Misery Quotes

Annie Wilkes: What's the ceiling that Dago painted?

Paul Sheldon: The Sistine Chapel?

Annie Wilkes: The swearing, Paul. There, I said it.

Paul Sheldon: The, uh, profanity bothers you?

Annie Wilkes: It has no nobility.

Paul Sheldon: These are slum kids, I was a slum kid. Everybody talks like that.

Annie Wilkes: THEY DO NOT! What do you think I say when I go to the feedstore in town, "Oh, now Wally, give me a bag of that F-in' pig feed, and ten pounds of that bitchly cow corn"? And the bank do I tell Mrs. Bollinger, "Oh, here's one big bastard of a check, give me some of your Christ-ing money?" THERE, LOOK THERE, SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!

Paul Sheldon: You know I never tasted meatloaf quite like this, what's your secret?

Annie Wilkes: My secret is, I always use fresh tomatoes, never canned. And to give it that extra zip, I mix a little Spam with the ground beef!

Paul Sheldon: Can't get this in a restaurant in New York.

Annie Wilkes: Oh, no.

Annie Wilkes: Anything else I can get for you while I am in town? How about a tiny tape recorder, or how about a handmade pair of writing slippers?

Paul Sheldon: No, just the paper would be fine.

Annie Wilkes: Are you sure? Because if you want I can bring back the whole store for you!

Paul Sheldon: Annie, what's the matter?

Annie Wilkes: WHAT'S THE MATTER? I'll tell you "what's the matter!" I go out of my way for you! I do everything to try and make you happy. I feed you, I clean you, I dress you, and what thanks do I get? "Oh, you bought the wrong paper, Annie, I can't write on this paper, Annie!" Well, I'll get your stupid paper but you just better start showing me a little appreciation around here, Mr. MAN!

Annie Wilkes: God came to me last night and told me your purpose for being here. I am going to help you write a new book.

Paul Sheldon: You think I can just whip one out?

Annie Wilkes: Oh, but I don't think Paul, I know.

Annie Wilkes: I know I left my scrapbook out. I can imagine what you might be thinking of me. But you see, Paul, it's all okay. Last night it came so clear. I realized you just need more time. Eventually, you'll come to accept the idea of being here. Paul, do you know about the early days at the Kimberly diamond mines? Do you know what they did to the Native workers who stole diamonds? Don't worry, they didn't kill them. That would be like junking your Mercedes just because it had a broken spring. No, if they caught them, they had to make sure they could go on working, but they also had to make sure they could never run away. The operation was called hobbling.

[Annie places a piece of wood between Paul's ankles]

Paul Sheldon: Annie, whatever you're thinking about doing, please don't do it.

[Annie picks up a sledgehammer]

Paul Sheldon: Annie, for God's...

Annie Wilkes: Shh darling, trust me.

Paul Sheldon: God's sake...

Annie Wilkes: It's for the best.

Paul Sheldon: Annie, please!

[Annie swings the sledgehammer at Paul's left ankle, breaking it; Paul screams in agonizing pain]

Annie Wilkes: Almost done. Just one more.

[Annie swings the sledgehammer at Paul's right ankle, breaking it; Paul again screams]

Annie Wilkes: God, I love you.

Annie Wilkes: Here's your pills.

Paul Sheldon: Annie? Annie, what is it?

Annie Wilkes: The rain. Sometimes it gives me the blues. When you first came here, I only loved the writer part of Paul Sheldon. Now I know I love the rest of him, too. I know you don't love me, don't say you do. You're beautiful, brilliant, a famous man of the world and I'm... not a movie star type. You'll never know the fear of losing someone like you if you're someone like me.

Paul Sheldon: Why would you lose me?

Annie Wilkes: Book's almost finished, your legs are getting better. Soon you'll be wanting to leave.

Paul Sheldon: Why would I leave? I like it here.

Annie Wilkes: That's very kind of you, but I'll bet it's not all together true.

[pulls out a gun]

Annie Wilkes: I have this gun.

[pulls the trigger]

Annie Wilkes: Sometimes I think about using it. I'd better go now. I might put bullets in it.

[last lines]

Waitress: Excuse me, but are you Paul Sheldon?

Paul Sheldon: Yes.

Waitress: I just wanted to tell you I'm your number one fan.

Paul Sheldon: That's... very sweet of you...

[Annie has just read Paul's latest novel]

Annie Wilkes: YOU! YOU DIRTY BIRD, HOW COULD YOU!

Paul Sheldon: What?

Annie Wilkes: She can't be dead, MISERY CHASTAIN CANNOT BE DEAD!

Paul Sheldon: Annie, in 1871, women often died during childbirth. But her SPIRIT is the important thing, and Misery's spirit is still alive.

Annie Wilkes: I DON'T WANT HER SPIRIT! I WANT HER! AND YOU MURDERED HER!

Paul Sheldon: No... I didn't.

Annie Wilkes: WHO DID?

Paul Sheldon: No one! She... she died! She just slipped away!

Annie Wilkes: SLIPPED AWAY! SLIPPED AWAY? SHE DIDN'T JUST SLIP AWAY! YOU DID IT! YOU DID IT! YOU DID IT! YOU MURDERED MY MISERY!

Annie Wilkes: When I was growing up in Bakersfield, my favourite thing in the whole world was to go to the movies on Saturday afternoons for the Chapter Plays.

Paul Sheldon: [nodding] Cliffhangers.

Annie Wilkes: [shouting] I know that, Mr. Man! They also called them serials. I'm not stupid ya know... Anyway, my favourite was Rocketman, and once it was a no breaks chapter. The bad guy stuck him in a car on a mountain road and knocked him out and welded the door shut and tore out the brakes and started him to his death, and he woke up and tried to steer and tried to get out but the car went off a cliff before he could escape! And it crashed and burned and I was so upset and excited, and the next week, you better believe I was first in line. And they always start with the end of the last week. And there was Rocketman, trying to get out, and here comes the cliff, and just before the car went off the cliff, he jumped free! And all the kids cheered! But I didn't cheer. I stood right up and started shouting. This isn't what happened last week! Have you all got amnesia? They just cheated us! This isn't fair! HE DID'NT GET OUT OF THE COCK - A - DOODIE CAR!

Paul Sheldon: [long pause] They always cheated like that in cl... chapter plays.

Virginia McCain: [talking to Jim Taylor on the phone about Buster] No, he's not here. I don't know where he is, he never tells me anything any more. Probably out having an affair somewhere.

[Buster walks in]

Virginia McCain: Oh here he is.

[hands Buster the phone]

Virginia McCain: It's Jim Taylor, he wants to know who you're having an affair with.

Virginia McCain: [teasing Buster about a fake affair as she looks through the new Misery books] Well, whoever she is, she sure likes to read a lot.

Sheriff John T. 'Buster' McCain: Virginia, I'm flattered that you think I have that kind of energy. I figure that if I can't find Paul Sheldon, at least I'll find out what he wrote about.

Virginia McCain: Well, what do you expect to find? A story about a guy who drove his car off a cliff in a snowstorm?

Sheriff John T. 'Buster' McCain: You see, it's just that kind of sarcasm that's given our marriage real spice.

Paul Sheldon: [holding a rolled-up page of his manuscript] Remember how for all those years, nobody knew who Misery's real father was, or if they'd ever be reunited? It's all right here. Does she finally marry Ian, or will it be Winthorne? It's all right here.

[lights a match and with it, lights the page]

Annie Wilkes: Paul you can't!

[drops her glass]

Paul Sheldon: [Still holding the burning page] Why not? I learned it from you.

[Puts the burning page down onto his manuscript, already on the floor, burning it]

Virginia McCain: We got a phone call? Busy morning.

Sheriff John T. 'Buster' McCain: Yeah. Work, work, work.

Paul Sheldon: [Paul is trying to use his "key" to unlock the door of his room] Come on, you've written about this. Now, do it.

Paul Sheldon: [the "key" unlocks the door and he opens it] What do you know? It actually works.

Virginia McCain: [Virginia and Buster are driving along the mountain road]

[Sarcastically]

Virginia McCain: Well, this sure is fun.

[She later takes her hand and lovingly rubs Buster's leg]

Sheriff John T. 'Buster' McCain: [Buster is sensing what's going on] Virginia, when you're in this car, you're not my wife, you're my deputy.

[He takes her hand and puts it back on the steering wheel]

Virginia McCain: [Sarcastically] Well, this deputy would rather be home under the covers with the sheriff.

Paul Sheldon: The Sistine Chapel?

Annie Wilkes: YEEEAAAHHH! That and "Misery's Child", those are the only two divine things in this world!

[Annie chases her pet pig out of the room, then turns around and makes pig oink noises at Paul. Paul smiles thinly as she leaves, and he looks a little creeped out]

Annie Wilkes: No! Not my Misery! No, no, no! Not my Misery!

[Paul the grabs the typewriter and hits her violently in the head, causing that Annie's sleeve catches fire]

Annie Wilkes: No!

[Annie turns off the fire, moves the typewriter aside and gets up to grab Paul]

Annie Wilkes: I'm gonna kill you, you lying cocksucker!

[Paul gouges her eyes with his thumbs and hits her in the nose - Annie takes her gun and shoots Paul in the shoulder, then he jumps out of the wheelchair and attacks Annie]

Paul Sheldon: [Paul takes the burnt paper] You want it? You want it?

[He shoves the burnt paper down her throat]

Paul Sheldon: Eat it! Eat it till you choke, you sick twisted f**k!

[Annie kicks Paul and gets up - Too bad! Paul makes Annie fall and hits her head on the corner of the typewriter]