Keeping Up with the Joneses Quotes

Scorpion: That's what you get when you try to sting the sco...

[is cut off by a bomb detonating]

[last lines]

Jeff Gaffney: [hiding under a table during a shootout] I missed them.

Karen Gaffney: [ducks down beside him] Me too.

Natalie Jones: How could you not tell me you were feeling this way?

Tim Jones: Well, look... to be honest, you are not exactly the easiest woman in the world for a man to admit his fears to.

Natalie Jones: [stunned and angry] What? How can you say that to me? I'm compassionate and sensitive. You can say anything to me.

Natalie Jones: [in Hebrew] Tafsik lihiot kaze nekeva kol hazman!

[= stop acting like a pussy all the time!]

Tim Jones: Well, calling me a pussy in Hebrew is not helping things.

[Tim drops the keys on the table. Suddenly, his foot hits something. He looks down and notices a tripwire]

Tim Jones: [quietly] Run.

[Tim and Natalie run and jump through the window. A second later, the whole house explodes]

Natalie Jones: You broke into our house. What kind of neighbors are you?

Karen Gaffney: You bugged our house. What kind of neighbors are you?

Tim Jones: She kind of has a point.

[Tim eavesdrops to Jeff and Karen through an earphone. He hears them moaning]

Tim Jones: [to Natalie] I think they're having sex. God damn it, we don't have time for this. I mean, they're supposed to be here in 45 minutes. Nope, they are done.

Jeff Gaffney: Okay, can you guys tell us anything at all?

Natalie Jones: I'm not Greek. I'm Israeli.

Karen Gaffney: Ex-Mossad?

Natalie Jones: Can't tell you.

Karen Gaffney: Come on. Are you guys even married? Can you even tell us that?

[Tim and Natalie look at each other]

Tim Jones: Yes. That actually you can't fake.

Jeff Gaffney: But that's it? Everything else was a lie?

[Tim shrugs while drinking coffee]

Jeff Gaffney: I mean, 'cause I think when you told me that you hated your job, that seemed real. I mean, from an HR perspective. That seemed real.

Natalie Jones: [sharply] You told him you hate your job?

Tim Jones: [embarrassed] I may have mentioned certain misgivings, in confidence.

Natalie Jones: Interesting. Why is this coming out now?

Tim Jones: Because Jeff is actually a good listener. And I did mention that to you before, in Marrakesh. At that place that we always go to. Hazim's. That day, we spent the whole afternoon here. We talked about maybe getting out of this. We talked about I could actually become a travel writer, for real. We could maybe have a child.

Natalie Jones: That was hypothetical. It wasn't a life plan.

Tim Jones: I didn't think it...

Natalie Jones: [in Hebrew] Ya'ala itcha! Sicha achat sheyotzim she'ata mastul al nargila...

[= I've had it with you! We go out, have one conversation, and you are high with the hookah]

Tim Jones: [to the Gaffneys] Okay, this is what we do. Automatically, we go to Hebrew and then it's gonna be a whole thing.