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[Credits and title music end as Thorndyke exits the airport]
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: What a dramatic airport.
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Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: As I was saying, it came to my attention that just before Dr. Ashley's untimely death, he was planning to make some very big changes here at the institute. Do any of you know specifically what those changes might be?
Dr. Wentworth: Well, for one thing, he wanted to change...
Nurse Diesel: The drapes.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: The drapes?
Nurse Diesel: The drapes. He wanted to change the drapes in the Psychotic Game Room.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: That was the extent of the big change, the... drapes?
Nurse Diesel: Oh, yes. Dr. Ashley felt that color has a great deal to do with the well-being of the emotionally disturbed.
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Nurse Diesel: Those who are tardy do not get fruit cup.
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[attempting to lift a heavy suitcase]
Brophy: I got it. I got it. I got it.
[thump]
Brophy: I ain't got it.
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[after an attack by the bellboy]
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: That kid gets no tip.
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Killer: [on the phone] I don't know what they said; I only know that they met. What do you want me to do, kill 'em? if you want me to kill 'em, I'll kill 'em. I don't have to kill 'em, but I'd like to kill 'em... I killed Ashley Wentworth; another killing or two won't make a difference... It would make me happy... I'd like to kill 'em both... I think it'd be better if I kill 'em both... Well, let me kill just one then... Whichever one you want... Alright, I'll wait. But the minute you say kill 'em, I'll kill 'em. I'll love to kill 'em. It would give me immense pleasure.
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[Dr. Thorndyke brushes his teeth]
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [starts off slow] Up and down. Up and down. Side, side, side, side, side. In and out. In and out. Side, side, side, side, side.
[quicker, now]
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Up and down. Up and down. Side, side, side, side, side. In and out. In and out.
[very deliberate for the finish]
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Side, side, side, side, side.
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Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Professor Little Old Man.
Dr. Vicktor Lillolman: "Lillolman". "Lillolman".
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Victoria Brisbane: [bursting into Thorndyke's room] Get away from the door!
[begins wheezing as if out of breath]
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Who are you?
Victoria Brisbane: Get away from me.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Just a second...
[she cuts him off]
Victoria Brisbane: Be quiet, they'll hear you. Don't move. Go inside. Go to your room.
[they enter the living room]
Victoria Brisbane: The drapes! Close the drapes!
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: The drapes. Close the drapes.
[Repeating, to himself]
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Close the drapes.
Victoria Brisbane: Close the other one. Get down! Lower! Good. Quick, come here. Get up. Sit down. Not there, here.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Here?
Victoria Brisbane: There.
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Victoria Brisbane: I'm sorry, please forgive me. I'm just *so* close to my menstrual cycle that I could scream!
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Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: You want to x-ray the celery? What do you think we're smuggling dope in the celery? The celery's not for dope. It's for dip!
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Nurse Diesel: Perhaps I've been a bit too haaaarsh...
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Victoria Brisbane: Listen, mister, I don't go for this sort of thing.
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Victoria Brisbane: [on the phone] Listen, Mister. I don't go for this sort of thing. I *know* a lot of the other girls are turned on by these kinky phone calls, but I really couldn't care less. How did you, ummmm... get my room number? I am not going to listen to any more of this, I mean, I've *had* just about enough! What are you wearing? Jeans? You're wearing jeans? I bet they're tight.
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Victoria Brisbane: Another one? Listen, Richard, you have got to get a grip on yourself.
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Victoria Brisbane: My name is Victoria Brisbane, my father is Arthur Brisbane.
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Victoria Brisbane: Have you seen my father at the Institute? Is he all right?
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: He's fine, he's fine. He's coming along just fine. He's very affectionate. He licked me.
Victoria Brisbane: He what?
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Well, he thinks he's a dog these days.
Victoria Brisbane: A dog?
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: A dog, yes.
Victoria Brisbane: Do you mind if I smoke?
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Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: What's your sign?
Victoria Brisbane: I'm sorry. It's... unlisted.
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Dr. Charles Montague: Enjoy yourself, for God's sake! Get your mind off the Wentworth murder... Accident! Accident!
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Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Do you really think this is nessa...?
Dr. Vicktor Lillolman: Of course it's nessa!
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Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [ripping duct tape off Brophy's mouth] Where is Brisbane?
Brophy: They took him to
Brophy: [screams]
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Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: And remember, folks. Be good to your parents. They were good to you.
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Dr. Vicktor Lillolman: Working? Hmm, working. Working is a big word. I'm a consultant. It's a fancy title for a part-time job. I come in two hours a day. I don't bother them. They don't bother me.
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Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [sets off alarm while going through airport security in disguise carrying a gun] What is this, a game show? What did I win, a Pinto?
Airport Attendant: I'm sorry sir, we're going to have to search you.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Please sir, what did I do? What did I do? What's my crime?
Airport Attendant: You beeped.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: I beeped! I beeped! Take me away! Take me back to Russia! Put me in irons! I beeped! The mad beeper is loose! Take away the beeper! Take me away!
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Nurse Diesel: Come to my room right after dinner.
Dr. Charles Montague: No, not tonight. I'm too tired. I think I'll turn in early.
Nurse Diesel: I'll let you wear my underwear.
Dr. Charles Montague: I'll be there.
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Nurse Diesel: Oh, get off it. I know you better than you know yourself. You live for bondage and discipline!
Dr. Charles Montague: [moaning] Too much bondage. Too much bondage. Not enough discipline!
Nurse Diesel: You want discipline? I'll give you discipline.
[starts repeatedly spanking Dr. Montague]
Dr. Charles Montague: Yes! Yes, I'm sorry! Yes! Charlotte, it's so good. Mommy!
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Flasher: Don't be so gauche. We're all doing it!
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Nurse Diesel: Ahem!
Dr. Charles Montague: Oh, allow me to introduce Nurse Diesel, my right-hand man, woman.
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Dr. Charles Montague: Rate of patient recovery? I'll have that for you in a moment.
[taps on his calculator]
Dr. Charles Montague: Once in a blue moon.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Once in a blue moon. Hmm.
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Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: This is not the man I met at the institute. Something is very... very... wrong.
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Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [after having had a panic attack in Professor Lillolman's office] Thank you, thank you Professor. I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me.
Dr. Vicktor Lillolman: I know what came over you: High Anxiety. You've still got it!
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: It's probably the excitement and tension of taking over this new post. I'm... sure it will pass.
Dr. Vicktor Lillolman: [Leans in close to Thorndyke's face] Bullshit! These things do not let go. High Anxiety can be a very dangerous enemy! If left unchecked, it could cost you your LIFE!
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Victoria Brisbane: [Pointing to his nametag] Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke... What does the 'H' stand for?
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [Puts his hand over his mouth and indistinctly mumbles something]
Victoria Brisbane: [Not understanding] What?
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [Now speaking clearly] Harpo... My mother loved the Marx Brothers. She saw all their movies. She named me Harpo.
Victoria Brisbane: Harpo? Harpo... I like it. You know, it's very refreshing. I mean, there are certain names that you just don't hear very often these days.
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Dr. Charles Montague: We've got to destroy the negative. Give us the negative, Brophy.
Brophy: [Stubbornly defiant] You'll never get it. Never. Never! Do you hear me? You'll never get this! I'd rather DIE first!
Dr. Charles Montague: Norton?
Norton: [Approaches Brophy, pulls out a .45, cocks it, and sticks it up to Brophy's forehead]
Brophy: [Meekly, as he immediately hands over the negative] Here.
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Dr. Vicktor Lillolman: [Talking to Dr. Thorndyke while Thorndyke is having a panic attack on the stairs] Richard! Richard, listen to me... I have researched your case. I know what is giving you the High Anxiety. I have found the answer. Go back in your mind. Go back. Go back! You are a little baby. Your mother and father are fighting. They are always fighting! They are fighting about YOU!
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [after a childhood flashback reveals the truth to him] I understand now. I understand now! It's not heights I'm afraid of... it's PARENTS!
Dr. Vicktor Lillolman: Ja. Ja! Now climb, you son of a bitch! CLIMB!
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Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Forgive me for prying. But, what happened to your mustache?
Norton: Well, as you know, things can get a bit dicey on this wing. On day, I wasn't on my toes and one of the patients reached out and tore off ½ of my mustache.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: That must have been awful!
Norton: [very flatly] You will never know the pain.
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Dr. Vicktor Lillolman: [quizzing Dr. Thorndyke] A patient comes into your office suffering from Belldon's Hysteria, and he has a seizure right in your office, what do you give him?
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: 2 cc's of aqueous Thorazine coupled with Somadiozine!
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Dr. Wentworth: I'm trapped! I feel like I'm caught in a web!
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Victoria Brisbane: Gosh, you're fickle!
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Bellboy: HERE! HERE! HERE! HERE'S YOUR PAPER! HERE'S YOUR PAPER! HERE'S YOUR PAPER! HAPPY NOW? HAPPY? HAPPY NOW?
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Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [while climbing the stairs to the tower Dr. Thorndyke is hanging on by a thumbnail after stepping on a bad step. He has a flashback to when he was a baby and his parents are arguing. He returns to the present] I understand now. I understand now. It's not heights I'm afraid of, it's parents!
Dr. Vicktor Lillolman: Yeah. Yeah. Now climb you son-of-a-bitch! Climb!
[after hearing that Dr. Thorndyke pulls himself back up on the stairs and safety]
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Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [addressing the audience at the American Psychiatric Convention] Fellow analysts, psychiatrists, psychologists, and laypeople. Today, I would like to discuss some of the lesser-known aspects of psychobiological therapy. One hundred years ago, psychology was akin to witchcraft. But some of these great people - these giants behind me - gave us... a nice living.
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Nurse Diesel: Dinner is served promptly at eight in the private dining room. Those who are tardy do not get fruit cup.
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Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: But, Professor, is it really nece...
Dr. Vicktor Lillolman: It is "nece"! I know what is "nece"! Don't tell me what is "nece". I tell *you* what is "nece".
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Brophy: Look at the size of this thing! Yeah, let me get rid of it for you. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Brophy - get it tomorrow.
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Dr. Charles Montague: Hey, everybody, guess who has High Anxiety?
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Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: You're the cocker's daughter?
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Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Let me backtrack for a second. The female erogenous zone.
Dr. Colburn: You mean the balloons?
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Oh, no, no, no. Lower. Lower, much lower. Where the babies come out. The woo... The woowoo.
Dr. Colburn: The woowoo?
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Yes! The woowoo. Perhaps the most significant psychological feminine component known to mankind.
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Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [singing] High anxiety, Whenever you're near, High anxiety, It's you that I fear, My heart's afraid to fly, It's crashed before, But then you take my hand, My heart starts to soar, Once more, High anxiety...
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Brophy: You got some joint, here. Let me take it now. Oh, I like this joint. What a joint. It's beautiful! It's terrific! It's gorgeous. It's gorgeous.
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Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [on a payphone] I'm at the Golden Gate Park. Meet me in a half hour at the North by Northwest corner.
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Victoria Brisbane: Don't get me wrong. It's not that I'm not titillated.
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Dr. Charles Montague: Perhaps it's not a good idea.
Nurse Diesel: lt sucks!
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Nurse Diesel: I think we'd better call our friend in San Francisco with the tin teeth.
Dr. Charles Montague: I get so hot when you're bad.
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Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: A Bloody Mary? Well, Misses, I don't like the Bloody Mary they serve on the plane. No, sir! It's too burning! They don't even put tomato juice, they put snappy peppy. Murray Weintraub, remember him, Murray Weintraub? Morning, noon and night, Murray Weintraub drank the Bloody Marys with the peppy, with the snappy. You know where he is now? Weintraub is *dead* from that!
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Victoria Brisbane: Wait a minute! Wait a minute. Is this one of those blowers that blows up the skirt, gives everybody a free show?
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Take a chance. Go through.
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Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Mental breakdown? Brophy's not smart enough to have a mental breakdown.
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Dr. Charles Montague: I never liked her. I never really liked her. She never bathed.
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Dr. Charles Montague: I'll do anything you say. I'm good at that. And if I don't behave you can beat the living crap out of me. I wouldn't mind.
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Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Jeepers, Vicky!
High Anxiety Quotes
Extended Reading
