Milk Money Quotes

[to V, the hooker]

Cash: You think I'm a slot machine? I'm not a slot machine, you are.

V: There is a place you can touch on a woman that will make her go crazy.

Frank Wheeler: Where?

V: Her heart.

V: Nobody's treated me the way you do before.

Tom: How do I treat you?

V: Like a person.

Tom: How does everybody else treat you?

V: Like a hooker.

Tom: Why do they treat you like that?

V: Because I am hooker!

Frank Wheeler: [brings Tom into the kitchen where V is on the phone] Look, Dad... it's a girl! What do you say?

Tom: [puzzled] Thank you?

V: [V agrees to flash the boys, but Frank covers his eyes] What's the matter?

Frank Wheeler: I can't do this. I want to be a gentleman.

V: [noticing the candy he is eating] Doesn't a gentleman bring enough for everybody?

V: I need a hundred bucks or I'm gonna get slapped, you think you can do that?

Frank Wheeler: Here, take it.

V: Where'd you get all this money?

Frank Wheeler: My friends and I want to see a naked lady.

V: How much of a naked lady?

Frank Wheeler: As much as a hundred dollars will buy.

Frank Wheeler: My mother died before I was born.

V: I don't think that's possible.

Frank Wheeler: Okay she had me first and then she died right after.

V: How should we do this? On the bed, or standing?

Brad: I'll stand.

V: I meant ME.

V: OK, pull your shirts up over your heads. Come on.

V: M'kay, you're not hairy enough to be dangerous

Frank Wheeler: [Frank has to gave a presentation on the female body/reproductive system to his class, so he uses V as a model] This is a woman. These are her breasts. They serve an important biological function in child-rearing as a both a food source and headrests. Size and shape of breasts may vary from person to person, but number is constant: one, two. Please?

[V unzips her denim shorts to reveal a flesh-colored leotard]

Frank Wheeler: [to the class] Who wants me to go on?

[his classmates cheer]

Frank Wheeler: Now I didn't want to do this, but it's part of the assignment.

[begins drawing a rough female reproduction system on V's leotard]

Frank Wheeler: These are the ovaries. That's where the eggs are. Eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs. Each ovary is connected to its very own Fallopian tube, which swings, which swings down sort of like this, like a little freeway. Leading to the uterus, about this size baby motel. Just roughly here.

V: [chuckles as he draws on her]

Frank Wheeler: What?

V: It tickles.

Frank Wheeler: Oh, sorry.