House of the Dead Quotes

Greg: [pointing on a zombie in the water] Shoot it!

Capt. Victor Kirk: What do you think I am trying to do, you fucking moron?

Rudy: You created it all so you could become immortal. Why?

Castillo: To live forever!

Salish: Cap'n! Cap'n! I'm not goin'. I'm not goin'! There's evil spirits on that island!

Capt. Victor Kirk: You just get the deck lines and let me worry about the evil spirits. Okay, Salish?

Rudy: [as Hugh is playing footage from the zombie attack at the rave] Everyone was partying... you know, drinking, just having fun. Then, these things came and attacked the Rave. Those of us that could get away... did. We ran... we finally got to the boat, but it wasn't there. These things just kept coming and coming and killing. We finally found this house, ran inside and... tried to hide and that's when you guys came. We thought you were more of them.

Simon: "Them"? Who the hell is "them"?

Rudy: "Who"? Try "What".

[after being attacked by Castillo]

Alicia: Isn't it nice to know someone wants you for you body?

Rudy: Yeah. Depending on what they want.

Jordan Casper: What the hell was that thing?

Karma: Our best friend.

Jordan Casper: Not anymore.

Simon: What're we going to do? We don't have weapons or food. We don't have shit!

Capt. Victor Kirk: Actually, we do.

Jordan Casper: Look, I don't know what's going on here, okay? What I do know is that I got to get you all off this island. How did you get here?

Rudy: The boat, like everyone else. But it's gone, it's been destroyed.

Alicia: [Referring to herself, Simon, Karma, Greg, & Cynthia] We didn't. We came on the Lazarus with Kirk.

Jordan Casper: Where is he?

Alicia: At the dock by the beach.

Jordan Casper: Can you take me to him?

Alicia: Why, are you gonna arrest him?

Jordan Casper: Not at the moment. Right now, I need to get you all away from here as soon as possible.

Alicia: [referring to Liberty] So, you came with that girl?

Rudy: What?

Alicia: Let me give you a hint; I don't think she's your natural Red, White, & Blue.

Rudy: I met her at the Rave. Who's the guy with the Tom Cruise smile and the Rainman brain?

Alicia: He just happens to be the biggest underwear model in the world if you must know.

Rudy: Oh, congratulations.

Alicia: What happened? Rudy, what happened?

Rudy: Why does it matter what happened? She's dead. I didn't save her.

Alicia: It's not your fault...

Rudy: It WAS my fault! It was MY fault! Where you here? Did you see it? Did you SEE WATCH them rip her apart?

Rogan: Who are you?

Rudy: Who are YOU?

Rogan: We're here to rescue you.

Rudy: Oh... thanks.

Jordan Casper: [From the Funny Version]

[after killing the Cynthia zombie]

Jordan Casper: What the hell was that thing?

Karma: I don't know... I give a shit?

[shrugs]

Karma: No.

[laughter in background]

Capt. Victor Kirk: Where ya headin', girls? Huh?

Simon: It's, uh, somewhere in the San Juans. You must know where that is, right Skipper?

Salish: [looks at map] You crazy?

[to Kirk]

Salish: They crazy!

Capt. Victor Kirk: No, I don't think so.

Simon: Excuse me?

Capt. Victor Kirk: I said forget it.

Salish: Yeah, forget it! Forget it! That means stop talkin' and start walkin'!

Simon: Why?

Salish: Why? Why? Why? They always ask why!

Capt. Victor Kirk: You know what they call this island? 'Isla del Muerte'

Salish: Muerte. That's Spanish for 'death.' In case you don't speak Mexican.

Simon: Listen, pal. I got an island to catch and if this is a lame attempt to hit me up for more cash...

Capt. Victor Kirk: No, it ain't!

Salish: There ain't enough cash in the world to make us go back there. Nah, keep the cash! Keep the cash!

Simon: [Rudy and Simon just freed Greg from the knocked-over porta-potty as he runs around covered in feces]

[In the verge of laughter]

Simon: Dude, what the fuck happened to you?

Greg: I was in there and then frickn'- the banging, an the frickn' thing fell over and I was stuck inside!

Simon: You're in deep shit, huh?

Castillo: Do you know why I was banished from Spain?

Captain: Your experiments are not of God.

Castillo: God? What has God done for you? Or for me? Nothing. There is no God... there is only me.

Captain: May He have mercy on your soul.

[Goes to leave, but then gets choked to death by Castillo]

Cynthia: [Greg and Cynthia are about to have sex] Wait, what if the others come back?

Greg: I can be quick.

Cynthia: [sighs] What else is new?

Rudy: [Kirk has just opened up a crate seemingly containing only cigars] You gotta be kidding me.

Alicia: This is why you had Casper on your ass? You're smuggling Cuban cigars?

Capt. Victor Kirk: Among other things...

Jordan Casper: [Casper enters] Still hard-at-work smuggling I see, Victor.

Capt. Victor Kirk: Don't you just wish you could prove that, Jordan?

Jordan Casper: What are these, then?

Capt. Victor Kirk: [Lying] Well, funny thing is we just found them laying on the beach. Crazy, huh?

Jordan Casper: [after the crate is open] What else you got in there besides smokes, Victor? Anything useful?

Capt. Victor Kirk: Well, let me introduce you to my little friend.

[Moves cigars out of the way to reveal an arsenal of weapons]

Rogan: What's your name?

Rudy: Rudolph.

Rogan: You got a last name?

Rudy: ...Curien.

Castillo: [from the Funny Version] Come closer, Captain. I cannot see your face.

[pause]

Castillo: Are you afraid, Captain?

[Captain takes one step closer to Castillo; annoyed]

Castillo: Jesus... closer.

[Captain gets closer]

Castillo: A bit closer... good. Now, where is my cappuccino?

Captain: We have no more foam, Father.

Castillo: [Enraged] No... more... FOAM? You know what I am like without the foam! I have waited 10 years for this cappuccino! I get really angry without sex and a cappuccino with some foam. I'm getting another captain.

[chokes the Captain to death]

Alicia: Doesn't this bother any of you? We're on an island where the Rave of the year is supposed to be happening, but it's completely deserted.

Simon: Yeah, it worries me. It worries me that there aren't any mixers. Simon cannot survive on Bud alone.

Greg: Speak for yourself, dude.

Salish: [Giving Cynthia a crucifix] I wanna give this to ya.

Cynthia: What's this for?

Salish: It's for your protection.

Cynthia: [Scoffs] It's okay, I'm on the pill.

Salish: It'll ward off evil spirits... protect you and your friends from harm.

[leaves]

Cynthia: Whatever, Gandalf.

Salish: [From the Funny Version] She was naked!

Capt. Victor Kirk: Ha, don't tell me!

Salish: Yeah, big titties!

Capt. Victor Kirk: Really?

[chuckles]

Capt. Victor Kirk: You liked it, huh?

Salish: Yeah.

Capt. Victor Kirk: Why didn't you call me? Huh?

Salish: They're mine!

[both laugh]