Inside Man Quotes

[first lines]

Dalton Russell: My name is Dalton Russell. Pay strict attention to what I say because I choose my words carefully and I never repeat myself. I've told you my name: that's the Who. The Where could most readily be described as a prison cell. But there's a vast difference between being stuck in a tiny cell and being in prison. The What is easy: recently I planned and set in motion events to execute the perfect bank robbery. That's also the When. As for the Why: beyond the obvious financial motivation, it's exceedingly simple... because I can. Which leaves us only with the How; and therein, as the Bard would tell us, lies the rub.

Det. Bill Mitchell: Hey Keith, let me see your shoe.

Keith Frazier: What?

Det. Bill Mitchell: Lemme see your shoe.

Keith Frazier: Why?

Det. Bill Mitchell: 'Cause I have never seen anyone put their foot that far up a guy's ass.

Keith Frazier: [Busts out laughing] Yeah, I guess I did, didn't I?

Det. Bill Mitchell: Man, you cut him an ass the length of the Lincoln Tunnel! We're gonna need a traffic cop on that shit!

Vikram Walia: Fuckin' tired of this shit. What happened to my fuckin' civil rights? Why can't I go anywhere without being harassed? Get thrown out a bank, I'm a hostage, I get harassed. I go to the airport, I can't go through security without a random selection. Fuckin' random, my ass.

Keith Frazier: I bet you can get a cab though.

Vikram Walia: I guess that's one of the perks.

Keith Frazier: Let's just try to keep everybody calm, okay?

Dalton Russell: Don't I sound calm to you?

Keith Frazier: Yeah, you do.

[from trailer]

Det. Bill Mitchell: You gotta be crazy to go in there.

Keith Frazier: Like a fox.

Madeliene White: Well detective, there are matters at stake here that are a little bit above your pay grade. No offense.

Keith Frazier: Well, why don't you just tell the mayor to raise my pay grade to the proper level, and problem solved.

Madeliene White: Well, I'd love to tell you what a monster you are, but, uh, I have to help Bin Laden's nephew buy a co-op on Park Ave.

Arthur Case: [laughing] If that were true, you wouldn't tell me.

Madeliene White: [turning to leave] We're listing you as a reference.

Keith Frazier: You got a card, in case I need to call you?

Madeliene White: [smiles sweetly] Please don't take this personally, but no. I don't think you can afford me.

Keith Frazier: Well, don't take this personally, Miss White. Kiss my black ass, okay?

Madeliene White: Careful, Detective. My bite is much worse than my bark.

Keith Frazier: Oh, please, do not say proposals... my girlfriend... she wants a proposal from me.

Dalton Russell: You think you're too young to get married?

Keith Frazier: No, I'm not too young... too broke. Maybe I should rob a bank.

Dalton Russell: Do you love each other?

Keith Frazier: Yeah, yeah, we do.

Dalton Russell: Then money shouldn't really matter.

Keith Frazier: Thank you, bank robber!

Dalton Russell: You're too fucking smart to be a cop.

[He points a gun at Frazier]

Dalton Russell: Now get the fuck out of here.

Keith Frazier: What? You gonna shoot me? Go ahead, shit, you got nothing to lose, I damn sure got nothing to lose, so go ahead, shoot me. Shoot me.

Dalton Russell: [pause] Fuck you. Tell them to send someone sane over here.

[last lines]

Sylvia: C'mon, baby. The handcuffs are gettin' cold...

Four Seasons Maitre d': Good afternoon, sir. Do you have a reservation?

Keith Frazier: [walking past him] Looking for the mayor.

Four Seasons Maitre d': May I have your hat, please?

Keith Frazier: No, you cannot! Get your own.

Det. Bill Mitchell: You see, there's just you and one other woman that fit the physical description of the female suspect.

Stevie: What's that?

Det. Bill Mitchell: It's your height, your age, and... um...

Keith Frazier: Your cup size.

Stevie: [smiles sardonically] So, I violated section 34 Double-D? That's what you're telling me?

Dalton Russell: This time next week, I'll be sucking down piña coladas in a hot tub with six girls named Amber and Tiffany.

Keith Frazier: More like taking a shower with two guys named Jamal and Jesus, if you know what I mean. And here's the bad news: that thing you're sucking on? It's not a piña colada!

Mayor: You're a magnificent cunt.

Madeliene White: [smiles condescendingly] Thank you.

Keith Frazier: Last time I had my johnson pulled this good it cost me five bucks.

Captain John Darius: Five bucks?

Keith Frazier: It was Tiajuana. Don't ask.

Keith Frazier: Alright, I've got them right where I want 'em.

Det. Bill Mitchell: Where's that?

Keith Frazier: Right behind me with my pants around my ankles, but it's a start.

Keith Frazier: C'mon let's go down the street to the bar. I'll buy you a drink

Dalton Russell: Thanks but I'm trying to stay away from bars right now if you know what I mean.

['Stevie' is gathering keys and cell phones from hostages; she stops at one man who does not have a cell phone and waves Dalton over]

Dalton Russell: What's your name?

Peter Hammond: [Nervously] Peter.

Dalton Russell: Peter what?

Peter Hammond: Peter Hammond.

Dalton Russell: Where's your cell phone, Peter Hammond?

Peter Hammond: [Trembling] I left it at home.

Dalton Russell: [Putting his arm around Peter's shoulder] Peter, think very carefully about how you answer the next question, because if you get it wrong, your headstone will read, "Here lies Peter Hammond, hero, who valiantly attempted to prevent a *brilliant* bank robbery by trying to hide his cellular phone, but wound up,"

[presses gun muzzle into Peter's cheek]

Dalton Russell: "getting *shot* in the fucking head." Now, Peter Hammond, where's your cell phone?

Peter Hammond: I telling you, I did, I left it at home.

[Dalton goes through the other bank employees' cell phones until he finds Peter Hammond's number; he looks momentarily at Peter, then calls it]

Peter Hammond: [Peter's phone can be faintly heard from his office playing "Gold Digger"]

Sylvia: Did you bring Big Willy?

Keith Frazier: Yeah and the Twins!

[Inside the "war room" van, Detective Keith Frazier finally accepts a call from Dalton Russell]

Dalton Russell: I got a question for ya. You get it right, I give you more time.

Keith Frazier: And?

Dalton Russell: You know what happens if you don't. Which weighs more: all the trains that pass through Grand Central Station in a year - or the trees cut down to print all U.S. currency in circulation? Here's a hint. It's a trick question.

[they both hang up]

Keith Frazier: What the hell was that? Playing games, now?

Captain John Darius: [realizing] It's the trains. U.S. money isn't printed on paper at all. It's cotton.

Mobile Command Officer Berk: Yeah, that's, that's right.

Captain John Darius: No trees were cut down.

Mobile Command Officer Rourke: Are you sure?

Captain John Darius: Yeah. One hundred percent.

Keith Frazier: Okay.

[He dials Dalton's number again. The phone rings. Dalton picks it up]

Keith Frazier: I got it.

Det. Bill Mitchell: Wait a second, wait a second.

Keith Frazier: Call you back.

[Both Frazier and Dalton hang up their phones]

Det. Bill Mitchell: It's a trap. They both weigh the same. Tell him they both weigh the same. They both weigh nothing.

Keith Frazier: They both weigh nothing or they both weigh the same?

Det. Bill Mitchell: Tell him they both weigh the same. Tell him they both weigh the same. Do it now.

Keith Frazier: They both weigh the same. Got it.

[Dalton picks up the phone]

Dalton Russell: Well?

Keith Frazier: They both weigh the same.

Dalton Russell: [with evil nonchalance] This time, send sandwiches.

[They are discussing Dalton Russell]

Keith Frazier: What do you think he's going to do?

Madeliene White: Well, he's not gonna kill anyone.

Keith Frazier: How do you know?

Madeliene White: Because he's not a murderer.

Keith Frazier: How do you know? I got news for you. Most of the guys up in Sing Sing weren't murderers until they killed somebody.

Mayor: [speaking cordially with Madeline] I always have time to put on a tux and eat free food for a good cause. Who are saving this week?

Madeliene White: Well, I'm doing a round of support for the Joseph Freidkin Memorial Fund for spinal cord research and we're having our annual fundraiser next month. If you could attend, it would give us such a boost.

[the Mayor and Madeline walk through double doors into an empty, private room]

Mayor: It would be my pleasure. Is there anything else I can do to...

[the double doors close, giving the Mayor and Madeline privacy]

Mayor: [turning very hostile immediately] What the fuck do you want?

Madeliene White: A favor.

Mayor: No shit. Which kind?

Madeliene White: The last one I'll ever ask of you.

Mayor: That's the kind I had in mind.

Dalton Russell: [observing the violence of Brian's GTA game] Jesus, what's the point of this?

Brian Robinson: Like my man 50 says, get rich or die tryin'. Yo, you get mad points for knocking over the bank.

Dalton Russell: You think that's cool?

Brian Robinson: Hell, yeah. You trying to get paid too.

Dalton Russell: It's going to be okay.

Brian Robinson: Cool.

Dalton Russell: You'll be home soon.

Brian Robinson: That's wassup.

Det. Bill Mitchell: This is bullshit, man. I mean, we're the only ones left trying to catch the bad guys and they're gonna come after us like that? Tell you what, every one of your accusers, man, I say we go after 'em all, Keith, Michael Corleone style. Michael Corleone, do you renounce Satan? Yes, I renounce him. Ptshusshh! Ptshusshh!

Keith Frazier: There's no 392.

Det. Bill Mitchell: Huh?

Keith Frazier: Safety deposit box number 392: according to these records, it doesn't exist. Pin-stripe, mayonnaise, lying motherfucker.

Nancy Mann: Do you think they're terrorists?

Chaim: They're robbers, not terrorists.

Hostage: How do you know? They could be Al-Qaeda.

Chaim: Trust me. I've studied these things.

Hostage: What are you, Mossad?

Chaim: No. I was a lawyer. Now I teach courses at Columbia Law on genocide, slave labor, war reparation claims.

Nancy Mann: Mira. Can I sue somebody when this is over?

Chaim: Oh, sure. Go nuts. Go meshuga.