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Fred Flarsky: I'm a racist, you're a Republican, I don't know what the fuck's going on.
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Fred Flarsky: [wearing traditional Swedish dress as a joke played at his expense] Okay, but you dressed me like Cap'n Crunch's Grindr date, so I'm going to drink and enjoy the part.
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[as Fred is talking about the Northern Lights, Charlotte notices that his voice is becoming choked]
Charlotte Field: Are you crying?
Fred Flarsky: [sheepishly] ... It's pretty.
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Maggie Millikin: Calm the smurf down. Next time, bring a fucking suit.
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Fred Flarsky: We did almost just die, though, right?
Charlotte Field: We totally almost just died.
Fred Flarsky: Good, so I didn't just overreact.
Charlotte Field: Oh, you totally overreacted.
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Fred Flarsky: I once 69:ed Fidel Castro. You thought his *beard* was big...
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Charlotte Field: I've never been so scared in my entire life. And I was in an elevator with Saddam Hussein.
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[repeated line]
Fred Flarsky: Oh, boy!
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Lance: [to Fred] It's "Pretty Woman", but she's Richard Gere and you're Julia Roberts.
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Fred Flarsky: I got fucked, man.
Lance: Yeah, you got fucked like a stepmom on Pornhub.
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Fred Flarsky: I feel like maybe you want me to kiss you right now but I don't want to make the same stupid mistake I made 25 years ago.
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[Fred expresses his disgust of Parker Wembley]
Fred Flarsky: The shit that comes out of this fucking guy's mouth... he said hurricanes were caused by gay marriage. I don't even get how that fucking works. I don't even get the math on that one.
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[Charlotte explains to Fred the difficulties of being a woman who runs for presidency]
Charlotte Field: Yeah, listen, Fred: if I'm angry, I'm hysterical; if I'm emotional, I'm weak; if I so much as raise my voice, I'm a bitch.
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Lance: Luck is for losers. You've got destiny on your side.
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Fred Flarsky: [giving explanations of each item from his pockets during the inspection] That's prescription. For anxiety. Uh... This is if you can't dance for a long time and you want to... That's prescription as well, for, uh, lack of energy. That's energy powder... These are to wrap the anxiety medication in when inhaling it medicinally... That's if you want to vaporize the anxiety medicine, which I have a prescription for... And that's a blunt.
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[during the charity fundraising event, Fred approaches Wembley, whom he deeply loathes]
Fred Flarsky: HEY!
[everyone stops talking and turns to see what the commotion is about]
Parker Wembley: [smiles] Oh, Fred?
Fred Flarsky: Yeah, look.
Parker Wembley: What's the problem?
Fred Flarsky: I'll tell you the problem.
Parker Wembley: What?
Fred Flarsky: You're the problem, man!
[Wembley's smile fades]
Fred Flarsky: You're everything that's wrong with this fucking country. Cause you're an old, rich, white piece of shit and your media conglomerate is ruining this planet!
Parker Wembley: Enough.
[Wembley gestures to one of his bodyguards, and he walks Fred away from Wembley]
Fred Flarsky: I'm done anyway. I had more time with you than I thought I would, so joke's on you. Excuse me, thank you. Whoa, shit!
[Fred slips on the stairs, and ends up sprawling on the ground floor. The guests gasp. Someone records the fall with his cell phone, much to Fred's embarrassment. Lance rushes to help Fred]
Long Shot Quotes
Extended Reading
Director: Jonathan Levine
Language: English,Swedish,French,Vietnamese,Russian,Hebrew Release date: May 3, 2019