Gentlemen Prefer Blondes Quotes

Lady Beekman: You'll find I mean business!

Dorothy Shaw: Oh, really? Then why are you wearing that hat?

[Dorothy is admiring some athletes]

Gus Esmond: Dorothy Shaw. I want you to remember you're supposed to be the chaperone on this trip.

Dorothy Shaw: Now lets get this straight, Gus. The chaperone's job is to see that nobody else has any fun. Nobody chaperones the chaperone. That's why I'm so right for this job.

Lorelei Lee: Dorothy. Mr. Esmond and I are getting married.

Dorothy Shaw: To each other?

Gus Esmond: Of course to each other. Who else to?

Dorothy Shaw: Well, I don't know about you Gus, but I always figured Lorelei would end up with the Secretary of the Treasury.

Dorothy Shaw: [singing] When love goes wrong, nothing goes right. This one thing, I know.

Lorelei Lee: [singing] When love goes wrong, a man take flight.

Dorothy Shaw: [singing] And women get uppity-oh.

Henry Spofford III: Hello.

Lorelei Lee: Oh, Mr Spoffard. Would you please give me a hand? I'm sort of stuck!

Henry Spofford III: Are you a burglar?

Lorelei Lee: Heaven's no! The steward locked me in. I was waiting for a friend.

Henry Spofford III: Why didn't you ring for him?

Lorelei Lee: I didn't think of it. Isn't that silly?

Henry Spofford III: If you were a burglar, and I helped you escape...

Lorelei Lee: Please help me before somebody comes along.

Henry Spofford III: I'm thinking.

Henry Spofford III: Hey, look someone's coming.

Lorelei Lee: Oh dear, what'll I do?

Henry Spofford III: Quick! Hold this around your neck tight!

[Staring at Lorelei and Dorothy]

Evans: Say, suppose the ship hits an iceberg and sinks. Which one of them do you save from drowning?

William J. Stevens: Those girls couldn't drown.

Esmond Sr.: Have you got the nerve to tell me you don't want to marry my son for his money?

Lorelei Lee: It's true.

Esmond Sr.: Then what do you want to marry him for?

Lorelei Lee: I want to marry him for YOUR money.

Lady Beekman: It's a tiara.

Lorelei Lee: You DO wear it on your head. I just LOVE finding new places to wear diamonds.

Lorelei Lee: Pardon, please, is this the way to Europe, France?

Passport Official: To where? Honey,

Dorothy Shaw: Not Europe, France, honey. France is *in* Europe.

Lorelei Lee: Well, who said it wasn't?

Dorothy Shaw: Well, you wouldn't say is this the way to North America, Mexico, would you?

Lorelei Lee: If that's where I wanted to go, I would.

Dorothy Shaw: The dealer passes.

Passport Official: This ship goes to Cherbourg, France.

Lorelei Lee: [Lorelei is holding a tiara] How do you put it around your neck?

Dorothy Shaw: You don't, honey, it goes on your head!

Lorelei Lee: You must think I was born yesterday.

Dorothy Shaw: Well, sometimes there's just no other possible explanation.

[Lorelei is stuck going through the porthole]

Henry Spofford III: All right. I'll help you. I'll help you for two reasons.

Lorelei Lee: Never mind the reasons. Just help me.

Henry Spofford III: The first reason is I'm too young to be sent to jail. The second reason is you got a lot of animal magnetism.

Ernie Malone: It seemed a good idea to bring some drinks. Here are your cigarettes.

Dorothy Shaw: Oh, you're a dear. Good boy.

Lorelei Lee: I've been wondering, what is your line, Mr. Malone?

Ernie Malone: My line? Well, my most effective one is to tell a girl that she has hair like a tortured midnight, lips like a red couch in an ivory palace, that I'm lonely and starved for affection. Then, I generally burst into tears. It very seldom works.

Dorothy Shaw: You idiot.

Mr. Esmond Sr.: Are you out of your mind?

Ernie Malone: Mm-hmm, but I like it that way.

Dorothy Shaw: Honey, did it ever occur to you that some people just don't care about money?

Lorelei Lee: Please, we're talking serious here.

Mr. Esmond Sr.: Say, they told me you were stupid! You don't sound stupid to me!

Lorelei Lee: I can be smart when it's important. But most men don't like it.

Dorothy Shaw: I certainly want to know who the players are. For instance, who's the young man who just tried to steal second base?

Ernie Malone: Name is Malone.

Dorothy Shaw: I'm Shaw, Dorothy. Well, Mr. Malone?

Ernie Malone: You're the most attractive girl in the room so I came over to tell you. Do you mind?

Dorothy Shaw: No, I might as well warn you, flattery will get you anywhere.

Ernie Malone: In that case we haven't got any problems.

Olympic athlete: Hi. Remember me?

Lorelei Lee: Yes. You're one of the Olympic athletes.

Olympic athlete: I'm the only 4-letter man on the team.

Lorelei Lee: You should be ashamed to admit it. No, don't say another word. No, don't say another word.

[repeated line]

Lorelei Lee: Thank you ever so!

Gus Esmond: [as she tries on the diamond ring he's just given her] Is it the right size?

Lorelei Lee: Well, it can never be too big. Do you think that's too small, Dorothy?

Dorothy Shaw: [whistles] Looks like it oughta have a highball around it.

Dorothy Shaw: Bottom's up!

[Dorothy, Lorelei and Ernie drink their cocktails]

Dorothy Shaw: He looks like he's going to explode.

Ernie Malone: What was that?

Lorelei Lee: Just equal parts of Scotch, Vodka, Brandy

Lady Beekman: You might be interested in my tiara. I always carry it with me. Afraid to leave it in the stateroom.

Dorothy Shaw: And you're not afraid to show it to Lorelei?

Dorothy Shaw: Listen, either you hock some of that stuff or get the price of a diamond tiara out of him.

Lorelei Lee: How much do you think a diamond tiara will cost?

Dorothy Shaw: Fifteen thousand at least.

Lorelei Lee: [Concentrates] Let's see, that'll take an hour and 45 minutes.

Ernie Malone: I'm not that bad all the time. Sometimes I'm very nice. Sometimes I just speak without thinking.

Dorothy Shaw: I get the picture. You're half sweet and half acid.

Dorothy Shaw: What were you doing before Piggy started barking like a seal?

Lorelei Lee: That wasn't barking, that's Swahili.

Lorelei Lee: [singing] Someone broke my heart in Little Rock, So I up and left the pieces there, Like a little lost lamb I roamed about, I came to New York and I found out

Lorelei Lee, Dorothy Shaw: That men are the same way everywhere...

Lorelei Lee: I just can't wait!

Dorothy Shaw: For what?

Lorelei Lee: Dorothy, didn't you notice? His pocket was bulging!

Dorothy Shaw: That could be a bag of gumdrops.

Lorelei Lee: Sometimes Mr. Esmond finds it very difficult to say no to me.

Dorothy Shaw: Well, that's very possible.

Dorothy Shaw: So, what's all the talent in the blue jackets? That's not a band, is it?

Passport Official: No, no, Miss. That's the Olympic team. They're sailing with you on this ship.

Dorothy Shaw: The Olympic team!

Passport Official: Yes.

Dorothy Shaw: For me. Now, wasn't that thoughtful of somebody?

[to Loreei]

Dorothy Shaw: Dibs on the shot-putter.

Lorelei Lee: Where's Dorothy?

Gus Esmond Jr.: Oh, I don't know. Someone whistled at her and she disappeared.

Gus Esmond Jr.: I hope she's not going to be a bad influence on you.

Lorelei Lee: Oh, no, lover. Dorothy's not bad. Honest! She's just dumb. Always falling with some man just because he's good-looking. I keep telling her, it's just as easy to fall with a rich man as a poor man. But, she says, "Yes, but..." If they're tall, dark and handsome, she never gets around to vital statistics until it's too late. That's why I'm her best friend, I guess. She really needs somebody like I to educate her.

Gus Esmond Jr.: Yes, dear. But very few girls have your - wonderful willingness to learn.

Lorelei Lee: I suppose that's true.

Gus Esmond Jr.: Dorothy Shaw, I'm counting on you to keep those athletes to yourself.

Dorothy Shaw: What a coincidence! That's my plan too.

Gus Esmond Jr.: Lorelei, I want to talk to you.

Lorelei Lee: Sure.

[sits down and starts bouncing up-and-down on the bed]

Gus Esmond Jr.: Dear, I want to tell you something... I want to remind you of something... Very... Stop that! Please. It's most distracting.

Lorelei Lee: Dorothy, did you ever hear of a rich pole-vaulter?

Dorothy Shaw: Maybe not; but, who cares? I like a man who can run faster than I can.

Dorothy Shaw: Honey, did it ever occur to you that some people just don't care about money?

Lorelei Lee: Please, don't be silly. We're talking serious. You don't want to end up with a loveless marriage, do you?

Dorothy Shaw: Me, loveless?

Lorelei Lee: That's right. Because, if a girl spends all of her time worrying about the money she doesn't have - how is she going have any time for being in love? I want you to find happiness and stop having fun.

Dorothy Shaw: That baffles me.

Lorelei Lee: You'll thank me someday.

Dorothy Shaw: Doubles, anyone? Court's free! Two out of three, anyone? Doesn't anyone want to play?

[singing]

Dorothy Shaw: I like big muscles, And red corpuscles, I like a beautiful hunk of man...

Lorelei Lee: Did you say "diamonds"?

Sir Francis 'Piggy' Beekman: Well, well, well! By George, I must say! No doubt about it, no sirree. By George, no doubt about it at all.

Dorothy Shaw: Miss Lee, meet Piggy.

Sir Francis 'Piggy' Beekman: Delighted! Delighted!

Lorelei Lee: You did say "diamonds." I can tell.

Lorelei Lee: Pardon my saying so, but, having heard so much about you and all, I expected you'd be much older.

Sir Francis 'Piggy' Beekman: Me? Well, my, you don't say. By George! Older than what?

Dorothy Shaw: The Pyramids.

Lorelei Lee: How does it look?

Dorothy Shaw: Exactly like trouble.

Lorelei Lee: I can't get over that passenger list. Calling a young boy "mister." A girl could waste a whole trip to Europe if she trusted a passenger list.

Dorothy Shaw: Then, you think we better give up the whole idea, huh?

Lorelei Lee: Well, if he was 16 or 17, even, you could marry him in Tennessee.

Lorelei Lee: What do you do for a living?

Ernie Malone: Oh, that kind of a line. Nothing, I'm afraid. Just clip coupons and live off the fat of the land.

Lorelei Lee: Coupons. That's like money, isn't it?

Ernie Malone: Very similar.

Lorelei Lee: I'm so pleased Dorothy's taken an interest in you. I mean, she's never been interested in anyone worthwhile.

Ernie Malone: No taste, eh?

Dorothy Shaw: No, I'm a hobo collector. I might even find room for you.

Ernie Malone: For the past hour, I've been thinking. Thinking about doing something.

Dorothy Shaw: Well, what have you been thinking, Mr. Malone?

[kiss]

Dorothy Shaw: We're expecting Lady Beekman for tea.

Sir Francis 'Piggy' Beekman: Lady Beekman? Here?

Dorothy Shaw: Yes.

Sir Francis 'Piggy' Beekman: Oh, I just remembered, I have another appointment. I better pop off. Well, toodle-loo, chin-chin and all that rot.

Dorothy Shaw: We'll have a better chance of getting those pictures back if he doesn't know we're onto him.

Lorelei Lee: I'll get them.

Dorothy Shaw: How?

Lorelei Lee: He's a man, isn't he?

Dorothy Shaw: Boy will I tell that stinker off when we get those pictures back.

Lorelei Lee: The question is how do we do that?

Dorothy Shaw: Well, the simplest way is to swipe 'em. Come on, we'll get our warpaint on and go to work.

Dorothy Shaw: Wait a minute, what do you mean you're all bruised? Malone's been here with me the whole time.

Lorelei Lee: Mr. Spofford pulled me too hard.

Lorelei Lee: Do you think three sleeping pills are enough?

Dorothy Shaw: Three's quite a lot. That's pretty potent stuff!

Lorelei Lee: The things worth doing is worth doing well.

Lorelei Lee: There's one other place it could be.

Dorothy Shaw: Where?

Lorelei Lee: His pants.

Dorothy Shaw: Well, we'll have to get those too.

Lorelei Lee: Would you rather I did it alone?

Dorothy Shaw: No. I think two heads are better than one.

Lorelei Lee: I suppose so.

Dorothy Shaw: It's ticklish business anyway you look at it.

Sir Francis 'Piggy' Beekman: Are you sure there are no more?

Lorelei Lee: Positive, Piggy. Do you feel better?

Sir Francis 'Piggy' Beekman: You little angel.

Dorothy Shaw: I'd sure hate to have your job.

Ernie Malone: Well, maybe you're right. Checking up on people is messy work sometimes. But only when those people are doing things that...

Dorothy Shaw: Doing things like pretending to make love to a girl while you spy on her friend?

Ernie Malone: Miss Lee, before I go, I'm gonna tell you this. Because once in awhile even a mercenary nitwit like you has a decent impulse. Don't let your friend here get mixed up in any of your schemes. Because I'm gonna rub your nose in them and I don't want this character to get hurt on the way.

Lorelei Lee: If you've nothing more to say, pray, scat.

Lorelei Lee: Why did you just stand there and let him kiss you?

Dorothy Shaw: You want to hear something crazy? I think I'm falling in love with that slob.

Lorelei Lee: Oh, you just feel that way because he's poor.

Dorothy Shaw: I hope so.

Hotel Manager: Madam, are these the persons you were talking about?

Lady Beekman: Yes, these are the persons.

Lorelei Lee: Why, Lady Piggy! I mean Beekman. What a pleasant surprise.

Lady Beekman: Hmm, I dare say.

Lorelei Lee: I did not steal Lady Beekman's tiara.

Lady Beekman: Then perhaps you'll explain how it happens to be in your possession?

Lorelei Lee: Suppose we say that's my affair.

Ernie Malone: Well, that's one explanation.

Hotel Manager: Mr. Esmond refuses responsibility for your bills.

Lorelei Lee: That's very inconvenient. Because we've just spent all of our money.

Dorothy Shaw: [singing] A woman's a fright, a terrible sight

Lorelei Lee: A man goes out, gets high as a kite

Dorothy Shaw, Lorelei Lee: Love is something you just can't fight

Dorothy Shaw: You can't fight it, honey, You can't fight it

Dorothy Shaw, Lorelei Lee: When love goes wrong...

Lorelei Lee: I want to kiss you goodbye.

Gus Esmond Jr.: Very well.

Lorelei Lee: No, no. Not in front of everybody. Come on in, Daddy darling.

Dorothy Shaw: You get the money and I'll take care of the gendarmes.

Lorelei Lee: How?

Dorothy Shaw: Never mind how. You're not the only one around here with hidden talents.

Mr. Esmond Sr.: Young lady, you don't fool me one bit.

Lorelei Lee: I'm not trying to. But I bet I could though.

Lorelei Lee: Gus, he's always been interested in my brains.

Mr. Esmond Sr.: No. No, that much of a fool he's not.