How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days Quotes

Andie: True or False: All's fair in love and war.

Ben: True.

Andie: Great answer.

Ben: Good question!

Andie: Our love fern! You let it die!

Ben: No, honey, it's just sleeping.

Ben: Let's take a break because the woman is driving me crazy.

Tony: Which woman? Andie or Princess Sophia?

[Andie is holding a tissue in front of Ben's face]

Andie: C'mon, blow. Nobody likes a Mr. Sniffles.

Tony: Yeah, uh, I hate Mr. Sniffles.

Andie: Unattached?

Ben: Currently.

Andie: Likewise.

Ben: Surprising.

Andie: Psycho?

Ben: Rarely. Interested?

Andie: Perhaps.

Ben: Hungry?

Andie: Starving.

Ben: Leaving?

Andie: Now?

Andie: [thrusts herself onto Ben] Does Princess Sophia want to come out and play?

Ben: Who's Princess Sophia?

[Andie points at his crotch]

Ben: Nah-nah-nah, nah! Whoa, whoa, you're kidding me, right? Princess Sophia?

Andie: Little, big, little, big? I don't know. We will find out!

Ben: Alright listen, you can't name my... my member Princess Sophia.

Andie: Yes, I can!

Ben: Listen, if you are gonna name m... my member, alright, you gotta name it something hyper masculine, okay? Something like a Spike, a Butch, a Krull the Warrior King!

Thayer: That it?

Tony: That's it?

Ben: [points to purse on desk] That's it.

Tony: Have you looked inside?

Ben: No.

Thayer: Do you have an ethical problem with rifling through a woman's purse?

Ben: Uhh, yeah, I guess I do.

Tony: Well, it's hardly a purse, dude, it's more like a... clutch or something.

Ben: Guys, a woman's purse, alright, it's her secret source of power. Alright? There are many dark and dangerous things in there, that we, the male species, should know nothing about.

Ben: [to himself, on his balcony, waving goodbye to Andy before she gets in her cab] You're already falling in love with me.

Andie: I'm gonna make you wish you were dead.

[blows away a kiss to Ben up on his balcony]

Andie: Poor guy.

Thayer: Is she on something?

Ben: God I hope so.

[Moves his finger in circles next to his head, to indicate that he thinks Andie is crazy]

Andie: Are you saying I'm some kind of mental person?

[Andie is holding a platter of veggies and flings them at the guys and the middle of the poker table, then tosses the platter onto the table]

Ben: So that's what I was, huh? I was a guinea pig. Somebody you can test your theories on?

Andie: Yeah, and I was just a girl somebody picked out in a bar.

Ben: Yeah, you know what? Big deal. Hell, now you can even use it as a little twist in your story.

Andie: That's a good idea. Maybe we should bet on it.

Ben: You know what, you did your job now, Andie.

Andie: Yes, I did.

Ben: You wanted to lose a guy in ten days, congratulations, you did it. You just lost him.

[walks away]

Andie: No I didn't Ben, 'cause you can't lose something you never had!

Michelle Rubin: Why this place?

Jeannie Ashcroft: It's perfect. Hi, Ingrid.

Mullen's Hostess: Hi.

Jeannie Ashcroft: Mullen's is the apres-work watering hole for the upwardly mobile.

Andie: Why do they always forget my bacon?

Jeannie Ashcroft: I can't believe you got that guy knocked out.

Andie: Only for a few seconds.

Lana Jong: Andie, I am loving your notes on this piece.

Andie: [with her mouth full] Thank you, Lana.

Lana Jong: When are you seeing him again?

Andie: Tonight. He's inviting me over to his house for dinner.

Lana Jong: Excellent! I've got a feeling about this one.

Michelle Rubin: I hate it when she pops her head in like that.

Andie: I never noticed it.

Lana Jong: A-hem. I heard that. And Andie, tonight take smaller bites.

Andie: Thank you, Lana.

Michelle Rubin: Oh, my God!

Jeannie Ashcroft: Disgusting! I can barely eat over here.

[Andie takes an even bigger bite]

Andie: Hey, listen, Sparky. I have a masters in journalism from Columbia, my boss loves me, and if I do it her way for a while, I can write about whatever I want.

Ben: Like, shoes?

[Ben is trying to find words to be used as metaphors for diamonds]

Ben: How about 'Glitter'?

Tony: Thayer's favorite movie.

Thayer: It was underrated!

Glenda: Now Andie, I hope you know that we expect you to come back here because you have held Ben to his lowest bullshit score since his tonsillectomy and we are thrilled!

Jack: LOWEST!

Andie: Why, were all his other girlfriends bullshit losers?

Glenda: What other girlfriends? You are the first girl he ever brought home! Don't you break his heart now!

[repeated line]

Several characters: Bullshit!

Andie: [crying at restaurant after waitress asks if everything is okay] My boyfriend thinks I'm fat!

[flicks food at Ben]

Andie: And I can't eat in front of him! I can't eat in front of you! I have to go to the bathroom.

Ben: [receives dirty looks from other customers] Honey, I don't think you're fat! I don't think she's fat!

[Andie is making Ben's place girly, putting "chick" CDs in his CD player]

Andie: Sheryl, Tori, Sinead, Jewel, Fiona, Carly... Gang's all here!

Ben: Look, look, look, wait a minute. The one night we even thought about having sex, all right, she up and decides she's going to nickname my...

Michelle Rubin: Penis?

Ben: Yeah. "Princess Sophia." You want to talk about shooting a man's horse? Whop! Come on!

Michelle Rubin: So, tell me, how long have you guys been seeing each other?

Andie: Seven days.

Michelle Rubin: Seven days. Interesting.

Ben: Is that too soon to be seeing a therapist?

Andie: Well, Ben, seven days isn't like a lifetime, or anything...

Ben: It's like a week.

[first lines]

Jeannie Ashcroft: [reading] "And only then will the people of Tajikistan know true and lasting peace." Andie, it's brilliant. It's really moving. But it's never going to appear in Composure Magazine.

[last lines]

Ben: Look who made the trip with me.

Andie: It's our love fern! Oh, Bennie-boo-boo, boo-boo.

Thayer: We, you know, we got a whole bunch of work we have to do, but we're still on for poker at your house this weekend?

Ben: Oh, you count on it.

Andie: Whoo! Boys' night.

Tony: Whoo!

Ben: Excuse me, ma'am.

Jeannie Ashcroft: Holy crap!

Ben: Where's Andie Anderson?

Jeannie Ashcroft: Uh, she's not here.

Ben: Where is she?

Michelle Rubin: She quit.

Jeannie Ashcroft: She's got an interview in Washington.

Ben: When is she leaving?

Jeannie Ashcroft: Today.

Ben: When?

Jeannie Ashcroft: Well, like, now.

Ben: You're not a therapist, are you?

Michelle Rubin: Oh, haha... no.

Ben: Good job, though. You owe me three hundred bucks.

Andie: I have to crack this guy. I mean this is Defcon 5, and I have to do something truly appalling. It's not funny.

[Michelle and Jeanie laugh even harder]

Michelle Rubin: Oh, you are never going to pull this off.

Andie: Watch me. Tonight, I'll hook a guy. Tomorrow, pull the switch. Before the ten days are up, I'm going to have this guy running for his life.

Jeannie Ashcroft: You're not going to burn his apartment down or bite him, or anything?

Andie: No! I'm going to limit myself to doing everything girls do wrong in relationships. Basically, everything we know guys hate. I'll be clingy, needy...

Jeannie Ashcroft: Be touchy-feely.

Andie: Yeah.

Jeannie Ashcroft: Ooh, call him in the middle of the night and tell him everything you had to eat that day.

Michelle Rubin: What's wrong with that?

[Andie & Jeanie stare at Michelle]

Michelle Rubin: I'm kidding.

Lana Jong: Who's that chic Buddhist Richard Gere is always cavorting with?

Jeannie Ashcroft: The Dali Lama?

Lana Jong: He's fabulous!

Andie: I don't think I can be with someone who doesn't like animals and thinks I'm a mental person

[waves her fingers and goes cross eyed]

[Andie starts crying when Ben places food in front of her]

Ben: Hey, what's wrong?

Andie: Nothing. It's beautiful.

Ben: Thank you.

Andie: You're beautiful. The game, the whole thing. It's just... I wish I ate meat. Mary had a little lamb, little lamb... You have to take it away before I gag.

[Andie dry heaves]

Jack: [Jack is introducing Andie to the family] You gotta watch him, he farts like a howitzer. But he's family, what are you gonna do?

Uncle Arnold: Intestinal complication!

Andie: Does Krull the Warrior King want to come out and play?

Ben: No.

Andie: Krull...

Ben: You know what, due to intense humiliation, the king has momentarily abdicated his throne, okay?

Andie: Oh. Uh-oh!

Ben: Yeah.

Andie: Well, in that case, I better get going. Take care of our love fern, honey.

Andie: I want you to respect me.

Ben: I do. And, I want your respect.

Andie: I respect you for respecting me.

Ben: I respect that.

Ben: [introducing Andie to his family] And this is Joey Jr.

Glenda: [to Jack, playing BS] Bullshit!

Ben: Now the whole family suffers from tourette's, I hope that's not a problem.

Ben: Hanging with her for 10 days is gonna be no problem.

Tony: Right. That's only nine days longer than you've ever spent with any other chick, huh?