Going the Distance Quotes

[first lines]

Garrett: So...

Amy: So...

Garrett: Happy Birthday

Amy: Oh. Thank you for the take-out.

Garrett: Sure. It's the least I could do. It is your birthday after all.

Corinne: He's thousands of miles away from here. You don't know what he's doing right now. He could be in some bar, doing shots with some sexy bartender dry humping her.

Erin: We haven't set the boundaries yet. Okay?

Corinne: Oh, my God.

Erin: We're not trying to choke each other with commitment. But now you're fucking freaking me out and I can't do anything but picture him humping some fucking bartender. Thank you.

Corinne: I'm your sister. This is what I'm here to do: terrify you.

Box: Now, look, I have done the long distance thing. And it is hard. As hell. And it doesn't matter how good the relationship is, it literally can just rip it apart. Look, it is just very hard to be away from the person you love for months at a time.

Garrett: I know. I know it's not gonna be easy.

Box: That's all I'm sayin'.

Dan: But maybe YOU never found the right girl.

Garrett: That's not a bad point.

Brandy: Where are you going?

Erin: I'm 31. I'm an intern. I'm going to get wasted.

Erin: Suck my dick!

Damon: She doesn't have a dick.

Erin: Yes I do! And you can put your mouth on my penis!

Dan: When I suck my dick, I lie on my back, I throw my legs over my head.

Box: You suck your own dick?

Dan: Yeah.

Box: You cut your own hair and you suck your own dick. You're like a Swiss army knife.

Dan: Now what is the story, though, with you guys? Are you doing it, like, monogamous or what's the deal?

Garrett: Yeah. I don't know. Uh... Maybe, yeah.

Box: "Maybe"? Wow, okay. You know what "maybe" gets you? It gets her sucking every dude's dick out there at Stanford. It really does. And then you go out there and you visit her. And then you have to kiss that blowjob factory she calls a mouth.

Garrett: Thank you for that visual. Thanks, pal.

Dan: That was, like, way graphic. That was, like, extremely graphic.

Amy: Don't even think about calling me again.

Garrett: Oh! Jesus! Amy! Wait wait wait wait wait! I should not call you or I should want to call you?

[Amy listens and then leaves angrily]

Garrett: Okay, so it means what it means. Good.

Box: You get in a relationship but you don't *ever* fully commit.

Dan: Right.

Box: You never have, not since I've known you. And then the girl figures that out and then she splits. And then we have to sit here and listen to you be *surprised* about that. Over and over again.

Dan: All the time.

Box: This happens a lot.

Garrett: Not true. It happens occasionally.

Garrett: I gotta tip for you.

Erin: [very excited] Is it the tip of your penis?

Garrett: [grossed out] No, gross.

[happy]

Garrett: Yes, it is.

Corinne: Hey Garrett. I like your haircut.

Garrett: Thanks. Did a little something different.

Corinne: And your dick's in your pants. That's good.

Garrett: Can I ask you a question?

Erin: Yeah.

Garrett: I don't know what your situation is... I miss you.

Erin: That's not a question.

Garrett: Yeah, it is.

[Last lines]

Maya: Mommy, are you okay?

Garrett, Erin, Corinne, Phil: *Maya, statue.*