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Jennifer: 'Twould be nice to have lips... lips to whisper lies... lips to kiss man and make him suffer. Father, why cannot I have lips, and eyes, and hair?
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Daniel: [(sings)] For tonight I merry merry be / Tomorrow I'll be sober.
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Wallace Wooley: I'm afraid you've got a hangover.
Daniel: Don't tell me what I've got! I invented the hangover. It was in 1892... B.C.
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Dr. Dudley White: It's OK. He fell out of the window.
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Wallace Wooley: Mere physical beauty isn't everything.
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Dr. Dudley White: Oh well, it's late, I've got to be getting into my strait jacket. I'll call a broom.
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Wooley - civil war incarnation: Where is the nearest recruiting office?
His wife: Oh, running off to war like a coward.
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J.B. Masterson: Will you try to be a little more pleasant, at least until after the wedding?
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Daniel: Goodbye, Jennifer, be a bad girl.
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Daniel: Pistol, pistol, let there be/Murder in the first degree
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Jennifer: Ever hear of the decline and fall of the Roman Empire? That was our crowd.
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Wallace Wooley: Now you listen to me, young lady. Come on. Get up.
Jennifer: [she stands] I'm listening, Mr. Wooley.
[he stares at her]
Jennifer: Why do you look at me that way? Oh, my dress. Do you like it?
Wallace Wooley: I-I don't know. It's such a shock to see you dressed. I mean... you're beautiful.
Jennifer: Enough to make a man fall in love?
Wallace Wooley: Mere physical beauty isn't everything.
Jennifer: [disappointed] That's what I thought.
Wallace Wooley: [clears his throat] Look here, Jennifer.
Jennifer: I don't like the tone of your voice!
Wallace Wooley: Well, I swallowed some smoke last night.
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First Prisoner: Hey, that's Wallace Wooley! Don't tell me they're tossing him in the clink.
Second Prisoner: Looks that way. Well, pay off, brother. They're not electing no con for governor. Bensinger is a cinch.
First Prisoner: [to Wooley] Ehh! Why wouldn't you keep straight until after you was elected like everybody else does!
I Married a Witch Quotes
Extended Reading
