Madagascar Quotes

Alex the Lion: The wild? Are you nuts? That is the worst idea I have ever heard!

Melman the Giraffe: It's unsanitary!

Marty the Zebra: The penguins are going, so why can't I?

Alex the Lion: The penguins are psychotic!

Skipper the Penguin: [Looking at the shipping label on their crate] Kowalski. What does it say?

Kowalski the Penguin: I can't make it out, Skipper - it's an older code.

Skipper the Penguin: Not good enough.

[Looking over at Mason the Chimpanzee]

Skipper the Penguin: You! Higher mammal. Can you read?

Mason the Chimpanzee: No, but Phil can. Phil?

[Phil the Chimpanzee begins motioning with his hands, which Mason interprets]

Mason the Chimpanzee: Ship to... Kenya Wildlife Preserve... Africa.

Skipper the Penguin: Africa! That ain't gonna fly! Rico!

[Rico begins coughing and spits up a paper clip, with which he picks the lock on the crate. The penguins then escape and take over the ship]

[last lines]

Private the Penguin: Skipper. Shouldn't we tell them that the boat is out of gas?

Skipper the Penguin: Nah! Just smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave.

[all four penguins waving]

Julian: Come on, time to robot!

[robot voice]

Julian: I am very clever king... tok tok tok tok... I am super genius... I am robot king of the monkey thing... compute... compute.

Alex the Lion: Come on! What does Connecticut have to offer us?

Melman the Giraffe: Lyme disease.

Alex the Lion: Thank you, Melman.

Gloria the Hippo: Aww, you poor little baby, did that big mean lion scare you?

Mort the Mouse Lemur: Mm-hmm.

Gloria the Hippo: He did? He's a big fat old puddy-tat, isn't he?

Mort the Mouse Lemur: [gurgling and lifting arms up to be picked up]

Gloria the Hippo: Come on, mama hold you. Awww!

Melman the Giraffe: They are so cute from a reasonable distance.

Gloria the Hippo: Look at you! Aren't you the sweetest thing... aww I just wanna dunk him in my coffee!

Mort the Mouse Lemur: [giggling cutely]

Skipper the Penguin: Well, boys, our monochromatic friend's in danger. Looks like we have a job to do.

[directing Private]

Skipper the Penguin: Captain's Log: Embarking into hostile environment. Kowalski! We'll need to win the hearts and the minds of the natives. Rico! We'll need special tactical equipment. We're gonna face extreme peril. Private probably won't survive.

[Private's crayon tip breaks off and he looks up in shock]

Mort the Mouse Lemur: King Julian! What are they?

[shouts]

Mort the Mouse Lemur: What are they?

Julian: They are... aliens! Savage aliens! From the savage future!

Maurice: They've come to kill us! And take our women! And our precious metals!

Mort the Mouse Lemur: [begins weeping]

Julian: Get up Mort! Do not be near the King's feet, okay!

Mort the Mouse Lemur: They are savages! Tonight we die.

Julian: The feet! I told you about - I told you to - I told you - didn't I tell him about the feet?

Maurice: He did tell you about the feet.

Mort the Mouse Lemur: [cutely] E-he.

Julian: After much deep and profound brain things inside my head, I have decided to thank you for bringing peace to our home. And to make you feel good, I'm going to give you this lovely parting gift.

[presents Alex with his crown]

Alex the Lion: No, I couldn't. Really, I can't take your crown.

Julian: Oh, that's OK. I've got a bigger crown. It's got a gecko on it. Look at him shake! Go, Stevie, go!

Random Lemur: I like them!

Mort the Mouse Lemur: I like them, I like them! I liked them first! Before I even met them I liked them! As soon as I met them I liked them right away! You hate them compared to how much I like them!

Julian: Oh shut up, you're so annoying!

[first lines]

Alex the Lion: Surprise!

Marty the Zebra: Aaahhh! Alex! Do not interrupt me when I'm daydreaming. When a zebra's in the zone, leave him alone.

[singing]

Alex the Lion: Happy...

Gloria the Hippo: Birth...

Melman the Giraffe: Day...

Alex the Lion: To...

Gloria the Hippo: You...

Alex the Lion: You...

Melman the Giraffe: Live...

Gloria the Hippo: In...

Alex the Lion: A zoo...

Gloria the Hippo: You...

Melman the Giraffe: Look...

Alex the Lion: Like a monkey...

Melman the Giraffe: And...

Alex the Lion: You smell...

Gloria the Hippo: Like...

[all together]

Alex the Lion, Melman the Giraffe, Gloria the Hippo: One too!

Marty the Zebra: Who is it?

Alex the Lion: It's the pizza man. Who the heck do you think it is?

Marty the Zebra: Come on, Alex. Do you honestly think I intended all of this to happen? You want me to say I'm sorry? Is that what you want? Okay, I'm so...

Alex the Lion: Shush!

Marty the Zebra: He just shushed me.

Gloria the Hippo: Look, Alex, you have to be more understanding...

Alex the Lion: Shush!

Gloria the Hippo: Don't you shush me!

Alex the Lion: Do you hear that? Can't you hear that?

Gloria the Hippo: Okay, let's make a good impression on the people. Smiles, everyone. Let's get it together.

[to Melman]

Gloria the Hippo: Is that the best you can do, Melman?

Melman the Giraffe: Oh, I'm not smiling. It's gas.

Gloria the Hippo: Okay, well, great. Let's make gas look good.

Marty the Zebra: You guys look hungry. How would you like some of nature's goodness?

Gloria the Hippo: You have food?

Marty the Zebra: One Fun Side special, coming up. Seaweed on a stick.

Alex the Lion: Seaweed?

Marty the Zebra: On a stick. Don't love it 'till you try it.

Marty the Zebra: Here, have a drink.

Alex the Lion: [Spits it out] This is sea water!

Marty the Zebra: [Spits out his drink] Oh, you don't swallow it. This is just temporary until the plumbing comes in.

Gloria the Hippo: It's okay! Cats always land on their... face.

[to Alex the Lion]

Gloria the Hippo: What kind of cat are you?

Gloria the Hippo: Melman! Are you okay?

Melman the Giraffe: Yeah. I often doze off while I'm getting an MRI.

Alex the Lion: Melman, you're not getting an MRI.

Melman the Giraffe: CAT scan?

Alex the Lion: No! No CAT scan! It's a transfer! It's a zoo transfer!

Melman the Giraffe: Zoo transfer? Oh, no. No, no. I can't be transferred. I have an appointment with Dr. Goldberg at five. There are prescriptions that have to be filled! No other zoo can afford my medical care! And I am NOT going HMO!

Marty the Zebra: Take it easy, Melman. We are gonna be o-kizzay.

Alex the Lion: No, we're not gonna be o-kizzay! Because of you, we're ruined!

Alex the Lion: [shouts] You maniac! You burned it up! Darn you! Darn you all to heck!

Melman the Giraffe: Can we go to the fun side now?

Melman the Giraffe: It's getting late. I guess I'm gonna...

[starts snoring]

Julian: Welcome to Madagascar.

Marty the Zebra: Mada-who-ah?

Julian: No. Not who-ah. As-car.

Marty the Zebra: You the cat.

Alex the Lion: Who's the cat?

Marty the Zebra: You the cat.

Alex the Lion: Who's the cat?

Marty the Zebra: You the cat.

Alex the Lion: Who's the cat?

Marty the Zebra: You the cat.

Alex the Lion: Who's the cat?

Marty the Zebra: You the cat.

Alex the Lion: Who's the cat?

Skipper the Penguin: You, quadruped. Sprechen Sie Englisch?

Marty the Zebra: I sprechen.

Skipper the Penguin: What continent is this?

Marty the Zebra: Manhattan.

Skipper the Penguin: Hoover Dam! We're still in New York! Abort! Dive! Dive! Dive!

[Mason and Phil have just escaped]

Mason the Chimpanzee: I hear Tom Wolfe's speaking at Lincoln Center.

[Phil signs frantically]

Mason the Chimpanzee: Well, of course we're going to throw poo at him!

Julian: They're just a bunch of pansies.

Maurice: I don't know. There's still something about that one with the crazy hairdo that I find suspicious.

Julian: Nonsense, Maurice. Come on, everybody! Let's go and meet the pansies!

[holding up book titled, "To Serve Lemurs"]

Random Lemur: It's a cookbook! It's a cookbook!

Gloria the Hippo: Where are the people?

Skipper the Penguin: We killed them and ate their livers.

[pause]

Skipper the Penguin: Gotcha, didn't I? just kiddin', doll. The people are fine. They're on a slow boat to China.

Alex the Lion: Whoa! Hold up there a second, fuzzbucket. You mean like, uh, the "live in a mud hut, wipe yourself with a leaf" type wild?

Julian: Who wipes?

Gloria the Hippo: Oy vey.

Julian: Oy vey!

Maurice: Oy vey, everybody!

[Lemurs Shout "Oy vey"]

Julian: What is a simple bite on the butt among friends?

[shakes his tail at Maurice]

Julian: Come on, give me a nibble.

[repeated line]

Alex the Lion: Who's the cat?

Skipper the Penguin: Just smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave. Kowalski, progress report.

Kowalski the Penguin: [In a hole] We're only 500 feet from the main sewer line.

Skipper the Penguin: And the bad news?

Kowalski the Penguin: [laying a broken plastic spoon at Skipper's feet] We've broken our last shovel.

Skipper the Penguin: Right. Rico, you're on litter patrol. We need shovels, and find more Popsicle sticks. We don't want to risk another cave-in.

Private the Penguin: And me, Skipper?

Skipper the Penguin: I want you to act cute and cuddly, Private. Today we're gonna blow this dump.

Julian: [begins waving to the zoo animals on the boat] Maurice, my arm is tired, wave it for me

[Maurice begins waving Julian's arm]

Julian: Faster, you naughty little monkey!

Marty the Zebra: What are you guys doing?

Private the Penguin: We're digging to Antartica!

[Skipper smacks Private]

Marty the Zebra: An-who-tica?

Skipper the Penguin: Can you keep a secret, my monochromatic friend?

[Marty looks around and nods]

Skipper the Penguin: Do you ever see any penguins running free around New York City?

[Marty shakes his head]

Skipper the Penguin: Of course not. We don't belong here. It's just not natural. This is all some kind of wacked out conspiracy. We're going to the wide open spaces of Antarctica! To the wild!

Marty the Zebra: Did you ever think that there might be more to live than steak, Alex?

Alex the Lion: [to his steak] He didn't mean that, baby. No, no, no.

Alex the Lion: Come on! Melman, Melman, Melman! Melman, Melman, Melman! Wake up! Rise and shine! It's another fabulous day in the Big Apple. Let's go.

Melman the Giraffe: Not for me. I'm calling in sick.

Alex the Lion: What?

Melman the Giraffe: I found a bro... another brown spot on my shoulder, right here. See? Right th... right there. You see?

Alex the Lion: Melman, you know it's all in your head. Hm?

Skipper the Penguin: Status.

Private the Penguin: [walking on the computer keyboard] It's no good, Skipper. I don't know the codes.

Skipper the Penguin: Don't give me excuses!

[slapping Private]

Skipper the Penguin: Give me results!

[to Kowalski]

Skipper the Penguin: Navigation!

Melman the Giraffe: San Diego.

Gloria the Hippo: San Diego?

Melman the Giraffe: White, sandy beaches; cleverly simulated natural environment; wide-open enclosures. I'm telling you, this could be the San Diego Zoo. Complete with fake rocks.

[Taps on a rock]

Melman the Giraffe: Wow, that looks real.

Gloria the Hippo: It's not people, it's animals.

Melman the Giraffe: California animals. Dude.

Marty the Zebra: This is like a Puffy party.

Marty the Zebra: [about King Julian] He's got style.

Alex the Lion: What is he, like, king of the guinea pigs?

Melman the Giraffe: I think it's a squirrel.

Julian: Welcome, giant pansies. Please feel free to bask in my glow.

Alex the Lion: Definitely a squirrel.

Melman the Giraffe: Yep, a squirrel.

Julian: We thank you with enormous gratitude for chasing away the foosa.

Gloria the Hippo: The who-sa?

Julian: The foosa. They are always annoying us by trespassing, interrupting our parties, and ripping our limbs off.

Melman the Giraffe: Hey! Hey, you guys! That room has some nifty little sinks we can wash up in, and look!

[Takes urinal cake out of mouth]

Melman the Giraffe: Free mints!

Gloria the Hippo: What kind of zoo is this?

Melman the Giraffe: I just saw twenty-six blatant health code violations.

Marty the Zebra: I'm loving San Diego. This place is off the chizain.

Melman the Giraffe: Twenty-seven.

Gloria the Hippo: Come on, we are New Yorkers, right?

Marty the Zebra: Yeah.

Gloria the Hippo: We're tough! We're gritty!

Marty the Zebra: Yeah!

Gloria the Hippo: We're adaptable!

Melman the Giraffe: Yeah!

Gloria the Hippo: And we are not gonna lay down like a bunch of Melmans!

Melman the Giraffe: No, we're not!

Julian: Where are you giants from?

Alex the Lion: We're from New York.

Julian: All hail the New York Giants!

Maurice: What if Mr. Alex is even worse then the Foosa? I'm tellin' you, that dude just gives me the heebiedabajeebies!

Julian: Maurice, you did not raise your hand. Therefore, your heinous comment will be stricken from the record. Does anyone else have the heebiedibigibies? No? Good. So shut up.

Marty the Zebra: You're biting my butt!

Alex the Lion: [with Marty's butt in his mouth] No, I'm not.

Julian: When the New York giants wake up, we must make sure they wake up in paradise.

[laugh]

Julian: Now, who'd like a cookie?

[Marty the Zebra and Alex the Lion running towards each other on the beach in slow motion with arms outstretched and Chariots of Fire music]

Alex the Lion: Marty!

Marty the Zebra: Alex!

Alex the Lion: Marty!

Marty the Zebra: Alex!

Alex the Lion: Marty!

Marty the Zebra: Alex!

Alex the Lion: [angrily] Marty!

Marty the Zebra: [afraid] Alex?

Alex the Lion: [real-time] Marty!

Marty the Zebra: Oh, Sugar Honey Ice Tea!

Alex the Lion: I'm gonna kill you, Marty!

Marty the Zebra: Take it easy! Take it easy!

Alex the Lion: And strangle you!

Marty the Zebra: Calm down!

Alex the Lion: Then I'm gonna bury you, then dig you up and clone you, and kill all your clones!

Marty the Zebra: 20-second time-out!

Alex the Lion: And then I'm never talking to you again!

Julian: [Mort grabs Julian's foot] What did I tell you about the feet! Maurice didn't I tell him about the feet!

Maurice: He did tell you about the feet.

Mort the Mouse Lemur: [cutely] He he!

[Maurice just told Marty that he was steak]

Marty the Zebra: Oh, c'mon! Do I look like a steak to you?

Alex the Lion: Yeah!

Marty the Zebra: See I told you I don't look like no... wait, what'd you say?

Julian: All we have to do is wait until they are in a deep sleep...

[10-second pause]

Julian: [shouts] How long is this going to take?

Melman the Giraffe: Hey, Alex. Psst, Alex. Alex.

Alex the Lion: What is it, Melman?

Melman the Giraffe: OK, you know how I have to get up every two hours because of my bladder infection? Well, I get up to pee, and I was walking past Marty's pen, and usually I dont look in it, but this time I was walkin' past, and I?

Alex the Lion: What, Melman? What is it?

Melman the Giraffe: It's Marty... He's gone!

Alex the Lion: He's what?

Melman the Giraffe: [looks at hole in ground the penguins have dug] How long has he been working on this?

Melman the Giraffe: [shouts gently down hole] Marty. Marty!

Melman the Giraffe: [Melman presents Marty with a gift-wrapped thermometer]

Marty the Zebra: Aw a thermometer!Thanks!I love it Melman, I love it!

[he puts it in his mouth and poses]

Melman the Giraffe: I really wanted to give you a personal present. Do you know that was my first rectal thermometer?

Marty the Zebra: Motherf...

[Marty spits it out and retches]

Gloria the Hippo: Go talk to him, you know, go over and give him a little pep talk.

Alex the Lion: Hey, I gave him a snow globe! I can't beat that!

Alex the Lion: Well, I say we just ask these bozos where the people are.

Julian: [from the ground underneath Alex] Excuse me. We bozos have the people of course!

Melman the Giraffe: Hey, the bozos have the people.

Alex the Lion: Oh, well, great. Good. Phew!

Julian: They're up there.

[points up at skeletons dangling from tree, wearing a parachute harness]

Julian: Don't you love the people? Not a very lively bunch, though.

Alex the Lion: Oh... wow... so, do you have any *live* people?

Julian: Uhh... no, only dead ones.

Maurice: I mean, if we had a bunch of live people running around, it wouldn't be called the wild, would it?

Alex the Lion: How's the liberty fire going, Melman?

Melman the Giraffe: Great.

[in hushed voice]

Melman the Giraffe: Idiot.

Alex the Lion: I heard that.

Marty the Zebra: Okay! You all have your side, and I'll have mine. And, if you need me, I'll be over here! On the FUN side of the island, havin' a good ol' time. A great ol' time! A GREAT ol' time. A yabba-dabba-doo ol' time! WILMA!

Alex the Lion: That's not the fun side. THIS is the fun side! This is the fun side where we're gonna have a great time surviving until we go home! Whoo! I love this side; this side's the best! That side STINKS! You're on the JERSEY side of this cesspool!

Melman the Giraffe: Well, now what do we do?

Alex the Lion: Don't worry Melman, I have a plan to get us rescued.

Zoo Animal: Shut up, shut up, shut up! I'm trying to sleep? Not everyone here is nocturnal, you know!

Marty the Zebra: Hey, I'll knock your turnal right off, pal!

Gloria the Hippo: Does anyone else feel nauseous?

Melman the Giraffe: I feel nauseous.

Alex the Lion: Melman, you always feel nauseous.

Alex the Lion: Today was a great day. It just doesn't get any better than this, you know? Oh, look, it just did. Even the star is out. You won't find a star like that in the wild.

Marty the Zebra: Helicopter.

Alex the Lion: You know, by the time we get back to New York, it'll be the middle of winter. So I was thinking, why rush? Maybe we could make a few sidestops along the way.

Marty the Zebra: How about Paris?

Gloria the Hippo: Ooh, you've read my mind.

Alex the Lion: I was thinking Spain.

Marty the Zebra: Yeah. A little running with the bulls.

Gloria the Hippo: How about Fiji?

Melman the Giraffe: Or Canada? Can't we? Cheap meds. Huh?

Marty the Zebra: Hey, have a drink. It's on the house.

Alex the Lion: [drinks water then spits it out] This is seawater!

Marty the Zebra: Oh, you don't swallow it.

[whispers]

Marty the Zebra: It's just temporary 'til the plumbing's done.

Julian: Wait! I have a plan.

Maurice: Really?

Julian: I have devised a cunning test to see whether these are savage killers.

[Julian kicks Mort out in the open]

Marty the Zebra: Hi there!

Alex the Lion: No, I will handle this. Alex handles it. Marty says nothing.

[approaches the frightened Mort]

Alex the Lion: Hi there!

[Mort starts to cry]

Alex the Lion: Oh, geez!

Melman the Giraffe: Oh, Alex. What did you do?

Alex the Lion: No, it's okay, it's okay. I'm just a silly, just a silly lion.

[Mort cries louder]

Alex the Lion: Oh, jeez!

Alex the Lion: I'm swimming back to New York! I know my chances are slim, but I have to try!

Gloria the Hippo: Alex, you can't swim!

Alex the Lion: I said my chances are slim!

Alex the Lion: Don't worry, everything's under control. We just had a little situation here. Just a little internal situation. Our friend just went a little crazy. Happens to everybody. The city gets to us all. Just went a little cuckoo in the head.

Marty the Zebra: Don't you be calling me cuckoo in the head!

[with his head stuck in a clock]

Melman the Giraffe: Guys, we're running out of time!

[on the subway, Alex roars at a guy hiding behind a newspaper]

Alex the Lion: Augh! Knicks lost again!

Melman the Giraffe: Eh. Whatcha gonna do?

Train conductor: [over PA] Grand Central Station.

Alex the Lion: Did he just say "Grand Central Station," or "My aunt's constipation"?

Melman the Giraffe: [has dug himself a grave and written his last will and testament on the sand] And so, as I have been left to die on this forsaken island, I, Melman Mankiewicz, being of sound mind and unsound body, have divided my possessions equally among the three of you.

[a wave washes away one third of the will]

Melman the Giraffe: Oh, sorry, Alex.

Melman the Giraffe: Guys, we're running out of time!

Gloria the Hippo: Melman, you broke their clock?

Gloria the Hippo: Lets, go. Make a wish babycakes.

[Marty blows out the candle and eats a chunk out of his birthday cake]

Alex the Lion: Come on, what you wish for?

Marty the Zebra: Nope! Can't tell you that.

Alex the Lion: Come on, tell.

Alex the Lion: No siree. I'm telling you'a, its bad luck. You want some bad luck, I'll blab it out, But if you want to be safe, I'll keep my mouth shut.

Gloria the Hippo: [interrupting] Could you just tell us? I mean, really. What could happen?

Marty the Zebra: Okay. I wish I could go... To the wild!

Alex the Lion: The wild?

[After Marty says this, Alex falls off the wall, Melman chokes himself and Gloria opens her mouth in shock]

Marty the Zebra: I told you it was bad luck.

[Gloria tries to stop Melman from choking]

Alex the Lion: The wild? Are you nuts? That is the worst ideal I've ever heard.

[Melman spits out what was choking him]

Melman the Giraffe: It's unsanitary.

Marty the Zebra: The penguins are going. So why can't I?

Alex the Lion: The penguins are psychotic.

Marty the Zebra: Come on, Just imagine going back to nature. Back to your roots, clean air, wide-open spaces!

Gloria the Hippo: Well, I hear they have wide-open spaces in Connecticut.

Marty the Zebra: Connecticut?

Melman the Giraffe: Yeah. What you gotta do is you go over to Grand Central, and then you gotta take the Metro-North Tran... North?

Marty the Zebra: So one could take the train? Just Hypothetically.

Alex the Lion: Marty, come on. What would Connecticut have to offer us?

Melman the Giraffe: Lyme disease.

Alex the Lion: Thank you Melman.

Marty the Zebra: No, no really, really. I just want...

Alex the Lion: There's certainly none of this in the wild

[Waves a steak at Marty]

Marty the Zebra: But... but... but...

Alex the Lion: This is a highly refined type of food thing. That you do not find in the wild.

Police Horse: What you got to do is go straight back down west 42rd.

Marty the Zebra: Uh huh.

Police Horse: It's on your left, after Vanderbilt.

Marty the Zebra: Okay.

Police Horse: If you hit the Chrysler building, you're gone too far.

Marty the Zebra: Alright. Thanks a lot, Officer.

[Marty walks away]

Police Horse: Hey! Wait for the light... Freak

Police radio: [a police officer is on top of the house talking to his police radio] Did you say "zebra"?

Police Officer: Yeah, yeah, that's right. A Zebra, right in front of me. Can I shoot it?

Police radio: Negative.

Police Officer: Then I'm going to need some backup.

Zoo Announcer: [via soundpole] Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages. The Central Park Zoo proudly presents:...

Alex the Lion: Oh, oh, show them the cat. Who's the cat?

Zoo Announcer: the king of New York City.

Alex the Lion, Zoo Announcer: Alex, the lion.

Marty the Zebra: It's showtime.

Zoo Announcer: For his final appearence of the day: the king of New York City. Alex, the lion

Alex the Lion: [posing] Roar!

Melman the Giraffe: What's the fastest way to Grand Central?

Alex the Lion: You should take Lexington.

Melman the Giraffe: What about Park?

Alex the Lion: No, Park goes two ways, you can't time the lights.