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Evan Webber: I like building up the anticipation.
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Evan Webber: Death? Death? You're gonna kill me? You're gonna fucking kill me? Why? WHY? Because I fucked you? You fucked me! You fucked ME! You came to MY house! You came to ME! I got you a car, I brought you your clothes, you took a fuckin' BUBBLE BATH! You wanted it! You wanted it! You came on to me! What was I supposed to do? You sucked my cock, you both fucking sucked my cock! It was FREE PIZZA! Free fuckin' pizza! It just shows up at my fuckin' door! What am I supposed to do? "We're flight attendants. Come on, fuck us! No one will know. Come on, fuck us!" Oh, twosomes, threesomes. It doesn't matter! Starfish! Husbands! You don't give a fuck, you'll just fuck anything, you'll just fuck anything! Well, you lied to me, I tried to help you! I let you in, I was a good guy, I'm a good father! And you just fucking fucked me! What? Now, you're gonna kill me? You're gonna kill me? Why? Why? 'Cause you fucked me? What the fuck-FUCK-FUCK, this is fucking insane!
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Evan Webber: Chocolate with
[shouting]
Evan Webber: sprinkles!
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Genesis: Knock, knock.
Bel: Who's there?
Genesis: Cheating Evan.
Bel: Cheating Evan who?
Genesis: Cheating Evan-tually gets you killed.
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Genesis: This is what happens when you break the rules of the game, Evan.
Bel: We have to punish you!
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Bel: I'm glad we knocked on your door.
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Bel: It's like destiny that we were meant to meet. Do you believe in destiny, Evan?
Evan Webber: I'm an architect, so obviously I believe in things happening by your own design.
Bel: Well... I do. I don't think people just pick randomly. I think that, if we are here together, it's because there's something we have to learn from each other.
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Evan Webber: What do you want?
Genesis: I want to play hide and seek.
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Jake: Dad, are you sure you can't come to the beach with us?
Evan Webber: I would love nothing more, sport, but if daddy doesn't work this weekend we'll have to live in a box. Do you guys want to live in a box?
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Louis: Bitch, you barkin' up the wrong fucking tree. I'm from Oakland, ho. I know two ghetto ass hoes when I see 'em.
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Evan Webber: You have your phone?
Genesis: Uh, yeah. Why?
Evan Webber: I can try and fix it.
Genesis: Really? Oh.
Evan Webber: My kid dropped mine in the tub, and you won't believe this but if you put it in rice, it kinda dries it out.
Genesis: That would be awesome!
Bel: Rice? Oh, my God, you're like a Mythbuster!
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Genesis, Bel: Happy Father's Day!
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Bel: Do you like what you see, Daddy?
Knock Knock Quotes
Extended Reading
Top cast
