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[First line, voiceover as we watch him at the base of the Falls]
George Loomis: Why should the Falls drag me down here at 5 o'clock in the morning? To show me how big they are and how small I am? To remind me they can get along without any help? All right, so they've proved it. But why not? They've had ten thousand years to get independent. What's so wonderful about that? I suppose I could too, only it might take a little more time.
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Customs Officer: How long do you plan to be here?
Ray Cutler: Three days.
Customs Officer: Honeymooners?
Polly Cutler: That's right.
Customs Officer: That isn't liquor you have in that case under your coat, is it?
Ray Cutler: Uh, books. I'm going to catch up on my reading.
Customs Officer: Reading!
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Polly Cutler: Fine thing. I tell him we're on our honeymoon and you drag out a copy of Winston Churchill. He must think I'm a pretty hot article.
Ray Cutler: You should have told him we're on a delayed honeymoon.
Polly Cutler: Delayed or not, we agreed to treat it like a regular one, didn't we?
[quick kiss]
Ray Cutler: I'm game. And it'll be just as good as a regular honeymoon.
Polly Cutler: Well, it should be better. I've got my union card now.
[Lascivious glance]
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George Loomis: Let me tell you something. You're young, you're in love. Well, I'll give you a warning. Don't let it get out of hand, like those falls out there. Up above... d'you ever see the river up above the falls? It's calm, and easy, and you throw in a log, it just floats around. Let it move a little further down and it gets going faster, hits some rocks, and... in a minute it's in the lower rapids, and... nothing in the world - including God himself, I suppose - can keep it from going over the edge. It just - goes!
Polly Cutler: Don't worry. I'm one of those logs that just hang around in the calm.
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[Polly Cutler catches Rose Loomis in a passionate embrace with her lover]
Polly Cutler: Didn't that Mrs. Loomis say she was going shopping?
Ray Cutler: Yeah. Why?
Polly Cutler: Well, she sure got herself an armful of groceries.
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[Upon seeing Rose Loomis in a low-cut, tight-fitting red dress]
Ray Cutler: Hey, get out the firehose!
[to Polly]
Ray Cutler: Why don't you ever get a dress like that?
Polly Cutler: Listen. For a dress like that, you've got to start laying plans when you're about thirteen.
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George Loomis: Too bad, they can't play it for you now, Rose.
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George Loomis: I loved you, Rose. You know that.
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Ray Cutler: You kinda like that song don't you Mrs. Loomis?
Rose Loomis: There isn't any other song.
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Rose Loomis: [singing] This is a moment... oh, thrill... Thrill me, Thrill me... mmm... Take me, Take me in your arms, And make may life - perfection, Take me, Darling, don't forsake me, Kiss me, Hold me tight...
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Ray Cutler: Your husband doesn't seem to like music.
Rose Loomis: Depends. He'll get right down and dig, if you give him a rocking chair and a corny old tune like "In the Gloaming."
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George Loomis: Parading around, showing herself off in that dress, cut down so low in front you can see her kneecaps.
Polly Cutler: It's a stunning dress.
George Loomis: Would you wear it?
Polly Cutler: Well, I'm not the kneecap type. She's a pretty girl. Why hide it?
George Loomis: Don't worry about that. She'd like to wear that dress where everybody could see her, right in the middle of Yankee Stadium. She's a tramp!
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George Loomis: I met her in a big beer hall. She was the most popular waitress they had. I guess it was the way she put the beer on the tables.
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Polly Cutler: Didn't do any good to fix that hand. You like to suffer.
George Loomis: Maybe.
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George Loomis: When we get to Chicago you know what we're gonna do?
Rose Loomis: No.
George Loomis: We're going straight to Marshall Field. I'm gonna buy you the slinkiest, meanest, laciest evening gown they've got. Price no object.
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George Loomis: You smell like a dime store. I know what that means.
Rose Loomis: Sure. I'm meeting somebody. Just anybody handy, as long as he's a man. How about the ticket seller himself? I could grab him on my way out. Or one of the kids with the phonograph. Anybody suits me. Take your pick.
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Mr. J.C. Kettering: Well, toodle-oo for now. Pip-pip! Come on, mama!
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Ray Cutler: Oh, Polly. Mr. Loomis. If I hear that name once more, I'll start yelling myself. No wonder it got you. We wait three years for a honeymoon, then spend it with a coupla spooks. Here. Drink this. Mr. Loomis! From the time we get here we're patting his hand, looking for him, burying him. And her! Running around sobbing, yelling, asking if we'll pick out a tombstone. Why, it's enough to drive anybody nuts! Well, we're gonna kiss off this place right now! Give me a hand with this stuff, will ya, honey? Sport clothes! All we needed here was a couple of shrouds.
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Ray Cutler: I'll tell you what, you lie down and I'll get a shave and we'll decide later, Okay? Now lie down!
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Mr. J.C. Kettering: Okay, 5 o'clock in the morning, right here. "Olive oil," as the French say!
Ray Cutler: Thanks a lot.
Mr. J.C. Kettering: Bye.
Ray Cutler: Bye.
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Mr. J.C. Kettering: This Canadian town of Chippewa. Great Revolutionary War battles. The British whipped us.
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Inspector Starkey: I know you've seen enough of the Falls for one trip; but, don't cross us off your list.
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Wife at Bus Station: At this rate, we'll never get home.
Husband at Bus Station: It won't take long. They're looking for some dame. The bus will make up for lost time once we get started.
Wife at Bus Station: "Let's visit Niagara Falls."
Husband at Bus Station: I'm sorry I ever mentioned it.
Niagara Quotes
Extended Reading
