Monkeybone Quotes

Stu Miley: The woman I love is living with a horny little monkey that looks like me.

Kitty: What a lucky girl!

Hypnos: [fustrated] I can't believe it, we give him a body and he sends us dogs? This is so humiliating!

Kitty: [stroking Hypnos] Let's not think about dogs... Let's think about pussycats...

Julie: It looks so... new.

Stu: Well that's because it is new!

Julie: But the heirloom - your grandmother's ring...

Stu: What? You want a used ring?

Stephen King: How about that nightlight I asked you for?

Edgar Allen Poe (to King): King You Pussy!

Stephen King: Bite me Poe!

Stu Miley: So how long have you been in here?

Steven King: 25 Years. I steal the golden ticket and Cujo gets to use it.

Organ Donor Stu: What is wrong with my neck?

Doctor: You broke it, you're an organ donor!

Stu: So I thought what the hell I'm a big celebrity now, I can get all the chicks I want. Why get married? But on the other hand if you are married, no more stink eye. Plus they can't testify against you.

Herb: Testify about what?

[Stu goes into a phone booth to call the authorities and report the car crash, unaware that a large red pipe loosened by the crash is starting to tilt over towards the booth]

Julie: [sees the pipe start to move] Stu!

[Stu turns around a waves to her, then turns back to the phone as the pipe starts to fall]

Julie: [screams] STU!

[Stu waves at her again, and the pipe falls on the booth, putting Stu in a coma]

Death: [sitting at the controls of a tower monster] I do like to dress up when I come down town. So, how was she?

[meaning Julie]

Stu Miley: [standing on the monster's right hand] She was... she was beautiful. Of course I was decomposing at the time but... at least now she knows how much I love her.

Monkeybone: [looking nervous] Uh, excuse me, Death... I hate to break up this little love test, but my little bladder is about to burst.

[Death pulls a lever, and the hand Monkeybone is on swings over Stu]

Monkeybone: [screams] BUT I'VE *REALLY* GOTTA GO!

[the hand covers Stu, then rises off him revealing Monkeybone has disappeared]

Stu Miley: [feeling his head] Where, where's Monkeybone?

Death: Back in your head where he belongs. I don't wanna hurt your feelings Stu, but on your own you're a tad vinilla, so I didn't want to send you back without him.

Stu Miley: [surprised] You're wha... did you? You're sending my *back*?

Death: [sure] Yes. I'm sending you back.

Stu Miley: Thank you. Death...

Death: I like you. I'll take the South Park guys instead I hear they're dying to meet me.

[chuckles]

Death: Come on Stu. Turn round.

Stu Miley: [turns around] Like this?

Death: Yeah, uh-huh.

[looks up]

Death: Stu, little higher.

[Stu steps higher up the palm, and the other hand comes up behind him]

Death: See ya!

[the finger springs off the the thumb, sending Stu back]

Doctor: [racing towards the Ambulance with other doctors carrying the loaner body and Stu's body] Excuse me! That's our corpse. We've been chasing him all over town.

Ambulance Driver: [sitting in the driver seat] Help yourself pal.

Doctor: [pulling the cover off the loaner body] All right smart-ass you prepare to co-operate now?

[Stu sits up, scaring the doctors]

[last lines]

Stu Miley: [Buster runs over to Stu, who is near a fountain] Hey buddy! How are ya?

[chuckles]

Stu Miley: How are ya?

[Stu stands up and sees Julie, who is by the fountain]

Julie: [looks into Stu's eyes] Is it you? Is it really you this time?

[they kiss and the camera turns to Herb, who is in the water near the fountain]

Herb: [to the camera] People, for the love of God, take off your clothes. Take *off* your clothes!

[the scenery turns to cartoon, Herb flies away, a number of people remove their clothing and become monkeys]