Goosebumps Quotes

[from trailer]

Hannah: [quietly] Did you unlock a book?

R.L. Stine: [worried] Oh, no...

Zach Cooper: I'm sorry. I'll put it back where it belongs. Look, here it is.

Hannah: No, don't open it!

[Zach accidentally opens a manuscript which releases the Abominable Snowman of Pasadena, the Abominable Snowman touches a light of a ceiling lamp, which stings his finger]

Hannah: [whispering] Nobody make a sound.

[Champ screams in terror which the Abominable Snowman of Pasadena hears him, then he starts to charge at him, but Zach pushes him aside, then the Abominable Snowman breaks out of the house]

[from trailer]

Champ: The Abominable Snowman just crawl out of a book, that doesn't just happen!

R.L. Stine: You just released every monster I've ever created!

Champ: What was that?

R.L. Stine: It's the Invisible Boy.

Champ: [getting slapped by Brent the Invisible Boy] Ow!

R.L. Stine: Ah, he's such a crack up.

[from trailer]

Zach Cooper: Alright, everyone, find anything you can to barricade the doors.

Hannah: We cannot let the monsters inside.

[from trailer]

[During a chase in the grocery store, the Werewolf crashes in an isle of food, then R.L. Stine trips and gets placed in a shopping cart, and Zach pushes the cart]

R.L. Stine: What are you doing? Get me out!

[the Werewolf starts coming after Zach and Stine]

R.L. Stine: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, keep going!

[from trailer]

Zach Cooper: [an army of lawn gnomes start popping out] Gnomes? Maybe, they're friendly.

[One lawn gnome throws a knife next to him, then its eyebrows turns angry]

Zach Cooper: Not friendly! Definitely not friendly!

[One lawn gnome jumps and starts to attack R.L. Stine, but Champ smashes it with a frying pan]

[from trailer]

Hannah: So you're the new neighbor?

Zach Cooper: Yeah. I'm Zach, by the way.

Hannah: I'm Hannah.

R.L. Stine: [from behind her] Hannah, get away from the window. Now!

Hannah: I gotta go.

[R.L. Stine appears at the window]

Zach Cooper: Hi! Hey, we're just moving in.

R.L. Stine: [referring to the fence between their two houses] You see that fence?

Zach Cooper: Uh, yes...

R.L. Stine: [sternly] Stay on your side of it.

[Stine leaves the window]

[from trailer]

Zach Cooper: [referring to Hannah's dad] He's a big teddy bear.

Hannah: Don't take it personally. He doesn't really like anyone.

[from trailer]

Hannah: [to Zach] C'mon, scaredy-cat!

[from trailer]

R.L. Stine: [introducing himself to a classroom] Hello. My name is Mr. R.L. Stine. Every story ever told can be broken down into three parts. The beginning. The middle. And the twist.

[from trailer]

R.L. Stine: All the monsters I've ever created are locked inside these books. But when they open...

[last lines]

[after typing "The Invisible Boy's Revenge" on R.L. Stine's typewriter]

Brent Green (The Invisible Boy): You forgot about me!

[Leaves hand marks on the glass and manically laughs as Stine screams]

Zach Cooper: She's locked in this house and her dad's a psychopath.

Champ: Does she have a friend?

Hallway Player: Hello, Mr. Stine.

R.L. Stine: Hello, Mr. Black.

Hannah: So, why'd you move to Madison?

Zach Cooper: Well, my mom said to me: "Zach, if you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?" And I said: "Can we please move to Madison, Delaware? That'd be my dream."

Hannah: [laughs] Are you always this sarcastic?

Zach Cooper: Always. That's a strong word. Not always. Usually.

Officer Stevens: [to Zach] Do you have any idea what the penalty is for filing a false police report?

Officer Brooks: Three years!

Officer Stevens: Yeah, close. It... actually, it's a written warning.

R.L. Stine: What are you doing here? Go home!

Zach Cooper: No! No, no. Not until you explain what's going on.

R.L. Stine: No, no, no. I can't explain it!

Zach Cooper: We were almost eaten by Frosty the Snowman, which should be impossible, by the way. So try.

R.L. Stine: Okay, look! Where do I begin? When I was younger, I suffered from terrible allergies that kept me indoors. And all the kids threw rocks at my window and called me names. So I created my own friends. Monsters, demons, ghouls to terrorize my neighbourhood and all the kids that made fun of me. And they became real to me. And then one day... they actually... became... real. My monsters literally leapt off the page. As long as the books remain locked, we're safe, but when they open, well, you've just seen what happens.

Champ: I'm allergic to dust mites.

R.L. Stine: What's your point?

Champ: I'm just saying, I have allergies too, so I understand.

Zach Cooper: You're him, aren't you? You're R.L.Stine.

R.L. Stine: R. L. who? I don't know who that is.

Zach Cooper: Oh really? Just as well cause his books suck.

Hannah: What are you doing?

Zach Cooper: I can't decide which I hate more: "Monster Blood" or "Go Eat Worms".

Champ: I'm so confused!

Zach Cooper: You see the endings coming from a mile away. It's like, stop trying to be Stephen King, man.

R.L. Stine: [slams on the brakes] Let me tell you something about Steve King. Steve King wishes he could write like me. I've sold way more books than him, but no one ever talks about that!

Zach Cooper: So, how did you...

Hannah: The cellar doors. I disconnected the alarm months ago.

Zach Cooper: Jeez... and I thought my house was a prison.

Hannah: You should try being homeschooled.

Zach Cooper: [the moon glows bright on Hannah as she turns ghostly blue] What is it?

Hannah: Nothing.

Zach Cooper: Are you sure?

Hannah: Yeah

Zach Cooper: Yeah, totally. I'm fi...

[interrupted by a Graveyard Ghoul]

Hannah: Come on, open the book.

Zach Cooper: Hannah, there's something that you need to know and you're not gonna...

Hannah: Open the book, Zach.

Zach Cooper: No, no. You don't understand. If we open the book, that means...

Hannah: It means I'll be stuck on a shelf someplace forever.

Zach Cooper: You knew?

Hannah: How many sweet sixteens can one girl have? Zach, it's time to move on. Now open the book, scaredy-cat.

[as the book portal is sucking all the monsters back in, Slappy flies into Stine's face]

Slappy: Slappy's not happy!

R.L. Stine: And neither is Stine! Stupid dummy!

[Stine punches Slappy away]

[repeated line]

Slappy: [angrily] Who are you calling "dummy"?

[Slappy's behind the wheel of The Haunted Car, driving recklessly through town]

Slappy: Sorry, folks! I'd slow down but I can't reach the brakes! Hahahahahahahahaha!

[looks up to see the giant preying mantis from "Shocker on Shock Street"]

R.L. Stine: I don't remember writing about a giant preying mantis...

[kids in car scream]

R.L. Stine: Right! Now I remember.

[at an empty supermarket, Stine is spraying deodorant around himself]

R.L. Stine: That's the Werewolf of Fever Swamp. He can smell my scent.

[he sprays a lot more, walks into the mist]

R.L. Stine: No, it's not working. I have to hide.

[first lines]

Zach Cooper: "Madison, Delaware. " Wow. Mom, are you positive there weren't any other places looking for vice principals?

Gale: Like where?

Zach Cooper: Guantanamo Bay?

Gale: Ooh, too hot.

Zach Cooper: North Korea?

Gale: They didn't call me back.

Zach Cooper: Detroit?

Hannah: [Zach's box just fell apart, spilling his belongings on the walkway] Smooth.

[Zach looks over and sees a teenage girl next door, peering at him from an open window]

Hannah: So you're the new neighbor?

Zach Cooper: [Walks over to the fence] Yeah. Nice to meet you.

Hannah: How long was the drive from New York?

[Zach gives her a confused look]

Hannah: No. I can just tell by the pretty hat that you have.

Zach Cooper: Oh, no. This... no.

[takes hat off]

Zach Cooper: This is... this is actually a gift from my aunt.

Hannah: It's also a gift for me and everyone who gets to see you wearing it.

Zach Cooper: I'm Zach, by the way.

Hannah: I'm Hannah.

R.L. Stine: [from behind her] Hannah!

Hannah: I gotta go.

[quickly leaves the window]

Zach Cooper: Good talk.

[a man wearing glasses appears in the window and flings the curtains open, Zach waves at him]

Zach Cooper: Hi! Hey, we're just moving in.

[the man says nothing and just glares at him]

Zach Cooper: Just... just me and my mom.

[the man continues glaring]

Zach Cooper: This hat was a gift.

R.L. Stine: [referring to the fence between the two houses] You see that fence?

[Zach is confused and doesn't answer, the man sternly repeats the question]

R.L. Stine: Do you see the fence?

Zach Cooper: Uh, yes.

R.L. Stine: Stay on your side of it!

[Zach looks at him, thunderstruck]

R.L. Stine: You stay away from my daughter, you stay away from me... and we won't have a problem.

[Stine leaves the window, shutting the curtains on Zach]

Zach Cooper: [Later, back inside the Cooper's house, Zach goes in the living room where his mom and aunt are at] Well, just met our neighbor. He's a big teddy bear.

Champ: [Stine and the kids are hiding inside the Wayfield Foods grocery store, watching through the windows as the giant praying mantis tears Stine's car apart looking for them] Why'd you come up with something so freaky?

R.L. Stine: I just have a knack for it, I guess.

[the mantis drops the car]

R.L. Stine: Oh, no! My Wagoneer! I had such low mileage on it.

Zach Cooper: How far are we from the high school?

Hannah: Not too far. We can cut through the cemetery.

Zach Cooper: I'm sorry, a cemetery?

Hannah: God, relax. The high school's just past the woods on the other side.

R.L. Stine: Wait, how do you know that?

Hannah: Uh, sometimes I get a little stir-crazy and go exploring.

R.L. Stine: When?

Hannah: At night after you go to bed.

R.L. Stine: You're grounded.

Hannah: That is so unfair.

R.L. Stine: No, it's fair.

Zach Cooper: Guys guys, you're both bringing up good points, but let's keep moving while you argue.

[walks away with Hannah]

R.L. Stine: Sneaking off in the middle of the night with strange boys.

Champ: Unbelievable.

R.L. Stine: Shut it.

[walks away]