Midnight Cowboy Quotes

Joe Buck: Sometimes you make me want to puke, Ratso.

Ratso Rizzo: Joe, uh, do me one favor, huh? This is my place. Am I wrong?

Joe Buck: No, you ain't wrong.

Ratso Rizzo: You know, in my own place, my name ain't Ratso. I mean, it just so happens that in my own place my name - is Enrico Salvatore Rizzo.

Joe Buck: Well, I can't say all that.

Ratso Rizzo: Rico, then. At least call me Rico in my own God damn place.

Joe Buck: Ok. Rico, Rico, Rico. Rico, Rico, Rico, Rico. Is that enough for you?

Ratso Rizzo: That's fine.

Gretel McAlbertson: Why are you stealing food?

Ratso Rizzo: I was just, uh, noticing that you're out of salami. I think you oughtta have somebody go over to the delicatessen, you know, bring some more back.

Gretel McAlbertson: Gee, well, you know, it's free. You don't have to steal it.

Ratso Rizzo: Well, if it's free, then I ain't stealin'.

Joe Buck: I like the way I look. Makes me feel good, it does. And women like me, goddammit. Hell, the only one thing I ever been good for is lovin'. Women go crazy for me, that's a really true fact! Ratso, hell! Crazy Annie they had to send her away!

Ratso Rizzo: Then, how come you ain't scored once the whole time you been in New York?

[At the gravesite of his father]

Ratso Rizzo: He was even dumber than you. He couldn't even write his own name. "X," that's what it ought to say on that goddamn headstone, one big lousy "X". Just like our dump. Condemned by order of City Hall.

Ratso Rizzo: Here I am, goin' to Florida, my leg hurts, my butt hurts, my chest hurts, my face hurts, and like that ain't enough, I gotta pee all over myself.

[Joe Buck laughs]

Ratso Rizzo: That's funny? I'm fallin' apart here!

Joe Buck: It's just - Know what happened? You just took a little rest stop that wasn't on the schedule!

Joe Buck: You know, Cass, that's a funny thing you mentioning money - 'cause I was just about to ask you for some.

Cass: You were gonna ask me for money? Huh?

Joe Buck: Well, hell, why do you think I come all the way up here from Texas for?

Cass: You were gonna ask me for money. Who the hell do you think you're dealing with? Some old slut on 42nd Street? In case you didn't happen to notice it - you big Texas longhorn bull - I'm one hell of a gorgeous chick!

[first lines]

Joe Buck: Whoopee-tee-yi-yo. Get along little dogies. It's your misfortune and none of my own.

Ratso Rizzo: Woman starts crying, I'd cut my heart out for her.

Jackie - New York: [passing by] That's a great idea. In fact, you just sit tight and I'll cut it out with my fingernail file, Ratso.

Ratso Rizzo: The name's Rizzo.

Jackie - New York: That's what I said: Ratso.

Jackie - New York: I just want to ask you one thing, cowboy. If you're sitting here, and he's sitting all the way over there, then how's he gonna get his hand into your pocket? Oh, but I guess he has that all figured out. 'Night, toots.

[walks away]

Ratso Rizzo: Faggot!

Jackie - New York: [offscreen] Provolone!

Ratso Rizzo: Faggot!

Ratso Rizzo: I gotta get outta here, gotta get outta here. Miami Beach, that's where you could score. Anybody can score there, even you. In New York, no rich lady with any class at all buys that cowboy crap anymore. They're laughin' at you on the street.

Joe Buck: Ain't nobody laughin' at me on the street.

Ratso Rizzo: Behind your back, I've seen 'em laughin' at you, fella.

Joe Buck: Aw, what the hell you know about women anyway? When's the last time you scored, boy?

Ratso Rizzo: That's a matter I only talk about at confession. We're not talkin' about me now.

Joe Buck: And when's the last time you've been to confession?

Ratso Rizzo: It's between me and my confessor. And I'll tell ya another thing. Frankly, you're beginning to smell. And for a stud in New York, that's a handicap.

Joe Buck: Well, don't talk to me about clean. I ain't never seen you change your underwear once the whole time I've been here in New York. And that's pretty peculiar behavior.

Ratso Rizzo: I don't have to do that kind of thing in public. I ain't got no need to expose myself.

Joe Buck: [cruelly] No, I bet you don't. I bet you ain't never even been laid! How about that? And you're gonna tell me what appeals to women!

Ratso Rizzo: I know enough to know that that great big, dumb cowboy crap of yours don't appeal to nobody except every jockey on 42nd Street. That's faggot stuff! You wanna call it by its name? That's strictly for fags!

Joe Buck: John Wayne! You wanna tell me he's a fag?

[after a long pause]

Joe Buck: I like the way I look. It makes me feel good. It does. And women like me, god-dammit. Hell, only one thing I've ever been good for is lovin'. Women go crazy for me. That's a really true fact. Ratso, hell: Crazy Annie, they had to send her away.

Ratso Rizzo: Then how come you ain't scored once, the whole time you've been in New York?

Joe Buck: 'Cause, 'cause I need management, god-dammit. 'Cause you stole twenty dollars offa me. That's why you're gonna stop crappin' around about Florida. And, and get your skinny butt movin.' And earn twenty dollars worth of management which you owe me.

Joe Buck: I'm brand, spankin' new in this here town and I was hopin' to get a look at the Statue of Liberty.

Cass: It's up in Central Park, taking a leak. If you hurry, you can catch the supper show.

Joe Buck: [Rizzo polishes Joe's boots] Hey, you pretty damn good at that. I'll bet you could make a living at it if you tried.

Ratso Rizzo: And end up a hunchback like my old man? You think I'm crippled, you should have caught him at the end of the day. My old man spent 14 hours a day down in that subway. He come home at night - 2,3 dollars worth of change stained with shoe polish. Stupid bastard coughed his lungs out from breathing in that wax all day. Even a faggot undertaker couldn't get his nails clean. They had to bury him with gloves on.

Cass: [Cass is on the phone while Joe Buck is foreplaying with her] Oh God... Nothing, I'm talking to Baby. I'm talking to the dog, Maury... please, you're annoying me! Here, why don't you say hello to Baby?

[She puts the phone near her toy poodle's ear]

Maury (voice on phone): Hello, Baby. Hello, Baby! Hello, ya goddamn dog! Bow wow wow! Bow wow wow!

Ratso Rizzo: Come on man, don't hit me. Come on, man. Come on, I'm a cripple!

Joe Buck: I ain't gonna hit you!

Ratso Rizzo: Come on...

Joe Buck: I'm gonna STRANGLE you to death!

Ratso Rizzo: You didn't kill him, did you? You got blood on your jacket.

Joe Buck: I don't want to talk about it.

Joe Buck: Well, I hope you know what you're in for. I'm a truly dangerous person, I am. And some- someone does me bad, like you... I swear, if I'd have caught up with you that night there would've been one dead Ratso along by now, you understand me? You hear?

Ratso Rizzo: [deadpan] I'm impressed. You're a killer.

Ralph - Texas: What are you gonna do back East?

Joe Buck: Lot of rich women back there, Ralph, beggin' for it. Payin' for it too.

Ralph - Texas: Yeah?

Joe Buck: Yeah. Hell, yeah. An the men, they're mostly tutti-fruttis.

Ralph - Texas: Oh, I'll bet you it's a mess back there.

Joe Buck: So, I'm gonna cash in on some of that, right!

Ralph - Texas: I don't know. I don't know nothin' about it.

Joe Buck: Hell! What do I got to stay around here for? I got places to go, right!

Joe Buck: I'm Joe Buck from Texas.

Ratso Rizzo: Enrico Rizzo, from the Bronx.

Joe Buck: And I'm gonna buy you a drink. What the hell you think of that?

Ratso Rizzo: Well, I don't mind if I do.

Jackie - New York: Ratso.

Ratso Rizzo: The name's Rizzo.

Jackie - New York: That's what I said. Ratso.

Mr. O'Daniel: Lonesome! I'm lonesome, so I'm a drunk. I'm lonesome, so I'm a dope fiend.

Woman - Mr. O'Daniel's Neighbor: Shut up!

Mr. O'Daniel: I'm lonesome, so I'm a thief. I'm lonesome, so I'm a fornicator, a whoremonger!

Woman - Mr. O'Daniel's Neighbor: You phony!

Ratso Rizzo: I'm invitin' you. I mean, if you're not located, I got a place. I'm invitin' you, goddammit!

Joe Buck: You're invitin'! Shit!

Ratso Rizzo: Sir, where's mine? The black homburg. I brought it in at the same time.

Hat Shop Owner - New York: Well, I tell-a you, I don't know. You no have a-hats a-here, mister. You gotta bring me the ticket and you get a-hat.

Ratso Rizzo: Okay, go ahead. Come on. Take a look.

Joe Buck: Don't rush me, boy. Gotta take your time here. Get myself primed up, like I was turnin' on the charm for some pretty little blonde lady, you know? Then when I'm feelin' cool and good - I spin around! And there you are, you handsome devil you!

Ratso Rizzo: Not bad. Not bad. For a cowboy. You're okay. You're okay.

Ratso Rizzo: I ain't talkin' priest talk, I'm talkin' about what people believe in. Some people believe you can come back in another body.

Joe Buck: Well, I hope I don't come back in your body!

Ratso Rizzo: I ain't asking you to come back in my body. I'm just sayin' you can come back as anything. You could come back as a - a dog or a president.

Joe Buck: If I had my choice, of bein' a dog or a president, I'd come back as a president. I ain't that dumb.

Ratso Rizzo: It's a come-on.

Joe Buck: Yeah, you know what this is? This is a come-on to a party, is what it is.

Ratso Rizzo: It's a couple of wackos advertising. Where does it say to go? Klein's Bargain Basement? You go there and get a ten-year subscription to the Encyclopedia Britannica.

Ratso Rizzo: Get outta here. What do a couple of fruity wackos like that want with characters like you and me?

Joe Buck: It don't say nothin' about you. It don't say nothin' about you.

Ratso Rizzo: It don't say nothin' about you, either!

Ratso Rizzo: So, what are you drivin' at? You want me to get lost so you can go to your fancy-ass party?

Joe Buck: What a minute. Wait a second. I didn't say nothin' about that. Did I say that? Did I? I'll just tell 'em, 'You want me, I don't go nowhere without my buddy here.'

Ratso Rizzo: I ain't dressed for a party.

Shirley: Why a cowboy whore? Did you know we were gonna make it?

Ratso Rizzo: So, you really wanna do business?

Shirley: Who is he?

[Joe Laughs]

Shirley: Don't tell me you two are a couple.

[Joe and Rizzo laugh]

Shirley: Hey. Why are you laughing, Joe? Are you really a cowboy?

Joe Buck: Well, I'll tell you the truth now. I ain't a for-real cowboy, but I am one hell of a stud!

Ratso Rizzo: A very expensive stud and I happen to be his manager.

Shirley: How much is this gonna cost me?

Ratso Rizzo: Twenty bucks.

Shirley: Okay.

Ratso Rizzo: And taxi fare for me.

Shirley: Oh, get lost, will ya?

Ratso Rizzo: I agree, but for that service I charge one buck taxi fare. Okay?

Shirley: Yeah, okay, okay, okay.

Party Girl: What's the matter? How did you get crippled?

Ratso Rizzo: I slipped on a banana peel.

Shirley: Well, it happens. Don't worry about it.

Joe Buck: Well, it ain't never happened to me before! You can bet your bottom dollar on that. Where's the matches, ma'am?

Shirley: Over there behind that thing. Maybe if you didn't call me ma'am' - things might work out better.

Joe Buck: That's the first goddamn time the thing ever quit on me. That's a fact. You think I'm lyin' to you?

Shirley: No. No, I don't think you're lying. I just had this funny image. I had this image of a policeman without his stick and a bugler without his horn etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

[laughs]

Shirley: Oh. Well, I think I'm making it worse. Maybe we oughta take a little nap and see what happens.

Joe Buck: I ain't sleepy.

Shirley: Oh. I know. Scribbage!

Shirley: 'Gay' ends in 'Y'. Hmm? Do you like that?

Joe Buck: Cut that out.

Shirley: Gay. Fay. Is that your problem, baby?

Joe Buck: I'm gonna show you my darn problem!

Ratso Rizzo: How was she?

Joe Buck: Well, she went crazy, if you want to know the damn truth of it.

Ratso Rizzo: Yeah?

Joe Buck: Yeah. She turned into a damn alley cat.

Ratso Rizzo: I'm scared.

Joe Buck: What are you scared of?

Ratso Rizzo: You know what they do to you when they know you can't... When they find out that you can't wa - walk. Oh, Christ!