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Nanny McPhee: There is something you should understand about the way I work. When you need me but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me but no longer need me, then I have to go. It's rather sad, really, but there it is.
[Nanny McPhee turns around to walk out of the room, but stops once she hears Simon]
Simon Brown: We will never want you!
Nanny McPhee: Then I will never go.
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Mrs. Blatherwick: [repeatedly, holding up a piece of paper and pointing to it, referring to the children not being allowed inside the kitchen] I have it in writin'.
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Tora: [regarding the rattle that she has just taken from the baby] It was our mother's rattle. Give it back!
Mrs. Quickly: I'm your mother now.
Mrs. Quickly: [snaps rattle in half]
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Great Aunt Adelaide: Incest!
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Simon Brown: I NEVER say "please"!
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[repeated line]
Nanny McPhee: I did knock.
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[Repeated line]
Nanny McPhee: The person you need is Nanny McPhee.
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Mr. Brown: Nanny McPhee! Now she can't take the donkey, so what have you done?
Nanny McPhee: I have done nothing, sir. The children have decided amongst themselves.
Mr. Brown: Decided what?
Great Aunt Adelaide: [off in distance] There you are, my dear.
Mr. Brown: Not little Chrissy. it's Evangeline
[runs from the house]
Mr. Brown: Evangeline!
Great Aunt Adelaide: [in the carriage] Now my dear, tell me your name.
Mr. Brown: [bolts down the road] Evangeline!
Nanny McPhee: Tell me your name.
Mr. Brown: [in the forest] Evangeline!
Great Aunt Adelaide: Sit up straight, and tell me your name.
Mr. Brown: [the carriage fades in the distance] NO! Evangeline!
Christianna: Papa! Papa!
[races into her father's arms and hugs him]
Mr. Brown: Oh thank...
[the other children run up to him]
Mr. Brown: all of you? Oh... Then who is?
Evangeline: [raises head for Aunt Adelaide to see] Evangeline... My name is Evangeline.
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Mrs. Quickly: O, I do love my weddings!
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[repeated line]
Nanny McPhee: Hmm...
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Nanny McPhee: How's the reading coming along?
Evangeline: Oh... all right. I still haven't gotten to the end of the story, though.
Nanny McPhee: There's no need. You are the end of the story.
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Eric Brown: The nanny is a witch.
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[repeated line given after making a sudden appearance]
Nanny McPhee: I did knock.
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Great Aunt Adelaide: If there's one thing I won't stand for, it's loose vowels!
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Mr. Brown: [monologue] I was confident that there was nothing they could do to upset her.
Nanny Whetstone: [charges into the mortuary screaming] THEY'VE EATEN THE BABY!
Mr. Brown: [monologue] Except that.
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Narrator: Hello. Unfortunately, we must start the story with an empty chair. If it wasn't empty, however, we wouldn't have a story. But, it is, and we do, so we must tell it.
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Tora: [descussing the mishaps at the tea with their father] And the worms in the sandwiches.
Sebastian: That was my idea!... I mean, my fault.
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Lily: Evangeline, do you love Papa?
Evangeline: Of course not! I know my place. That wouldn't be right. I mean... yes.
Lily: Papa, do you love Evangeline?
Mr. Brown: What are you saying? That- that would be totally improper. I mean a thing like that could- could never happen. I mean, obviously... yes.
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Nanny McPhee: [after using a winking donkey to rescue the children from their Great Aunt] One of you is going to have to go and it can't be the donkey.
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Nanny McPhee: Please, Mr. Brown, go back to your newspaper.
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Evangeline: Sod my manners you old trout. This is the most fun I've had in weeks.
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Baby Agatha: Beehive!
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Mr. Brown: It wasn't really the baby they were eating. It was a chicken, actually.
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Simon Brown: You must feel at such a disadvantage, Nanny McPhee.
Nanny McPhee: In what way?
Simon Brown: We know your name... but you don't know ours.
[holds out hand]
Simon Brown: Pleased to make your acquantence, I'm Oglinton Fartworthy.
[Children giggle whilst making farty noises]
Nanny McPhee: [Shakes Simon's hand] How d'you do.
Simon Brown: That's F-A-R-T, Fartworthy.
Tora: Booger McHorsefanny.
Lily: Knickers O'Muffin.
Eric Brown: Sandra.
Christianna: Bum.
Sebastian: I'm Bum!
Christianna: Oh, Bosoms.
[Children giggle out loud]
Baby Agatha: Bum.
Christianna: You can't be Bum, Aggie! Sebastian's Bum. You're Poop.
Baby Agatha: Poop Bum.
Sebastian: You can't be Poop and Bum!
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Great Aunt Adelaide: I shall relieve you of one of your children and give it a home with me at Stitch Manor... As for your fortunate daughter - for it must be a girl and not one of those other things...
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Mr. Brown: I must marry Quickly.
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[picks up a violin]
Mr. Brown: Simon, cricket practice.
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Eric Brown: BANG goes that theory.
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Tora: [deciding who will go with their great-aunt] Well, I'm the eldest girl. I'll go.
Lily: No. I've always known I was destined for tragedy. I'll go.
Baby Agatha: Aggy go.
Eric Brown: Don't be silly, Aggy. You're not even a whole girl yet.
Christianna: No. She wanted me. I'll go.
Sebastian: You can't all go.
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Mrs. Quickly: [to the children] There's only one thing men want. It's no wonder there are so many of you.
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Mr. Brown: Milk?
Great Aunt Adelaide: Definitely not! Most unhealthy!
Mr. Brown: Sugar?
Great Aunt Adelaide: Six, if you please.
Mr. Brown: Six...
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Mr. Brown: I can't support my own family. I never have been able to. There are so many of you. But You're all so delicious. When Aggy came along and your mother was so ill, I said to her, "I think we will have to stop now, dear," and she said... She said, "I know."
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Simon Brown: [Nanny McPhee appears only after he taps her wand into the ground, he nervously quotes her] I-I *did* knock...
Nanny McPhee: I know. I heard you.
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Nanny McPhee: Not at all.
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[first lines]
Mr. Brown: We must begin our story, sad to say with an empty chair. If it were not empty, we would not have a story. But, it is. And we do, and it is time to tell it.
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[Mr. Brown goes to the Nannies of Distinction. Mrs. Partridge locks the door and he tries to open the door, but it won't budge. He knocking on the door]
Mr. Brown: Mrs. Partridge?
The Voice of Mrs Partridge: We're closed!
[turns the sign and says "Closed"]
Mr. Brown: There's been a tiny hiccup.
The Voice of Mrs Partridge: We're not here!
[she put the blinds down]
Mr. Brown: No, no. Please, let me in.
The Voice of Mrs Partridge: Go away!
Mr. Brown: I'm sure, there's time. Listen, they didn't eat the baby. It was a chicken, actually.
The Voice of Mrs Partridge: There's no more nannies! You've had the lot!
[she slams the door and Mr. Brown leaves]
Nanny McPhee Quotes
Extended Reading
