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Melissa: Service me bitch!
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[discussing the Bridemaid's dresses]
Melissa: What's your dress size, Tom?
Tom: I don't know. What's your jock size, Melissa?
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[last lines]
Tom: Oh, Monica...
Hannah: Oh, Bill...
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Dennis: I can feel my sperm dying inside of me, one at a time.
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Colin McMurray: [after Colin dunks the ball] I'm sorry, that's probably not allowed... to just stuff it in there like that.
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Tom: Nobody in the world makes me laugh the way you do. You're my best friend. I just wanna be with you.
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Christie - Wife #6: If you're a bad boy, I'm gonna spank you!
[she spanks Tom]
Tom: Ow! Ok, I've got something to say to you.
[Hannah kicks him]
Tom: Ow!
Christie - Wife #6: Tom, I just want you to know that if you need anything, money, advice, help with girl problems, you can always come to me. I'd like you to think of me as a real mother.
Tom: Alright, sure
[Tom's dad comes over]
Christie - Wife #6: Oh, here he is!
Thomas Bailey Sr.: She's just as drunk as the night we met.
[Tom starts to take a drink from his whiskey but Christie snatches it away and drinks it herself]
Tom: Oh got right on ahead.
Thomas Bailey Sr.: [Slaps Tom] You're a bad influence on her!
Tom: Wha-? Me?
[Thomas Sr. and Christie walk off]
Hannah: He knows that he can just date right?
Tom: No, I don't think so.
[They laugh]
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Tom: I have a theory.
Hannah: Oh, Casanova has a theory.
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Tom: I'm sorry I can't break that rule. I have a rule about that.
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Melissa: Could someone please pass me the Splenda?
[Tom offers her the sugar bowl]
Melissa: Could someone who is not a misogynist pass the Splenda?
Melissa: [Stephanie takes the sugar bowl out of Tom's hand and passes it to Melissa] Thank you, Stephanie.
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Hannah: We won't be naming our child, Athol. Maybe when he's a teenager.
Colin's Father: My mother's third cousin was the Duke of Athol.
Aunt Minna: We're a long line of Athols.
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Hannah: You've slept with half my floor.
Tom: Well, half your floor was female.
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Tom: Joan, good to see you, it's been too long. I think, uh, Easter, wasn't it?
Joan: Yes, you slept with our maid.
Tom: She told you. I didn't know she spoke English.
Made of Honor Quotes
Extended Reading
