-
[Alan is trying to break up an argument between Deputy Norris and Danforth]
Alan: You know, guys, I moved here and I thought, Great! I'm outta the big city and I'm finally in a place where everybody isn't gonna be crawling up everybody's asshole every day! A place where maybe my biggest nightmare is gonna be getting some goddamn cat out of a tree! But forget that! EVERYBODY IS INSANE, EVERYWHERE!
-
Danforth: Everybody that's got it coming is gonna get it now!
-
Father Meehan: When I was younger, people got along better.
-
Father Meehan: You tell Rose that if he tries to bump us, he'll find out just how hard we mackeral snappers can bump back!
-
Gaunt: Don't blame me, blame it on the bossa nova.
-
Wilma: Pete, get me a goblet from the pen, I feel like turkey tonight.
Pete: You feel like turkey every night Wilma
-
Buster: I just killed my wife. Is that bad?
Leland: Hey, these things happen.
-
Leland: Kill them all. Let God sort them out.
-
[after Buster drives himself and Gaunt into Gaunt's shop and blows it up, Gaunt emerges from the ruins, completely unscathed]
Leland Gaunt: [stepping through the debris] Oh... you know, there are days I really hate this job. This is not my best work, not by a long shot. Oh, sure, a few murders and a couple of rather lovely explosions. I would hardly call it a rousing success, but what the hell? I'll be back.
[to Alan]
Leland Gaunt: In the meantime, you and Polly, you are two terrific kids, and you'll marry her. Trust me. She's a lovely girl, Alan. You'll have a wonderful family. Oh, by the way, give my regards to your grandson. Bob will be his name, international trade his game. I'll see him in Jakarta. 2053, August 14th, 10 a.m. A nice, sunny day. We'll make headlines.
-
Leland Gaunt: If it's too hot in here, Mr. Jewett, just say the word. I'm afraid I have a tendency to turn up the heat.
-
Father Meehan: If there's a devil in this town, it's that damned Reverend Willie Rose!
Alan: You believe me now, Father? You still think he's a decent man? The Devil just blew up your damn church!
Father Meehan: That's not the Devil. It's those God-damned Baptists!
-
Leland: I've always enjoyed ladies who take great pride in themselves.
-
Leland Gaunt: When I started out I was just a peddler moving across the blind face of a distant land. Moving, always moving. Always gone... and in the end I'd always offer weapons. And they'd always take them. Of course I was gone before they realized what they'd purchased.
-
Leland Gaunt: Don't be afraid of it, Hugh. Guns don't kill people. People kill people.
-
Leland Gaunt: The young carpenter from Nazareth? I know him well. Promising young man. He died badly.
-
Leland Gaunt: Oh yes, we're having fun now.
-
Leland Gaunt: SHOOT THEM!
[Alan Pangborn fires his pistol in the air instead]
Leland Gaunt: OH YOU WUSSY!
-
Nettie Cobb: You killed my doggy, you bitch!
Wilma: You broke my microwave, you crazy fuck!
-
Brian Rusk: Mickey Mantle SUCKS!
-
Alan: Do you believe in the Devil, Father?
Father Meehan: I guess I have to. You can't have one without the other. Do you believe in God, Alan?
Alan: What's he look like?
Father Meehan: Look like?
Alan: Yeah. The Devil. What the hell does he look like?
Father Meehan: Well, he looks like you and me, I imagine.
Alan: So he could get his claws in us without our ever knowing, make us do things that we normally would never do. Terrible things.
-
Alan: nettie dident throw those apples think about it would you go over to somebodys house to kill em but spend a half an hour breking all there windows first?
-
Deputy Norris Ridgewick: all hells broken loss around here the bapists are running around cause there church is on fire and somebody murdered Myrtle Keeton with a hammer.
-
Leland: You're disgusting, Dan. I like that in a person.
Needful Things Quotes
Extended Reading
