Klaus Quotes

[from trailer]

Jesper: Good morning, madam! Ah, and a good morning it is indeed! For, you see, today is the day when progress arrives in this charming little town of yours! Now, let me steal a few moments of your time to introduce to you the novel concept that is the postal service...

[the door slams in his face]

[from trailer]

Jesper: [greets a little girl] Awww, aren't you the cutest little thing! Tell me, sweetie, is your mommy home?

[the girl sets her dog on him]

[from trailer]

Jesper: [looks around a toy workshop] Hello?

[Klaus growls behind him]

Jesper: [from trailer] Mister Klaus, you have a gift. You were meant for making toys. So, I figured, if you donate your old toys, I'll deliver them for free!

Klaus: Tonight. I go with you.

Jesper: There's no need for you to come with me, really.

[Klaus shuts the door and a pile of snow lands on Jesper's head]

Jesper: Tonight, then.

Klaus: [after Jesper is burned during a delivery] What happen-?

Jesper: [irritated] Not a word. You just sit there. And be all magical and awesome.

Klaus: Ho ho ho!

Jesper: Wait, wait, wait. Time out. Really? THAT'S how you laugh?

Jesper: Ha! Eat our snow, you-

[since the reindeer aren't attached, the sleigh starts to roll backwards]

Jesper: They're not attached. Why aren't they attached? I thought they were attached. I never in a million years would've done what I just did if I didn't think these were attached.

[last words]

Klaus: I'm coming, my love.

[walks towards the light, and fades away]

[last lines]

Jesper: What happened to him after that, how, why, I can't even begin to comprehend. I stopped trying to make sense of it a long time ago. But I do know: once, every year, I get to see my friend.

[first lines]

Jesper: [narrating] Letters. You don't really write many these days, do you? But I bet there's one you never forget. Send it off to a certain plump guy in a red suit and, provided you've kept your act together more or less, he'll drop off a toy or two. And yet, no one seems to wonder how the whole thing got started in the first place. This is a story about letters, and it began... with this one...

Mrs. Krum: Do you know what this is, little boy?

Mr. Ellingboe: This is tradition!

Mrs. Krum: Centuries of glorious hatred, passed down through generations! There was the hundred-day brawl of '45...

Mr. Ellingboe: ...which we totally won!

Mrs. Krum: The maritime game of chicken.

Mr. Ellingboe: The Great Mooning of '86.

Mrs. Krum: So, if there's something we know...

Mr. Ellingboe: ...going back as far as we can remember...

Mrs. Krum: ...it's that a Krum despises an Ellingboe...

Mr. Ellingboe: ...and an Ellingboe can't stand a Krum!

Mrs. Krum: This town was built on resentment and spite. And it'll stay that way as long as a Krum...

Mr. Ellingboe: Or an Ellingboe!

Mrs. Krum: Ugh. Have something to say about it.

[Jesper is woken by a knock at the door]

Jesper: [clumsily swinging a makeshift spear around and dropping it on the floor] He's here to finish the job! Oh no!

Annelise: Mr. Postman? Are you in there?

[Jesper peers through the door at the kids]

Jesper: Go away! Go! Leave! He'll hear you!

Mrs. Krum: Look around, Aksel! Where is your clan?

Mr. Ellingboe: Uh...

Mrs. Krum: I'll tell you where they are - they're at block parties! Hayrides! And COOK-OUTS!

Concerned Ellingboe Man: Don't forget about the brunches!

Ellingboe Councilwoman: [sobbing] It was a book club that took my poor Sven!

Mrs. Krum: You see? The postman and that old toy maker are brainwashing everyone!

Mr. Ellingboe: What are you saying?

Mrs. Krum: I'm saying it's time to join forces against a common enemy! I'm saying... we need a TRUCE.

[all gasp]

Mr. Ellingboe: A truce? Have you gone mad?

Mrs. Krum: Either we band together to take care of this, or it's gonna be all book clubs and cookouts from here on...

Concerned Ellingboe Man: And brunches! Don't forget about the brunches!

Mrs. Krum: Yes, that. That too.

Mr. Ellingboe: So... we must join together in peace, to stop this peace?

Mrs. Krum: [ambushing Klaus the night of delivery] Well now, isn't this convenient?

Klaus: What are you doing here?

Mrs. Krum: Why, we were just thinking... don't our children also deserve a present?

Mr. Ellingboe: [gesturing at the sack of toys] And lookee here - you've already got her favorite thing in the world! A nice, big piñata!

Alva: Hey, you put one hand on those toys, and I swear...!

Klaus: [restraining her] Stand back! All right, do what you will with the toys. But no one gets hurt!

Mrs. Krum: Suits us just fine. How long until children go back to the old ways once there are no toys to bribe them with? How long until they turn against each other? And how long until the grownups follow?

[Jesper approaches a wooden hut beside a docked boat. A scruffy, middle-aged man rests inside the hut. Jesper huffs, then clears his throat]

Mogens: You go back to the intersection, you make a left at the dead tree. You're welcome.

Jesper: What? No. I'm not lost.

Mogens: Trust me, you are.

[Jesper laughs sarcastically]

Jesper: Funny. Say, nice boat! Any chance you might actually get on it today?

[Mogens lifts his hat]

Mogens: What was that?

Jesper: New postman. Smeerensburg. Which is on an island, which is surrounded by water, which I need a boat to get to, which you have. Are we starting to connect the dots.

[Mogens gives Jesper a jaded smile]

[Jesper approaches a wooden hut beside a docked boat. A scruffy, middle-aged man rests inside the hut. Jesper huffs, then clears his throat]

Mogens: You go back to the intersection, you make a left at the dead tree. You're welcome.

Jesper: What? No. I'm not lost.

Mogens: Trust me, you are.

[Jesper laughs sarcastically]

Jesper: Funny. Say, nice boat! Any chance you might actually get on it today?

[Mogens lifts his hat]

Mogens: What was that?

Jesper: New postman. Smeerensburg. Which is on an island, which is surrounded by water, which I need a boat to get to, which you have. Are we starting to connect the dots?

[Mogens gives Jesper a jaded smile]