Manhattan Murder Mystery Quotes

Carol Lipton: Look at you, you're all white.

Larry Lipton: All the blood rushed to my brother!

[first lines]

Larry Lipton: C'mon, you promised to sit through the hockey game without being bored,

Carol Lipton: [overlapping] I know, honey, I promised.

Larry Lipton: and I'll sit through the Wagner opera with you next week.

Carol Lipton: I know.

Larry Lipton: I already bought the earplugs.

Carol Lipton: Yeah, well, with your eyesight I'm surprised you can see the puck. Wow, yay, come on.

Carol Lipton: Larry, I think it's time we reevaluated our lives.

Larry Lipton: I've reevaluated our lives; I got a 10, you got a 6.

Carol Lipton: Larry, I think she's dead!

Larry Lipton: Try giving her the present.

Hotel night clerk: You are with police?

Larry Lipton: Yes, I'm a detective. They lowered the height requirement.

Arthur Bannister: [on the movie screen, "The Lady from Shanghai" is playing] I'm aiming at you, lover.

Mrs. Dalton: I'm aiming at you, lover.

Arthur Bannister: Of course, killing you is killing myself.

Mrs. Dalton: Of course, killing you is killing myself.

Arthur Bannister: But you know, I'm pretty tired of both of us.

Mrs. Dalton: But you know, I'm pretty tired of both of us.

[On the screen, Arthur and Elsa shoot at each other, breaking mirrors; in the theatre, Mrs. Dalton and Mr. House shoot at each other, breaking mirrors and finally killing Mr. House]

Larry Lipton: I'll never say that life doesn't imitate art again.

Larry Lipton: This guy gets his jollies from licking the back of postage stamps.

Ted: I can see that, depending on who's picture is on the stamp.

Larry Lipton: You're suggesting we try to provoke him into murdering us?

Marcia Fox: You have a problem with that?

Larry Lipton: Well, either that, or I suddenly developed Parkinson's.

[Hands Hotel Day Clerk a one-dollar tip]

Larry Lipton: What are you making a face for? He's the father of our country.

Lillian House: Exercising changed my life.

Larry Lipton: I prefer to atrophy.

Paul House: Well, what do you buy a woman who has everything?

Lillian House: We already own twin cemetery plots.

Larry Lipton: I always think a Bentley is in good taste. Or, you could go the route I did and buy her a set of handkerchiefs.

Carol Lipton: Well, they were very nice though, and they had my initials.

Larry Lipton: Yeah, and I didn't even know her size.

Carol Lipton: Well, listen, I think maybe I will go back to seeing my shrink, I think, I think I...

Larry Lipton: You don't have to see your shrink, there's nothing wrong with you that can't be cured with a little Prozac and a polo mallet.

[last lines]

Carol Lipton: You were jealous of Ted.

Larry Lipton: Ted, you've gotta be kidding, take away his elevator shoes and his fake suntan and his capped teeth and what do you have?

Carol Lipton: You!

Larry Lipton: Right, I like that!

Carol Lipton: I don't understand why you're not more fascinated with this! I mean, we could be living next door to a murderer, Larry.

Larry Lipton: Well, New York is a melting pot! I'm used to it!

Larry Lipton: Oh, God. I can't wait to get into bed and stretch out. You know, there's a Bob Hope movie on television later.

Carol Lipton: I know. Do you believe this guy in Indiana? He killed twelve victims, dismembered them, and ate them.

Larry Lipton: Really? Well, it's an alternative lifestyle.

Ted: I want to celebrate. You want to go see what Larry and Carol are doing?

Marcia Fox: I think they want to be alone.

Ted: Oh, right. Well, uh, what about you? Do you have plans?

Marcia Fox: You're taking me to dinner, right?

Ted: Right, absolutely! Only we can't sleep together, not tonight.

Marcia Fox: Why not?

Ted: Well, because I already slept with Helen Moss once today, and I'm not young and active like I used to be.

Marcia Fox: You'll do anything to catch a murderer, won't you?

Ted: Mmm-hmm.

Carol Lipton: Helen Dubin's wrong for Ted. She's too mousey.

Larry Lipton: Well, he's a little mousey. They could have their little rodent time together, they could eat cheese together...

Carol Lipton: You know I've never seen a dead body before.

Larry Lipton: I have. My uncle Morris, 93 years old. He collapsed from too many lumps in his cereal.

Ted: This would be a really great way to kill somebody. You clog their arteries with whipped cream... chocolate mousse... butter. They go like that.

Marilyn: I'd like to French-pastry myself to death right now.

Carol Lipton: Larry, he had her cremated.

Larry Lipton: How do you know it was her? Did the ashes resemble Mrs. House?

Lillian House: What college does your son attend?

Carol Lipton: Brown.

Paul House: Nice color.

Larry Lipton: Jesus, couldn't you keep the conversation going a little longer in there? I was signaling you frantically.

Carol Lipton: I was just trying to be neighborly.

Larry Lipton: Neighborly? If this guy showed me his stamp collection one more time - my favorite thing in life is to, you know, look at cancelled postage.

Larry Lipton: He wants to go on vacation or something.

Carol Lipton: Yeah, where? Oh, I know where. Ha, ha. Snorkeling, right?

Larry Lipton: So what? Different strokes. You know, he has fun sitting at the bottom of the water, face-to-face with squid.

Carol Lipton: Oh, I know. I know. What about this: what if they had a big insurance policy? Or, something like that?

Larry Lipton: Too much "Double Indemnity."

Larry Lipton: You have all these skills and you're beautiful and you can write so well and now it turns out you play poker! This is too good to be true.

Marcia Fox: Well, I wouldn't say beautiful.

Larry Lipton: Oh, I would.

Marcia Fox: But, I do have tremendous sex appeal.

Larry Lipton: Okay. You sold me.

Larry Lipton: I can't do it. I have - my wife - I have a little thing - I'll do the cheeseburger with you next week or something.

Marcia Fox: The story of my life.

Larry Lipton: What do you mean you snuck into his apartment? Are you nuts!

Carol Lipton: Stop being such a fuddy-dude.

Larry Lipton: A fuddy-dude? What are you talking about? That's a crime! You can't do that. That's burglary and breaking and entering. What has gotten into you lately?

Carol Lipton: It was a cinch. I took the key and I just let myself in.

Larry Lipton: Look, I don't want to - you'll wind up rooming with John Gotti! You can't do that. You can't just steal a key and go into somebody's apartment.

Carol Lipton: Something is very strange here. He left these out and ready. I think the whole thing is really sinister.

Larry Lipton: It's the eye of the beholder. What you have to - you have to go to the eye doctor and get happy glasses.

Carol Lipton: What? You think she's Ted's type? Is that...

Larry Lipton: Ted's type? She's anybody's type. She's brilliant. She's talented...

Carol Lipton: You know, you're pupils are dilating. I want to tell you that.

Larry Lipton: She's *dangerously* sexual.

Carol Lipton: A bus. It passed me and she was on it.

Larry Lipton: The dead woman passed you on the bus? Which bus was this? The bus to heaven?

Marcia Fox: You seem in a strange mood.

Larry Lipton: No, no, no. I'm probably just a little drunk.

Marcia Fox: On Perrier?

Larry Lipton: No, what are you talking about? I had rum cake.

Carol Lipton: For some reason you've gotten so stodgy in your old age.

Larry Lipton: Hey, you remember there was a movie house just right on this corner.

Carol Lipton: Yes!

Larry Lipton: Not to change the subject. I took you to see "Last Year at Marienbad" on our first date.

Carol Lipton: Yeah, I know. I had to explain it to you for the next six months!

Larry Lipton: Who knew they were flashbacks?

Carol Lipton: Larry, is this the most exciting thing that's ever happened to us in our whole marriage?

Larry Lipton: This is too exciting. I don't need this. You know, I like something - I like a fishing trip or Father's Day, you know, or the time we saw Bing Crosby walking down 5th Avenue. You know, I don't need a murder to - to enliven my life at all.

[repeated line]

Carol Lipton: If only Ted were with us.

Carol Lipton: What are you doing? Hey, what are you doing with matches?

Larry Lipton: These are my matches.

Carol Lipton: Wait a minute, when were you at the Café des Artistes?

Larry Lipton: I was with an author, an authoress.

Carol Lipton: At Café des Artistes?

Larry Lipton: A French - A French authoress.

Ted: I like this woman, she's lurid.

Carol Lipton: Let me tell you why, he's not going to believe us, okay.

Larry Lipton: Yeah, first of all, because I can't - I can't bluff or lie without giggling.

Carol Lipton: No, because, if we really had the body, why tell him? Why not go straight to the police?

Marcia Fox: If you tell the cops, you can't shake 'em down.

Ted: Oh, she's wicked.

Marcia Fox: Remember that book you recommended to me? "Murder in Manhattan"?

Larry Lipton: Oh, yes! Max Schindler's book. That's right, the phone call. This is perfect.

Carol Lipton: I don't remember that book. You never mentioned that book to me.

Larry Lipton: No, no. Because you don't like light reading. So I...

Carol Lipton: Since when don't I like light reading, Larry?

Carol Lipton: I mean, we've got nothing in common, that's for sure. Now that, now that Nick's grown up, I mean, you know, we're just left facing each other.

Larry Lipton: You got stuff in common with Ted, right? You can cook together with Ted, or you can take your clothes off and baste a chicken with him.

Carol Lipton: Oh, right. Oh, oh, well, what about you and Marcia, huh? What does she teach you besides poker? That's what I'd like to know, okay?

Larry Lipton: Mud wrestling. Is that what you want to hear? Nothing, I'm her editor.

Helen Moss: Before the drama prize.

Ted: The drama prize? I don't remember.

Helen Moss: Remember? Remember? "Out, out, damn spot." The topless Macbeth.

Ted: Oh yeah, oh, for the fraternity party, yeah. The topless Macbeth. How could I forget that?

Helen Moss: I was great in that.