Nip/Tuck Quotes

Gina Russo: What's the matter, Christian, not turned on by pregnant women?

Christian Troy: No, just not turned on by you.

Christian Troy: You didn't have an orgasm, is that right?

Grace Santiago: Not a shudder.

Christian Troy: You're a liar. I rode you like a triple crown jockey, and you came.

Grace Santiago: Get out of my face right now.

Christian Troy: I counted each contraction. Three times. Or were you doing your Kegel exercises?

Grace Santiago: [whispers] Lock the door.

[at the start of a consultation]

Sean/Christian: Tell me what you don't like about yourself?

Julia McNamara: Do you know how long it has been since I have heard you laugh? Since I have even seen you be emotional about anything? Jesus, Sean, I haven't seen you cry since Matt was born.

Sean McNamara: I'm not going to apologize for that. I'm a surgeon. If I get emotional patients die.

Julia McNamara: I'm not one of your patients, Sean! I'm your wife! And on your watch, a death has occurred, the death of you and me. This marriage doesn't even have a pulse anymore.

Christian Troy: Can I buy you a drink?

Kimberly Henry: I don't drink.

Christian Troy: May I buy you an appetizer?

Kimberly Henry: I don't eat. I'm a model.

Sean McNamara: Matt's having trouble at school, and he told you this?

Christian Troy: He's torn up. I guess he was showering in gym and shit and some tough guys were laughing at him and calling him AntEater.

Sean McNamara: AntEater?

Christian Troy: Basically, he's self-conscious about his dick, and he wants a circumcision.

Sean McNamara: He doesn't need a circumcision. That's a vanity operation.

Christian Troy: We're in the vanity business, Sean. It's what we do. Appearance is everything to a kid. It's how you fit in. Snip, snip, he feels better about himself, and you, sir, can make that happen. How cool is fatherhood?

Sean McNamara: I'm not doing anything to my son's penis or my wife's breasts. I don't want my family infected by what we do here.

Kimberly Henry: I don't understand this! I haven't heard form him since my operation. It thought that we were gonna be together.

Sean McNamara: Ms. Henry, I think you're confusing Dr. Troy's pleasant and very thorough bedside manner with real emotions.

Liz Winters: If it's any consolation to ya, honey, you're not the first girl he's done this to, but at least you got a good set of tits out of it, so heal in more ways than one and just go on with your life.

Quentin Costa: [after Julia has just fired him] You're a bitch.

Julia McNamara: At least I'm not your bitch.

[during an operation]

Sean McNamara: You're shaving too deep.

Christian Troy: It's fine.

Sean McNamara: Do you want it fine or do you want it perfect?

Grace Santiago: I keep forgetting about the hierarchy of McNamara/Troy, I keep imagining I'm apart of it.

Sean McNamara: You were brought aboard with the promise of parity.

Grace Santiago: What about respect? It's because I slept with Christian, isn't it? Suddenly I'm no longer a professional with credentials, I'm just his latest conquest.

Sean McNamara: I'm not here to pass judgement on your promiscuity.

Grace Santiago: Why don't you admit it Sean. You're operating out of repressed rage because I rejected you and slept with your partner.

Sean McNamara: Dr. Santiago, as a professional, it should have been obvious when I came on to you that I was acting out because of trouble with my marriage, it wasn't personal. It could have been anyone after you.

[Grace storms off]

Christian Troy: You had no right to fire my nanny.

Gina Russo: I don't want my child around cheap common whores.

Christian Troy: He's around you all the time. Oh correction, you're an expensive whore.

Dr. Erica Noughton: Why? Do you have a sub-conscious desire to harm me?

Sean McNamara: I assure you, any desire I have to harm you is totally conscious.

Salesman: You liked Gina before she conceived, you're gonna love her now, she's a tigress!

Christian Troy: Did you screw her?

Salesman: Well... yeah. She told me about your guys situation, I thought you were cool!

Christian Troy: [shoves salesman] You're bragging to me about banging the mother of my unborn child, and you think I'm cool with that? What kind of sick freak are you?

Salesman: She told me you weren't together!

Christian Troy: What's the difference? That's my god damn child you're poking at!

Salesman: She was just so lonely and beautiful. You can't see it, but I can!

Christian Troy: [knocks salesman down] Cancel my order! Stay away from my kid!

Sean McNamara: Remember, We're treating a patient here, not just a vagina.

Christian Troy: That's easy for you to say. You've never been with Vagina Gina.

Matt McNamara: Look, what's happened between the three of you is painful. But we can fix this.

Sean McNamara: Your Mother slept with my best friend, and you were the result, and I didn't know for 17 years, so stop defending them!

Matt McNamara: Yeah, and my Mother is sleeping in a hotel because you kicked her out, and I can hear you crying thorough the walls at night, so don't you dare scream at me!

Christian Troy: Sorry I'm late.

Miss Wentworth: Have a seat, Mr. McNamara.

Christian Troy: It's Troy. Dr. Christian Troy.

Miss Wentworth: I'm confused. I thought you were his father.

Christian Troy: I am. I'm his, uh, biological father.

Matt McNamara: I have 2 dads.

Miss Wentworth: Well, was there a divorce? Oh, got it. 2 dads. Emily Willis has 2 momies. We're seeing more and more of this.

Christian Troy: Matt's father is my partner, Dr. Sean McNamara.

Miss Wentworth: I understand.

Matt McNamara: They're not gay, Miss Wentworht. My Mom slept with Christian before she married my Dad.

Adrian Moore: Technically, I don't have any father figures, but Matt's living in my house and screwing my Mom, so I pretend he's my Dad.

Ava Moore: It's true, Miss Wentworth. Matt and I are lovers. I was his life coach.

Adrian Moore: You see, Matt has a problem. He's a premature ejaculator.

Miss Wentworth: Ok, enough. I deal with dysfunctional families on a daily basis. And trust me, everyone has a story, and none of you are that special.

Sean McNamara: Did you urinate in the soap dispenser, Matt? This act of aggression isn't funny, what's funny about it?

Matt McNamara: This whole thing is funny, Dad. It's idiotic.

Sean McNamara: I asked you a question, Matt. Did you do this?

Matt McNamara: No.

Sean McNamara: Adrian, was it you?

Adrian Moore: Ohh. He's scary, your other dad.

Sean McNamara: You're not leaving here until I get an answer.

Ava Moore: Don't you dare threaten my son.

Adrian Moore: Yeah, I urinated in the soap dispenser. You wanna spank me?

Sean McNamara: I know your body. I always have. I know where you live and breathe.

Julia McNamara: Then how come I haven't had an orgasm in two years?

Sean McNamara: Because I didn't want to work that hard.

Sean McNamara: Are you saying that I have your ineptitude to thank for my success?

Christian Troy: No, you have my 10 inch dick to thank.

[after a girl's night out makeover]

Liz Winters: I don't look like me!

Sophia Lopez: Well, I'm sorry. They don't make a lipstick shade called "BullDyke"

[in a bar where industrial music is playing, Christian moves in on a younger woman]

Christian Troy: Would you believe the shit that passes for music these days?

25 Year Old Woman: You should come here Wednesdays, it's oldies night.

Quentin Costa: You're a bitch.

Julia McNamara: Maybe, but at least I'm not yours.