Gosford Park Quotes

Lady Sylvia McCordle: Where's that wretched Mabel.

Constance, Countess of Trentham: Has anyone checked her outfit? She's probably in black velvet with a feather in her hair.

Lavinia Meredith: She's in the morning room looking perfectly normal. Don't be such a snob aunt Constance.

Constance, Countess of Trentham: Me? I haven't a snobish bone in my body.

Lady Sylvia McCordle: Mrs Wilson, a major crisis has arisen. I've just found out that Mr Weissman won't eat meat and I don't know what to do and I can't ask Mrs Croft. I simply don't dare.

Mrs. Wilson: Oh, everything's under control your ladyship. Mr Weissman's valet informed us as soon as he arrived so we've prepared a special version of the soup, he can eat the fish and the hors d'oeuvres, there'll be a welsh rarebit for the game course, I'm not sure what we're going to do about the entree but we'll think of something.

Lady Sylvia McCordle: Thank you Mrs Wilson. Ten steps ahead as always. Which one of you is Mr Weissman's valet?

Henry Denton: I am, your Ladyship.

Lady Sylvia McCordle: Are you indeed. Yes. Well. Thank you for your...

[pause while she takes a good look at him]

Lady Sylvia McCordle: efficiency.

[leaves]

George (First Footman): [to Denton] You're all set then.

Constance: They're rather a mixed bunch. That Mr. Weissman's very odd. Apparently, he produces motion pictures. The Charlie Chan Mysteries. Or does he direct them? I never know the difference. Mary! I suppose it's fun having a film star staying but there's always so little to talk about after the first flush of recognition. And why has Freddy Nesbitt brought that awful common little wife of his? Isabel only asked him because another gun dropped out; that's no excuse to inflict her on us all. Mary... Tomorrow, I'll have breakfast in bed, and then get straight up into the tweeds. What shirt have you brought?

Mary Maceachran: The green with the pink stripe.

Constance: Oh no dear, no. No, that's quite wrong. Always something very plain for country sports - the one I wore today will do.

Mary Maceachran: But it's soiled.

Constance: Well you can wash it, can't you?

Constance: Tell me, how much longer are you going to go on making films?

Ivor Novello: I suppose that rather depends on how much longer the public want to see me in them.

Constance: It must be hard to know when it's time to throw in the towel... What a pity about that last one of yours... what was it called? "The Dodger"?

Ivor Novello: The Lodger.

Constance: The Lodger. It must be so disappointing when something just *flops* like that.

Mary Maceachran: Nobody can stab a corpse and not know it.

Robert Parks: Really? When was the last time you stabbed a corpse?

[last lines]

Constance: Could you imagine someone being hanged because of something I said.

Mary Maceachran: I know. And what purpose could it possibly serve?

[at the banquet dinner table]

Sir William McCordle: And why shouldn't I be interested in films? You don't know what I'm interested in.

Lady Sylvia McCordle: Well, I know you're interested in money and fiddling with your guns. But I admit it: when it comes to anything else, I'm stumped.

Elsie (Head Housemaid): Now, that is not fair, Bill is...

[Realizing that she spoke out of turn, Elsie quickly leaves the room]

[Morris Weissman is asked about his upcoming movie project]

Lady Sylvia McCordle: Mr Weissman.

Morris Weissman: Yes?

Lady Sylvia McCordle: Tell us about the film you're going to make.

Morris Weissman: Oh, sure. It's called "Charlie Chan In London". It's a detective story.

Mabel Nesbitt: Set in London?

Morris Weissman: Well, not really. Most of it takes place at a shooting party in a country house. Sort of like this one, actually. Murder in the middle of the night, a lot of guests for the weekend, everyone's a suspect. You know, that sort of thing.

Constance: How horrid. And who turns out to have done it?

Morris Weissman: Oh, I couldn't tell you that. It would spoil it for you.

Constance: Oh, but none of us will see it.

Henry Denton: You Brits really don't have a sense of humor do you?

Elsie (Head Housemaid): We do if something's funny, sir.

Constance: Tell me, what happened to William's little maid? I never saw her again after that dinner.

Mary Maceachran: Elsie?

Constance: Hmm.

Mary Maceachran: She's gone.

Constance: Aw, it's a pity, really. I thought it was a good idea to have someone in the house who is actually sorry he's dead.

Mrs. Croft: He's very full of himself, I must say. Doesn't eat meat. He's coming to a shooting party and he doesn't eat meat.

Mrs. Wilson: Now now Mrs Croft. We don't want to be thought unsophisticated do we? Mr Weissman's an American. They do things differently there.

[On the phone, discussing casting for his movie]

Morris Weissman: What about Claudette Colbert? She's British, isn't she? She sounds British. Is she, like, affected or is she British?

[repeated line]

Inspector Thompson: I'm Inspector Thom...

Robert Parks: What's your name?

Mary Maceachran: I think here I'm called Trentham.

Robert Parks: [laughs] No, I meant your real name.

Mary Maceachran: Oh. Mary. Mary Maceachran.

Robert Parks: Blimey. What does Her Ladyship call you?

Mary Maceachran: Well, she should call me Maceachran now I'm a lady's maid. At least that's what my mother says. But Her Ladyship can't pronounce it, so she just calls me Mary.

Robert Parks: I don't blame her.

Mary Maceachran: Mr. Parks...

Robert Parks: Robert.

Mary Maceachran: Robert. When you said you'd surprise me, you didn't mean anything by it, did you?

Robert Parks: Why? Don't you like surprises?

[talking about Lady Sylvia]

Mary Maceachran: What was her family like?

Elsie: What you'd expect: toffee-nosed and useless. Her father was the Earl of Carton, which sounds good except he didn't have a pot to piss in.

Lavinia Meredith: It makes you sound desperate.

Anthony Meredith: Well, I AM fucking desperate.

Lavinia Meredith: I don't care what's changed or not changed as long as our sons are spared what you all went through.

Lady Sylvia McCordle: Not all. You never fought, did you, William?

Sir William McCordle: I did my bit.

Louisa Stockbridge: Of course you did.

Lady Sylvia McCordle: Well, you made a lot of money but it's not quite the same as charging into the cannon's mouth, is it?

Raymond Stockbridge: Well, I think it's ridiculous. I'm here to shoot.

Louisa Stockbridge: Darling, it's a relief for me to sit next someone who isn't deaf in one ear.

Raymond Stockbridge: I'm sorry?

Mary Maceachran: Her Ladyship says Sir William loves his shooting.

Elsie: Yeah, he does. Can't hit a barn door but he does love it. Sweet, really.

[everyone starts clapping after Ivor has finished a song]

Constance: Please, don't encourage him

Morris Weissman: How do you manage to put up with these people?

Ivor Novello: Well, you forget, I make my living impersonating them.

Lady Sylvia McCordle: What *are* you wearing?

Isobel McCordle: Don't you like it? You bought it.

Lady Sylvia McCordle: Did I? How extraordinary of me.

[Many years ago, Sylvia and Louisa cut cards to decide which of them would marry Sir William. Louisa lost]

Constance: Anyone care for a game of bridge after dinner? Louisa, how about you?

Louisa Stockbridge: Oh, I don't think so. I've rather gone off cards. I've never been very lucky with them.

Sir William McCordle: Me too.

Morris Weissman: You're providing a lot of entertainment for nothing.

Ivor Novello: Morris... I'm used to it.

Morris Weissman: [after Jennings suggests Mr. Weissman choose his own breakfast items] Oh, like cafeteria style?

Baron Raymond Stockbridge: The Englishman is never waited on at breakfast.

Morris Weissman: Well, that's interesting, because an American is. I'll make a note of that.

Morris Weissman: Thank you, Mr. Jennings.

Mr. Jennings: It's just Jennings, sir.

Morris Weissman: Then thank you, just Jennings.

Lady Sylvia McCordle: Mrs Wilson, absolute crisis. I've just found out that Mr Weissman won't eat meat. I don't know what to do and I can't ask Mrs Croft. I simply don't dare.

Mrs. Wilson: Everything's under control your ladyship. Mr Weissman's valet informed us as soon as he after he arrived so we've prepared a special version of the soup, he can eat the fish and the hors d'oeuvres, there'll be a welsh rarebit for the game course, I'm not sure what we're going to do about the entree but we'll think of something.

Lady Sylvia McCordle: Thank you Mrs Wilson. Ten steps ahead as always. Which one of you is Mr Weissman's valet?

Henry Denton: I am, your Ladyship.

Lady Sylvia McCordle: Are you indeed. Yes. Well. Thank you for your...

[pause while she takes a good look at him]

Lady Sylvia McCordle: efficiency.

[leaves]

George (First Footman): [to Denton] You're all set then.

Mary Maceachran: What do I do with her Ladyship's jewels?

Elsie (Head Housemaid): This way. George is in charge of the safe, he's the first footman and you want to watch where he puts his hands.

Elsie (Head Housemaid): God, look at this, machine made lace.

Barnes: Hark at her!

Elsie (Head Housemaid): I hate cheap clothes. They're twice the work and they never look as good.

Mary Maceachran: Where's Mrs Croft?

George (First Footman): Always eats with her own staff.

Mary Maceachran: Does she take her pudding to Mrs Wilson's room? Our cook does that.

George (First Footman): Fat chance, they hate each other.

George (First Footman): What's the matter with you?

Albert: I just thought *I'd* be dressing Mr Novello.

George (First Footman): And now you won't get to see him in his underdrawers. Better luck next time.

Robert Parks: Here we go again.

Mary Maceachran: That's just it. I've never done a real houseparty before. Not properly anyway.

Elsie (Head Housemaid): How come you got taken on as a countess lady's maid if you've got no experience?

Mary Maceachran: She wants to train me. She said she didn't care about experience.

Elsie (Head Housemaid): She didn't want to pay for it, you mean.

[on Sir William's death]

Ethel: Why would anyone want to kill Sir William?

Mrs. Croft: Well, he wasn't exactly Father Christmas.

Constance, Countess of Trentham: He's still got that vile little dog, I see.

Lady Sylvia McCordle: Yes, the ones we hate last forever.

Mr. Jennings: Mr. Meredith.

Barnes: Hmm?

Mr. Jennings: You haven't seen Commander Meredith anywhere, have you?

Barnes: No.

Mr. Jennings: He never came downstairs and he's not in his room.

Barnes: Mr. Jennings, I've washed him and dressed him. If he can't find his way to the drawing room, it isn't my fault.

Baron Raymond Stockbridge: Do you really have to go back to London?

Anthony Meredith: I am afraid so, Raymond. When you're ruined, there's so much to do.

Sir William McCordle: Yes, there is, isn't there? Moan, moan, moan.

Mary Maceachran: What's Lord Stockbridge like?

Robert Parks: He thinks he's God Almighty. They all do.

Isobel McCordle: Is Rupert here?

Lady Sylvia McCordle: Yes.

Isobel McCordle: Shall I go and say hello?

Lady Sylvia McCordle: No. I don't think so.

Constance, Countess of Trentham: Are any of the others getting up for breakfast? The women, I mean.

Mary Maceachran: I think Lady Lavinia may be.

Constance, Countess of Trentham: That settles it. Come back at half past eight. I'll get dressed. It's the greatest bore, of course, but I don't want to miss anything.

Henry Denton: Who is it?

Lottie: Oh, I'm ever so sorry, sir.

Henry Denton: Sorry for what?

Lottie: I'm supposed to get the fire lit without waking you.

Henry Denton: Why does everyone treat me as if I were one of these stupid snobs? I spent half the week downstairs with all of you.

Lottie: You can't be on both teams at once, sir.

Bertha: I can't stop thinkin' about those girls. The ones that got, you know...

Mrs. Croft: Well, I'm not surprised, the way you carry on. Just see it never happens to you, that's all.

Mary Maceachran: Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Elsie (Head Housemaid): At least I know that gives me room for manoeuvre.

Elsie (Head Housemaid): George?

George (First Footman): They're coming in a minute. The dressing bell's just gone.

Elsie (Head Housemaid): I'm going out of my mind up there. I've read all my magazines twice. You couldn't pinch something out of the library for me? I don't care if it's Horse and Hound, as long as I haven't read it.

Arthur: Something funny about that bloke.

George (First Footman): His accent for a start.

Constable Dexter: Sir, someone's traipsed a load of mud in down here.

Inspector Thompson: Not now, Dexter, please.

Constable Dexter: Inspector, there's a broken coffee cup down here.

Inspector Thompson: Dexter, they have people to clear these things up. You get on with your own job.

Maid: Do you think he's the murderer?

Robert Parks: It's worse than that - he's an actor!

Mary Maceachran: They said Sir William was planning to cut Lady Sylvia out of his will in favour of Miss Isobel.

Constance, Countess of Trentham: That's nothing. In the new will, Sir William left Lady Stockbridge 100,000 pounds. Sylvia thinks it's a huge joke, especially since she won't have to pay it.

Constance, Countess of Trentham: So what's the gossip in the servant's quarters?

Mary Maceachran: Um, nothing my lady.

Constance, Countess of Trentham: Nonsense. Come on, out with it.

Mary Maceachran: Well, is it true that Sir William could have married Lady Stockbridge if he'd wanted to?

Constance, Countess of Trentham: Is that what they're saying?

Mary Maceachran: Only that Lord Carton was after Sir William for one of them but he didn't care which.

Constance, Countess of Trentham: What would you say if I told you, they cut cards for him.

[after maintaining her iron reserve throughout the whole film, Mrs. Wilson goes to her room and closes the door. A few minutes later, Mrs. Crofts goes in and finds her collapsed on her bed, sobbing uncontrollably]

Mrs. Croft: Don't cry, Jane. They'll hear you.

[Mrs. Wilson can't stop crying]

Mrs. Croft: Come on. You did what you thought was best for him at the time. I see that now.

Mrs. Wilson: Lizzie... I've lost him, Lizzie. I've lost him, he'll never know me. My boy...

[sobs]

Mrs. Wilson: Oh, my boy!

Mrs. Croft: [putting a hand on her shoulder] At least your boy is alive. He's alive. That's what matters.

[Mrs. Wilson touches her sister's face, and hugs her, crying softly]

[Constance's car is pulled over to the side of the road]

Morris Weissman: Hello? Is everything all right? Are you ok?

Constance, Countess of Trentham: Am I *what*?

Mary Maceachran: What will Lady Sylvia do now?

Lewis: If I were her, I'd set up in London as a glamorous widow with all the gentlemen chasin' me for my money!

Lady Sylvia McCordle: Did you have an dreadful journey?

Constance, Countess of Trentham: Yes, simply dreadful.

Elsie (Head Housemaid): [while serving at dinner and interrupting Lady Sylvia] That's not fair! Billy...

[Elsie exits quickly]

Isobel McCordle: Elsie, you're not... in trouble, are you?

Elsie (Head Housemaid): What, you mean apart from having no home and no job?

[Isobel looks stricken. Elsie softens and puts a hand to her own stomach]

Elsie (Head Housemaid): No, no worries there.

Morris Weissman: How do you manage to put up with these people?

Ivor Novello: Well, you forget I earn my living by impersonating them.