Home Alone 3 Quotes

Alex: Mrs. Hess did you ever have the chikenpox?

Mrs. Hess: I had the chicken pox when Herbert Hoover was in the White House.

Peter Beaupre: We are going to Chicago.

Earl Unger: In the winter? I packed tropical.

[Alice has just split her pants open, revealing her underpants while on a secret spy mission]

Alice: I need assistance. I'm exposed.

Peter Beaupre: There are 14 houses. The toy car must be in one of them. We're going have to search them all. We'll come back when it's light.

Earl Unger: We're gonna work houses in broad daylight?

Peter Beaupre: It's the suberbs, Mr. Unger. Nobody's home during the day.

Earl Unger: I can't tell you how much I appreciate you hitting me with a minivan.

Burton Jernigan: Never let your emotions get the best of you. You weren't paying attention. You should have been more vigilant.

Earl Unger: You should've taken driver's ed. I'm gonna have bad knees when I'm old and I'll have Burton Jernigan to thank.

Karen Pruitt: You get in that bed, young man.

Alex: Excuse me, but I saw a man in Karen Stephan's bedroom, a little older than Dad, and he was wearing butt inspection gloves.

Karen Pruitt: I have warned you about that telescope. You look through it long enough, you're gonna start seeing things, whether or not they're there.

Alex: Well, I guess you have to be 35 before anyone around here listens to you.

Karen Pruitt: Don't get smart with me, Alex. Sick or not, I am very angry with you. You caused a lot of trouble today. Dad and I have to replace a door at the Stephans'. Do you think we're happy about that?

Alex: I saw what I saw!

Police Officer #1: Freeze!

Earl Unger: [in the pool frozen] You gotta be kidding me.

Burton Jernigan: [Jernigan has been hit in the groin by Alice with a crowbar when she tried to get Alex's pet rat, Doris] You... smacked my winkie.

Alice: Well, if you changed your shorts once in a while, maybe you wouldn't have rats in your pants!

[as Alice locks them in Mrs. Hess's garage, intending to keep her from interfering]

Mrs. Hess: Why are you closing the door?

Alice: I left my heart in San Francisco.

Alice: You got hit with a book?

Earl Unger: Books. Plural a trunk, full of books. Then a set of weights. We got hit twice, you dumb broad!

[Alex is hiding in the closet and Mr. Unger tries to unlock the door]

Earl Unger: I'm coming for you, shorty, to pay you back for all the misery you caused me.

Alice: Mr. Unger, what are you doing?

Earl Unger: He's in the closet. Scaring him a little, just before I grab him. And behind door number one!

[Mr. Unger opens the closet door and Alex just disappeared]

Earl Unger: Towels.

Burton Jernigan: Hmph.

Earl Unger: I saw this door close.

Alice: Idiot.

Earl Unger: Would I make it up? Why? What's the point? We working on commission here?

Peter Beaupre: [as he sneaks into the mailslot of Alex's house] You can run, but you can't hide, Junior!

Alex: Surprise!

[Beaupre screams while Alex sprays black paint to his eyes]

Burton Jernigan: Unger. What's your position?

Earl Unger: Heading down Washington Street.

Burton Jernigan: I didn't copy. Where?

Earl Unger: I said, I'm heading to Wuh-ah-ah-ah...

[Jernigan runs over Unger while driving]

Earl Unger: Stop, you nitwit!

[the car stops and Unger screams, then collapses into the snow]

Alex: [calls out to the crooks] You're not gonna find me up there, you big, dumb, law-breaking knuckle-heads!

Earl Unger, Alice, Burton Jernigan: He's outside!

Alex: [holds the chip] Recognize this?

Alex: Heads up!

[unleashes booby trap that releases dumbbells on two criminals]

Peter Beaupre: How did that happen?

Earl Unger: I don't know.

Alex: [donging is heard] Ouch.

Alex: There's a senior citizen across the street who needs some soup and a doctor to look at her feet. There's two guys in our pool and a woman in our basement. The other one's gone.

Agent Stuckey: [shows Alex the picture of Beaupre] Is this him?

Alex: Yep.

Agent Stuckey: For seven years, we've been after this guy. He always manages to slip away. Thanks.

[while Beaupre, Unger, Jernigan and Alice are sitting at the dinner table, they discuss their plans to steal Alex's toy car]

Earl Unger: Tomorrow, whack every kid in the neighborhood. Burn them all!

[the four "spies" all stare at him]

Earl Unger: Then look for that stupid toy car.

Peter Beaupre: My thoughts keep turning to number 3026. It's within the operating radius of the toy car. It's in sight of all the houses I've been in.

[Mr. Unger and Mr. Jernigan meet Beaupre, who just found Alex's toy car, at the Alcott's house]

Burton Jernigan: It's a video camera. Someone's onto us.

Earl Unger: Do you think this really matters? Chip's in the car. We're at the airport in 45 minutes.

Peter Beaupre: Where's Alice?

Alice: [as she pushes a baby stroller to the Alcott's shed] What happened?

Peter Beaupre: There's a woman in the house. I'll go back in and deal with her. Get the chip.

[Beaupre then hands Alice the car]

Peter Beaupre: You are dead, kid.

[opens closet door, only to get punched in the crotch with a boxing glove]

Police Captain: Son, this is the 2nd time in 2 days that you've called the police. It's a very serious matter when a person calls the police.

Alex: I saw a burglar yesterday and I saw a burglar today.

Karen Pruitt: Alex, listen to the chief.

Police Captain: There was no one in that house.

Alex: What about Johnny Allen's dog? I talked to Johnny last night. His dog was kidnapped after Monday morning.

Police Captain: Did he see it happen?

Karen Pruitt: Alex, apologize to the chief and go up to your room.

Alex: [sarcastically] Excuse me for being a good citizen.

Karen Pruitt: Alex, I'm very sorry. This will not happen again, will it honey?