Mars Attacks! Quotes

[President Dale makes one last appeal to the Martians]

President Dale: Why... are you doing this? Why? Isn't the universe big enough... for both of us? What is wrong with you people? We could work together. Why be enemies? Because we're different? Is that why? Think of the things that we could do. Think how *strong* we would be! Earth... and Mars... together. There is nothing that we could not accomplish. Think about it! *Think* about it! Why destroy... when you can create? We can have it all or we can smash it all! Why can't we... work out our differences? Why can't we... work things out? Little people... why can't we all just... get along?

[the Martian Leader sheds a single tear. Dale smiles to himself, impressed. The Martian Leader approaches him and shakes hands with Dale. Then, the Martian Leader's hand detaches from his arm]

President Dale: What's this?

[the hand proceeds to crawl all over Dale's body. At the small of his back, it stabs through his body. Dale collapses to the ground, dead. From his dead body, a flag raises from where Dale was stabbed: a Martian flag]

[Watching an alien on TV]

First Lady: [after seeing the Martians for the first time] I'm not allowing that thing in my house.

President Dale: Sweetie, we may have to. The people expect me to meet with them.

First Lady: Well they're not going to eat off the Van Buren china.

Barbara Land: Hello, my name is Barbara,

AA Meeting: Hello Barbara,

Barbara Land: I am an alcoholic, but I haven't had a drink in three months!

Byron Williams: Barbara, you alright?

Barbara Land: Huh? I need a drink...

Rude Gambler: You and me both baby!

Gen. Decker: Liberals! Intellectuals! Peacemongers! IDIOTS!

Taffy Dale: [Opening the door in the background] Can you keep it down? People live here!

[Closes the door]

[Challenging a Martian to a fistfight]

Byron Williams: No weapons! No tricks! Just you and me! Byron Williams! The heavyweight champion of the world!

[Pitching a hotel-casino idea]

Art Land: If the Martians land, the're gonna need a place to stay. Just like everybody else.

President Dale: What do you think, Marcia?

First Lady: Kick the crap out of 'em.

President Dale: General Decker, if you do not shut up I am going to relieve you of your commands

Gen. Decker: We have to strike now, sir! Annihilate! Kill! Kill! Kill!

President Dale: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

Richie Norris: I bet you're psyched about the Martians coming Grandma? I mean, you've seen a lot of crazy stuff already. Everyone must have been real scared when they invented the train!

Grandma Florence Norris: Come on kid I'm not that old!

Martian Translator Device: All green of skin... 800 centuries ago, their bodily fluids include the birth of half-breeds. For the fundamental truth self-determination of the cosmos, for dark is the suede that mows like a harvest.

General Decker: What the hell does that mean?

General Casey: [talking on phone] Hello? This is General Casey. I get to meet the Martian Ambassador! Ain't that great? Oh, it's a hell of an honor. But didn't I always tell you honey, if I just stayed in place and never spoke up, good things are bound to happen. Yeah... Ok

[makes kissing noises and ends the phone call]

[overhearing the destruction of France via telephone]

President Dale: ...Mon dieu...

Billy Glenn Norris: Die, you alien shithead!

[prepares to shoot them. But, a martian notices him and he looks at him]

Billy Glenn Norris: Uh-oh.

[drops a gun and holds the flag]

Billy Glenn Norris: I surrender!

[a martian blasts Billy Glenn Norris with a ray gun]

Richie Norris: The Martians just blew up the donut shop!

Richie's Dad: Well, if they come around here, we'll blast them back into space!

Sue Ann Norris: They sure ain't getting the TV!

Richie Norris: Should I go get Grandma?

Richie's Dad: Oh, forget Grandma! She's halfway into space already!

Barbara Land: Know anyone who can fly a plane?

Byron Williams: Yeah, your husband Art.

Barbara Land: No... he's dead. I told him this was gonna happen.

[last lines]

Richie Norris: Is that OK?

Taffy Dale: Yea. Do you got a girlfriend?

Richie Norris: No.

Professor Donald Kessler: [as the Martians disintegrate the Congressmen] Mr. Ambassador, please! What are you doing? This doesn't make sense! It's not logical! It's not -

[a Martian knocks out the Professor]

Nathalie Lake: Jason, hi. It's me.

Jason Stone: Are you wearing a bra?

Richie Norris: [after watching the Martians kill Congress on TV] Why did they do that?

Hispanic woman at donut shop: Maybe they no liking the human being.

Billy Glenn Norris: Bye bye, Grandma.

Grandma Florence Norris: Goodbye, Thomas.

Billy Glenn Norris: It's Billy Glenn, Grandma.

Grandma Florence Norris: I know, Thomas.

Barbara Land: Do you have to drink in front of me?

Art Land: You're an adult. Cope.

Gen. Decker: [In the White House] They don't know what the hell they're talking about. Liberals, intellectuals... peacemongers, IDIOTS!

Taffy Dale: [coming out of her bedroom] Would you please keep it down? People live here.

[Louise on the Metro Bus, notices her two sons named Cedric and Neville playing Flesh Eaters at the video game arcade]

Louise Williams: Excuse me, folks. We've got to make an unscheduled STOP!

[She stops the bus at the Video Game Arcade, Cedric and Neville looks at his mother]

Neville Williams: Oh, man! It's mama!

[she gets out of the bus, walking to his two sons, angry]

Louise Williams: What are you doing here, huh? If you ain't gonna come home, why aren't you in class? Huh?

[grabs Cedric]

Cedric Williams: Mama, because class was cancelled!

Louise Williams: Class was NOT cancelled!

Cedric Williams: Yes, it was!

Louise Williams: [to Neville] Will you come here!

Neville Williams: For what?

Louise Williams: Come here, I'm not gonna hurt you now, come here.

Neville Williams: Let go of him.

Louise Williams: [lets go of Cedric] Okay. Now, just come here. Come here.

[Neville comes to her, she resumes to grabs Cedric and Neville, angry]

Louise Williams: Do you think you're smart to cut school, huh? Do you?

Neville Williams: What are you doing?

Louise Williams: Do you? Huh? Huh?

Cedric Williams: No!

Louise Williams: No, mama, because it's dumb! You're gonna flunk and you all go to jail!

Neville Williams: No!

Cedric Williams: Mama, no! We haven't!

Louise Williams: [pushes her two sons into the bus] Get your own place! Get your butt on that place! Get on that bus, boy!

[Cedric and Neville gets on that bus, angry]

Louise Williams: Yeah, I'll be tripping all over you! You get back there and I don't want to hear another word out of you, do you hear me?

[All the people on the bus, cheering]

Cedric Williams: I hate school!

Louise Williams: I heard that!

[Neville and Cedric sitting in the back of the bus. She resumes the bus, leaving]

[looking decidedly androgynous]

Female Journalist: Do the Martians have two sexes, like we do?

[Martians have broken into the President's secret war room and Decker approaches them holding two handguns]

General Decker: You think you can do anything you want. You can't. Because we are human beings. And we have the United States Army that'll fight you to the last man! And we'll never surrender! Do you hear me?

[the Martian Leader uses a shrink ray to begin miniaturizing Decker who doesn't seem to care or notice]

General Decker: [voice rising in pitch as he gets smaller] We'll fight you on the beaches. We'll fight you in the streets. We will never, never surrender! We will win!

[Decker is now smaller than the Martian Leader's foot]

General Decker: Democracy will survive! We will never, ever surrender! We will win! The eagle will be triumphant!

[the Martian Leader raises his foot and crushes Decker to death]