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Jim Davis: I see dumb people.
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Mike Alonzo: How was it like to straight up whack em up ?
Mike Alonzo: Point and shoot. Pop, pop - move on! You do not stop and think!
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Jim Davis: I'm a soldier of the apocalypse, man!
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Jim Davis: I'll be a super recruit!
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Sylvia: You're crazy and you're dangerous and my biggest nightmare is you with a fucking badge!
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Sylvia: You look like a gift-wrapped turd!
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Jim Davis: [after Mike shows Jim a six pack bought by Sylvia for getting a job callback - which was really Jim pretending] Now we know beer is only a phone call away.
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Polygraph Expert: I've been doing polygraph tests since before you were swimming in your father's balls. Now either you've got a tack in your shoe, or you're clenching your butt.
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Jim Davis: What if I punch you in the belly.
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Jim Davis: You point and shoot... pop pop... move on... fuck em they shouldn't have been there... you move the fuck on... you do not stop and think about it... it's not a big deal.
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Jim Davis: "Mr. Jim Davis, we regret to"... what? Man, how many... I had two beers, right?
Mike Alvarez: Yeah.
Jim Davis: I'm goin' fuckin' blind or something. Okay, this letter says, quoting, "... no longer eligible as a Police Officer candidate." What the fuck does that mean?
Mike Alvarez: Come on, dude. "No longer eligible", I mean, what does that sound like? They pulled the plug, dude.
Jim Davis: No, no. Wh-why? Oh, man, I bet you 'cause it's... I bet you it's 'cause I'm White.
Mike Alvarez: I bet it's 'cause you're a dick.
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Jim Davis: Damn, those are bad-ass kicks, dawg. You're lucky you got little bitch feet, or else I'd be stompin' around in them mother fuckers.
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Sylvia: Jim, good luck on your pee test. I hope you studied.
Jim Davis: I'm gonna cram for it!
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Jim Davis: Fuck you, God! You ain't got the fuckin' balls to take my ass!
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Toussant: Dude, I ain't hangin' around you anymore until you get some fuckin' help.
Jim Davis: You can 12-step off, bitch. You're dismissed.
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Jim Davis: It's good you're doing positive shit!
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Leo: [pointing firearm at Mike and Jim] Blink and die, scumbag!
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Jim Davis: Hey, later, Patty! I hope you're not pregnant, but you know you wanted me to blow in you.
Patty: [gives him the finger] Fuck you!
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Sylvia: You have to keep trying until something happens. Finding a job is a job, right?
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Mike Alvarez: I've been workin' all day. I've been lookin' for work all day.
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[final lines]
Mike Alvarez: I love you, fuckin' shit bag.
Jim Davis: I love you too. I'm gonna miss you, brother. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Mike Alvarez: Everything's gonna be okay.
Jim Davis: Yeah. Yeah. I know.
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Jim Davis: I wanna get fucked up.
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Jim Davis: Man, fuck the sticks! LA city's the shit!
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Jim Davis: That's a lotta lettuce!
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Jim Davis: Trigger time?
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Jim Davis: White people program shit. You ain't down? Fuck you.
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Jim Davis: Put the fucking gun to my head and pull the trigger. Nobody's gonna know. Just you and me and God.
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Mike Alvarez: Be cool, baby girl! I'm on a mission to get my shit together!
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Jim Davis: Freeze, bitch! I'm gonna take that big ass of yours home!
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[Jim and Mike are in their car at a red light]
Jim Davis: This fucks up my plan. This is fucking bullshit. Okay, this, these fucking assholes, this fuck...
[Begins punching the car horn with each word]
Jim Davis: These! Fucking! Ass! Holes! What the fuck is their problem man? This is fucking typical! Gah! Hate-game bullshit!
Mike Alvarez: Yo, yo. Fucking chill Magilla Gorilla. I mean you're tripping dude.
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[last lines]
Mike Alvarez: I love you, fucker shitbag.
Jim Davis: I love you too. I'm gonna miss you, brother. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Mike Alvarez: Everything's gonna be okay.
Jim Davis: Yeah. Yeah, I know.
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Jim Davis: My shit is on fire right now! My shit is wired right now, man!
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Marta: No, please don't go. Time freezes when you're gone.
Harsh Times Quotes
Extended Reading
