How to Marry a Millionaire Quotes

Pola Debevoise: I want to marry Rockefeller.

Schatze Page: Which one?

Pola Debevoise: I don't care.

[Referring to older men marrying young women]

Schatze Page: Look at Roosevelt, look at Churchill, look at that old fella what's his name in The African Queen.

Schatze Page: Next thing you got to remember is the gentlemen you meet on the cold cuts may not be as attractive as the one you meet in the mink department at Bergdorf's.

Loco Dempsey: But he was cute, don't you think?

Schatze Page: Sure he was. But then I never met one of those gas pump jockey that wasn't.

Loco Dempsey: Is that what he is?

Schatze Page: You bet your life he is. I know those guys. I married one once.

Schatze Page: I was nuts about him. Know what he did to me. First he gave me a phony name. Second, he was already married. Third, the minute the preacher said amen, he never did another tap of work. Then he stole my TV set and gave it to a car hop. When I asked him about that, he hit me with a chicken.

Pola Debevoise: A live chicken?

Schatze Page: No, a baked chicken; stuffed.

Loco Dempsey: I wouldn't mind marrying a Vanderbilt?

Pola Debevoise: Or Mr. Cadillac.

Schatze Page: No such person. I checked.

Loco Dempsey: Is there a Mr. Texaco?

Loco Dempsey: You don't think he's a little old?

Schatze Page: Wealthy men are never old.

J.D. Hanley: [on why Schatze stopped their wedding] There was a last minute decision in your favor.

Tom Brookman: Did you tell her about me?

J.D. Hanley: No. So far as she knows you're still hustling a gas pump.

Tom Brookman: Are you kidding?

J.D. Hanley: Well let's go ask her.

Tom Brookman: Wait a minute JD! Do you think I ought to tell her?

J.D. Hanley: Are you nuts? She clearly prefers gas pump jockeys to millionaires. What do you want to do? Disillusion the poor girl?

[repeated line]

Schatze Page: [to Tom Brookman] Just as soon as I finish this, I never want to see you again.

Schatze Page: I can't shack up with a dame I've never met before and she's crazy too!

Pola Debevoise: You don't have to. She'll come up and you'll see if you like her. If you don't...

Schatze Page: Is she any help to this?

Pola Debevoise: Let's see

[over the phone to Loco]

Pola Debevoise: Hey Loc, how much money you got?

Loco Dempsey: [on the phone] I got a quarter.

Pola Debevoise: Great. Pick up lunch on your way over.

Loco Dempsey: Ok, how many.

Pola Debevoise: Three

Loco Dempsey: Ok, I'll be there in 15 minutes.

[hangs up]

Schatze Page: Well that's a big contribution to a million dollar proposition. One whole quarter!

Pola Debevoise: Maybe, but she's awfully clever with a quarter.

Loco Dempsey: You got radio all the way up here?

Eben: Oh, sure. Radio, houses, everything.

Loco Dempsey: I'll say this for him: we haven't ordered anything yet under five dollars a portion!

Pola Debevoise: If there's anything left over don't forget to tell the waiter you want to take it home for the dog.

Schatze Page: You wanna catch a mouse, you set a mouse trap. All right so we set a bear trap. Now all we gotta do, is one of us has got to catch a bear.

Loco Dempsey: You mean marry him?

Schatze Page: If you don't marry him, you haven't caught him, he's caught you.

Schatze Page: Wait a minute I want to hear from Mr Filler-up. Just what would you estimate your fortune at?

Tom Brookman: Oh, about $200,000,000 I should imagine.

Schatze Page: Might that all be in cash?

Tom Brookman: I suppose I could dig up a couple of million in cash if I had to.

Schatze Page: And what might the rest be in?

Tom Brookman: Some oil, some airline stock, a little steel, some cattle down in Texas, a couple of coal mines in Alabama, a bit of real estate here and there, some automobile stock, the Brookman building and of course Brookman Pennsylvania.

Tom Brookman: [addressing the short order cook] Give me the cheque Mac

Tom Brookman: [as he peels off a $1000 bill from a roll of notes] Keep the change Mac

[Crashing of glass Schatze Page, Pola Debevoise and Loco Dempsey fall from their chairs at the counter in an unconscious state]

Tom Brookman: [as the three men raise their beer glasses] Gentlemen, to our wives

Tom Brookman: Wouldn't you like me to put them in the kitchen?

Schatze Page: You'd better not. The cook's not dressed.