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George: We are all just one small adjustment away from making our lives work.
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Lisa: When you're in something you got to give it everything you have or else what are you doing?
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Lisa: Never drink to feel better; only drink to feel even better.
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Lisa: I don't know if I have what it takes for everybody's regular plan.
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Coach Sally: Holy crap. I'm sorry, oh my lord what is to become of me. I've lost my ability to smile at bastards.
[smiles]
Coach Sally: I've still got it.
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Lisa: Matty, what am I doing? I caught myself. Don't judge anybody else until you check yourself out that way you are lucky if it's your fault because then you can correct the situation. I'm nervous over something that is going on with me, and I ended up with an attractive guy who you would have to be an idiot to mistake for anything more than just a fun friendship, and... and, yes amazing sex, and then I give that guy a hard time for just being who he is. Totally my fault, I'm sorry. Please forgive me.
Matty: Are you apologizing?
Lisa: Yeah.
Matty: If you are really apologizing, you may be my dream girl. I heard those footsteps and I'm like, right somebody nuts is coming back to be more nuts and now an apology, you might be my dream girl.
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Lisa: OK, then this is what I need, if in the middle of the night I start crying, shaking or getting enormously upset I don't want you to ask me what's wrong, I just want you to ignore it. Is that OK with you?
Matty: Actually that's my preference!
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Lisa: So I was just wondering if there was one general thing that you've found over the years to be generally true in a general way that would help anyone in any situation?
Psychiatrist: That's a great question, yes, I would say figure out what you want and learn how to ask for it.
Lisa: OK. Those are both really hard.
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Matty: Let me ask you something, how do you know when you're in love?
Bullpen Pitcher: Well...
Matty: What?
Bullpen Pitcher: I've got a way, whenever this one thing happens I know I'm done. I will tell you but its personal and I don't want anybody making fun of me for it.
Matty: No, no-ones going to... just go!
Bullpen Pitcher: I think I'm in love with somebody when I wear a condom with the other girls, OK?
Matty: Holy shit I'm in love.
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Matty: I think I screwed up.
George: Not from my perspective.
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Lisa: George, this is my boyfriend Matty.
George: Nice to meet you.
Matty: Who is he?
Lisa: You didn't even say hello!
Matty: Yeah, I think you ought to check with me before you invite some guy over, so I'm a little bit too pissed off to say hello!
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Lisa: What sort of trouble are you in George?
George: Ah, well ah... simply put... ah, I'm currently unemployed, my girlfriend recently broke up with me, er, I will soon run out of money and, er, I'm the target of a federal investigation.
Lisa: Wow, you are a real chick magnet, aren't you.
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Matty: I screw up, that's why I wrote something out that I wanna... I wanna say to you. OK this will be good. Is it bad that I wrote it out?
Lisa: Its unusual, it's not bad. Stop asking me things like that it's weird.
Matty: Oh yeah sorry, I went nuts when you left, I broke a lamp!
Lisa: OK, read me the thing.
Matty: That was the thing!
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George: Stop shouting! I don't hear you when you do that. Not ever!
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Lisa: Did you ever wish you could delete everything you said as soon as you'd said it? Lately all I do is hear myself being so weak and whiny and needy that I wish I could delete every...
George: I think the answer to that is to stop talking. Deny a voice to what's falling apart. No lip service. That's my advice to you.
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Al: I gotta say something to you, I don't want you to think that the reason we're not married is because I think anything of anyone else. It's because I'm 40 years old and I'm a failure, Annie. The reason that I never talked marriage to you is because I couldn't stand to see you, the princess of worry, weighed down by me and my limited prospects. Because I get you worrying, Annie. I know that a lot of people think that's a bad thing about you, but I know that it's because you have a great big heart and I love you for it. Then, I started to worry... about what would happen to you and this little hulk. If you guys wound up with someone who thought that your worrying was uh... you know neurotic. You know, somebody who didn't get you... Who wanted you to feel bad about yourself, wanted to make you be more normal of a person, or wanted you to change, or like yourself more. You know... who didn't love ALL of you. Who didn't want to leave great enough alone. And... I thought that I could do that for you. That could be a legitimate, um, function for me in your life. So that allows me, to propose to you that we get married. I want to marry you, Annie.
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George: [after they kiss] I just had a thought.
Lisa: Hm?
George: Did you come down here to tell me not to bother waiting?
Lisa: No.
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Lisa: George, I thought you were this silly guy. Now, it's like everything but you seems silly. Who knows what I'm saying here?
George: I think I know what you're saying.
Lisa: What?
George: It's just a thought- I might not at all be...
Lisa: What?
George: You love me too.
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Lisa: The bad days make the good days better. So don't worry about it.
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George: Optimism is sanity for me right now.
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Charles: Anger can be useful. Watch out for the bitterness.
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George: I got you a gift.
[it's a present wrapped in a brown paper bag]
Lisa: Thanks.
[Opens the gift]
Lisa: . Thanks for not rushing me.
George: Yeah.
[It's Play-Doh]
George: This is only half the gift.
Lisa: Yeah?
George: It doesn't work without the story.
Lisa: [sarcastically] Ok?
George: [Explains the story of how Play-Doh was invented] This stuff was invented by this man in central Ohio as white goo. They used it to remove stuff off a wallpaper from old-fashioned heating. So this gas and electric heating came and there was no longer a need for the cleaning goo. So, the guy was going under with his sister in law who was a nursery school teacher...
Lisa: Is this a true story?
George: The man's name was Joe Mcvicker. His sister was Kay Zufall.
Lisa: Ok, I believe you.
George: So, Kay Zufall discovered that her little kids liked squeezing the goo a lot more than hard-modeling clay. So she suggested to her brother in law Joe, the color of the stuff, and call it Play-Doh.
Lisa: [impressed] Hey. Nice.
George: I have kept this for a long time as proof that we're all just one small adjustment the way from making our lives work.
How Do You Know Quotes
Extended Reading
