Mean Girls Quotes

Janis: That one there, that's Karen Smith. She is one of the dumbest girls you will ever meet. Damien sat next to her in English last year.

Damian: She asked me how to spell orange.

[Cady snickers]

Janis: That little one, that's Gretchen Wieners.

Damian: She's totally rich because her dad invented Toaster Streudels.

Janis: Gretchen Wieners knows everybody's business, she knows everything about everyone.

Damian: That's why her hair is so big, it's full of secrets.

Janis: And evil takes a human form in Regina George. Don't be fooled because she may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing slut faced ho-bag, but in reality, she's so much more than that.

Damian: She's the queen bee - the star, those other two are just her little workers.

Regina: Ma'am, do you have this in the next size up?

Saleslady: Sorry, we only carry sizes 1, 3, and 5. You could try Sears.

Regina George: She thinks she's gonna have a party and not invite me? Who does she think she is?

Shane Oman: You're right, hon.

Regina George: I like *invented* her, you know what I mean?

Cady: Oh, god.

Janis: You dirty little liar!

Cady: I'm sorry, I can explain.

Janis: Explain how you forgot to invite us to your party?

Damian: Janis, I cannot stop this car. I have a curfew.

Cady: You know I couldn't invite you. I had to pretend to be plastic.

Janis: Hey, buddy, you're not pretending anymore. You're plastic. Cold, shiny, hard plastic.

Damian: Curfew, 1:00 AM, it is now 1:10.

Janis: Did you have an awesome time? Did you drink awesome shooters, listen to awesome music, and then just sit around and soak up each others awesomeness?

Cady: You know what? You're the one who made me like this so you could use me for your 8th grade revenge!

Janis: God! See, at least me and Regina George know we're mean! You try to act so innocent like, "Oh, I use to live in Africa with all the little birdies, and the little monkeys!"

Cady: You know what! It's not my fault you're like, in love with me, or something!

Janis: What?

Damian: Oh, no, she did not!

Janis: See? That's the thing with you plastics. You think everybody is in love with you when actually, everybody HATES you! Like, Aaron Samuels, for example, he broke up with Regina and guess what? He still doesn't want you! So why are you still messing with Regina, Cady? I'll tell you why, because you are a mean girl! You're a bitch! Here. You can have this. It won a prize.

[Damian drives away with Janis, yelling out the window]

Damian: And I want my pink shirt back! I want my pink shirt back!

Cady: Hey!

Regina: Why were you talking to Janis Ian?

Cady: I don't know, I mean, she's so weird, she just, you know, came up to me and started talking to me about crack.

Regina: She's so pathetic. Let me tell you something about Janis Ian. We were best friends in middle school. I know, right? It's so embarrassing. I don't even... Whatever. So then in eighth grade, I started going out with my first boyfriend Kyle who was totally gorgeous but then he moved to Indiana, and Janis was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like, if I would blow her off to hang out with Kyle, she'd be like, "Why didn't you call me back?" And I'd be like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?" So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-girls pool party, I was like, "Janis, I can't invite you, because I think you're lesbian." I mean I couldn't have a lesbian at my party. There were gonna be girls there in their *bathing suits*. I mean, right? She was a LESBIAN. So then her mom called my mom and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then she dropped out of school because no one would talk to her, and she came back in the fall for high school, all of her hair was cut off and she was totally weird, and now I guess she's on crack.

Karen: Why are you dressed so scary?

Cady: It's Halloween.

Damian: [delivering candy canes] Taylor Zimmermann, two for you. Glenn Coco? FOUR for you, Glenn Coco! You go, Glenn Coco. And uh... "Caddy" Heron. Do we have a "Caddy" Heron here?

Cady: It's Cady.

Damian: Oh Cady, here you go, one for you... And none for Gretchen Wieners, bye.

[repeated line]

Regina: I know, right?

Gretchen: [to Cady] If only you knew how mean she really is... You'd know that I'm not allowed to wear hoop earrings, right? Yeah! Two years ago she told me hoops earrings were *her* thing and I wasn't allowed to wear them anymore. And then for Hannakuh my parents got this pair of really expensive white gold hoops and I had to pretend like I didn't even like them and... it was so sad. And you know she cheats on Aaron? Yes, every Thursday he thinks she's doing SAT prep but really she's hooking up with Shane Oman in the projection room above the auditorium! I never told anybody that because I am *such* a good friend!

[begins to cry]

Cady: [voiceover] Ms. Norbury had us write out apologies to people we'd hurt in our lifes.

Michigan Girl: Alyssa, I'm sorry I called you a gap-toothed bitch. It's not your fault you're so gap-toothed.

Janis: [reading list the major cliques in high school] You got your freshmen, ROTC guys, preps, J.V. jocks, Asian nerds, Cool Asians, Varsity jocks Unfriendly black hotties, Girls who eat their feelings, Girls who don't eat anything, Desperate wannabes, Burnouts, Sexually active band geeks,

[a picture of herself and Damian come on screen]

Janis: the greatest people you will ever meet, and the worst. Beware of plastics.

Shane Oman: Why are you eating a Kalteen bar?

Regina: I'm starving.

Shane Oman: Man, I hate those things. Coach Carr makes us eat those when we want to move up a weight class.

Regina: What?

Shane Oman: They make you gain weight like crazy.

Regina: Motherf -

[she spits out the bite of the bar that she was chewing, and then she lets out a high-pitched scream]

Regina: Aaaaaaaah!

Cady: [after seeing Regina in mirror] Regina, wow, you look really beautiful.

Regina: I'm wearing a spinal halo.

Cady: Look, I'm really sorry about the bus. I feel like it's all my fault.

Regina: Stopping making this about you. I'm the one that got hit by the bus.

Cady: I'm really sorry about all the other stuff too.

Regina: Okay, I'm going to forgive you because I'm a very Zen person... and I'm on a lot of pain medication right now.

Cady: [Cady smiles]

Regina: You know Aaron really does like you. He's always talking about how unusual you are and it really pissed me off. Like this one time, I got this really expensive doll house from Germany, but I never played with it. So my mom wanted to give it to my cousin. But even though I didn't want it...

Cady: You begged your mom to let you keep it?

Regina: No. I threw it down the stairs.

[they giggle]

Regina: I didn't want anyone else to have it. But that's just me.

Mrs. George: Regina! There about to announce the queen.

[sees Cady]

Mrs. George: Hello.

Regina: Can you believe my f-ing mom is here?

Regina: [they giggle]

Regina: Bye.

[waves]

[seeing all the girls fighting]

Mr. Duvall: Hell, no. I did *not* leave the South Side for this!

[hits fire alarm with a baseball bat]

Kevin Gnapoor: [after cutting into dance] What's up?

Janis: Can I help you?

Kevin Gnapoor: You Puerto Rican?

Janis: Lebanese.

Kevin Gnapoor: I feel that.

Betsy Heron: Where's Cady?

Chip Heron: She went out.

Betsy Heron: She's grounded.

Chip Heron: [surprised] Are they not suppose to be let out when they're grounded?

Karen: Gretchen, I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Nobles.

[beat]

Karen: And I'm sorry for telling everyone about it.

[beat]

Karen: And I'm sorry for repeating it now.

Mrs. George: [serving the Plastics fruit drinks] Hey, you guys! Happy hour is from four to six!

Cady: Um, is there alcohol in this?

Mrs. George: Oh, God, honey, no! What kind of mother do you think I am? Why, do you want a little bit? Because if you're going to drink I'd rather you do it in the house.

Cady: [after humiliating Regina] Wait Regina, I didn't mean for this to happen!

Regina: To find out that everyone hates me? I don't care!

Cady: Wait Regina, just listen!

Regina: No! Do you know what everyone says about you behind your back? Hmm? They say that you're a homeschooled jungle freak, that's a less hot version of me! Yeah, so don't try to act so innocent! You can take that fake apology, and shove it right up your hairy c...

[Regina gets hit by a bus]

Jason: [reading from the Burn Book] Trang Pak made out with Coach Carr! And so did Sun Jin Dinh!

Trang Pak: [in Vietnamese] You little slut!

Sun Jin Dinh: You're the slut!

[both start swearing in Vietnamese]

Joan the Secretary: And finally, the nominees for 'Spring Fling Queen'! Regina George...

[class applauds]

Joan the Secretary: Gretchen Weiners.

[class applauds and Gretchen responds breathlessly]

Joan the Secretary: Janis Ian.

[class applauds]

Regina: [confused] What is happening to the world?

Janis: Damien!

[Janis shoves Damien]

Damian: I couldn't help myself!

Joan the Secretary: And finally, Cady Heron!

[class applauds]

Cady: Damien? You put me in there, too? That's not part of the plan!

Damian: I didn't put you in there...

Cady: [surprised] You mean I'm really nominated?

Chip Heron: Hey, how was school?

Cady: Fine.

Betsy Heron: Were people nice?

Cady: No.

Chip Heron: Did you make any friends?

Cady: Yes.

[after learning Cady is home-schooled]

Regina: But you're, like, really pretty.

Cady: Thank you.

Regina: So you agree?

Cady: What?

Regina: You think you're really pretty?

Cady: Oh... I don't know

Regina: Oh my God, I love your skirt! Where did you get it?

Lea Edwards: It was my mom's in the '80s.

Regina: Vintage, so adorable.

Lea Edwards: Thanks.

Regina: [after girl walks away] That is the ugliest f-ing skirt I've ever seen.

[Damien is in the Girl's Bathroom]

Short Girl: Hey, get out of here.

Damian: Oh my God - Danny DeVito! I love your work!

Karen: If you're from Africa, why are you white?

Gretchen: Oh my God, Karen, you can't just ask people why they're white.

Regina: I gave him everything! I was half a virgin when I met him.

Karen: Do you wanna do something fun? Wanna go to taco bell?

Regina: I can't go to taco bell, I'm on an all-carb diet. GOD Karen you're so stupid!

[Regina leaves, Gretchen follows]

Gretchen: Wait, Regina! Talk to me!

Regina: No one understands me...

Gretchen: I understand you!

[Regina & Gretchen's voices fade out]

Cady: You're not stupid, Karen.

Karen: No, I am actually. I'm failing almost everything!

Cady: Well... there must be something you're good at.

Karen: I can stick my whole fist in my mouth! Wanna see?

Cady: No no no... Anything else?

Karen: Well... I'm kinda psychic. I have a fifth sense.

Cady: What do you mean?

Karen: It's like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell when it's going to rain.

Cady: Really? That's amazing.

Karen: Well... they can tell when it's raining.

Damian: [reading the entry on himself from the Burn Book] "Too gay to function?"

Janis: That's only okay when *I* say it!

Damian: [reading Cady's class schedule] Health, Spanish... you're taking 12th Grade Calculus?

Cady: Yeah, I like math.

Damian: Eww. Why?

Cady: Because it's the same in every country.

Damian: That's beautiful.

[to Janis]

Damian: This girl is deep.

Janis: [to the female student body] Okay, yeah. I've got an apology. So, I have this friend who is a new student this year. And I convinced her that it would be fun to mess up Regina George's life. So I had her pretend to be friends with Regina, and then she would come to my house after and we would just laugh about all the dumb stuff Regina said. And we gave these candy bar things that would make her gain weight, and then we turned her best friends against her. And then... Oh yeah, Cady - you know my friend Cady? She made out with her boyfriend, and we convinced him to break up with her. Oh, God, and we gave her foot cream instead of face wash.

[to Regina]

Janis: God! I am so sorry Regina. Really, I don't know why I did this. I guess it's probably because I've got a big *lesbian* crush on you! Suck on *that*! AY-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI!

Regina: Why don't I know you?

Cady: I'm new. I just moved here from Africa.

Regina: What?

Cady: I used to be home-schooled.

Regina: Wait... what?

Cady: My mom taught me at home...

Regina: No, I know what home-school is, I'm not retarded! So you've actually never been to a real school before? Shut up! Shut up!

Cady: I didn't say anything.

Karen: [thinks she flashed over] Oh my god, she's so annoying.

Gretchen: Who is?

Karen: Who's this?

Gretchen: Gretchen...

Karen: Right... hold on.

[Karen flashes over]

Karen: Oh my god, she's so annoying.

Gretchen: [reading from the Burn Book] Trang Pak is a grotsky, little byotch.

Regina: Still true.

Gretchen: Dawn Schweitzer is a fat virgin.

Regina: Still half-true.

Karen: Amber D'Alessio . She made out with a hot dog.

Gretchen: Janis Ian-DYKE.

Karen: [pointing to Damien in background of picture] Hey, who is that?

Gretchen: I think it's that kid, Damien.

Cady: Yeah, he's almost too gay to function.

[Karen & Gretchen chuckle]

Regina: That's funny, put that in there.

[trying to avoid plans with Regina]

Karen: I can't go out.

[faux coughs softly]

Karen: I'm sick.

Regina: Boo, you whore!

Janis: Why didn't they just keep home schooling you?

Cady: They wanted me to get socialized.

Damian: Oh, you'll get socialized all right, a little slice like you.

Cady: What are you talking about?

Janis: You're a regulation hottie.

Cady: What?

Damian: Own it.

[Gretchen arrives at Karen's house, dressed in a cat suit with cat ears. Karen's in a skimpy short dress]

Gretchen: What are you supposed to be?

[Points to her headband]

Karen: I'm a MOUSE. DUH.

Jason: Is your muffin buttered?

Cady: What?

Jason: Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin?

Cady: My what?

Regina: Is he bothering you? Jason, why are you such a skeeze?

Jason: I'm just being friendly.

Gretchen: [whispers] You were supposed to call me last night!

Regina: Jason, you do not come to a party at my house with Gretchen and then scam on some poor innocent girl right in front of us three days later. She's not interested. Do you want to have sex with him?

Cady: No, thank you.

Regina: Good. So it's settled. So you can go shave your back now. Bye, Jason.

Jason: [whispers] Bitch...

Damian: She always looks fierce. She always wins Spring Fling Queen.

Janis: Who cares?

Damian: I care. Every year the seniors through this dance for the underclassmen called the Spring Fling. And whosoever is elected King and Queen automatically become head of the Student Activities Committee and since I am an active member of the Student Activities Committee, I would safely say, I care.

Janis: Wow, Damian, you've truely out-gayed yourself.

[Cady laughs]

Cady: She took him back. Regina took Aaron back.

Janis: Oh, no, Cady...

Cady: Why would she do that?

Janis: 'Cause she's a life ruiner. She ruins people's lives.

[first lines]

Chip Heron: This is your lunch, OK? I put a dollar in there so you can buy some milk; you can ask one of the big kids where to do that.

Betsy Heron: Do you remember your phone number? I wrote it down for you just in case. Put it in your pocket, I don't want you to lose it. OK? You ready?

Cady: I think so.

[last lines]

Cady: [voiceover] Finally, Girl World was at peace.

Damian: Hey, check it out. Junior Plastics.

Cady: [voiceover] And if any freshmen tried to disturb that peace, well, let's just say we knew how to take care of it.

[Imagines Junior Plastics being hit by a bus]

Cady: [voiceover] Just kidding.

Cady: And they have this book, this burn book, where they write mean things about all the girls in our grade.

Janis: What does it say about me?

Cady: [lying, because the book describes Janis as a dyke] You're not in it.

Janis: Those bitches!

Cady: And they have this book, this "Burn Book" where they write mean things about girls in our grade.

Janis: Well what does it say about me?

Cady: You're not in it.

Janis: Those bitches.

Ms. Norbury: [handing Cady her test back] Not your best.

Kevin Gnapoor: Damn, Africa, what happened?

Cady: [describing Regina] She's not even that good looking if you really look at her.

Janis: I don't know, now that she's getting fatter she's got pretty big jugs.

Kevin Gnapoor: Look, I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but I only date women of color.

Cady: I have to pee.

Regina: Cady, do you even know who sings this?

Cady: Um... the Spice Girls?

Regina: I love her. She's like a Martian!

Mr. Duvall: Did your teacher ever try to sell you marijuana or ecstasy tablets?

Aaron Samuels: No.

Kevin Gnapoor: What are marijuana tablets?

Jason: Did you see nipple? It only counts if you saw a nipple!

Student: Yeah, that's true dude...

Gretchen: That is so fetch!

Regina: Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!

[repeated line]

Gretchen: That was so fetch!

Karen: God. My hips are huge!

Gretchen: Oh please. I hate my calves.

Regina: At least you guys can wear halters. I've got man shoulders.

Cady: [voiceover] I used to think there was just fat and skinny. But apparently there's lots of things that can be wrong on your body.

Gretchen: My hairline is so weird.

Regina: My pores are huge.

Karen: My nail beds suck.

[pause. All look at Cady]

Cady: I have really bad breath in the morning.

Karen: Ew!

Cady: [voiceover] The weird thing about hanging out with Regina was that I could hate her, and at the same time, I still wanted her to like me.

Regina: [to Cady] Okay... you have really good eyebrows.

Cady: Thanks.

Regina: [pushing Gretchen] Move.

Gretchen: Ooh.

Cady: [voiceover] Same with Gretchen: the meaner Regina was to her, the more Gretchen tried to win Regina back. She knew it was better to be in the plastics, hating life, than to not be in at all. Because being with the plastics was like being famous... people looked at you all the time and everybody just knew stuff about you.

Girl: That knew girl moved here from Africa.

Bethany Byrd: I saw Cady Heron wearing army pants and flip flops, so I bought army pants and flip flops.

Jason: That Cady girl is hot... she might even be hotter than Regina George.

Mr. Duvall: I hear Regina George is dating Aaron Samuels again. The 2 were seen canoodling at Chris Isen's halloween party... they've been inseparable ever since.

Regina: [referring to Cady's bracelet made in Africa] I love it!

Gretchen: So Fetch!

Regina: What is fetch?

Gretchen: Oh, it's like slang, from... England.

Karen: You know who's looking fine tonight? Seth Mosakowski.

Gretchen: Okay, you did not just say that.

Karen: What? He's a good kisser.

Gretchen: He's your cousin.

Karen: Yeah, but he's my first cousin.

Gretchen: Right.

Karen: So, you have your cousins, and then you have your first cousins, and then you have your second cousins...

Gretchen: No, honey, uh-uh.

Karen: That's not right, is it?

Gretchen: That is so not right.

[Mr. Duvall is introducing Cady to the class]

Mr. Duvall: Her name is Cady. Cady Heron. Where are you, Cady?

Cady: That's me. It's pronounced like Katie.

Mr. Duvall: My apologies. I have a nephew named Anfernee, and I know how mad he gets when I call him Anthony. Almost as mad as I get when I think about the fact that my sister named him Anfernee.

Cady: I think I'm joining the Mathletes.

Regina, Gretchen, Karen: No! No, no!

Regina: You cannot do that. That is social suicide. *Damn*! You are so lucky you have us to guide you.

Gretchen: Regina, we have to talk to you.

Regina: Is butter a carb?

Cady: [Rudely] YES.

Gretchen: Regina, you're wearing sweatpants. It's Monday.

Regina: So...?

Karen: So that's against the rules, and you can't sit with us.

Regina: Whatever. Those rules aren't real.

Karen: They were real that day I wore a vest!

Regina: Because that vest was disgusting!

Gretchen: You can't sit with us!

Regina: [pause] These sweatpants are all that fits me right now.

Regina: [after being ignored] Fine! You can walk home, bitches.

Mr. Duvall: Never in my 14 years as an educator have I seen such behavior. And from young ladies. I've got parents calling me on the phone and asking, ?Did someone get shot?. I oughta cancel your Spring Fling.

[all girls shout, no, and whisper among themselves]

Mr. Duvall: Now, I'm not gonna do that because we've already paid the DJ, but don't think I'm not taking this book seriously. Coach Carr has fled school property. Ms. Norbury has been accused of selling drugs. Now what the young ladies in this grade need is an attitude makeover. And you're going to get it, right now. I don't care how long it takes. I will keep you here all night.

Joan the Secretary: We can't keep them past four.

Mr. Duvall: I will keep you here until four.

Janis: Regina George... How do I begin to explain Regina George?

Emma Gerber: Regina George is flawless.

Mathlete Tim Pak: I hear her hair's insured for $10,000.

Amber D'Alessio: I hear she does car commercials... in Japan.

Kristen Hadley: Her favorite movie is Varsity Blues.

Short Girl: One time she met John Stamos on a plane...

Jessica Lopez: - And he told her she was pretty.

Bethany Byrd: One time she punched me in the face... it was awesome.

Mr. Duvall: So, uh... how was your summer?

Ms. Norbury: I got divorced.

Mr. Duvall: Oh. My carpal tunnel came back.

Ms. Norbury: I win.

Kevin Gnapoor: [seeing the Jingle Bell Rock dancers] Damn!

Janis: What?

Kevin Gnapoor: I'd rather see you out there shakin' that thang.

Jessica Lopez: I don't hate you cuz yo' fat... yo' fat cuz I hate you!

[dives backwards in her wheelchair into the crowd of girls]

Damian: You can't join Mathletes, it's social suicide!

Ms. Norbury: Thanks, Damian.

Gretchen: [in her English class essay, after being humiliated by Regina] Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant, while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What's so great about Caesar? Hm? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that's not what Rome is about. We should totally just *stab* Caesar!

Cady: [Voiceover] Gretchen Wieners had cracked.

Gretchen: Why should Caesar just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, right? Brutus is just as smart as Caesar, people totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar, and when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody because that's not what Rome is about! We should totally just STAB CAESAR!

Cady: [voiceover] Gretchen Wieners had cracked.

Regina George: Wedell on South Boulevard.

Gretchen: Caller ID

Regina George: Not when you connect from information.

Taylor Wedell's Mom: Hello?

Regina George: Hello, may I please talk to Taylor Wedell?

Taylor Wedell's Mom: She's not home yet who's calling?

Regina George: This is Susan from Planned Parenthood, I have her test results. If you could have her call me as soon as she can. It's urgent, Thank You.

[Taylor Wedell's mom faints]

Regina George: She's not going out with anyone.

Cady: [voiceover] Oh, no. It was coming up again, word vomit... no, wait a minute...

Regina: What is this?

Cady: [voiceover] Actual vomit.

Janis: We gotta crack Gretchen Wieners. We crack Gretchen, and then we crack the lock on Regina's whole dirty history.

Damian: Say crack again.

Janis: Crack.

Student: Nice wig, Janis. What's it made of?

Janis: Your mom's chest hair!

Damian: Oh, my God! I love this song!

Janis: I hate this song.

Cady: I *know* this song!

Damian: My nanna takes her wig off when she is drunk.

Ms. Norbury: Your nanna and I have that in common.

Ms. Norbury: [after implying that an elderly biker is her boyfriend] I'm kidding. Sometimes older people make jokes too.

Damian: My grandma takes her wig off when she's drunk.

Ms. Norbury: Your grandmother and I have that in common.

Cady: Hey!... Are we still in a fight?

Janis: You still an asshole?

Cady: No. I don't think so.

Betsy Heron: Where's Cady?

Chip Heron: She went out.

Betsy Heron: She's grounded.

Chip Heron: Are they not allowed out when they're grounded?

Bethany Byrd: Somebody wrote in that book that I'm lying about being a virgin because I use super jumbo tampons... but I can't help it if I've got a heavy flow and a wide set vagina!

Mr. Duvall: Yeah, I can't do this.

Kevin Gnapoor: Cady, this is your night. Don't let the hataz stop you from doin' ya thang!

Cady: Did you just say "thang"?

[reading a printed page from the Burn Book]

Damian: Janis Ian - Dyke.

Janis: Oh, that's original.

[reading about himself]

Damian: "Too gay to function?"

Janis: Hey, that's only ok when I say it.

[watching two girls in a catfight]

Jason: Yeah! Take your top off!

Kevin Gnapoor: [rapping] Yo Yo Yo! All you sucka MCs ain't got nothin' on me! From my grades, to my lines you can't touch Kevin G! I'm a mathlete, so nerd is inferred, but forget what you heard I'm like James Bond the third, sh-sh-sh-shaken not stirred - I'm Kevin Gnapoor! The G's silent when I sneak through your door. And make love to your woman on the bathroom floor. I don't play it like Shaggy, you'll know it was me. Cause the next time you see her she'll be like, OOH! KEVIN G!

[cut off]

Mr. Duvall: Thank you Kevin, that's enough!

Kevin Gnapoor: Happy holidays everybody!

Mr. Duvall: K.G. and the power of 3!

Cady: So, are you gonna send any candy canes?

Regina: No. I don't send them, I just get them. So you better send me one, byotch.

Gretchen Wieners: I think tonight might be the night with Jason.

Karen: What are you talking about? You've already slept with him

Gretchen Wieners: [pauses] Yeah but tonight's night i like it.

Mrs. George: I'm a cool mom! Right Regina?

Regina: [smiling] Please stop talking!

Mrs. George: I'm not a regular mom, I'm a cool mom. Right, Regina?

Regina: Please stop talking.

Cady: Wow. Your house is really nice.

Regina: I know, right?

Gretchen: Make sure you check out her mom's boob job. They're hard as rocks.

Mr. Duvall: Well, I just wanted to let everyone know that we have a new student joining us. She just moved here all the way from Africa.

Ms. Norbury: [to black Michigan girl] Welcome!

Michigan Girl: [offended] I'm from Michigan!

Ms. Norbury: Great!

Regina George: 120 calories and 48 calories from fat. What percent is that?

Gretchen: Uh, 48 into 120?

Regina George: I'm only eating foods with less than 30 percent calories from fat.

Cady: It's 40 percent. Well 48 over 120 equals X over 100 and then you cross multiply and get the value of X.

Regina George: Whatever, I'm getting cheese fries.

Janis: What is that smell?

Cady: Oh, Regina gave me some perfume.

Janis: You smell like a baby prostitute.

Cady: Thanks.

[Janis sprays deodorant at Cady]

Ms. Norbury: You nervous?

Cady: Yes.

Ms. Norbury: Don't be. You can do this. There's nothing to break your focus, because not one of those Marymount boys is cute.

Mr. Duvall: [Reading] "Kaitlyn Caussin is a... "

Regina: Fat whore!

Crying Girl: [reading from paper] I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy...

[about to cry]

Damian: [shouting from back] She doesn't even go here!

Ms. Norbury: Do you even go to this school?

Crying Girl: No... I just have a lot of feelings...

Ms. Norbury: Ok go home...

[girl walks off stage]

Ms. Norbury: Next!

Regina: We do not have a clique problem at this school.

Gretchen: But you do have to watch out for "frenemies".

Regina: What are "frenemies"?

Gretchen: Frenemies are enemies who act like friends. We call them "frenemies".

Karen: Or "enemends".

Gretchen: Or friends who secretly hate you, we call them "fraitors".

Regina: [rolls eyes] That is so gay.

Karen: [gasps] What if we called them "mean-em-aitors"?

Regina: [scoffs]

Gretchen: No, honey, it has to have the word "friend" in it.

Karen: Oh...

Gretchen: Well, I mean you wouldn't buy a skirt without asking your friends first if it looks good on you.

Cady: I wouldn't?

Gretchen: Right. Oh, and it's the same with guys. Like, you may think you like someone, but you could be wrong.

Karen: [after being dumped by Aaron, Regina is crying and holding hands with Gretchen and Karen in her bedroom] Did he say why?

Regina: [sniffling] Somebody told him about Shane Oman.

Karen: Who?

Regina: He said some guy on the baseball team.

Karen: Baseball team?

Regina: I gave him EVERYTHING. I was half a virgin when I met him!

Karen: You want to do something fun?

[looks enlightened]

Karen: You want to go to Taco Bell?

Regina: I CAN'T GO TO TACO BELL, I'M ON AN ALL-CARB DIET. God, Karen, you are SO stupid!

[stomps off]

Gretchen: Growing up female in this world is not easy. In China, baby girls are routinely put up for adoption. And in parts of Africa, women are still made to live in tents during the time of their menses.

Karen: Ew!

Gretchen: And even in fancy countries like the United States and England, seven out of ten girls have a negative body image.

Regina George: Who cares? Six of those girls are right!

Aaron Samuels: Hey!

Cady: Hey!

Aaron Samuels: And you are... a zombie bride.

Cady: An "ex-wife."

Aaron Samuels: Love it. Can I get you a drink?

Cady: Yeah.

Aaron Samuels: All right. Be right back.

Cady: Ok.

Cady: What do we even talk about?

Janis: [shrugs shoulders] Hair products!

Damian: [interrupts] Ashton Kutcher.

Cady: Is that a band?

Regina George: It's called the South Beach Fat Flush and all you drink is cranberry juice for 72 hours.

Aaron Samuels: Lemme see that... this isn't even cranberry juice, it's cranberry juice cocktail. It's all sugar.

Regina George: I wanna lose three pounds.

Karen: Oh my God, you're so skinny!

Regina George: Shut up.

Regina: Do you know what people say about you? They say you are homeschooled jungle freak who's a less hot version of me. So don't try to act all innocent. You can take that fake apology and shove it straight up your hairy little...

[gets hit by a schoolbus]

Ms. Norbury: Ok, so we're all here 'cause of this book, right? Well, I don't know who wrote this book, but you all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it ok for guys to call you sluts and whores. Who here has ever been called a slut?

[Karen raise her hand proudly]

Ms. Norbury: [Joan the Secretary raise her hand shyly]

Cady: Regina seems... sweet!

Janis: Regina George is not sweet! She's a scum-sucking road whore, she ruined my life!

Ms. Norbury: Raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimized by Regina George?

[she watches all students and teachers raise hands]

Janis: Cady, you gotta steal that book

Cady: No Way!

Janis: Come on! We could publish it and then everybody would see what an ax-wound she really is!

Regina: [Cady and the Plastics are getting into their start positions for Jingle Bell Rock] Uh, Gretchen? Switch sides with Cady.

Gretchen: But I'm always on your left!

Regina: Well, that was when we were three of us, and now the tallest go in the middle.

Gretchen: But the whole dance will be backwards! I'm always on your left!

Regina: And right now, you're getting on my last nerve! Switch!

[Gretchen reluctantly swaps sides with Cady in the positions]

Cady: Hi, I don't know if anyone told you about me, I'm a new student here, my name is Cady Heron.

Kristen Hadley: Talk to me again and I'll kick your ass!

Regina: [On the phone] I know your secret.

Cady: [to herself] Oh god, busted! Just start apologizing and crying. No, play it cool.

[to Regina]

Cady: Secret? What are you saying about?

Regina: Gretchen told me you like Aaron Samuels. I mean, I don't care, do whatever you want, but lemme just tell you something about Aaron, all he cares about is school and his mom and his friends.

Cady: Is that bad?

Regina: But if you like him, whatever. I mean I could talk to him for you if you want.

Cady: Really? You would do that? I mean nothing embarassing though, right?

Regina: Oh no, trust me, I know exactly how to play it. But wait, aren't you *so* mad at Gretchen for telling me? Because if you are you can tell me, it was a really bitchy thing for her to do.

Cady: Yeah, it was pretty bitchy, but I'm not mad, I mean I guess she just likes the attention.

Regina: See, Gretch? I told you she's not mad at you!

Gretchen: [Suddenly appears in the same phone conversation] I can't believe you think I like attention!

Regina: [to both Cady and Gretchen] Ok, love you, see you tomorrow!

Cady: [Deleted scene] I couldn't apologize to Ms. Norbury without getting blamed for the whole Burn Book. And then she said it, the worst thing you could hear from any adult.

Ms. Norbury: Your parents have been eaten by cannibals!

Cady: Okay, the second worst.

Ms. Norbury: I'm really disappointed in you, Cady.

Regina: Can I just say that we don't have a clique problem at this school? And some of us shouldn't have to take this workshop because some of us are just victims in this situation.

Ms. Norbury: That's probably true. How many of you have ever felt personally victimized by Regina George?

[everybody in the room raises their hand]

Ms. Norbury: Good.

[after Regina got hit by a bus]

Cady Heron: [voiceover] And that's how Regina George died. No, I'm totally kidding. But she did get hurt. Some girls say they saw her head go all the way around. But that's just a rumor. Some people swear they saw me Push her in front of the bus. That was an even worse rumor.

Aaron Samuels: [to Cady] Hey. I didn't think you'd make it.

[gives her a gift certificates]

Aaron Samuels: On behalf of the senior class, I'd like to present you with two gift certificates...

Janis: [snatches one] Thanks sucker.

Damian: Yo, peace.

Aaron Samuels: One gift certificate to the Walker Brothers Pancake House.

Cady: Thank you.

[they started dancing]

Aaron Samuels: Congratulations on winning state.

Cady: I was so nervous. They made us do limits. I thought I was gonna hurl.

Aaron Samuels: How's your stomach now?

Cady: It's fine.

Aaron Samuels: Do you feel nauseous at all?

Cady: No.

Aaron Samuels: Have you been drinking?

Cady: [chuckles] No.

Aaron Samuels: Okay. Grool.

[they kiss]