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Miranda: You don't take anything seriously do you? You think the world is just here for your amusement!
Charlie: But look at the world...
Miranda: I do. But unlike you I have to live in it!
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Charlie: Breaking and entering makes everything taste... different. Makes it taste, um, livelier.
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Charlie: Catastrophe equals opportunity.
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Miranda: [first lines - narration] Technically what happened wasn't my fault. I'm a minor, I'm not responsible for my actions. Technically.
[alarm sounds, everyone runs]
Miranda: But these things should be taken on a case-by-case basis. In our case, I've always been the responsible party. Someone had to look out for him.
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Miranda: When my father moved away, I lived alone in our house. Which was not exactly normal, but at least I had a routine. Before, when he was home, I could never exactly get comfortable, because it always felt like something was about to happen.
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Miranda: [first day with father back] So, it was time to get back on the old bi-polar pony, and ride.
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Miranda: Animals were popping up in the most unlikely places. Someone at work said she saw a deer in the cosmetics aisle at Target.
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Teacher: [inquiring about her diorama] Who are all the little people Miranda?
Miranda - Age 9: Those are the bodies of the Chumash Indians, who died of Syphilis and Influenza, infected by the missionaries.
Teacher: Uh, Miranda, go out in the hallway and wait for me...
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Charlie: In questions of science, the analysis of 1000 is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual! Galileo.
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Miranda: They searched all night, but they never did find Charlie's body. One of the cops asked me why Charlie jumped back into the hole. I told them it was where Charlie wanted to go. It was where he wanted to go all along. The cop looked at me like I was crazy, and stopped asking questions. What I didn't tell them was that if Charlie hadn't of tied me up, I probably would have followed him.
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Miranda: You want to know how California got it's name? It's not named after some explorer, or king. Nope. Someone made the name up - a writer. He just pulled it out of his imagination in the 16th century, in Spain. He made up this place where there was unlimited gold, and pearls, and beautiful fierce women who wore gold armor, and rode wild beasts. And he called it California. It's true. It was a best seller back then. Charlie told me that. He said I could like it up if I didn't believe him. But I didn't need to.
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Chinese Man: [last lines - something in Chinese] ... is California, ha?
Miranda: Excuse me?
Chinese Man: This place, this California, ha?
Miranda: Oh... Yeah.
Chinese Man: [announces to others in Chinese]
Miranda: Welcome.
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Charlie: So then, it dawned on me one night, while the other patients were watching JAG.
Miranda: They like that in there?
Charlie: They love it.
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Charlie: Looking good, man. You lost some weight.
Pepper: It's the chemo.
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Miranda: When Charlie was in the mental hospital, social services thought I was with my mother. And child welfare thought I was with my father. My father thought I was with my mother. My mother thought I was with a foster family. Somewhere some foster family thought I was with my father, and so on.
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Miranda: Parents have this advantage over us. We want to believe in them. And when we don't believe in them, we still just want to be with them.
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Pepper: Where's my glasses?
Charlie: On your head!
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Charlie: Miranda, did you go to that orgie?
Miranda: I... it was a barbecue.
King of California Quotes
Extended Reading
