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Master Chief John Urgayle: [quoting "Self-Pity" by D.H. Lawrence] I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.
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Master Chief John Urgayle: Pain is your friend, your ally, it will tell you when you are seriously injured, it will keep you awake and angry, and remind you to finish the job and get the hell home. But you know the best thing about pain?
Lt. Jordan O'Neil: Don't know!
Master Chief John Urgayle: It lets you know you're not dead yet!
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Master Chief John Urgayle: When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
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Sen. Lillian DeHaven: Captain, are you in the habit of lettin' reporters traipse around your base, snappin' their fill? These are supposed to be discreet test cases!
C.O. Salem: Senator, they stand out on a public highway using telephoto lenses. There is nothin' I can do about it, unless you want me to infringe on their civil liberties, which I will be glad to do, if you'll just trim a little fat off the Constitution.
Sen. Lillian DeHaven: Did you just mouth off to a senior member of the Senate Arms Committee? I mean, I'll give you points for style, just nothin' for smarts!
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Lt. Jordan O'Neil: [after being brutually beaten during a capture exercise] Master Chief...
Master Chief John Urgayle: Lieutenant, seek life elsewhere.
Lt. Jordan O'Neil: Suck my dick!
[captive members of her team start shouting and chanting Hoo Rar after being silent to the Master Chief]
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Sen. Lillian DeHaven: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Mr. Hayes. If a cannibal used a knife and fork, would you call that progress too?
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Master Chief John Urgayle: Remember, there are no bad crews, only bad leaders.
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Sen. Lillian DeHaven: Don't you even think of playing politics with me, little darlin', you'll be up way past your bedtime.
Lt. Jordan O'Neil: And don't YOU think that I'll sit idly by while anyone smears my good name. Now you get those charges VOIDED, Senator. And you do it today!
Sen. Lillian DeHaven: [tauntingly] Or what?
Lt. Jordan O'Neil: You like pissed off? Watch this.
[storms out to TV cameras]
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Master Chief John Urgayle: I don't know what the hell's been going on in the last 48 hours. And frankly I don't give a shit.
Lt. Jordan O'Neil: Good to see you too, Master Chief.
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Master Chief John Urgayle: Sergeant Cortez, however *brief* your stint with this command might be, there are two words you *will* learn to put together: Team-Mate.
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Master Chief John Urgayle: The Israelis tried it. Women in combat. Seems men couldn't get used to the sight of women blown open. They'd linger over the wounded females, often trying to save those who obviously couldn't be saved. Often to the detriment of the mission.
Lt. Jordan O'Neil: You were given the Navy Cross right? May I ask what you got it for?
Master Chief John Urgayle: Since it bears on this conversation, I got it for pulling a 240-pound man out of a burning tank.
Lt. Jordan O'Neil: So when a man tries to rescue another man, he's a hero, but if he tries to rescue a woman, he's just gone soft?
Master Chief John Urgayle: Could you have pulled that man clear? Lieutenant, you couldn't even haul your own body weight out of the water today.
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McCool: I had a grandfather who wanted to be a Navy man. He wanted to fire them big guns off them big-ass battleships. Navy says to him "No. You can only do one thing on a battleship, son. That's cook." And I'm not talking about a hundred years ago. I'm talking United States Navy, middle of World War II. You know the reason they gave him? The reason why they told my grandfather he couldn't fight for his country? "'Cause negroes can't see at night. Bad night vision."
Flea: Damn, man. That's unbelievable. Thank God times have changed.
McCool: Have they? So you see, O'Neil. I know where you're coming from. 'Cause to them you're just the new nigger on the block, that's all. Maybe you just moved in a little too early.
Lt. Jordan O'Neil: Thanks, man.
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[after O'Neill saves his life in combat]
Master Chief John Urgayle: I'll never live this one down.
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Master Chief John Urgayle: SIXTY PERCENT of you will NOT pass this course! How do I know? Because that is an historical FACT! Now for the bad news, I always like to get *one quitter* on the first day, and until I do, that first day *does not end!*
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Lt. Jordan O'Neil: [commenting on the special standard for her training] I mean really sir, why don't you just issue me a pink petticoat to wear around the base?
C.O. Salem: Did you just have a brain fart, Lieutenant?
Lt. Jordan O'Neil: Begging your pardon, sir?
C.O. Salem: Did you just waltz in here and bark at your commanding officer? Because if you did, I would call that a bona fide brain fart, and I resent it when people FART inside my office!
Lt. Jordan O'Neil: I think you've resented me from the start, sir.
C.O. Salem: What I resent, Lieutenant, is some politician using my base as a test tube for her grand social experiment. What I resent, is the sensitivity training that is now mandatory for all of my men. The ob-gyn I now have to keep on staff just to keep track of your personal pap smears. But most of all what I resent, is your perfume, however subtle, interfering with the scent of my fine three-dollar-and-seventy-nine-cent cigar, which I will put out this instant if the phallic nature of it happens to offend your GODDAMN FRAGILE SENSIBILITIES! Does it?
Lt. Jordan O'Neil: No, sir.
C.O. Salem: "No, sir" WHAT?
Lt. Jordan O'Neil: The shape doesn't bother me. Just the goddamn sweet stench.
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Lt. Blondell: Lieutenant, why are you doing this?
Lt. Jordan O'Neil: Do you ask the men the same question?
Lt. Blondell: As a matter of fact: yes, I do ask them.
Lt. Jordan O'Neil: And what do they say?
Lt. Blondell: "Cause I get to blow shit up."
Lt. Jordan O'Neil: Well, there you go.
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Master Chief John Urgayle: The ebb and flow of the Atlantic tides, the drift of the continents, the very position of the sun along its ecliptic. THESE are just a FEW of the things I control in my world! Is that clear?
Stamm: Yes, Command Master Chief!
Master Chief John Urgayle: [to Everyone] IS THAT CLEAR?
All the CRT Trainees: YES, COMMAND MASTER CHIEF!
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Sen. Lillian DeHaven: [on why she started Lt. O'Neil on the SEAL program in the first place] Truthfully, I never expected you to do so damn well! I figured you'd ring out in two weeks, bing bang it's over, and we're popular. In Washington, you don't even need the Ten Commandments when you're popular!
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C.O. Salem: [after Jordan demands that he remove the dual standard] One standard.
Lt. Jordan O'Neil: Just treat me the same. No better, no worse.
C.O. Salem: You're gonna get everything you want, O'Neil. I just wonder if you want what you're gonna get.
Lt. Jordan O'Neil: Hoo-yah, sir.
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Master Chief John Urgayle: Is there anything *else* we can do for your celebrity career, Lieutenant?
Lt. Jordan O'Neil: That will be all...
Master Chief John Urgayle: [to all the CRTs] You now have exactly *one minute* to *muster*!
Sgt. Max Pyro, Instructor: [as the CRTs are scrambling] If even *one* of you Van Winkle wannabes are late I will *personally* see to it *none* of you sleep for a week!
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'Slov' Slovnik: Lemme get this straight. Now we're *sharing the same fucking head*!
Lt. Jordan O'Neil: Listen, you moron! I am here to stay and if you don't wanna be in my life, you've got two choices. Move out or Ring out! That's it! End of File!
'Wick' Wickwire: [to Slovnik] I say you've got less than one minute to get your fucking clothes on!
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[after everyone is on board the chopper]
Lt. Jordan O'Neil: All Right! All parties in! Let's get the hell out of Dodge!
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Sgt. Cortez: Hey, O'Neil! I'd go to war with you any day!
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Sgt. Cortez: You know O'Neil, I like you better when you drink.
Lt. Jordan O'Neil: You know Cortez, I like you better when I drink.
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C.O. Salem: Welcome to SEAL/C.R.T. selection program. You have volunteered for the most intensive military training known to man. You are all proven operators within the SpecOps communtiy: SEALs, EOD, Army Delta, Marine Force Recon, Naval Intel community, and so on. In spite of your expertise, many of you will not successfully negotiate this program. Those that do, will experience an operational tempo that exceeds that of any other unit within the US arsenal. That is all that is to be said about the special nature of the CRT training program. I now turn you over to my Command Master Chief, John James Urgayle.
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Civilian Girl: [mentioning O'Neil's bruised face] Ain't really none of my business, but I say leave the bastard.
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Sen. Lillian DeHaven: No politician can afford to let women come home in body bags. Especially me. It was never gonna happen anyway.
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Instructor Johns: [to the CRTs, in front of the ocean] Take a good look at your new home.
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SEAL Trainees: [sung by trainees] I was lost, In a world of light, I always did what was right, But now I sing a different song, And I found joy in doing wrong, I found a friend in Satan, I found a friend in Satan, I found a friend in Satan.
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Master Chief John Urgayle: Instructor Pyro.
Sgt. Max Pyro, Instructor: Aye aye, Master Chief. Instructors. Boat Crews! Stand by your boats! MOVE YOUR ASSES!
[everyone scrambles]
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[after hearing the bell ring three times]
Instructor Pyro: There goes Stamm.
Master Chief John James Urgayle: Dilletante.
Instructor Johns: Slow day at the office.
Master Chief John James Urgayle: [draws a pink line through Stamm's name on the roster with the letters D-O-R] Dropped On Request.
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Stamm: I don't know what she did to get in here? I hate to *speculate*. All I know is *I* petitioned for *two years* to get in this program! That's two years of letter writing, two years of pulling strings! Now I finally get here and it's gone CO-ED?
[scoffs]
Stamm: Elite Combat Unit. Who's genius idea was that?
G.I. Jane Quotes
Extended Reading
