Gigantic Quotes

Happy: What are you reading?

Brian: Uh, it's an article about a Tibetan Rinpoche who plays basketball with some other monks in Arizona. It says they got in fight with five advertising executives in front of a bunch of kids. What are you reading?

Happy: Um... mostly just ads.

Brian: [first lines - watching rats swimming] Okay, he stopped.

Larry Arbogast: Which one?

Brian: S-seven.

Larry Arbogast: Start the stopwatch.

Brian: Is he okay?

Larry Arbogast: Yeah, he's fine... Stop.

Brian: What does that mean?

Larry Arbogast: Nothing. Well, the logic is that when forced into an aversive situation, i.e., being dumped into a pool, the rat will oscillate between attempts to escape and resigning to its fate.

Brian: Oh, and this guy gave up.

Larry Arbogast: Today he did.

Brian: Does he usually?

Larry Arbogast: Yeah. See, I'm trying to quantify how helpless this one feels, and why more today than yesterday. Though it seems that Mr. Seven is always a little bit of a quitter.

Larry Arbogast: Did you know women are 20 times more likely to be depressed than men? Maybe more, can't remember the exact number - it's a lot more.

Brian: That's good... for men.

Larry Arbogast: Not really, when you think about it heterosexually.

Al Lolly: You know I had brain cancer once, Brian?

Brian: No...

Al Lolly: Yup. A Huge tumor on the recesses of my temporal lobe.

Brian: But you're okay now...

Al Lolly: Yep. 100% holistic. No chemo, no radiation.

Brian: Whad you do?

Al Lolly: I mapped the pathology of the cancer with my mind. Very Chinese. Yep. Glad I moved it. I got it with meditation. I pushed it down to the fatty tissue of my temporal lobe, 2 months. Then I moved it down into my nasal cavity, 3 months. Then, then one day I just hocked it up. About the size of a little squash bar, maybe bigger. Do you play squash Brian?

Mr. Weathersby: [last lines - smelling the baby's diaper] Brian, there's a goose loose in the caboose, and I've long since graduated from that detail.

baby: [wailing]

Mr. Weathersby: Champagne. Cocktails. Drinks. Encores. Come on everyone, we must drink up. Hey, one big fucking day...

Mrs. Weathersby: He's been sweet his whole life, but he never had the family the other kids did. Everyone thought that we were his grandparents. He told his teacher once that his real parents died in a car crash and his grandparents took him on.

Happy: He did?

Mrs. Weathersby: Well he was confused, I guess. I don't blame him. It wasn't disloyal, it was, he was just trying to make everything seem normal I suppose. But, nothing's normal.

Happy: You guys seem pretty normal.

Mrs. Weathersby: We're not. You have a right to be worried and afraid.

Happy: I'm just afraid that I've fucked everything up beyond repair.

Mrs. Weathersby: Nothing's fucked up, nothing's beyond repair.

Happy: Thank you.

Al Lolly: Alright... I'll send my girl by this afternoon... take a look, work out the financing. Fourteen grand is the price you quoted me not a penny more so don't try to Jew the price up on me. You're not... Jewish, are you?

Brian: No, I'm not, but there's...

Al Lolly: [interrupting] Good. Just a figure of speech. I'm half Jew myself. I work with Jews. They Jew me all day long so I can say it.

Happy: [lying on bed] Hey! Can you see up my skirt?

Brian: [looking] Not really.

Happy: Great!

Al Lolly: [getting in car after Happy and Brian secretly had sex there] Smells like a wharf net in here.

Happy: What?

Brian: What?

Al Lolly: You heard me. Smells like low tide.

Happy: That's weird.

Brian: I don't smell anything.

Larry Arbogast: Missy is a PhD candidate in neurobiology. She's studying aggression in sexual behaviour in Mongolian gerbils.

Missy Thaxton: Yeah. I-I just play with gerbil dick all day.

Kevin Blue: What's up dude? Not much.

Roger Stovall: You know, Kevin, that's two separate things. What's up dude is the question. Not much is the answer to that question.

Happy: Do you have any interest in having sex with me?

Brian: [swallows] Yeah.

Happy: Really?

Brian: Uh huh.

Happy: Now?

Brian: Uh huh.

Mr. Weathersby: Here we are, walking together in the woods and if you can aspire to the walking in the woods with your kids after they've made it as far as we've made it, then I-I think you've done a right thing.

Brian: [whispers] That makes sense.

Mr. Weathersby: [whispers] That makes sense? Not really.

Brian: It sounds kinda shady.

Conner Williams: Does it? Or does it sound *awesome*?

Al Lolly: You mess her up, I'll kill your parents. Your parents still alive?

Brian: Yes.

Al Lolly: Good.