-
Prudence: Penny Pingleton, you know you are punished. From now on you're wearing a giant P on your blouse every day to school so that the whole world knows that Penny Pingleton is permanently, positively, punished.
-
Beatnik Chick: When I'm high I am Odetta. Let's get naked and smoke.
Link Larkin: Don't breathe it in. You'll be addicted.
Seaweed: Later, sister, later. Much later.
Beatnik Chick: [reading from Allen Ginsberg Howl] 'l saw the best minds of my generation, destroyed by madness, starving, hysterical, naked, dragging themselves...
-
Motormouth Maybelle: Oh Papa Tooney. We've got a Looney.
Prudence Pingleton: Don't you try to cast one of your voodoo spells on me, native woman.
-
Tracy Turnblad: Mother, we're watching "The Corny Collins Show".
Edna Turnblad: Penny, your mother called all frantic. She said you are punished.
Penny Pingleton: I'm always punished.
-
Tracy Turnblad: I'm an integrationist. We shall overcome someday.
Beatnik Chick: Not with that hair, you won't.
-
Tracy Turnblad: How do you get your hair so straight and so flat?
Beatnik Chick: With an iron, man. I play my bongos, listen to Odetta, and then I iron my hair. Dig?
-
Wilbur: Tracy, we all have responsibilities in life. You may think owning The Hardy Har Joke Shop is all drudgery. Unwrapping dribble glasses, checking doggy doo, but I love it.
-
Amber Von Tussle: Aren't you a little fat for the show?
Tammy: That's enough, Amber.
Tracy Turnblad: I would imagine many of the other home viewers are also pleasantly plump or chunky.
Amber Von Tussle: Oh, come on. The show's not filmed in Cinemascope.
-
Edna Turnblad: Could you turn that racket down? I'm trying to iron in here.
-
Amber Von Tussle: Tracy Turnblad is a human roach nest.
-
Velma Von Tussle: Hey you. Can I ask you a personal question?
Edna Turnblad: No, you may not.
Velma Von Tussle: Is your daughter mulatto?
-
Wilbur: Maybe Tracy could be some sort of campus leader.
Edna Turnblad: Wilbur, it's the times. They're a-changin'. Something's blowin' in the wind. Fetch me my diet pills, would you, hon?
-
Tracy Turnblad: Mama, welcome to the sixties.
-
Tracy Turnblad: Oh, Mother you're so fifties.
-
Edna Turnblad: Tracy, I have told you about that hair. All ratted up like a teenage Jezebel!
Penny Pingleton: Tracy's flamboyant flip is all the rage, Ms. Edna. Jackie Kennedy, our First Lady, even rats her hair.
Edna Turnblad: But Tracy ain't no First Lady. Are your Tracy? No siree. She's a hair hopper, that's what she is!
-
Velma Van Tussle: At least try to act white on television.
-
Penny Pingleton: I wish I was at a hootenanny in Harlem.
-
Corny Collins: All right. Hold on to your hats, all you continental rockers 'cause it's *dance* contest time and we've got the wildest judge in town. You listen to her every night on WEDD and she hosts Negro Day on The Corny Collins Show, the last Thursday of every month. A warm welcome for the Queen of Baltimore soul: Miss Motormouth Maybelle herself, ladies and gentlemen! Let's hear it, Baltimore - Motormouth Maybelle! All right, here she comes, looking very fine.
[Applause]
Motormouth Maybelle: Ooh whee! Tiddley papa! l am a whopper!
[Applause]
Motormouth Maybelle: Motormouth Maybelle is my name and, sweetheart, dancin' is my game.
[Applause]
Motormouth Maybelle: Motormouth, Motormouth, Motormouth!
-
Amber Von Tussle: Oh, God, of all nights! A Corny Collins Record Hop and l've got craters. Oh, just pop it! Pop it!
Velma Von Tussle: Just relax. Relax. Don't be ridiculous. Take it easy. Tension is the worst thing for a complexion.
-
Iggy: Would you swim in an integrated swimming pool?
Tracy Turnblad: I sure would, Iggy. I'm a modern kind of girl, I'm all for integration.
-
I.Q. Jones: Do you relate to the music of Leslie Gore?
Nadine: Look, she ain't no James Brown, but I can dance to Lawrence Welk if I have to.
-
Penny Pingleton: Segregation never! lntegration now!
Penny Pingleton, Mrs. Shipley, L'il Inez: Segregation never! lntegration now! Segregation never! lntegration now! Segregation never! lntegration now! Segregation never! lntegration now!
-
Penny Pingleton: I'm just a little nervous.
Tammy: This is show business young lady. If you're nervous now. Hah. Wait 'til you're on the air.
-
Mr. Pinky: Fatty, fatty, two by four. Can't get through the dressing room door?
-
Amber Von Tussle: That girl's got roaches in her hair!
Edna Turnblad: Roaches? Our little Tracy's a clean teen!
Wilbur: There's no bugs on our baby!
Amber Von Tussle: I'm not kidding. I just saw one!
-
Gym Teacher: Special Ed! In the red!
-
Tammy: Please wait outside. The council will now meet in secret, debate your personality flaws, and come to a final decision.
-
Tracy Turnblad: Oh, Link. This is so romantic. l wish - l wish l was dark-skinned.
Link Larkin: Tracy, our souls are black, even though our skin is white.
-
Velma Von Tussle: And you had to choose a colored record as your favorite song, didn't you? That's nice for the neighbors. You've got something against Connie Francis? Shelley Fabares? l love Shelley Fabares. Amber? Amber, are you listening to me? We have to have a little talk. You know, if your father is forced to integrate Tilted Acres, we're out of business. So, at least act white on television.
Amber Von Tussle: Leave me alone, mother. "Shake a Tail Feather" is a wild song. lts got a good beat, and you can dance to it.
-
Amber Von Tussle: [Amber is gossiping with two friends in school] Anyway, she was right there in the car, in plain sight of just everybody at the hop. She was nude.
Amber's school friend #1: No!
Amber's school friend #2: That fat thing?
Amber Von Tussle: Tracy Turnblad is a whore.
-
Prudence Pingleton: [Seaweed is hiding in Penny's bedroom] Oh my God! There's colored people in my house! I'm going to make a citizen's arrest!
-
Tracy Turnblad: Police Brutality! Police Brutality!
-
Wilbur: Tracy, did you do your chores around the house today?
Edna Turnblad: Not Miss Tracy, Cyd Charisse herself. She's too busy ratting her hair and doing the Ubangi stomp.
-
Edna Turnblad: [about Amber] I watch that tramp and I'm embarrassed to be white.
-
Beatnik Chick: You two, checkerboard chick?
Penny Pingleton: What?
Beatnik Chick: You know, black and white? Salt and pepper?
Penny Pingleton: Well, yes, I'm a checkerboard chick, I guess
-
[first lines]
Tracy Turnblad: Come on! Come on!
Penny Pingleton: Okay, all right.
Tracy Turnblad: Will you hurry up?
-
Amber Von Tussle: "Shake a Tail Feather" by The Five Du-Tones.
-
Tracy Turnblad: I'm home.
-
Mrs. Malinski: It ain't right to be dancing on TV to that colored music.
Edna Turnblad: She's just a teenager.
-
Velma Van Tussle: That fat girl's no competition.
Franklin von Tussle: White trash. Pure and simple.
-
Tracy Turnblad: I'm so happy. Finally, all of Baltimore knows: I'm big, blonde, and beautiful!
-
Geometry Student: I can't see through her hair.
Tracy Turnblad: I can't help it if he's short.
Geometry Teacher: You're ratted hair is preventing yet another student's geometry education.
Tracy Turnblad: It's feathered, not ratted.
Geometry Teacher: Whatever you call it, it's a hair don't. You've been warned repeatedly. I want you to take a little walk down to the principle's office. Let's see what he has to say
-
Amber Von Tussle: [to Penny] Are you now or have you ever gone steady?
-
Tracy Turnblad: [to Penny] Penny, they put me in Special Ed just because of my hair.
-
Motormouth Maybelle: No matter what you've heard, we are gonna teach the white children how to do The Bird!
-
Franklin von Tussle: Well, personally, l have nothing against them. lts merely a matter of economics. Tilted Acres will never be integrated.
Velma Von Tussle: Segregation today!
Franklin von Tussle: Segregation tomorrow.
Franklin von Tussle, Velma Von Tussle: Segregation forever!
-
[last lines]
Tracy Turnblad: Let's dance!
-
Edna Turnblad: Penny, you better go home now, your mother just called here all frantic.
-
Edna Turnblad: I've got hampers of laundry and my diet pill is wearing off!
-
Corny Collins: Lou Ann, you're a pretty darn groovy chick.
-
Penny Pingleton: Look at her hair. Gosh, l wish mine was that high.
-
Tracy Turnblad: Stuck-up little spastic.
Penny Pingleton: She's such a queer.
-
Corny Collins: What's your favorite record from the survey?
I.Q. Jones, Lou Ann Levorowski: Gravy!
Corny Collins: All right. Here's l.Q. Jones and Lou Ann Levorowski leading our next dance, give me "Gravy" on my mashed potatoes.
-
Edna Turnblad: Now what? More soiled laundry for Mommy, l suppose.
-
Velma Von Tussle: You had three good close-ups today, period. Why can't you dance up front where the voters can see you?
Amber Von Tussle: Leave me alone, mother. l have a pimple!
-
Velma Von Tussle: Don't forget, l was Miss Soft Crab in 1945 and that title wasn't handed to me on a silver platter. l worked for it.
-
Amber Von Tussle: Oh, Daddy!
Velma Von Tussle: No lip from you, Miss lngrate. This campaign is costing us an arm and a leg!
Franklin von Tussle: New gowns, hairdresser three times a week! Why, your hairspray bill alone is enough to eat up all the profits from the tilt-a-whirl.
-
Amber Von Tussle: Okay, fatso, let's see what you're made of.
-
Corny Collins: Now, Motormouth, l think it's time we slowed things down a little with Mr. Gene Pitney.
Motormouth Maybelle: You can't hide your face in this godforsaken place. Here in your own city, there's a town without pity.
Corny Collins: Gene Pitney, ladies and gentlemen...
-
Carmelita: Are you aware that Negro Day is the last Thursday of every month?
Nadine: Yes. I've been on it a few times. I feel the show should be integrated - every day.
-
Penny Pingleton: Miss Edna, can I come in? There's something you've both got to see.
Edna Turnblad: Well, yeah, come on up; but, I've got ironing and Wilbur's working.
Penny Pingleton: Mr. Turnblad!
Edna Turnblad: It's not war with Cuba, is it? Or more negro problems?
Penny Pingleton: No. You'll see.
Edna Turnblad: Did poor Debbie Reynolds have a nervous breakdown? This better be good.
-
Wilbur: l just lost a $2.69 Silly Putty sale. This better be worth it.
-
Amber Von Tussle: Oh, God! He's violated the oath of the friendship ring!
-
Edna Turnblad: Stick with me, and we'll claw our way to the top!
Tracy Turnblad: Oh, God! Fame, fortune, glamour.
-
Edna Turnblad: Could you throw in a pair of complimentary pettipants in the deal?
Mr. Pinky: You drive a hard bargain, Miss Edna, and rightfully so. Pettipants, pettigirdle, you just let Tracy take her pick.
-
Mr. Pinky: We cater to the big-boned gals like yourself who are stylish and at the same time frustrated by the lack of sizes in the department stores today.
-
Mr. Pinky: Welcome to the Hefty Hideaway house of fashion for the ample woman.
-
Mr. Pinky: Have an eclair. Eat up, girls, eat up. Big is beautiful!
-
Principal Davidson: Once again, your hairdo is getting you in hot water. Didn't two weeks in hairdo detention have any effect?
Tracy Turnblad: l happen to be the height of teen fashion.
Principal Davidson: You're on a one-way ticket to reform school.
-
Principal Davidson: Starting today, you report to class 10-D, room 108.
Edna Turnblad: Special Ed?
Principal Davidson: Yes, Miss Turnblad, special education.
Edna Turnblad: But that's for retards - and the black kids you try to hold back.
Principal Davidson: Here, you will be taught by specialists trained to deal with hairdo scoff laws in high school society.
-
Mrs. Shipley: As you all know, today is special education's turn at the dodgeball tournament. So let's get into the locker room, put on those gym outfits, and show them that special education is nothing to laugh about.
-
Tracy Turnblad: Hey, Penny, see the colored boy - the cute one? His mother is Motormouth Maybelle!
Penny Pingleton: He's gorgeous!
-
Seaweed: My mama says Negro Day ain't nothin' but segregation.
-
Amber Von Tussle: Hey, thunder thighs, this one's for you!
-
Mrs. Shipley: Where'd a white girl learn how to dance like that?
Edna Turnblad: Just practicing. Oh, and watching Negro Day on Corny Collins.
-
Motormouth Maybelle: Ooh, Papa tuney, we got a loony.
Prudence Pingleton: Don't you try any of your voodoo spells on me, you native woman!
Penny Pingleton: We're just dancing!
Tracy Turnblad: Mrs. Pingleton, stop acting crazy! These are our friends.
-
Tracy Turnblad: Two, four, six, eight. TV's got to integrate! Two, four, six, eight. TV's got to integrate! Two, four, six, eight. TV's got to integrate!
-
Motormouth Maybelle: Black Baltimore, your Mother is ready to show her might and fight, fight, fight! All right, now. After school, you know where to go - Tilted Acres, for the show. Segregation? No! No! No!
-
Motormouth Maybelle: All right, now. l want to introduce you to my main man. l'm his biggest fan. All the way from Louisiana, just to see me, the Big Mamma Jamma. Now, l want a ball in this hall, because he's a real doll. Talkin' about Toussaint McCall.
Toussaint McCall: [singing] l moved your picture, From my wall, And l replaced them, Both large and small, And each new day, Finds me so blue, Nothing, Takes the place of you...
-
Penny Pingleton: [kiss] Oh, Seaweed, will integration ever come?
Seaweed: Oh, Penny, my little white lily, we're outcast from both societies: black, white. Our love is taboo.
Penny Pingleton: Oh, go to second! Go to second!
-
Beatnik Chick: Like, hi, cats. Sit down. You got the fuzz chasin' you?
-
Seaweed: Wow, you cats are real beatniks.
Link Larkin: Just like New York.
Beatnik Chick: Day-o!
[bangs the bongo drum, sings]
Beatnik Chick: Day-o, Daylight's a-comin' and he wanna go home
-
Beatnik Chick: Let's do some reefer. We'll get high, and l'll iron the chicks' hair.
Beatnik Cat (special apperances): Reefer?
Tracy Turnblad: Drugs?
Beatnik Chick: Locoweed.
-
Prudence: Penny, this is Dr. Frederickson. He's a psychiatrist, and he's going to make you all better.
Dr. Fredrickson: Feeling depressed, Penny? Want to talk about it? Think of all the white boys in school and how much you'd like to date one.
-
Paddy Pingleton: You are no longer my daughter! You are punished even after you die!
-
Paddy Pingleton: [after Penny escapes with Seaweed] Penny Pingleton, I'm calling the cops! You are no longer my daughter! You are punished even after you die!
Hairspray Quotes
Extended Reading
