *always* the car.

Ozzie: I thought you were dead.

Heather: I learned from the best.

Ozzie: That's my girl.

Dwayne: I believe someone phoned about an animal problem? The solution is standing before you. Dwayne LaFontaine is here.

Gladys: Where have you been? I am throwing a Welcome to the Neighborhood party tomorrow, and so far, Debbie's car has killed more animals than you have.

Dwayne: Stand down, sister. I personally guarantee that there won't be a living thing at this party. The Verminator is on the job.

Talking Doll: [RJ gets string caught on a Y-shaped stick] Let's play!

Nugent the Dog: Play?

[camera perspective changes]

Nugent the Dog: Play! Play! Play!

Verne: [beneath the window] Bear!

RJ: What's that?

Verne: Bear!

RJ: Hair?

Verne: Bear!

RJ: Air?

Verne: Bear!

RJ: Oh, *BEAR*!

RJ: Now, the traps are set here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. Here, here, here, here, big one here, here, and maybe a few over here.

Stella: Gee, it's that all?

RJ: No. There's bunch of red lights all over here. You OK, Verne? Look a little green.

Verne: I blacked out for a second there, but... I get the idea: there's lights, traps and I might need to change my shell.

Hammy the Squirrel: [Runs to one end of the hedge] It never ends!

[Runs to the other end and back]

Hammy the Squirrel: It never ends that way, too.

RJ: Do you like the cookie?

Hammy the Squirrel: I like the cookie!

RJ: [Throws cookie away] Well this cookie's yuck!

Hammy the Squirrel: But I thought I liked the cookie...

Bucky: [while driving the van, the others are arguing] Hey, no fighting while we're driving!

Spike: We will turn this car around, mister!

[pause]

Lou: [points at Verne] He started it.

Tiger: Shoo, go on, get away from here. My owner does not give scraps to common strays.

Stella: Common strays? Alright, you asked for it...

[turns and raises rear]

RJ: [whispers] Get the collar!

Stella: Gee, that's a nice collar you got on. Mind if I have a look?

Tiger: No-no-no-no-no! Come no closer! I must not be so near a creature of the outdoor woods.

[sneezes]

Tiger: Away with your filth!

Stella: My filth? My *filth*?

Penny: Oh jeepers here we go.

Stella: Okay, that's it. I'm sick and tired of everybody taking one look at me and running away 'cause they think I'm filthy. Well I got news for you: I didn't get primped and preened to have some overfed, pompous puffball tell me he's too good for me. I've got makeup on my *butt*, dude! And you don't even want to know about the cork!

Tiger: Stop! No one has *ever* spoken to me like that!

[others gasp]

Tiger: It is bold... I like it.

Stella: Yeah? Well, there's more where that came from, uh... puffball!

[Leads him away from the door]

Tiger: You're strong. Your essence is overpowering.

Stella: [pushes tail down] Wh-what do you mean by that?

Tiger: It is your eyes.

Stella: My eyes?

Tiger: They are... luminous.

Stella: Luminous... Dang.

[while playing Possum]

Ozzie: Rosebud!

Stella: You mean you don't mind the smell?

Tiger: This face was bred for Beauty. I cannot smell a thing.

RJ: [showing the other animals around the houses] They *always* got food with them. We eat to live - these guys live to eat! Let me show you what I'm talking about!

RJ: [as he speaks he shows the other animals what humans do] The human mouth is called a 'piehole', the human being is called a 'couch potato'.

RJ: [signifies telephone] *That* is a device to summon food.

RJ: [signifies doorbell] That is one of the many voices of food.

RJ: [signifies front door] *That* is the portal for the passing of food.

RJ: [signifies delivery truck] *That* is one of the many food transportation vehicles. Humans bring the food, take the food, ship the food, they drive food, they wear the food!

RJ: [signifies grill] *That* gets the food hot!

RJ: [signifies cooler] *That* keeps the food cold!

RJ: [signifies turtle pinata] *That*... I'm not sure what that is.

RJ: [kids break the turtle piñata and Verne yells] Well, what do you know? FOOD!

RJ: [signifies table where family prays before dinner] *That* is the altar where they WORSHIP food!

RJ: [signifies advert for Seltzer] That's what they eat when they've eaten TOO MUCH food!

RJ: [signifies treadmill] *That* gets rid of the guilt so they can eat MORE FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOOOOD! So, you think they have enough?

RJ: [everybody nods] Well, they don't. For humans, enough is *never* enough! And what do they do with the stuff they don't eat? They put it in gleaming silver cans, just for us!

RJ: [opens the thrash cans and knocks them over] Dig in!

RJ: [to Verne] *You*, my friend, are a natural. Or should I say au naturel?

[Verne realizes he is naked and his shell is on the curb]

Ozzie: I really thought you were dead!

Heather: I learned from the best.

Hammy the Squirrel: [points angrily to his reflection in a car fender] *This* guy's not comin' with us, is he? 'Cause I don't want him to!

RJ: [exasperated] Oh, I have so much work to do.

[last lines]

Hammy the Squirrel: I filled the log! I found my nuts!

Tiger: Stop! No one has ever spoken to me like that!

[beat]

Tiger: It is bold. I like it!

Penny: Jeepers!

Lou: "Jeepers" is the word, alright!

Hammy the Squirrel: [looking at the bigh bush] Lets call it Steve!

Verne: Steve?

Hammy the Squirrel: Steve's a pretty name!

[repeated line]

[Verne feels like ther is something wrong]

Verne: My tail is tingling!

[first lines]

[RJ is trying to get a snack from the snack machine and it breaks]

RJ: No! Come on!

[after the credits, RJ tries to take all the food in the vending machine, but they get stuck]

Hammy the Squirrel: Well, this is anti-climactic

Verne: Come on, you guys!

[Tries to be intimidating]

Verne: Don't make me come in there!

Stella: [Heard beneath the leaves] Y'all better listen... I've been holding something in all winter and I'm about to LET IT OUT!

Penny: [Animals scatter from under leaves] Whoa!

Ozzie: She means it!

[as the leaves and dust settles, Stella is shown in her "firing" position]

Verne: [Politely and grateful] Thank you, Stella!

Stella: [Nonchalantly] Oh, I can clear a room, Verne. That much I can do!

Stella: [to Tiger] Look, its not you. It... it won't work, OK? Because I'm a... a...

Gladys: [walks in, sees Stella] *Skunk!*

Stella: Yeah, that.

Vincent: RJ? The moon's not full yet...

[notices RJ has his food]

Vincent: RJ. Don't tell me you're dumb enough to come up here and steal my stuff. RJ? I'm gonna have to kill you.

[Advances on RJ]

RJ: WAIT! The food is still in the cave, so technically, not stolen!

[accidentally bumps into the wagon, sending it down the hill]

RJ: Oh no, no, no, no! STOP!

[the wagon stops, RJ and Vincent chuckle nervously at each other until a truck destroys the wagon and food]

RJ: Please, Vincent! I'm just a desperate guy trying to feed his family!

Vincent: You don't have a family, RJ.

RJ: I meant a family of one.

RJ: [while Verne begs RJ to get out of the house] Look! I got about this long to hand over that wagonload of food to a homicidal bear - and if these Spuddies aren't on the menu, I will be! Now let go of my tail!

Verne: [chastened] What!

RJ: You want this cookie?

Hammy the Squirrel: Oh, yeah, yeah!

RJ: This cookie's JUNK!

Hammy the Squirrel: But I like the cookie...