Kill Bill: Vol. 2 Quotes

Bill: How do I look?

The Bride: You look ready.

Elle Driver: [into a phone] Bill?

Budd: [into a phone] Wrong brother, you hateful bitch.

Elle Driver: Budd?

Budd: Bingo!

Elle Driver: And to what do I owe this dubious pleasure?

Budd: I just caught me a cowgirl that ain't never been caught.

Elle Driver: Did you kill her?

Budd: Well, not yet I ain't. I shot her full of rock salt. She's so gentle right now, I could perform her coup-de-grace with a rock. Anyhoo, guess what I'm holding in my hand right now.

Elle Driver: What?

Budd: A brand spankin' new Hattori Hanzo sword. And I'm here to tell you, Elle... that's what I call sharp.

Elle Driver: How much?

Budd: Well, that's hard to say, being that it's priceless and all.

Elle Driver: What's the terms?

Budd: Get your bony ass down here in the morning, with a million dollars in folding cash, and I'll give you the greatest sword ever made by man. How do you like the sound of that?

Elle Driver: Sounds like we got a deal. One condition.

Budd: What?

Elle Driver: She must suffer to her last breath.

Budd: Well, that little darlin', I can pretty much damn well guarantee.

Elle Driver: Then I'll see you in the morning... millionaire.

[after getting covered with tobacco juice during her fight with the Bride]

Elle Driver: Gross.

[Esteban, an 80-year-old pimp, appraises The Bride]

Esteban Vihaio: If I had met you 40 years ago, you would have been my Number One lady.

The Bride: Well, I'm flattered.

Esteban Vihaio: You goddamn better well be.

Bill: Pai Mei taught you the five point palm-exploding heart technique?

The Bride: Of course he did.

Bill: Why didn't you tell me?

The Bride: I don't know... because I'm a bad person.

Bill: No. You're not a bad person. You're a terrific person. You're my favorite person, but every once in a while, you can be a real cunt.

The Bride: How did you find me?

Bill: I'm the man.

Bill: As you know, l'm quite keen on comic books. Especially the ones about superheroes. I find the whole mythology surrounding superheroes fascinating. Take my favorite superhero, Superman. Not a great comic book. Not particularly well-drawn. But the mythology... The mythology is not only great, it's unique.

The Bride: [who still has a needle in her leg] How long does this shit take to go into effect?

Bill: About two minutes, just long enough for me to finish my point. Now, a staple of the superhero mythology is, there's the superhero and there's the alter ego. Batman is actually Bruce Wayne, Spider-Man is actually Peter Parker. When that character wakes up in the morning, he's Peter Parker. He has to put on a costume to become Spider-Man. And it is in that characteristic Superman stands alone. Superman didn't become Superman. Superman was born Superman. When Superman wakes up in the morning, he's Superman. His alter ego is Clark Kent. His outfit with the big red "S", that's the blanket he was wrapped in as a baby when the Kents found him. Those are his clothes. What Kent wears - the glasses, the business suit - that's the costume. That's the costume Superman wears to blend in with us. Clark Kent is how Superman views us. And what are the characteristics of Clark Kent. He's weak... he's unsure of himself... he's a coward. Clark Kent is Superman's critique on the whole human race. Sorta like Beatrix Kiddo and Mrs. Tommy Plimpton.

The Bride: Ah-so. The point emerges.

Bill: You would've worn the costume of Arlene Plimpton. But you were born Beatrix Kiddo. And every morning when you woke up, you'd still be Beatrix Kiddo. Oh, you can take the needle out.

The Bride: [does so] Are you calling me a superhero?

Bill: I'm calling you a killer. A natural born killer. You always have been, and you always will be. Moving to El Paso, working in a used record store, goin' to the movies with Tommy, clipping coupons. That's you, trying to disguise yourself as a worker bee. That's you tryin' to blend in with the hive. But you're not a worker bee. You're a renegade killer bee. And no matter how much beer you drank or barbecue you ate or how fat your ass got, nothing in the world would ever change that.

Budd: Looky here, bitch, this is a can of Mace. Now, you're going underground tonight, and that's all there is to it. But, when I bury you, I was gonna bury you with this.

Budd: [holds up a flashlight alongside the can of Mace]

Budd: But if you're gonna act like a horse's ass, I'll spray this whole goddamn can... RIGHT IN YOUR EYEBALLS!

Budd: [holds can of Mace right in front the Bride's right eye]

Budd: I'll burn 'em out of your fuckin' head. Then you'll be blind, burnin', and buried alive. So what's it gonna be, sister?

The Bride: [settles down and nods toward the flashlight]

Budd: That's a wise decision.

The Bride: Did he teach you that?

Bill: No. He teaches no one the five-point-palm-exploding-heart technique. Now, Kiddo, one of the things I always liked about you is you appear wise beyond your years. Then allow me to impart a word to the wise. Whatever - WHAT-EVER - Pai Mei says, obey. If you flash him, even for an instant, a defiant eye, he'll pluck it out. And if you throw any American sass his way, he will snap your back and your neck like they were twigs, and that will be the story of you.

Bill: Mommy is still angry at Daddy.

B.B.: Why?

Bill: Well sweety, I love Mommy, but I did to Mommy what you did to Emilio.

B.B.: You stomped on Mommy?

Bill: Worse. I shot Mommy. Not pretend shoot, like we were just doing. I shot her for real.

B.B.: Why? Did you want to see what would happen?

Bill: No, I knew what would happen to Mommy if I shot her. What I didn't know is, when I shot Mommy, what would happen to me.

B.B.: What happened?

Bill: I was very sad. And that was when I learned, some things, once you do, they can never be undone.

Pai Mei: [punches through a block of wood from three inches away] Since your arm now belongs to me, I want it strong. Can you do that?

The Bride: I can, but not that close.

Pai Mei: Then you can't do it. What if your enemy is three inches in front of you, what do you do then? Curl into a ball? Or do you put your fist through him?

Budd: So, which "R" you filled with?

Elle Driver: What?

Budd: They say the number one killer of old people is retirement. People got 'em a job to do, they tend to live a little longer so they can do it. I've always figured warriors and their enemies share the same relationship. So, now you ain't gonna hafta face your enemy on the battlefield no more, which "R" are you filled with: Relief or Regret?

Elle Driver: A little bit of both.

Budd: Bullshit. I'm sure you do feel a little bit of both. But I know damn well you feel one more than you feel the other. The question was, which one?

Elle Driver: Regret.

Esteban Vihaio: [after telling the Bride where Bill is] Bill is like a son to me. You know why I help you?

The Bride: No.

Esteban Vihaio: He would want me to.

The Bride: Now that I don't believe.

Esteban Vihaio: How else is he going to see you again?

[his opinion of Tommy]

Bill: When I first saw him... I like his hair.

The Bride: You promised you'd be nice.

Bill: No, I said I'd do my best. That's hardly a promise.

The Bride: You any good with that shotgun?

Karen Kim: Not that I have to be at this range, but I'm a fucking surgeon with this shotgun.

The Bride: Well, guess what, bitch? I'm better than Annie Oakley and I've got you right in my sights, so let's talk.

The Bride: I was wondering, just between us girls, what did you say to Pai Mei for him to snatch out your eye?

Elle Driver: [flashback showing Pai Mei snatching out Elle's eye] I called him a miserable old fool.

The Bride: Ooh, bad idea.

Elle Driver: You know what I did? I killed that miserable old fool.

[the Bride gasps as they show a flashback of Pai Mei gagging from the poison Elle put in his food]

Elle Driver: [flashback] How do you like the fishheads you miserable old fool?

[Present]

Elle Driver: I poisoned his fishheads.

Pai Mei: Elle, you treacherous dog. I give you my word...

Elle Driver: And I told him, "To me the word of an old fool like you is worth less than nothing."

[Pai Mei keels over and dies, as Elle starts laughing]

The Bride: You and I have unfinished business.

Bill: Baby, you ain't kidding.

Bill: Anyhow, they all fell under her Hanzo sword.

Budd: She's got a Hanzo sword?

Bill: He made one for her.

Budd: Didn't he swear a blood oath to never make another sword?

Bill: It would appear he has broken it.

Budd: Them Japs sure know how to hold a grudge.

[laughs]

Budd: Or maybe... you just tend to bring that out in people.

The Bride: You know, five years ago, if I had to make a list of impossible things that would never happen, you performing a coup de grace on me, by busting a cap in my crown, would have been right at the top of the list. But I'd be wrong, wouldn't I?

Bill: [slightly drunk] ... I'm sorry, was that a question? Of impossible things that could never happen, in this case, yes, you would have been wrong.

The Bride: Well?

Bill: When you didn't come back, I naturally assumed that Lisa Wong or somebody else had killed you. Oh, and for the record, letting someone think that someone they love is dead when they're not is quite cruel. I mourned you for three months. And in the third month of mourning you, I tracked you down. Now, I wasn't trying to track you down. I was trying to track down the fucking assholes who I thought killed you. So, I find you. And what do I find? Not only are you not dead, you're getting married, to some fucking jerk, and you're pregnant. I... overreacted.

[long pause]

The Bride: You overreacted?

[after entering a cafe, covered head to toe in dirt]

The Bride: May I have a glass of water, please?

[as the Deadly Vipers enter the chapel]

Reverend Harmony: What the hell?

Bill: Now... When it comes to you, and us, I have a few unanswered questions. So, before this tale of bloody revenge reaches its climax, I'm going to ask you some questions, and I want you to tell me the truth. However, therein lies a dilemma. Because, when it comes to the subject of me, I believe you are truly and utterly incapable of telling the truth, especially to me, and least of all, to yourself. And, when it comes to the subject of me, I am truly and utterly incapable of believing anything you say.

The Bride: How do you suppose we solve this dilemma?

Bill: Well, it just so happens I have a solution.

[he shoots The Bride with a dart filled with Truth Serum]

Bill: Gotcha!

The Bride: Goddamn! What the fuck did you just shoot me with?

Bill: My greatest invention. Or at least, my favorite one.

[she reaches for the dart]

Bill: Don't touch it, or I'll stick another one right in your cheek.

[holding the Bride in an armlock]

Pai Mei: It's my arm now, I'll do what I want with it.

Elle Driver: That's right. I killed your master. And now I'm gonna kill you too, with your own sword, no less, which in the very immediate future, will become... my sword.

The Bride: Bitch, you don't have a future.

[the Bride sees B.B. for the first time]

B.B.: Freeze, Mommy!

Bill: Bang bang!

[pretends to be shot]

Bill: Oh! She got us, B.B. I'm dying.

B.B.: Oh, I'm dying, I'm dying...

Bill: Fall down, sweetheart. Mommy shot you.

[both fall down and pretend to die]

Bill: [in a narrative tone] But little did Quick-Draw Kiddo know that little B.B. was only playing possum, due to the fact that she was impervious to bullets.

B.B.: [sits up] I am pervious to bullets, Mommy.

Bill: Hey, get back down there. You're playing possum.

[in a narrative tone]

Bill: So, as the smirking killer approached what she thought was a bullet-ridden corpse, that's when little B.B. fired!

[B.B. gets up and pretends to shoot the Bride]

B.B.: Bang bang!

Bill: You're dead, Mommy... so die.

[the Bride is still shocked]

Bill: B.B.

[comes out of it and acts out a huge death scene]

The Bride: Oh, B.B., you got me. I should have known... you are the best.

[collapses to the ground and pretends to die]

B.B.: Oh, Mommy, don't die. I was just playing.

The Bride: I know.

Bill: What lies within that dart, just begging to course its way through your veins, is a potent and quite infallible truth serum. I call it "The Undisputed Truth." Twice as strong as sodium penethol, with none of the druggie after-effect. Oh, except for a slight wave of euphoria. Can you feel it?

The Bride: Euphoria?

Bill: Yeah.

The Bride: No.

Bill: Too bad.

Budd: Larry, there ain't nobody out there!

Larry Gomez: [strung-out tone] "There ain't nobody out there... Larry." What's your point? That you're not needed here?

Budd: My point is, I'm the bouncer... and there ain't nobody out there to bounce!

Larry Gomez: You're saying that the reason... that you're not doing the job... that I'm... paying you to do... is, that you don't have a job to do? Is that what you're saying? What are you trying to convince me of, exactly? That you're as useless as an asshole right here? Well guess what, Buddy. I think, you just fucking convinced me!

The Bride: What are you doing here?

Bill: What am I doing? A moment ago, I was playin' my flute. But this moment, I'm looking at the most beautiful bride these old eyes have ever seen.

The Bride: Why are you here?

Bill: Last look.

The Bride: Are you going to be nice?

Bill: I've never been nice my whole life, but I'll do my best... to be sweet.

Elle Driver: She put a Black Mamba in his camper.

[pause]

Elle Driver: I got her, sweety.

[pause]

Elle Driver: She's dead.

[pause]

Elle Driver: Let me put it this way. If you ever start feeling sentimental, go to Barstow, California. When you get here, walk into a florist and buy a bunch of flowers. Then you take those flowers to Huntington cemetery on Fuller and Guadalupe, look for the headstone marked Paula Schultz, then lay them on the grave. Because you will be standing at the final resting place of BEATRIX KIDDO.

Bill: You hocked a Hattori Hanzo Sword?

Budd: Yep.

Bill: It was priceless.

Budd: Well, not in El Paso, it ain't. In El Paso I got me $250 for it.

Budd: You're telling me she cut through eighty-eight bodyguards before she got to O-Ren?

Bill: Nah, there weren't really eighty-eight of them. They just called themselves "The Crazy 88."

Budd: How come?

Bill: I don't know. I guess they thought it sounded cool.

Bill: Once upon a time in China, some believe, around the year one double-aught three, head priest of the White Lotus Clan, Pai Mei, was walking down the road, contemplating whatever it is that a man of Pai Mei's infinite power contemplates - which is another way of saying "who knows?" - when a Shaolin monk appeared, traveling in the opposite direction. As the monk and the priest crossed paths, Pai Mei, in a practically unfathomable display of generosity, gave the monk the slightest of nods. The nod was not returned. Now was it the intention of the Shaolin monk to insult Pai Mei? Or did he just fail to see the generous social gesture? The motives of the monk remain unknown. What is known, are the consequences. The next morning Pai Mei appeared at the Shaolin Temple and demanded of the Temple's head abbot that he offer Pai Mei his neck to repay the insult. The Abbot at first tried to console Pai Mei, only to find Pai Mei was inconsolable. So began the massacre of the Shaolin Temple and all sixty of the monks inside at the fists of the White Lotus. And so began the legend of Pai Mei's five-point-palm-exploding-heart technique.

The Bride: And what, pray tell, is the five-point-palm-exploding-heart technique?

Bill: Quite simply, the deadliest blow in all of martial arts. He hits you with his fingertips at five different pressure points on your body. And then he lets you walk away. But after you've taken five steps, your heart explodes inside your body, and you fall to the floor, dead.

[Elle and The Bride each have a sword in hand]

Elle Driver: What's that?

The Bride: Budd's Hanzo sword.

Elle Driver: He said he pawned it.

The Bride: Guess that makes him a liar, don't it?

The Bride: [Describing her pregnancy to Bill] Before that strip turned blue, I was a woman. I was your woman. I was a killer who killed for you. Before that strip turned blue, I would have jumped a motorcycle onto a speeding train... for you. But once that strip turned blue, I could no longer do any of those things. Not anymore. Because I was going to be a mother. Can you understand that?

Bill: Yes. But why didn't you tell me then instead of now?

The Bride: Because once I would have told you, you'd claim her, and I didn't want that.

Bill: Not your decision to make.

The Bride: Yes, but it was the right decision and I made it for my daughter. She deserved to be born with a clean slate. But with you, she would have been born in a world she shouldn't have. I had to choose... I chose her.

Bill: [the Bride lunges for Bill's sword, Bill draws a gun and shoots, barely missing her] Now if you don't settle down, I'm gonna have to put one in your kneecap. And I hear tell that's a very painful place to get shot in.

[he suddenly fires again, hitting a fruit bowl and splattering the Bride, making her jump]

Bill: Ha ha ha! I'm just fucking with you.

Esteban Vihaio: Bill shot you in the head, no?

The Bride: Yes.

Esteban Vihaio: I would've been much nicer. I would've just cut your face.

Bill: I told her you were asleep. But that one day you would wake up and come back to her. And she asked me, "if Mommy's been asleep since I was born, then how would she know what I look like?" To which I replied, "because Mommy's been dreaming of you." That's what I said.

B.B: [affectionately] Did you dream of me? I dreamed of you.

The Bride: [crying] Every single night, baby. Every single night.

Esteban Vihaio: How may I be of service to you?

The Bride: Where's Bill?

Esteban Vihaio: Ahh... You must be Beatrix. I can see the attraction. I remember when Bill was only five years old, I took him to the movies. It was a movie starring Lana Turner. "The Postman Always Ring Twice" with John Garfields. And whenever she would appear on the screen, Bill would begin to suck his thumb to an obscene amount. And I knew from this very moment, that this boy was a fool for blondes. Mmm...

Esteban Vihaio: What were we talking about?

The Bride: Bill. Where's Bill?

Esteban Vihaio: Where's Bill? Yeah... Hmm... Bill is on the Villa Quatro, on the road to Salina. I will draw you a map.

The Bride: [doorbell rings] Hello, can I help you?

Karen Kim: Hello, I'm Karen Kim, I'm the hospitality manager of the hotel. I have a welcome gift from the management.

The Bride: Oh, that's nice.

[drops pregnancy test, bends down to get it]

The Bride: Um... Can you just leave it by the door?

[Karen shoots a hole through the door]

The Bride: Karen... I just found out, right now, not a moment before you blew a hole through the door, that I'm pregnant.

Karen Kim: What is this?

The Bride: On the floor, by the door, is a strip that says I'm pregnant.

Karen Kim: Bullshit.

The Bride: Any other time you'd be a hundred percent right. This time, you're a hundred per cent wrong. I'm the deadliest woman in the world. But right now... I'm just scared shitless for my baby. Please, just look at the strip. *Please*.

[pause]

Karen Kim: Stay where you are and don't move.

Budd: That gentled ya down some. Ain't nobody a badass with a double dose of rock salt that deep in their tits. Not havin tits as fine or big as yours, I can't even imagine how bad that shit must sting... yet I don't want to, neither.

[the Bride spits blood into Budd's face. He wipes it away and returns the favor with a long, foul stream of tobacco juice]

Budd: I win.

The Bride: [in Cantonese] Master...

Pai Mei: [in Cantonese; subtitled] Your Mandarin is lousy. It causes my ears great discomfort. You bray like an ass! You are not to speak unless spoken to! It is too much to hope but... do you speak Cantonese?

The Bride: [in English] I speak Japanese very well... as well as...

Pai Mei: [interrupting] I didn't ask if you speak Japanese! I asked if you understood Cantonese.

Esteban Vihaio: [indicating the Bride's convertible] I heard you were driving a truck.

The Bride: My Pussy Wagon died on me.

Esteban Vihaio: The Pussy died? Hmm...

The Bride: You want to come to the wedding?

Bill: Only if I can sit on the bride's side.

The Bride: You'll find it a bit lonely on my side.

Bill: Your side always was a bit lonely. But I wouldn't sit anywhere else.

Bill: Was my reaction really that surprising?

The Bride: Yes, it was. Could you do what you did? Of course you could. But, I never thought you would or could do that to me.

Bill: I'm really sorry, Kiddo. But you thought wrong.

Bill: Isn't it supposed to be bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding?

Tommy Plympton: Well, let's just say I like to live dangerously.

Bill: I know just what you mean.

[discussing Tommy Plympton, the Bride's husband-to-be]

Bill: And what does he do for a living?

The Bride: He owns a record store.

Bill: Ah. And what do you plan to do?

The Bride: I work in the record store.

Bill: Ah. Suddenly, it all seems so clear.

Bill: I was just admiring your sword. Quite a piece of work. Speaking of which, how is Hanzo-san?

The Bride: He's good.

Bill: Has his sushi gotten any better?

The Bride: [shakes her head]

Bill: You know, I couldn't believe it. You got him to make you a sword.

The Bride: It was easy. I just dropped your name, Bill.

Bill: [chuckles] That'd do it.

[after the Bride convinces Karen Kim not to kill her because she's pregnant, Karen backs out of the room holding a shotgun on her, then looks through the hole she blasted in the door]

Karen Kim: Congratulations.

[runs]

Elle Driver: Bill tells me you had a Hanzo sword once.

Budd: Yeah.

Elle Driver: [examining the Bride's sword] How does this one compare to that one?

Budd: If you're gonna compare a Hanzo sword, you compare it to every other sword ever made... that wasn't made by Hattori Hanzo.

Pai Mei: [in Cantonese] Do you believe you are my match?

The Bride: No.

Pai Mei: Are you aware I kill at will?

The Bride: Yes.

Pai Mei: Is it your wish to die?

The Bride: No.

Pai Mei: Then you must be stupid... so stupid.

Larry Gomez: The hat. That fucking hat. How many times did I tell you not to wear that fucking hat?

Budd: Customers wear hats.

Larry Gomez: I'm not the boss of the customers, but I'm the boss of you, and I'm telling you to keep that shit kicker hat at home.

Reverend Harmony: Rufus... he's the man.

Reverend Harmony: [to Rufus] Who was that you used to play for?

Rufus: Rufus Thomas.

Reverend Harmony: Rufus Thomas...

Reverend Harmony: [to Bride] Rufus Thomas.

Rufus: I was a Drell. I was a Drifter. I was a Coaster. I was part of The Gang. I was a Bar-Kay... If they come through Texas, I done played with them.

Reverend Harmony: Rufus... He's the man.

[first lines]

Bill: Do you find me sadistic? You know, Kiddo, I'd like to believe that you're aware enough even now to know that there's nothing sadistic in my actions. At this moment, this is me at my most masochistic.

The Bride: Bill, it's your bab...

[BLAM!]

[last lines]

a crew member: Ok, mark it. And action.

[man screams in pain]

a crew member: Cut.

The Bride: Oh, come on, let's do it again.

[a crew member laughs]

Jay: You're late again. Budd, can't you tell time?

Budd: There ain't nobody in here, man.

Larry Gomez: [voice; offscreen] Hey, Jay! Is Budd out there?

Jay: [yells] Yeah.

Larry Gomez: Tell him to get his fucking ass in here!

Jay: Okay!

[to Budd]

Jay: Budd, Larry'd like a word with you.

The Bride: Do I look pretty?

Bill: Oh, yes.

The Bride: Thank you.

Bill: He'll accept you as his student.

The Bride: Caught him in a good mood, aye?

Bill: More like a sadistic one. Just seeing those steps again makes me ache. You're gonna have plenty of fun carrying buckets of water up and down that fucker.

The Bride: Why did he accept me?

Bill: Because he's a very very very old man. And like all rotten bastards, when they get old, they become lonely. Not that that has any effect on their disposition. But they do learn the value of company.

The Bride: When will I see you again?

Bill: That's the title of my favorite soul song of the Seventies.

The Bride: What?

Bill: Nothing. When he tells me you're done.

The Bride: When do you think that might be?

Bill: That my dearest, all depends on you. Now remember, no backtalk, no sarcasm. Least not for the first year. You're going to have to let him warm up for you. He hates Caucasians, despises Americans, and has nothing but contempt for women, so in your case, that may take a little while. Adios.

Budd: I'm a bouncer in a titty bar, Bill. If she wants to fight me, all she gotta do is come down to the Club, start some shit, and we'll be in a fight.

Bill: I know we haven't spoken in some time. And the last time we spoke wasn't the most pleasant. But you've to got to get over being mad at me and start becoming afraid of

[beep]

Bill: because she is coming, and she is coming to kill you. And unless you accept my assistance, I have no doubt she will succeed.

Budd: I don't dodge guilt, and I don't Jew out of paying my comeuppance.

Bill: Can't we just... forget the past?

Budd: That woman, deserves her revenge and... we deserve to die. But then again, so does she. So, I guess we'll just see. Won't we?

Bill: Baby, don't you think Mommy has the prettiest hair in the whole wide world?

B.B.: [smiling] Yes, I do.

Bill: Matter of fact, it's better than pretty. What's better than pretty?

B.B.: Hmm. Gorgeous!

Bill: Very good. Gorgeous. Mommy is gorgeous.

[flattery doesn't bring him any luck]

Bill: Mm. You know, sweetie, Mommy is kind of mad at Daddy.